Having a baby causes a seismic shift in a couple’s relationship. For some, it brings them together. For others, it’s the catalyst for breaking up. It’s unfortunate, but statistics show that couples experience a decline in relationship satisfaction after having kids. What’s more, a fifth of couples divorce within a year of their first baby’s arrival.

Each story about post-baby divorce is different, and these come from the perspective of the husband. Bored Panda has collected the most interesting answers from a thread where someone asked, “Men who’ve gotten divorced shortly after your wife got pregnant/had a child, what’s your side of the story?” Read on to find the most heartbreaking and infuriating stories below!

#1

I tried to stay after the birth of my oldest biological child. My ex, however, revealed herself to be a vile human being WHILE in labor.

I dismissed it, of course. She was in pain, had a difficult childbirth, and was understandably anxious and lashed out. I just did what I could to keep her as comfortable as possible.

After she was born (my daughter is a trans woman), my ex insisted she be circumcised despite us firmly agreeing that we would refuse the procedure. When I brought up said agreement, my ex said (using then-current pronouns) “I’m his mother, it’s my decision and none of your business”.

When we got home, she did more of the same.

To be clear, *I* did 100% of the childcare when I was at home (I was the only person working because, and I quote “I’m pregnant, I shouldn’t have to work”) and I did so happily. I had wanted to be a dad since I was a little kid myself, and that part was me living my dream.

My little one had severe colic, so I slept on the sofa with her in a bassinet next to me, with my hand on her stomach every night (our pediatrician recommended this, as the heat was thought to be soothing). I did all the nighttime feedings, baths, doctor’s appointments, you name it. My ex cared for her for the 8 hours I was at work for 3 of the days I worked. My mother took care of her the other two.

My ex would “save” diaper changes for me when I was at work, leaving our daughter in dirty diapers for upwards of an hour or more until I got home and could “take over” and she sat in her chair, [complaining] about the noise from me playing with our singing to my daughter or the inevitable crying that would happen when the colic would hit.

I couldn’t take it. Not the childcare part. That was amazing. It was my ex. She changed from a reserved, intelligent, pleasant person to a [toxic], overbearing monster overnight.

I begged her to get help for what I thought might have been PPD or some other mental health issue and was told to “mind your own business”.

After a few months of this, I blew up and told her to call her mother to come pick her up.

I fought for custody of my daughter, but I had very limited funds. I also lived in Kentucky at the time.
Flash forward to now:

My daughter is now in her mid 20s, and has seen what her mother is and has disowned her. They haven’t spoken in 3 years.

When my daughter came out as trans, her mother superficially supported her, but as soon as my daughter upsets her mother in any way, deadnaming, “why are you pretending to be a girl?”, and the like constantly.

I had a bit of an issue adapting. I never purposefully deadname or use improper pronouns. I [mess] up sometimes. I’m an old redneck guy, and my brain sometimes lacks the elasticity to adjust in the heat of the moment, but like I said, I’ve wanted to be a dad for as long as I can remember, and that didn’t change when my daughter came out to me. It’s not my job to weigh in on her sexuality, gender, etc. It’s my job to love her. The rest of the world is likely going to treat her like a second class citizen for the foreseeable future, but her mountainous, opinionated, perpetually annoyed father is now and always will be her safe space. The rest of the world can burn, but my daughter and her 4 siblings will always be safe with me.

© Photo: Intelligent_Mix5056

#2

I personally know 4 guys who bailed soon after the birth of their first child. All of them, without exception, left because they couldn’t cope with the stress and the loss of free time. They were simply too lazy and immature to be a father. One of them said it was because he couldn’t go out every weekend with his friends anymore, and an other that he didn’t have time to play the PS5.

In all the cases the only fault of the mother was to ask them to do their part in taking care of the baby.

Can you imagine giving up being a father to your child, because you’d rather play FIFA Soccer?

© Photo: fj2612

#3

PPD can be really bad…I thought I was prepared but I wasn’t. Dealing with those emotions is like walking into the abyss. The baby was the easy part.

© Photo: Synopog

#4

My best friend did. He didn’t like how his wife changed after having kids.

