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Being a bad romantic partner isn’t limited to a specific gender. Both men and women have their fair share of relationship shortcomings that can leave their significant others frustrated, exhausted, and in worse cases, in despair.

But today, we’re focusing on the guys. Bored Panda has collected stories from people who dealt with some of the most abysmal male behavior imaginable, earning their partners the title of “Worst” boyfriend, fiancé, and husband.

If you feel like sharing your own experiences, feel free to do so in the comments below.

#1 Aita For Telling My Boyfriend To Go To The Dentist

I (25f) and my boyfriend (26m) have been fighting the past few days over him going to the dentist. My boyfriend told me when we first got together that he has only been to the dentist once in the past 7 years and vowed never to go back.

Additionally, he only brushes his teeth 85% of the time. My mom was a dental hygienist so I really value dental care. I have brought up going to the dentist since the beginning of our relationship and we made a deal that for my birthday he would finally go. However, he did not hold up his end of the bargain.

Recently his breath has been pretty stinky even right after brushing his teeth and I told him to either go to the dentist or we aren’t sharing a bed. He said his feelings are hurt and that his breath isn’t that bad, but I am genuinely just concerned about his health.

#2 Aita? My Boyfriend’s Mom Called Me Selfish After I Refused To Give Up My Weekend Plans For Her

I’m 19F, living in LA and going to community college. My boyfriend is 22M and we’ve been together for about a year.

His mom had surgery recently and he asked me if I could spend the entire weekend at their house to help take care of her while he worked.

I said I could come over Saturday afternoon and stay for a few hours, but I already had plans Sunday.

He got annoyed and said I should be there for his family because “that’s what serious girlfriends do.”

I reminded him that I’m not his mom’s caretaker, and that I was willing to help for a few hours but I wasn’t going to cancel my entire weekend.

His mom apparently overheard us arguing. Later that evening she texted me saying she was disappointed in me and that she thought I was “more family-oriented.”

I honestly didn’t know what to say to that. I told my boyfriend that I felt like everyone was expecting me to take responsibility for something that wasn’t actually my responsibility.

He said I was being selfish and that this was one of those moments where he needed to know whether he could actually depend on me.

Now I’m wondering if I handled this badly. I don’t think refusing to cancel my plans makes me a bad girlfriend, but maybe I should have been more willing to help given the circumstances.

#3 Aita Cause I Wont Change My Driving Style

I have my drivers license for 12 years now. No accident nothing. Im not speeding. Like really never speeding. Im not sticking to other cars bumpers. Im really no aggressive driver and i think i drive good. My boyfriend had a few accidents and lost his drivers license due to drinking. Since a year i’m driving him around. He was sometimes naging about me taking the curve to fast or not breaking fast enough. But mostly i have my foot already on the break ready to break. Im breaking a lot on the motor too. Im rather a forward looking driver then the moment. Like today i probably saw the lights far earlier then him so i saw not only that they were green no i saw that they just turned from red to green so i knew i dont have to break and he is going crazy about how he is frightened and if i cant drive more carefully etc.

But i know everything was under control. I know my care i saw the lights i was not speeding. I told him he can go by foot, bike or bus if he is to frightened cause i wont change sth i think is good for his fear and for sure not for somebody who lost his drivers license. Now i am the bad one cause im ego tripping in his opinion and dont care about his fear.

Am i really the butt hole or is he maybe just frightened cause he cant control the car and due to his accidents in the past. Im not sure but i really think he should look for him self how to get around if he is that frightened. I think he should be grateful im driving him around for already a hole year with no speeding no aggression nothing

You will notice a common trend in a few stories on this list, where the man showed emotional unavailability in some form.

If you’ve heard this term thrown around but don’t know exactly what it means, it describes someone who deflects serious conversations with humor or shuts down when the topic gets uncomfortable.

#4 Aita For Being Upset That My Boyfriend Invited His Parents To Stay In Our Home Without Talking To Me First?

AITA for thinking my boyfriend should have talked to me before inviting overnight guests into our home, even though the plans don’t technically interfere with my schedule?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and share a home. The house is legally his, but I pay rent, contribute to household expenses, clean, and help care for the home. He has 2 sons whom we have half the time.

I’ve met his parents 4 or 5 times. I really like them and look forward to getting to know them better, but I still don’t know them that well.

My boyfriend has a habit of making or changing plans and telling me afterward. We’ve talked about it many times. I think we should talk to each other while plans are being made if they involve the other person, our home, or our shared schedule. Not because I would say no or want to control him. I just think it’s respectful to run things by someone you share a home and life with.

He thinks plans happen in real time and that because he tells me afterward, I still know about them.

In early August, I was offered a dog sitting job for September. I told my boyfriend the dates that day. Dog sitting is normal for me, and if there had been a conflict, I could have turned down the job.

That weekend is supposed to be our weekend with the boys, but my boyfriend will be away sailing. I normally sail with him, but this time I’ll be dog sitting. Usually, if he is away, we switch weekends with the boys’ mom.

