“AITAH For Demanding To Check My Brother’s Girlfriend’s Bags Before They Leave My House?”

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Family get-togethers walk a fine line between a heartwarming success and a total disaster, and sometimes, it only takes a brief moment to tip the balance.

A few days ago, Reddit user Kaylaharper90 shared a story about a recent visit from her brother, his girlfriend, and the children they’re raising. At first, it seemed just like every other time, but when the kids stopped playing, a few toys went missing.

As the Redditor went looking for them, she quickly realized that they weren’t just misplaced—the toys were purposely hidden in the visitors’ bags.

Family visits can quickly go from great to bad to worse

Angry woman in a sweater demanding to check a guest’s bags before they leave the house during a heated argument.

Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)

This time, it was a few missing toys that revealed a much deeper problem

Woman confronting brother’s girlfriend about checking bags before leaving the house in a tense family discussion.

Text excerpt about family dynamics involving daughters and visits, related to demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags at home.

Text excerpt discussing someone demanding to check their brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house due to missing toys.

Text about searching for toys and feeling guilty, related to demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving house.

Text discussing checking bags and belongings related to a brother’s girlfriend before leaving the house.

Text showing a tense moment as someone demands to check their brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house.

Crocheted dog and reindeer toys with scattered wooden letter blocks and a small wooden ladder on a woven mat.

Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)

Person confronting brother’s girlfriend while demanding to check her bags before leaving the house over missing toys.

Text excerpt about demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags described as invasion of privacy and conflict at home.

Text excerpt about demanding to check a brother’s girlfriend’s bags for stolen items before leaving the house.

Text discussing upset feelings after demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before they leave the house in a family conflict.

Young woman sitting thoughtfully on a couch, reflecting on demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving.

Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)

After the story went viral, the woman released an update on the latest developments

Text discussing concerns about checking brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house in a family situation.

Text excerpt discussing doubts about theft and believing brother’s girlfriend’s bags should be checked before leaving.

Text on a plain white background stating a conversation about discussing matters with brother tonight or tomorrow.

Text message update about speaking with brother regarding concerns about his girlfriend and checking bags before leaving the house.

Text update about demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags, mentioning comments and insights shared.

Text excerpt discussing a brother’s situation involving a DNA test and family tensions related to his girlfriend’s presence.

Image credits: kaylaharper90

Stealing can become an addiction

We can’t know for sure what pushed the woman to steal, but there is a condition in which a person experiences a consistent impulse to secretly take items they might not even need—it’s called kleptomania.

According to the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), the symptoms of kleptomania include:

  • A persistent, recurrent impulse to steal items that are not needed for personal use and do not bring financial gain;
  • Feelings of increased tension before a theft; of pleasure, gratification, or relief at the moment of a theft; and, often, of guilt, shame, and/or remorse after a theft, and sometimes of depression;
  • The individual’s thefts are not committed due to delusions, mania, or hallucinations, and are not motivated by revenge or anger;
  • A person’s thefts cannot be better explained by Antisocial Personality Disorder, Conduct Disorder, or a manic episode.

The age of onset for kleptomania varies, and it can begin in childhood, adolescence, or adulthood. In rare cases, it also begins in late adulthood. So, if Vivian has it now, it could be that she didn’t have it when Chase met her.

However, some experts believe this doesn’t absolve people of responsibility for their actions

“In 40 years of evaluating a variety of offenders, including men and women who steal repeatedly, I have never encountered a true case of ‘Kleptomania,’” psychologist and expert in criminal behavior Dr. Stanton Samenow wrote. “These individuals steal frequently, usually with great proficiency and, more often than not, escape detection.”

“Like driving a car, stealing is a skill that they acquire and practice. Developing a modus operandi, they quickly case out targets and proceed with the theft. They are under no compulsion to steal. If they think there is a good chance of getting caught (e.g., they spot cameras in a store or a security officer), they refrain from stealing at that particular time,” Samenow explained.

But if they do get busted, he said these thieves offer a variety of explanations to try to minimize the penalty—portraying themselves as a victim is one of them.

“This makes the act of stealing appear to be the result of a psychological disorder rather than what it really was—a conscious and deliberate act,” Samenow said.

“Stealing is not necessarily related to a need for the item or to its monetary value. Some individuals steal merely for the excitement. This excitement occurs before, during, and after the act (unless, of course, the thief is caught). For the proficient, frequent thief, even when he is arrested, there is the challenge of deceiving others in an attempt to get out of the hole into which he has drug himself.”

People have had an extensive discussion with the author of the post about  what happened

Reddit discussion about demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house and related family conflict.

Reddit comments discussing demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house in a family conflict.

Screenshot of a Reddit conversation discussing demand to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house.

Reddit comment conversation discussing demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house.

Reddit conversation discussing feelings about demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house.

Most of them believe she did nothing wrong

Reddit comments discussing demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house and family concerns.

Screenshot of a discussion about demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before they leave the house.

Screenshot of a Reddit conversation discussing demanding to check a brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house.

Reddit thread discussing demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags for stolen items before leaving the house.

Reddit discussion about demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house in a family dispute.

Reddit comment discussion about demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before they leave the house.

Reddit comments discussing the situation of demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house.

Reddit comments discussing suspicion and mistrust involving checking brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving house.

Reddit comment discussing demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags due to suspected stealing and boundary setting.

Screenshot of an online discussion about demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house.

Reddit thread discussing demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags and suggestions about house security cameras.

Screenshot of Reddit comments discussing the conflict about checking brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving.

Reddit discussion about demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags and family conflicts over trust and behavior.

But a few think otherwise

Comment advising on the situation of demanding to check brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house.

Comment discussing suspicion of theft and advice on checking brother’s girlfriend’s bags before leaving the house.

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