She didn’t like how he didn’t change after having kids.

© Photo: ThalesBakunin

#5

Had a friend who married a girl and they had a kid. A few months after the birth of their son, he caught her cheating. Her excuse was she was lonely all day and wasn’t there for her. He was at work while she quit her job to be a stay at home mom.

© Photo: Knautical_J

#6

A few days before the birth of our second child I discovered her affair. Bit my tongue for a couple months. Her and the baby’s health was ultimately more important. Used every bit of my human spirit to pretend all was well during this time.

Couple months in I Confirmed baby was mine and then confronted her. This was not her first time. I moved out a couple days later.

Definitely turbulent and hard for everyone. We share 50/50 custody of the kids today and all is well.

© Photo: flyguy41222

#7

I’ll give you one where I am 100% the bad guy.

I wasn’t ready at all. I was still an alcoholic, and in denial about it. One day we talked, and realized we couldn’t be married anymore. I wasn’t great at being supportive, or being a Dad and we divorced when my son was 2. I got my [life] together a few years later, found someone who helped me learn that facing my problems meant more than drowning them. Got sober, learned how to be a good Dad, and have an awesome relationship with my son and am great friends with my ex-wife. My wife is also friends with her, haha.

Kids are really hard. Marriage is really hard. Life is hard. I 100% wasn’t ready. Luckily I got my head on straight but it could’ve gone the other way. My son doesn’t remember the years I was a [bad] Dad, but that shame won’t ever go away, I don’t think.

I think sometimes about how different it could’ve been if I wasn’t such a fuckup back then, but then I wouldn’t have what I do now, and I adore the life we’ve all built together co-parenting etc. I dunno. Life is weird sometimes.

© Photo: ParasolCorp

#8

My former neighbor divorced his wife two weeks after kid was born. It wasn’t his. It was her coworkers. She still took him to cleaners in divorce court and shortly after he ended up homeless. That was about 10 years ago and some time ago I was told he died. He was a good man. Tradesmen like me but in construction.

© Photo: Salty-Pack-4165

#9

My ex-wife was [toxic]. A straight up selfish, [toxic] woman. Constantly screaming, throwing things, hitting. I shouldn’t have married her. The day she hit me and chipped one of my teeth, just before our baby’s 1st birthday, I left her. We raised our child through joint custody.

Since then I’ve been remarried for over 20 years now, and my ex-wife is still single (but has had dozens of boyfriends). It took me a lot of work to ensure she didn’t mess up our kid.

© Photo: WiseDebt7345

#10

Had a friend whose boyfriend abandoned her while she was pregnant because he ‘wasn’t ready for a kid.’ She did not handle it well and struggled with depression during and after the birth.

© Photo: Somebloke164

#11

I never wanted kids, I know, yes, it was my fault. But she stopped birth control just to catch and marry me. It worked for one year but she was crazy with jealousy that I couldn’t take it any more. 20 mins late from work and she was convinced I cheated. She demanded a sniff and taste to make sure I didn’t cheat. Crazy to the max.

© Photo: Potential-Group1330

#12

She became really mean and violent towards me after our daughter was born. Kept citing post-partum. I kept showing up and trying my best. Eventually it was too much. Filed for divorce a few days after our daughter turned one. Our daughter just turned four, and her mother still acts the same.

© Photo: norisknorarri

#13

I divorced because, as soon as our daughter was born, she started to reveal her actual plan, which was basically not to work at all and to have me bring all the money home.

She never mentioned that when we were planning our life together, so I felt betrayed and deceived. I didn’t want to be an absent father, working [hard] so she could post photos on Facebook about what a wonderful mom she was.

That wasn’t fair. That wasn’t the agreement. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone I considered so selfish, so I decided to divorce.

© Photo: I-am-Meraki

#14

Found out the kid wasn’t mine. He was 4 years old.

© Photo: Formal-Telephone5146

#15

That’s easy the baby wasn’t mine. She got pregnant while I was serving in Iraq I was gone 24 months when I returned home her baby was 2 months old. You do the math!