He then told me that in July he had invited his parents to stay with us for a week in September. They’ll be visiting and taking care of the boys while he’s sailing.

After I finish dog sitting, I would be home alone with his parents and the boys for most of Saturday and all day Sunday. I’m happy they’re visiting and glad they’ll spend time with their grandsons. I just don’t know them well enough to feel comfortable spending that much time alone with them while my boyfriend isn’t there.

I’m sure they wouldn’t expect me to entertain them and would let me do my own thing, but I would feel rude ignoring guests in my home and would feel obligated to act as a host. I’ve also never been alone with his parents and the boys before, and I don’t know them well enough to feel comfortable in that situation without my boyfriend there. I’m considering getting an Airbnb for those 2 days instead.

When I said I wished he had talked to me before confirming everything, he said I have 8 weeks of notice and the visit doesn’t interfere with my dog sitting plans. When he made the plans, he assumed I would be sailing with him. His position is that because I don’t have to change my plans, it shouldn’t matter that he didn’t ask me first.

I like his parents, want them to visit, and don’t want him to cancel. I just want us to talk to each other before inviting people to stay in our home. For me, this isn’t about whether their visit interferes with my plans. It’s about communication and having some say in what happens in the home we share.

#5 Aitah For Not Being On My Boyfriend’s Side

I 30F just got into a fight with my boyfriend 31M. We have been together for 3 years now and have been living together for two. We live with two other roommates and one of them is my bf’s friend 30M-he has known him since middle school.

I have started to notice things he will always tell/ demand his friend to do things (ex. do your dish, clean the floor) and his friend always responds like “don’t talk to me like that i’m a grown man”. Our other roommate 30M does the same things too (leave dishes in sink) but my bf doesn’t talk to him like that, only his friend.

So I talked to my boyfriend about how he demands things from him instead of asking politely like saying “hey, can you do your dishes please?” instead of his usual aggressive “do your dishes” and it turned into a huge fight saying that i’m defending our roommate, his friend. Side note, my boyfriend and I agreed when we moved in together that one of us will cook and the other would do the dishes. I don’t have a problem cooking because I like cooking and if he would cook it would be something frozen and I prefer a real meal. So most of the time he does the dishes.

Recently he has been irritated doing the dishes because our other roommates leave the dishes in the sink. AITAH for not just being on his side? because i feel like it creates unnecessary tension in our household. I don’t want either of our roommates to move out because we live in a semi-expensive apartment but it’s close to our jobs and if one of them moves out we won’t be able to afford it.

#6 Aita For Not Going To My Boyfriend’s Birthday Party?

I (26 f) do not want to go to my (28 m) birthday party. I’m celebrating his birthday the day before with just him and I, but the next day he’s seeing his friends. For context, my boyfriend plays a game with his friends almost every Saturday night. I don’t go most days due to us being long distance and having issues with his friends, but I’m at bigger events.

Lately, I’ve been having issues with his friend group. Some examples are that one of them is in love with him and ruined my birthday surprise for him the year prior, I got close with one of his friends wives and she decided to end the friendship with me since I was talking about my relationship problems with her, even though she talks to me about her relationship problems with her husband, a couple of them speak derogatorily about peoples sexuality and race which makes me incredibly uncomfortable, I could go on but this post would take forever.

On top of issues with his friends, I start grad school in a couple of days and we are long distance. On top of all of this he was supposed to go out of the state for his birthday up until a couple of days ago. The plan to change just a regular weekly friend outing to a birthday was done recently.

I’m incredibly anxious about grad school, the drive can be a lot, and I don’t want to make myself more anxious by being around people who don’t generally like me or speak to me. But I feel awful about my decision, I feel guilty, I feel like a bad girlfriend. I genuinely don’t want to go. So, am I the jerk?

Experts aren’t quick to fault people who fall under the definition of emotionally unavailable. According to marriage and family therapist Tara Gogolinski, such behaviors are shaped by past experiences, whether in childhood or previous relationships.

“It’s a protective mechanism,” Gogolinski told TIME. “Something about being emotionally available feels dangerous or threatening.”

#7 Aita For Asking My Boyfriend To Stand Up For Me Over This?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for three years. Him and his brother just started talking after a few years. Me and my boyfriend met on a family/family friend camping trip, our parents went to highschool together. Now I continue to invite him every year, and now it falls on our anniversary. This year he asked to invite his brother (25) ). I said sure and arranged for him to come out for the visit, paid for his food, ferry ticket, bus tickets the whole deal.

The first day of the camping trip was fine, I was a little annoyed that he kept trying to sound smarter than me to his brother, everything I said he would say something “smarter”. I pushed it off I wasn’t going to make a deal out of something small. The 2nd day was mine and my boyfriend’s 3 year anniversary. I recognize and understand that he hadn’t seen his brother in a while and let them spend the whole first day together, but this was our day. His brother kept following us around and eventually I had mentioned it was our anniversary and had requested some time alone. He snapped back that this was HIS brother and that since he hadn’t seen him in a while that this time with him was more important. I pushed that aside too. I wasn’t going to make a scene.

