Have you ever wondered why it is that women have to change their names after getting married and not the men? Now you have, and the reason behind it is because women didn’t have their own identities as humans back in the Middle Ages when last names started and they were either daughters of their fathers or wives of their husbands.
The practice carried on into the 21st century and is seen as more of a tradition of two people becoming one, forgetting the real meaning behind it. So this man was a bit offended that his wife didn’t want to have the same name, but was not willing to take hers. To settle the argument, he was encouraged by his fiancée to post it on Reddit and he received a big reality check.
More info: Reddit
Man was excited about having the same last name as his future wife and didn’t expect her to not want to change hers
Image credits: Kurt Farrar (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) and his fiancée have been together for 3.5 years and are planning to get married. They are in love and are living happy lives, but there is one big disagreement that they can’t solve, so the wife-to-be suggested doing a sort of a poll and asking people on Reddit what they think.
The disagreement involves his last name. He wants his fiancée to change her last name to his, but she refuses and suggests either him taking her name or neither of them changing their names.
You would think the argument stops here, because surely anyone who could understand one who doesn’t want to change their name is someone who also doesn’t want to change their name.
The author of the story believes that the same last name is one of the signs of a “true couple” but his fiancée thinks it’s not worth the hassle
Image credits: namelessfuture
But then start the nuances. The OP not only considers him having the same last name as his wife a sign that they are a couple, but he also would like his family name to live through his children, because he is the only guy in his family, while his fiancée has a brother who will carry her family’s name.
The man isn’t opposed to hyphenating their names either, but his fiancée is not keen on going through all of the bureaucracy that is involved when you’re changing your name.
You have to get a new ID card or passport and driver’s license, all of your credit cards and accounts that have your name on them need to be changed, all of your ongoing contracts such as loans or insurance need to be revised, etc. Everything has to be done separately and doesn’t update automatically, so if you don’t really care to have the same name as your spouse, it seems like a lot.
He also claims that his family name is unique so he would like his children to carry it because he is the only guy in his family, while his fiancée has a brother
Image credits: namelessfuture
People in the comments were pretty bothered that the OP wanted his wife to have his last name and completely disregarded her wishes. They also pointed out that it’s not the last name that makes them a “true couple.”
The OP was voted the jerk in the situation, but it seems that he actually took it well and when he said that he wanted to hear other people’s opinions, he genuinely meant it.
The man posted an update after the wedding and admitted that people saying he was wrong wasn’t very pleasant, but he learnt from his mistake and was able to discuss the issues people were pointing out with his now-wife.
The man would compromise to have hyphenated names, but the woman doesn’t see the point of going through the paperwork for it
Image credits: namelessfuture
He found out that his wife didn’t want to change her name not only because of the never-ending paperwork, but also because of the meaning behind a woman taking her husband’s name. The OP claimed that he had never thought about it and his wife didn’t know how to explain it to him, but it was easier when other people put it into words.
Although there isn’t much to say. Laurie Scheuble, a sociologist at Penn State University, explained to Market Watch that “The tradition of women changing their last names to match their husbands’ has its origins in the property transfer that took place upon marriage. Essentially, women went from being part of their parents’ family to becoming their husbands’ property.”
With women fighting for their independence from men, for being able to have their own credit card, for having a job and being able to participate in the country-wide decisions by voting, feeling like someone’s property doesn’t fit in the picture.
The poster had also never thought about how his fiancée feels about the origins of the tradition of wives taking their husbands’ names
Image credits: namelessfuture
In the end, the couple decided not to change their last names and maybe in the future they could hyphenate them, so that both of them would have to go through the hassle of legally changing them instead of burdening one party.
Also, the OP admitted that solving this conflict taught him how to handle arguments with his wife in general, which is “slowly, gently, and without assumptions until we understand each other.”
Image credits: Larry Lamsa (not the actual photo)
It’s nice to see that the man actually listened to his wife and people in the comments, took the criticism and used it to improve his relationship. Maybe in his case, he just needed someone to better verbalize his wife’s feelings, as it’s not always easy because we often assume that the other person knows what we feel despite not knowing what we really feel ourselves, other than frustration of not being understood.
What were your thoughts while reading this story? Do you think the couple’s approach to the problem was praise-worthy? How do you feel about the outcome? Why do you think people only admit their mistake when thousands of strangers on the internet say that they are wrong instead of listening to the person that actually matters? Let us know your opinions in the comments.
But he finally realized he was wrong and why his fiancée refused to take his last name after people in the comments explained what he was really asking her to do
Image credits: sare bear (not the actual photo)
The post Man Doesn’t Want His Last Name To Die Out, Insists His Fiancée Should Change Her Last Name To His After The Marriage first appeared on Bored Panda.
from Bored Panda https://ift.tt/gPkGNKI
via IFTTT source site : boredpanda