#16

We got married, she said she was pregnant. Went for a dating scan. She admitted it was her brothers child when the dating scan showed that she was further along than thought and that conception would have occurred in the middle of a few weeks when I was away.

Lesson? Never date anyone that lives 30mins out of Mackay and all the neighbours are family.

© Photo: Equivalent-Shake-77

#17

Not me but one of my closest buddies had a 3 year old and a 1 year old.

One day he picked up his wife’s phone to check something and when he unlocked it, it was still open to her Ashley Maddison account (a dating site SPECIFICALLY for having an affair).

He tried to make it work for a few months but couldn’t.

#18

Haven’t pulled the trigger on divorce just yet but we’ve been on the brink since our daughter was born 2.5 years ago… I’m sure there are [bad] dads out there but the biggest thing is having kids is [freaking] HARD. It is so much worse than anyone in real life ever talks about. I’d say it completely ruins 90% of marriages and the other 10% the marriage isn’t the same as it was. Take all of your problems that you have right now. Now imagine dealing with them while dealing with sleep deprivation and adding a whole new slew of obligations on top of it because you had a kid. I’m sure at the end of the day most people split up after kids because they feel the other partner isn’t doing enough of the child care.

#19

I have a friend who decided to finally have the “let’s get divorced” talk with his wife of maybe 4 years. So he sat her down and told her he had something he needed to talk about. And she said can I go first? And she lays on him that she is pregnant. They [have been intimate] exactly one time in a year and she gets pregnant. They agreed that they would stay together in the house until the child was two and then divorce. They are both pretty reasonable adults and it worked out well, that kid just finished his sophomore year of college and is thriving.

#20

She stopped taking birth control because she thought having a kid would change me and I’d want to quit playing music, switch my job from music equipment sales and live music and get a job more like her father. I did all of those things because I still loved her. She then packed all of my things after he was born and had them waiting at the door for me. She had asked me if I was happy and I told her the truth, that I felt betrayed and forced into this, but I would do my best to make things work. Apparently I was also supposed to be happy. She made this major decision for the both of us.

#21

When you have less time to have activities or one on one time, different aspects of the relationship become more prominent.

For example. When you’re well rested. Even uncomfortable moments between movies or activities or travel can be glazed over.

When you have a baby that is taking up most of your time, the most important part is how your personalities mesh when you have nothing else.

Humor when there’s hard moments. Parenting style. The small things you each find enjoyable. Need to be lined up. If they’re not, it’s like living with a terrible stranger. Especially with hormones coming into play.

You find out if they can be reasoned with. What they think of your hobbies. It can bring out their worst selves.

I went through it myself. Seriously considering divorce after being threatened with it for a year.

#22

The only one I know of who did this was because there were indications that she cheated. He wanted a paternity test which she refused.

#23

We weren’t married but were in a relationship for a few years and living together. The realisation that it wasn’t a good relationship for me was gradual and slow, and required to build up courage to see myself alone.

Whilst I was getting to that realisation, the relationship existed and life happened, and as a couple in a relationship we didn’t always use contraception. Stupid? Yes, maybe. But I was afraid to rock the boat, to express doubt, to indicate that something is wrong. It’s a lesson to recognise that fearing your parter’s reactions is a clear sign the relationship is broken.

Eventually I decided to end it, after lots of communication and trust problems. I simply reached the conclusion that we are not compatible.

On the day I was going to talk to her and end the relationship she told me she’s pregnant.

We tried couple’s therapy for a few weeks, but nothing changed. I believed (and still do) that it’s better for a child to have parents that aren’t together and manage a a co-parenting relationship, than parents who are together and manage a toxic romantic relationship.

Once I broke it off she couldn’t handle it and become emotionally punitive. No matter how much I tried to ask to prepare for the future, to figure out how we’re going to parent together, to think about our future child; she was spinning out of control in her own turmoil. She preferred to burn the ground on which she stood rather than to deal with reality. I did bring up terminating the pregnancy, but that made things worse.