Flash forward to now. He’s in town for the county fair where me and my boyfriend live. Yesterday we went to the fair. My boyfriend and his brother were supposed to meet me and my siblings at a bus stop to ride to the fairground. After we got on the bus I got a text from his brother saying they missed the bus and were driving. My boyfriend and his brother arent from this area, I responded asking if he knew where they were going since I was going to ask them to go to a specific gate where the bus was dropping us off. He said that “Google Maps exist Yknow. You don’t need to try holding this mom act with me like you do with your siblings. Matter of fact. Stop.” I left him on opened and found them when we got to the fairground. They parked at the complete opposite gate as us, which I was going to get to if he hadn’t been snappy with me. When I asked for us to do our group fair button photo he said “You know that there’s a camera on your phone. Why take time out of our day for that”. (We’ve been doing the annual fair photo for YEARS). I didn’t respond and just waited for my brother.

I spent the rest of the fair quiet and waiting for my siblings to be done. When we got home I asked my boyfriend to talk to him since it was his brother. When confronted he said that this is all happening because I’m “babying him”. He explained that me asking if they knew where the fair was was babying him. Now my boyfriend and his brother haven’t talked for the past day, he’s kinda avoiding him until he returns home tomorrow because his brother still believes he’s done nothing wrong. AITA?

#8 Aita For Telling My Sister’s Boyfriend That He Is Not A Good Boyfriend?

My sister, Tina (30) and I (26) are really close. She has been the one person I could always tell everything to.

Every Christmas, our family and I visit a nice cottage. Last Christmas, Tina brought her boyfriend, Chris, whom she’s been with for a year. I had only met him twice. He seemed very quiet and kind. During Christmas, I noticed he’d leave rubbish everywhere and eat everyone’s gifted food, like boxes of chocolates. At first, I just considered maybe he’d never been in this sort of environment and thought the gifts were to be shared. Which, in this scenario, I’m sure if he asked, they would’ve been shared. I asked Tina why he did this, and she told me, “He was a foster kid; I don’t think he’s had many family get-togethers.”

I understood immediately and never brought him up again. Until Tina and Chris asked to stay the night at our house whilst they were visiting (Tina and Chris live elsewhere), and I agreed. Chris and my boyfriend got on well and played Call of Duty for ages. That left Tina and me to chat. Tina told me all about how Chris had gotten a new job, but was fired a day after for lying on his job application, stating he had such work experience as 10 years with a company.

Tina told me she didn’t care and that it was because he was struggling to get work. I told her it’s immature. We fell out after that, and so I went for a walk. When I came back, my apartment was trashed, clothes and electronics stolen, plates smashed, and most of all, my boyfriend wasn’t there.

Fortunately, my boyfriend came back after 20 minutes. He told me Tina had come in and told him I had run away. He’d been out looking for me. I realised that Chris and/or Tina had trashed the apartment whilst we were out.

When I saw Tina next, which was the day after the squabble, when we were at my parents’, I told my parents about the situation and that Chris was a bad influence. She just kept arguing with me and telling me that he was a foster kid. My Dad was furious and told Tina to break up with Chris. I agreed. I told Chris, just to him, that I thought he was a bad boyfriend. He acknowledged it and said he needed to work on it/

I absolutely recognise the impacts of being a foster child, but is this an excuse for the downright disrespectful things they had done? Does it actually correlate with his childhood?

So, AITA?

#9 Aita For Telling My Boyfriend That He Looked Like A Fictional Character?

Longtime lurker, first time submitter (this is a burner account). I’m a cisgendered 24M and my boyfriend is a 22M trans man. We’ve been dating for the last year or so and I’ve given him my support all through his coming out journey and transition (he’s been on hormone therapy for the last 6 months).

He decided to come over for the whole week since we both live in the same city, and and we decided to binge every single Jurassic Park related media ever made for fun. I loved Jurassic Park 1 as a kid and he’s only seen the first one so why not. We finished the first 4 movies in a day and decided to watch the kids show they made for Netflix called Camp Cretaceous. There’s a character on there called Ben Pincus and I thought it was pretty funny that he sort of looked like him, so I joked about it.

He didn’t take it too lightly. He said he doesn’t look like some loser Mormon kid and I told him I didn’t mean it that way. I only pointed out how they both look similar to one another, and honestly I found it pretty endearing. I already told him I was sorry if it came off as anything but that. He sounded like he was really annoyed and bummed out for the rest of the night so I didn’t want to push his buttons any further. We continued to watch the first season through the night but the room felt weird and awkward. I feel like it might’ve come off as me making fun of his dysphoria or something but that’s not what I meant at all and it hurts to think about it that way.

Experts are also pointing to rigid masculinity as a reason why many end up being toxic romantic partners. According to them, societal standards play a role, pushing men into performative behaviors.

