Many consider Christmas dinners occasions in themselves. Some would even prepare lavish spreads for the evening, which would require a ton of effort. However, life and adulting obligations can sometimes get in the way, and such plans fail to push through.
This is what happened to a full-time nurse, who wasn’t able to cook Christmas dinner for her husband and in-laws. It became a problem for her mother-in-law, who expected her to put together a feast for the celebration.
Out of exhaustion and a sense of urgency, she served some leftover pizza, which led to full-blown family drama.
For many people, the holidays can be a season of family drama
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For this woman, her mother-in-law became her primary source of stress
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She was forced to serve something modest last-minute, which became a bigger problem
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Out of sheer frustration, the woman vented online
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A mother-in-law’s sense of entitlement may be due to her inability to see her child as a full-grown adult
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While personality disorders may be one root cause of having a sense of entitlement, it’s not always the case. According to licensed social worker Jude Trefer-Wolff, it could also be due to their inability to see their child as a full-grown adult who lives their own life.
“A need to remain the authority figure in a son’s life, even when that is no longer appropriate, can make a mother-in-law feel that her son’s wife is in the wrong, simply because, to her, boundaries are a symbol of being pushed out,” she told Bored Panda.
Generational beliefs can sometimes be at play, which are steeped in hierarchy, tradition, and misguided loyalty, according to licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Nick Bach. As he explained, a mother-in-law may feel abandoned and struggle as to whether she is worth having in her son’s life.
What made this story more frustrating for the woman is that her husband sided with his mother. According to licensed marriage and family therapist Justin Perry, that makes the situation much worse, especially in the long term.
“Typically, conflict between MILs and DILs has more to do with the relationship between the DIL’s husband and his mother,” Perry said. “These husbands often have not ‘grown up’ enough to set boundaries with their mothers and fully commit to their wives.”
Being in the tough spot she is in, how does the author handle her entitled mother-in-law? Perry believes this is more of a marital issue where the husband must “grow up enough to stand up” for his wife. Therefore, he advises focusing on the spousal relationship instead of engaging in conflict with the mother-in-law.
Meanwhile, Dr. Bach stresses the importance of professional help, particularly to address specific issues such as conflict avoidance, communication, people-pleasing, and fear of confrontation.
For her sake, it may help the author to get into therapy, especially since it does not look like she has anyone on her side. A professional can help guide her through the turmoil and provide practical strategies to communicate with her husband.
Most people sided with the author
However, a few people found a way to fault her
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