The months leading up to the birth were an emotional rollercoaster. I was at the birth, I held my son, I was with him at home for the first few weeks. During these weeks she locked me in a room, snatched the baby out of my arms, refused to include me in the birth certificate, and treated me like a servant. She gradually allowed me less and less time with him. I was sitting at my parents’ place, glued to the phone and waiting for her to allow me to visit. Then she finally alleged domestic [mistreatment] against me and stopped all contact. I didn’t see him for almost 2 months. After that she allowed me a couple of hours per week.

I applied for a court order, and in her response she repeated the allegations, and added that I [hurt] our son. The process was painfully slow. It took almost 5 months to finally have the birth certificate amended, and longer than that for the court process to conclude without any findings against me. No repercussions to her. Since then we’ve been to court a couple more times for more minor things. In each time she claimed domestic [mistreatment], and each time it was dismissed.

There’s now a shared custody order and I see my son regularly and independently and we have an amazing relationship.

My ex calmed down a bit, it may have all been a result of undiagnosed postpartum depression, but I’m still always walking on eggshells around her and I know in my heart we will likely end up in court again. But for the sake of my son I don’t want to fight and I’m trying very hard to forgive. Even after everything she’s done, I have to find a way to have an amicable and stable co-parenting relationship with her.

#24

She spent months convincing me to take a year off work, to travel, help her and be present with our newborn. I did. She repaid me by having an affair (after one last girl trip before she comes back to work), then blamed me for not working, then continued lying…

It took me years to recover from the constant gaslighting in that relationship, and to rebuild my sense of self. It’s been 7+ years of ‘co-parenting’ and 2 of those years has been spent mediating/lawyers trying to spend extra time with my son because she kept moving goal posts and coming up with nonsensical reasons why she/he wasn’t ready for it (all while he was begging me for it). I’ve made progress… but it’s been absolutely emotionally exhausting.

My friend reminded me that I was having panic attacks before our marriage. Somehow, I must have blocked it out of my memory.

When your intuition is screaming, your body will let you know. Don’t ignore it. That said, my son is absolutely and without a doubt one of the best things that’s ever happened. So in a very odd way, I’m like Sisyphus.

#25

Well when it turns out the kid isn’t yours…

#26

PND/PPD plus the hormone crash brought out a treasure trove of undiagnosed mental issues.

Perfect relationship, with her family being a big massive warning sign tbh, but years in there was no evidence/indication she had the list of problems they had. 100% passed as “the normal one” out of a screwed up family.

Pregnancy I had my eyebrow raised a couple of times, minor things but totally out of character.
Put down to pregnancy, it’ll pass.

Once the kid was born it just became utterly wild.
Every plan we made, straight into a bonfire at her insistence.
No idea what I was walking into any day, kisses or a kicking, who knows.

Became the one working full time plus majority of anything related to the kid.
Became a walking zombie but I pushed on, I had a kid to take care of.
The relationship was hell, someone you loved and had a kid with, sabotaging every single thing they could.

Around kid being 2yo she cheated and broke us up.
Blessing in disguise.
Straight 50/50 with kid was a break and time to reflect tbh.
She struggled with it as tbh it meant she had to do more than she had been.

The breathing space and time to think flipped a switch in my head, never again.

And she did try to reel me back in.

I was done though.

There a library of books I could write on the utter carnage, but this is the v v basics of 5% of it.

#27

Happend to my dad. My mom just had my 6 month old brother and cheated with her boss. Shortly after she broke up with him and started dating her boss. He still resents her for it and I understand that. They started coparenting and 6 months after the divorce he met the love of his life. My mom had a few rough years but after 15 years she remarried. Everything worked out eventually but is was messy and there was a lot of resentment from both sides.

#28

Accidental pregnancy and wife wanted an abortion. We grew apart and separated about 8mo later.

#29

I was not married but after having a kid she became bipolar as [hell]. Refused help, reported the dr to the medical board for saying she had it. She only cared about money would spend 1000s a day in shopping with no care that it was my money or my credit card.
She refused to give my son my middle name and refused to let me have any say in his name.
All she did was treat him like a pay check

It was not fun in fact it was hell for years after I left her. But 16 years later and 1k a month in child support I have 1 payment left in 2 weeks and I can’t wait. (I also have him 43% of the time).