“There’s this confusion around who they are, how they relate to feminism and women, and how they find their place in the world,” psychotherapist and leadership coach Daniel Ellenberg tells the American Psychological Association (APA).

#10 Aita: I Want To Go On Solo Holidays But My Boyfriend Finds An Issue In It

me (M23) and my boyfriend (M27) have been arguing over this weekend over stupid little things, but this one has kinda left me stuck?

we’ve recently went to rome start of this month and we’ve very much enjoyed it etc. i’ve spoken to him that it would be nice to go on another holiday as we’ve not been on one for 2 years before rome. he said he doesn’t think he could afford it as he pays bills and finds it stressful booking holidays and can’t relax with it, which i understand as i live with my mum and don’t pay rent which helps me save a lot and i enjoy the ‘adrenaline’ of the busy city holidays.

so i’ve explained that i might want to go on solo holidays as i’ve been on a few before ive met him and that it’ll be few days to different countries in the future, but we’ll still see each other over weekends, and he didn’t seem happy but told me that i should go, so i’ve told him if he’s sure and why he didn’t look happy with it.

he explained that he might feel jealousy and worried then said that why can’t i go on holidays with him, which i’ve said that i will love to go on holidays with him but due to him not affording it etc, i’d like to go myself when i can but will go on holidays with him when he has the money or whenever we can.

we’ve talked about it this morning again and he said that me going on solo holidays would be a push? and i said that i don’t want him being jealous that it’ll build his resentment towards me as i love him and want him to be happy for me. and he just couldn’t answer it?

i apologise if my post doesn’t make sense as my mind is so muddled, so i’m just confused as i’d want to go on my solo holidays but i don’t want him feeling resentment or that he’s not happy for me to go, even though im happy in our relationship and we love each other.

#11 Aita For Getting Upset That My Boyfriend Made Me Wait For Two Hours?

Sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language.

So about the context

Today my boyfriend asked if he could come to my house so we can have dinner, maybe watch something and then sleep together. I said sure because why not. He was ate the gym and would come for my house after, so i waited and waited and waited…

After about two hours it was almost 10pm and i asked where he was, then he said he changed his mind and decided to go to his home. The problem is, he didn’t send me any messages telling me that, and after that he said sorry, that he “forgot” and “i thought i sent the message”…

He usually forget things so it’s not abnormal, but this made me really upset, because i was hungry, waiting for him and wanted to sleep and sending a message saying “i chaged my mind” wouldn’t take more than 30 seconds.

He already send me a message saying that he’s sorry, but i can’t help but feel upset. Normally i don’t really mind his forgetful, but this time i can’t get over it.

So, AITA for getting upset that my boyfriend made me wait for two hours?

#12 Aitah For Not Wanting My Boyfriend To Pick Up His Friends On Our Day Together

So my boyfriend and i have been planning to go to the carnival for a while and now two days before (thursday) he brings up wanting to pick up his friend and friends girlfriend to bring them along. Im already really going out of my comfort zone even going to a carnival and it was supposed to be just me and him. he even offered to pay for both their tickets ($30 each so $60 for both). I ended up telling him no but i feel like a jerk for it i dont know what to do really im not a social person and im already meeting some of his family there too.

NYU Developmental Psychology professor Dr. Niobe Way shared a similar sentiment, focusing on “boy culture,” which she describes as a “cartoon character” of a boy as a person with only a “hard side.”

“Thinking and feeling do not have a gender identity. We have gendered what is human. Boys have a soft side. They have the capacity to be sensitive and caring just like girls and gender nonconforming kids,” she said.

#13 Aita For Joking About Job-Searching With My Boyfriend And Getting Personal About It?

So basically, my boyfriend (19M) and I (19F) are always joking around with one another. I brought up job-searching earlier because I was talking about how I have lots of homework and applications to put in. In other words, I had no time to watch YouTube videos with him like we do on the occasion. He told me that the way I was phrasing employment was similar to how they speak on Sesame Street, which gave me the impression that we were having one of those goofy moments with one another per usual. After declaring the word of the night “job” and making him laugh with it, I brought it up again, probably dragging the humor of it at that point.

After a brief silence, he suddenly started questioning my own dollar amount in my bank account and my job experience with sudden anger. Both of us only have internship and odd job experience, so I told him honestly that I don’t have traditional paid work experience (like McDonald’s or smth) either, but I was definitely eager to find a company that would interview and hire me as their newest recruit. Thinking it was over, I shifted the topic towards my college internships slightly because I thought it would be a common ground to talk about.

He quickly called me “privileged to not have to work” and that I had the luxury of saving my money. Thing is, I’m not “saving my money” now because I have to pay out of pocket for college due to an unusual change of circumstances that I’m still trying to configure now. I won’t be getting my computer to go to university any time soon, and I’ll be lucky if I can even finish my current degree, let alone certificate on the side. He brought up his old tech internship again before calling my earlier joke bs that he didn’t want to hear about anymore.

I told him I wasn’t privileged, that I needed a paying job in order to continue my studies because I’m no longer receiving aid or any external source of income. My mom and her bf are also pushing me to work so I can afford my assets without fafsa reliance, so there’s that too. I also let him know that I deeply didn’t appreciate being labeled as privileged when I might not be able to finish my degree at COMMUNITY COLLEGE LEVEL. Uni is a nightmare for another day, but I struggle enough without falling into endless habits of playing video games for almost half the day. I did take accountability for making broad assumptions about his job-search status and agreed to not discuss job stuff anymore, even if I thought it was detrimental because he complains about being poorer than everyone else, but not wanting to hear about job advice or ways to get certain employers to notice him.

I couldn’t have a decent conversation with him afterwards because we both knew we were still upset about the argument earlier, so we called it a night just to avoid starting another needless argument that didn’t have to occur. This is our first argument in a long time, but I feel like it is more significant now and I can’t get it out of my mind… AITA?

#14 Aita For Asking My Boyfriend To Contribute More?

Me(20f) and my bf(19m) have been living together for over a year now. We’ve always split things mostly 50/50, although there has been times where he’s paid for more than me but overall total wouldn’t have been more than 55/45. We are both students at different universities. I’m in Biochem premed and he’s a business student.

The reason I want him to pay more is because he has significantly more access to more money and resources than I do, he makes more money than I do at work, and I’m currently going through chemotherapy. I make around 1k a month working part time in EMS, and he makes around 2.5-3k a month working full time at a parking lot windshield repair place. We both have access to around 15k in student loans, his tuition is 6.5k and mine is 10k.

Starting in September I’ll be making around 500-800 a month because I’ll barely be able to work and he’s the same. He also has access to a 15k RESP and 10k coming sometime soon from inheritance money. My half of the rent is 880 plus I pay the whole internet bill which is 100 and other expenses I have are my phone bill(100), gas(150), my medication(~250) groceries(200) and tuition but loans will cover that. He has similar expenses except he doesn’t pay the internet and his Mom pays his phone bill and no medication. I’m losing more money than I make every month.

My parents help when they can but it’s rare and it’s usually them asking me for money. I talked to him about this and tried to make him understand and he called me a manipulative liar. We’ve been together for well over four years, we’ve talked about marriage and we’ve been living together for over a year now I wouldn’t be asking him if we just started dating. I’m at a loss on what to do, I’m drowning financially and physically doing terrible and I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep working through my chemotherapy.

He told me he thinks 50/50 is fair and that we’re just roommates and I wouldn’t ask anyone else for this which is true but I thought that since we’ve been together so long he would be more lenient and try and help me. He spends hundreds of dollars a month on fast food and other stuff and despite the fact that he makes so much more than me he has zero money saved. I do all the cleaning, although I’ve been struggling to keep up with it since I’ve been sick, and neither of us really cook often. AITA?

#15 Aita For Being Upset About Boyfriend Giving Me False Hopes About Something I Dreamt Of For Ten Years?

I 21F have been a die hard BTS fan since I was 11. Their music got me through my mother’s passing, and everything following since. Frankly, it was my solace, motivation (I wrote my college essay about their music) and seeing them live had been my dream. I would close my eyes to imagine myself in their concert and would sob every single time, except this summer I was told that I am close to my dream.

My boyfriend 22M insisted on getting me tickets to Chicago when I said I could get tickets in Boston for much cheaper (40 dollars versus 300) or at least pay for my half in Chicago. He told all our friends and families how we are going to the concert in Chicago and I told him to not get my hopes up.

Well he kept talking about how the tickets were super expensive and how he will get them closer to the dates except the prices jumped to 400, 500 and then to 900 hours before the show. I understand how he tried until the last minute and worked extra shifts but I find it so unfair that he gave me false hope for something that meant so much to me.

I am trying to be mature but I never asked him to do this for me in the first place or expected him to splurge for me. AITA for being upset at him for giving me hope?

Toxic masculinity happens in adulthood, often caused by the lack of guidance as children. This is why experts like behavioral science professor Dr. Mark Kiselica encourage exposing boys to healthy masculinity at a young age.

#16 Aita For Not Picking Up My Fiance From Jail?

I(26M) have been with my fiance(27F) for 3 years. I proposed to her last year, and we are in no rush to get married. We are very happy together. I work full-time for an agency, and she works as a cleaner and does babysitting on the side. I am happy that she wants to do something she enjoys.

We live in a very nice apartment that is great for the two of us. We have one cat and a few fish. I do pay most of the rent and she helps out with the grocery shopping and cleaning. I have been noticing that she has been drinking more and it’s affected her work and how she treats everyone around her. She has missed a few job interviews due to the drinking and I am really worried about her. Her parents are both alcoholics. Her brother(29M) and sister(30F) are sober.