#30

She cheated on me when my daughter was 8 months or so. Divorce finalized after she shortly after she turned 1. I found out from my 5 yr old son telling me about meeting “mommies” new friend during a staycation she did while
I was away for work.

#31

I only know of two guys that left. One during pregnancy, one right after. The one during pregnancy was just fed up with [bad] treatment. He didn’t want to stick around and see it through, even though I told him it would end eventually.

The second was just pissed because his wife was a SAHM and expected him to work 50+ hours a week, then spend most of his free time caring for the kid. And being responsible for the overnight care. Despite having to be up at 5am. She was spending most of her time on social media and sleeping. He did 100% of the errands too, because she refused to get a license and drive. I understand his perspective much more than my other friend. I raised both of my kids form birth, while working from home. She was just ridiculously lazy and had always been that way. Still is, as a matter of fact. His life got 10x easier* after the divorce. Her life got 10x worse.

#32

Ten months was more than enough time for me to experience psychological and physical [mistreatment]. Even our couples counselor eventually told me I needed to make the decision that was best for both me, my gf and our child and leave the relationship.

I never wanted an abortion, and it was an unexpected pregnancy. As a man, I didn’t have any say in whether the pregnancy continued (I tried to support her however I could with her decision of what to do with her body), so it’s hard to equate pregnancy with willingness to stay in a relationship. Sometimes people stay because they want the child, not because the relationship is healthy.

#33

My old boss was married but he said he never really felt happy – he went with the relationship just because it was easier at the time. No huge fights, just no deep love. She got pregnant and at about 8months he left her, having fallen for my coworker. The coworker was also married but her husband was the most useless guy – he seemed to think because his wife was falling out of love with him he was allowed to check out without trying, but never actively initiating a divorce. Just waiting for her to leave him. It was an awkward time. From what I know there was an emotional but not physical affair for a few months while Mrs was pregnant. There was a lot of anger after the birth and it took a while for them to coparent. They did though and the new partner and boss are married with kids of their own now. It was sort of two people married the wrong people originally and found each other.

#34

I was 15 when my daughter was born. I met her running away from my father. After I moved across town I very nearly cheated on her and I stopped only because the other girl asked if I loved my babymomma and I said yes.

This made me realize I did not love her as much as I thought I did and to tell the truth I wanted to get an abortion and live my life but she didnt so i respected it. I think she loved me so much she would have kept anything to tie me to her.

A month after she was born I broke it off with her and told her I will still stick around for my daughter but our relationship was over. I never explained why either.

#35

I left just before our daughter was born.
The pregnancy was a nightmare, completely changed the person she was. She became both emotionally and physically toxic to me and I couldn’t take covering it for her anymore.

After the birth she seemingly just went back to normal but took me much longer to move past everything.

We spent 3 years with shared custody and eventually got back together. Been a year together now and been the best year we’ve had together.

#36

I almost got divorced. Was ready to leave.

Long story short. She had post partum blues. What was suppose to be awesome time with first born kiddo turned [into] nightmare.

Never had issues. The after kid everything is an issue. Now my parents were an issue. I just could not win. I remember telling my mom I’m ready to bail. Can’t do this anymore.

We went to counseling and got better later on with meds.

22 years later (we divorced 10years later) and I remember that time. The pressure etc. it was hell. Left a bad taste in my mouth till today.

When I hear people say they expecting their first kid I just pray they avoid that.

I was 26 at that stage. 48 now.

edit : Sorry I called it post partum blues… post partum depression I think was the correct term. Apologies people.. been a few decades.

#37

My side of the story is that she drank heavily for months, called me worthless and a POS every day, hit me regularly, threatened me if I ever told anyone, slashed my throat with a metal part of my briefcase while she was swinging it at me, and then finally, one awful night, she strangled me, slammed and held my head against the window frame so I couldn’t move away, and then punched me repeatedly in the face while I was holding our screaming and terrified then-18-month-old and while our then-4-month-old slept 10 feet away from us in his room. Obviously this was not the first time something like this had happened, but I made sure it was the last.