I was at work when I received the call that my fiance had been arrested for a DWI. This was about 10:00AM and I was about to go into a meeting. I quickly called her family and asked if they could pick her up. Her brother bailed her out and dropped her off at the apartment. When I got home from work, she starts yelling at me that I was the AH for not bailing her out. I explained to her that I was in a meeting and could not miss it. She stormed into our room and slammed the door. She has been giving me the cold shoulder and her friends think that I am the AH for not being the one to bail her out.

AITA for not picking up my fiance from jail?

#17 Aita For Not Picking Up My Fiance After Work?

My fiance and I just bought a townhome about 30 minutes away from our current apartment. I work from home from 9am-6pm Mon-Fri and she is currently in between jobs. She doesn’t drive so I always drive us which I don’t mind because I get motion sick as a passenger.

So today she Ubers from our apartment to the townhome to let carpet cleaners in then spent some time hanging out with her parents that live in the same development. We just got back from a two week vacation and got very sick with the flu and have felt horrible all week. I’m still fatigued, coughing with a temperature but worked all week including 10 hours today because I don’t have the stones to take sick days after two straight weeks of PTO.

The plan today was for me to take some boxes over from our apartment to the new place after work. We got a huge storm and she told me to wait it out and she didn’t want me driving in it. Fast forward and it’s 9pm, she calls and asked me what I wanted to do. I said “Tbh, I feel terrible and don’t feel comfortable driving 40 minutes round trip after my long workday, would it be ok for you to Uber back here? I’ll pay for it.” Granted, throughout the day she texted me to ask how I’m feeling and to let her know what I wanted to do. With that context I believed I had an option if I wasn’t feeling up to it. After asking her if she could take an Uber back she got really angry because she thought I was going to pick her and that this wasn’t the plan we discussed. I understood that but also told her every 2-3 hours when we texted how awful I felt so this really shouldn’t be a surprise. Further, I said since I don’t have the strength to move those boxes tonight what difference does it make if I drive over to pick you up or if you come back the way you first left with an Uber? She got really upset and said I’m being a bad fiance. Am I the jerk?

#18 Aita For Asking My Fiancé To Drive Slower

Am I (f30) the jerk for asking my fiance (m33) to not drive over 85mph with me in the car because it scares me and makes me feel unsafe?

I get driving anxiety so he drives us almost everywhere we go together which I am so grateful for. However, he tends to drive fast (sometimes without noticing). We live in Southern California around major freeways and see accidents pretty much daily during 10-20 min drives at busy times of day. I worry about when he commutes everyday, but obviously can’t comment on his solo driving.

Am i an jerk for asking him to drive slower when im in the car because that is annoying backseat driver behavior?

“I’ve worked in schools or agency settings where boys are having conversations about a wide variety of topics, including very personal matters, while they’re playing a game. Through game-playing and other action-oriented activities, boys get to know each other intimately, little by little, over time,” he said.

#19 Aita I Wouldn’t Let My Husband Take Our Children Out In The Ocean

We are on a family beach vacation with my (40f) family. The ocean has been extremely rough so much so that when we tried to let the kids (6,5,2) play in the surf at ankle depth they were getting tossed around and we had to go back to the house because it was too much (red flag posted at the beach access which in NC means “A single red flag on North Carolina beaches means a high hazard with dangerous surf conditions and strong, frequent rip currents. Officials strongly advise everyone to stay out of the water because swimming is extremely dangerous.”) We go back out the next day and the red flag is still there. Visibly it’s slightly calmer but not by much. My husband who is a self-admitted “strong swimmer” wanted to take our 6 year old son out in the water past the breakers maybe 10’ out. I said absolutely not and my mom who was also there panicked and said “husbands name absolutely no one is out swimming right now. Do not go out there.”

My husband stormed off the beach. Then came back out and made a big show of swimming in the water. Later that evening he said I disrespected him big time by not letting him teach his son to swim in the water. I said that going out in those conditions was a hard non-negotiable for me for our child’s safety and that no matter how good of a swimmer he was something could happen that even the best of swimmers wouldn’t be a match for. He told me that he had gone out and tested the conditions and he felt it was safe and would never put his son in danger. I said I felt differently about the situation and that I understood he felt it was safe but I did not. Husband is furious with me and feels like I disrespected him. TLDR: AITA for not letting my husband take our 6 year old out in red flag ocean conditions?

#20 Aita For Not Allowing My Husband To Use Shared Break Room For Work?

Background: I rent a single office in a shared space with 4 other offices, all rented to individuals. I signed the lease myself. It’s an office share under my name. We have 1 single break room, and 1 waiting room with 4 chairs. This is a small space. The break room is tiny, with 1 table big enough for two people to sit at maximum.

My husband and I run a business. I am the main person who uses the office because I consult with people, and he answers calls and schedules appointment from home since he was laid off. When I am with people, for privacy reasons I keep my door closed. I am basically meeting with people from 9am-7pm.

My husband once drove me to work, then asked if he could use the break room to write some emails. I agreed. Now whenever he drives me to work he insists on sitting in the break room, for at least 1-2 hours, calling clients and just doing office work until I asked him to leave- I have no idea how long he would have worked himself.

I told him I felt this was not an appropriate use of the very small break room, and to be considerate of other people who need may need to use the room for other purposes. No one has complained to him directly, but he thinks this behavior is acceptable because it says “Staff room” and he’s my staff. I asked him not to do this on a regular basis because it’s inconsiderate.

AITA for asking him not to use the break room as his office on a daily basis? I feel it is selfish and inconsiderate to use the break room like this for several hours every day while I am already with clients.

#21 Aita For Getting After My Husband “Like A Child”?

40 wife and mom of 6 (20 – 2), I was preparing to cook dinner when I realized that we were short on tortillas. I asked my husband (37) if he could put the chicken in the oven while I ran to the store. We usually cook together or take turns cooking so he knows his way around the kitchen.

I returned home to find the kitchen baby-gate open and no husband. I noticed on the counter the remnants of him opening the package of chicken with a pair of children’s scissors. There’s a drawer of utensils (including a knife)underneath the area he left the raw chicken juice covered scissors and trash. The kitchen shears are in the knife block an arm’s length directly behind. He chose to use the pair the kids do homework and crafts with and are kept on the ledge in a pen cup.

When my husband came back into the kitchen, I asked “Why did you use these dirty scissors when there are a million other ways to open the chicken? Why is this mess still sitting here? And the gate was open, Boogie (2) could have been in the kitchen with the oven and stove on, what the heck were you thinking?” He starts screaming at me saying I treat him like trash and he’s not a child. Turns out he was playing a flight simulator video game in the bedroom when I asked him to help, so he was just trying to get back before he crashed.

Am I the a-hole for reacting the way I did or has my husband freaky friday-ed with our 16 yr old?

#22 Aita For Saying It’s My Husband’s Fault

Im 28F he’s 32M. We went to the store and got groceries including a steak. He was getting groceries out of the trunk, he comes inside and just says “the steak leaked” then he just stands there. So i grab paper towels and go out to the car and start wiping it down. As I’m doing that he’s just standing by the garage talking to our neighbor accepting a beer. I then look up and say “why am I the only one cleaning this?” And he just comes to stand next to me and says “idk why you’re getting mad at me”.

He got blood on the sodas, my trunk from one side to the other and the seat and straps of the baby’s stroller. When I got frustrated because the blood wasnt coming out I said “how did you get blood all over the trunk?” And he just keeps repeating “idk, it wasn’t my fault” he has a history of saying nothing is ever his fault and there’s always extenuating circumstances on why nothing is his fault. I said “so the blood just magically went from the steak to everywhere in the trunk” to which he responds “so you’re saying it’s my fault the steak leaked” I just tell him he’s cleaning my trunk and he just repeats he doesn’t know what happened. AITA?

#23 Aita For Expecting My Husband To Stock The Fridge When He’s Currently Under Huge Pressure?

I (36F) came today with out 3 children (10F, 5F, 1M) from a 2 week visit to a family. My husband (38M) stayed behind because he needs to work. At the moment he is working full-time and also in the middle of opening his privat business which is followed with a lot of challenges for him because he is very unorganized and suffers from a bad case of procrastination. That makes this whole process a much more stressful for him.

Anyway, as I said, kids and I came back today. The car ride was almost 10 hours. The whole stay with the family was physically and at times emotionally draining, because my father (66M) and I were most of the times taking care of 6 children (my three and my sister’s three). So I couldn’t wait to come home.

So now is the part which may make me an A-hole. As I finally stepped out of the car the first thing I saw was that my beautiful flowers in front of the door were wilted because he didn’t water them at all (I did told him to do it, but didn’t remind him while I was gone). Inside of the home wasn’t too messy, it wasn’t how I’d do it but I was satisfied. Untill I opened th fridge – almost nothing to eat, lot of rotten vegetables, no water (I only drink cold bottle water). I went to our guest room where my father (who drove us back) should sleep, it was such a mess there that you could barely walk into the room. Our storage room was also a mess. Our couch in the living room was dirty because he obviously put his dirty feet on it.

I didn’t say anything but I noticed it all. He did cook a really nice lunch for us and cleaned kitchen after.

But the breaking point came when I asked him to make dinner for the girls because I needed to put out 12 months old to sleep. Then I heard him decline every suggestion the girls made, because he didn’t buy bread or milk (we live in Germany, today is Sunday and everything is closed). I made a comment that it’s really disappointing that we came home to an empty fridge and that tomorrow I’m left with 3 children and no options for breakfast, that making lunch was a bare minimum. He got upset and sad that my lack of appreciation is disappointing, because I know under how much stress he is and that I should give him some grace because the kitchen and living room were clean and the lunch was made.

Additional info – I’m taking one more year off work (so 2 years total) to be with our youngest. My husband’s upcoming business should keep the roof over our heads, even though it’s extremely unlikely that the business will fail, we don’t know how long it’ll take for it to generate enough money. Our whole livelihood is on his back right now.

So AITA for making this comment and expecting him to stock the fridge when he’s currently under huge pressure?