#38

So this actually just happened to me last month.

I have a 3 year old, and a 7 month old with this woman. Those are our only kids, we were together for 6+ years.

I told her I was sick of being [mistreated] by her physically (she threw things at me and hit me in the past but this actually small because it hasn’t happened that many times maybe less than 5) and mentally. She told me she no longer had the capacity to kiss me, hug me, or tell me she loves me on top of a completely dead bedroom, the last time we [were intimate] was when my daughter was conceived. So I told her to think about if she even wanted a relationship with me.

A few weeks before that I had caught her having an ongoing conversation with her ex boyfriend. I knew that she had talked to him a bit, but then I expected the conversation to stop. When I confronted her about it she told me “out of respect for you I will stop talking to him”. Well weeks went by and the night that she broke up with me, I put in my AirPods and they connected to her phone and I heard a text from him. Nothing other than her saying she wanted to talk to him about something. Vague but made me very angry. And then the night before she had a late night psychiatrist appointment at like 8 at night.

So my brain connected dots and I confronted her on it, and I got accusatory and said I thought she went to [sleep with] him the night before because I thought it was weird to have an appointment like that so late at night. And it’s hard when you find out you’re being lied to. You start questioning what else you were being lied to about. Then she told me, she didn’t want to be me with me anymore.

I was devastated ofc. I work midnights and sat there crying. Not because of her but because it meant my kids would grow up in a broken home. I’m actually pretty okay with breaking up with her I’ve realized. She didn’t make me happy. She was constantly in a state of being “sick” always an excuse to be lazy. I did all the cooking, cleaning, money making while she often sat on her phone while the kids destroyed the house. I’m excited to be a person again. The hardest part is the kids. My ex won’t let me keep my son overnight. My daughter is still too young to entertain the idea. So it feels like she’s keeping them from me. We don’t have a lot of money so it’s not like we can both split assets and go buy houses, we are both looking at renting places.

#39

Know of a few people that did this, and it’s often after the third child. They seem to come to the realization that they have zero interest in going through having that young of a child again. They also realize they have zero time to themselves. It’s either work or entertaining kids. The more they put the burden of the kids on mom, the less mom can fill the role of wife. In all of the situations I know the details of, these were people that KNEW they were already spread quite thin with two children. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of people driven to have “big families” because that’s what they grew up with. The problem with that is there is zero acknowledgement that they had zero responsibility in that big family and their entire perspective is from that of a child. The whole situation is made worse because people seem to lack the required foresight to make these kinds of decisions. In this 3-child-divorce-after-third-child situation I blame both of them equally.

#40

Not divorced but there were times I considered it. Early pregnancy was rough but I thought the disrespect toward me and my parents went overboard – we are Asian so filial piety is huge in our lives. Then it got easier and the relationship got smoother.

After the kids were born things improved further. Tensions with other adults can get testy but whatever. I do believe though for babies and toddlers it matters a ton how the mom feels for their brain development. So part of being a father is sucking it up, take the emotional beatings in stride (as long as it is unintentional) and showing up and being responsible to the mom and the kids. You will have less time for you and your interests but in return the joy of spending time with your kids, which is temporary anyway, should make up for that.

#41

She had an emotional affair with her bestfriend and other people right after my daughter was born, I wasn’t the best husband but a trying one and her communication was subpar in so many words so there wasn’t much for me to go off of to fix anything before I found the affair out. She’s now with the bestfriend.

#42

She had red flags around drinking. Which has always been a big no for me. Not coming home cause she would “fall asleep”. Or if we were together, drinking and throwing up/passing out. I kept trying to reason with her over the years cause I loved her and felt like stuff could change…it was just once or twice a year that we had a big issue after all… but the resentment was building over the last 8 or so years i had enough. She got pregnant and had our son and I thought things would be different after that. He was 8 months old when she went to a concert with a friend, went out for drinks and I didnt hear from her til 330 a.m. and of course Im still awake after calling and texting all night. Got home at 5. Something in me just broke, and never recovered. She got pregnant with our second after when I was still trying to get over it and I just couldn’t, not even for the kids. I saw her phone at that time and she had flirty messages with a coworker too, and my love just dried up, went poof. Ive stuck around for the pregnancy and birth and to help with our kids but with the knowledge that I am out. Currently working through the divorce process, so if someone has advice or to tell me that I am being dumb, feel free to lmk.

The kids aren’t a problem, and we both do our part around the house, and for them. Lucky enough to never deal with hormone issues from her side during the pregnancies as well.

#43

A relationship that’s on its last thread is not repaired by a baby, but many people try.

I’m impacted indirectly. My wife came with 2 children.

#44

So right from the start me and my ex should’ve never been together. We had different morals values and beliefs. We wanted different things from life and she had a lot of unresolved trauma that she would not work on. We dated for about 4 years and married. We had a child 1 year 4 months after marriage and then recently divorced this year. We both worked full time jobs but she worked longer hours. I ended up getting stuck with all the chores, I was alone with our child all the time and on top of that she adopted cats and a dog while we were married. She left me with any and all responsibilities. Her cop out was always “I work more than you”. [Intimacy] completely stopped, I was burnt out all the time and didn’t even want [it], she cheated, following that I became very jaded and we fell apart from there. So glad to be out of it tho because while the divorce was rough I feel like I can breath again. I also feel like I have more energy for being a good dad now instead of the burnt out unhappy man that I had become.

I dont hate my ex and I really hope for the sake of our child and herself that she gets the help she needs.

#45

She kept trying to find things that kept her from being bored (to include having kids) and when she was bored with that, she decided she wanted to try other men. Now she’s bored and lonely.

#46

Left a couple months before he was born after finding out the extent (but really probably not the full extent) of her cheating. It was a tad awkward in the delivery room with that one.

So, my transition from “willing to have a child together” to “Divorced” was a surprise to me. She went from “I’m sleeping with a bunch of other guys” to “Hey, I should have a kid with the one I’m married to”. You would have to ask her, but I think it’s a lifetime of trauma of varying sorts, none of which was ever properly faced or dealt with.

#47

Maybe I’m unqualified to answer, I’ll share and let you be the judge. Totally okay if you don’t think I’m in the right to try answering.

I’m not divorced, but I feel like it’s heading in thet direction. Our baby is due in 3 months.

I personally have never considered separation or divorce, but my wife has brought it up on almost a monthly basis for the past 9-12 months.

My side of things is this: she has been becoming increasingly difficult to talk to and increasingly violent when arguments pass the tipping point. What used to be minor disagreements or disgruntlements now become full fledged fights. (Example: Recently we got into a fight because I made a noise of relief when I finally got some food unstuck from between my teeth. I immediately apologized, but she was already upset and tore into me about it while I sat there in silence waiting for it to be over. Then when it was over I apologized again and couldn’t even finish the sentence before she was yelling at me again.) What used to be me communicating “hey, this is feeling like a lot for me, I need to step outside for 5 minutes and get some fresh air alone, I’ll be right back.” Has now become me just sitting there and taking my lickings or trying to get away only to be grappled, grabbed, pushed, shoved or otherwise restrained. If I’m quick enough I can sometimes lock myself in a room alone so there’s some physical separation, but this usually results in her battering the door with her shoulder, elbow, fist or shoe trying to get in.

Despite all of that, this is the person I married, this is the person I love, this is the person I chose to have a child with, a child that I will love with ally heart. I want my child to grow up with two solid parents. Part of that, unfortunately, means enduring this and trying to get her some therapy and some help. I don’t believe she’s truly like this deep down, I believe she is just overwhelmed, anxious and has forgotten how to self regulate. I’ve known her for a decade. I know that what she’s acting like doesn’t reflect who she is.

That said, I can sense that in the near future she will try to divorce me or separate. If she does so, my hands will be tied on the subject.

#48

The marriage was over before she was pregnant. It was an oopsie, but I’m so thankful for it because had she not gotten pregnant, I’d never have a child.

I love being a Dad and my daughter and me are really close.

#49

The DNA test was negative.

#50

A friend of Mine was abandoned just after birth. Her ex said delivery was gross.

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