#24 Aita For Refusing To Get A Second Job Because My Husband Wants To Finish Our House Faster?

I’m 38F and my husband is 42M. We are currently building our house together. Neither of us wants to take out a bank loan, so we save money and build in stages. Basically, when we have enough money for the next part, we do it.

We both work and we both contribute financially. The difference is that my husband is a complete workaholic. He works, comes home, sleeps, and then works again. He seems to genuinely enjoy living this way because he is very focused on getting the house finished.

I work 40 hours a week. When I get home, I actually like having a life. I crochet, watch Netflix, see friends, etc. I also do most of the housework. I do all the grocery shopping and clean the whole house. We both cook, but pretty much everything else household-related falls on me.

Recently my husband told me that he thinks I should get a mini-job/part-time job after my regular job. His reasoning is that we could save more money and therefore build the house faster. I said no.

This is where we are having an argument. He thinks I’m being selfish because he is working so hard for our future and I’m spending my evenings doing hobbies and watching TV instead of earning more money.

I told him that I already work 40 hours a week, contribute to the house financially, and take care of the majority of the household chores. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want some time in the evening that belongs to me.

His response was basically that if the house is our shared goal, then I should be willing to make sacrifices for it. My response is that we aren’t actually in a hurry to finish the house( I mean not in 2-3 years anyway).

There is no deadline. We don’t have to move in by a certain date. We deliberately chose not to get a bank loan because we wanted to avoid financial pressure. I’m perfectly happy with the house taking longer if it means I can have a normal life while we’re building it.

My husband thinks that since he is willing to work himself into the ground to get the house finished, I should be willing to do more too. I don’t think his decision to work constantly means I have to do the same.

At the same time, I can understand why he feels frustrated. From his perspective, he is making a huge sacrifice for something that belongs to both of us, while I’m choosing to spend my free time on hobbies. So now I’m wondering if I’m being selfish.

AITA for refusing to get a second job when my husband is working constantly to help us finish our hours faster, even though I’m happy to take longer to build it?

#25 Aita For Asking Husband To Not Tag Along On Family Visit?

My husband regularly visits his mother without me for context. My family lives further away (less than 2 hour drive) and I decided this weekend to visit on Saturday. He typically has Saturday morning plans that are solo so I didn’t plan around them. I thought it would be nice if I had time on my own. For additional context, during a recent argument, he told me my family makes him uncomfortable with hugging as they are big huggers and he doesn’t like it. (We have been together for almost 30 years and he had never asked me to ask them not to do so or said anything to them himself). He decided to forgo his plans for Saturday and tag along when I told him my plans. I asked him to keep his plans so I could have solo time with my family and he was butt hurt about it. My exact words were “Hey, I was thinking you should keep your plans and I will visit without you. I’d like to just hang out with them solo like you do with your mom”

#26 Aita Not Doing More To Help Out My Husbsand?

My (43f) husband Jim (48m) has a super stressful job. Its not unusual for him to still be responding to emails at 11pm or wake up to respond at 4am before getting ready to go to work. I know he’s an incredibly hard worker and very goal and career oriented. I respect and appreciate how hard he works to provide for our family and ensure our older kids, who are out of the house, to finish college debt free.

I’m a sahm to our 2 youngest, a 12yo boy and 3yo boy. Our 12yo is homeschooled because of medical needs. He’s immunocompromised, has arfid, chronic migraines and cyclic vomiting. The 3yo is just a crazy toddler. My day to day consists of taking care of the boys and school for my 12yo, cleaning the house, cooking, laundry once a week, running any errands needed, managing all the bills and finances, and managing Jim’s emotions when he comes home.

At home, Jim’s responsibilities are laundry once a week, mowing/weed eating the yard, and fixing things when they need it.

We both schedule our own car maintenance when needed.

Jim is asking me to take his time of laundry off his plate because he feels he has enough to deal with already between his job and the yard. He says he never gets time to unwind and me taking his share of laundry over would give him some time to himself for a few hours a week. (Even when he does the laundry I’m still the one to fold and put it away.)

I don’t disagree that self care time is important, and I wish I had that, too. So far I’ve declined taking over Jim’s laundry day simply because I feel like I also have plenty on my plate already.

(Jim does take the boys out to breakfast once a month to give me time to do a little deep cleaning on my own without tripping of our 3yo)

#27 Aita For Wanting My Husband To Sell His Boat?

My husband bought a 40k boat 5 years ago, just a week before we met so it’s technically his boat and I don’t believe I have much of a say but we’re married now and it’s been draining our bank account.

It seems like every year there’s something wrong with it and he has to pay to get it fixed. This summer, the engine broke when he used it for the first time and he’s been trying to fix it for the past couple of months. He doesn’t want to pay someone to fix it so he’s trying to do it himself and there’s missing parts and a hole somewhere so it’s just been a huge mess. He’s just been so busy trying to get it fixed and worrying about it, it’s stressing both of us out. We also have a baby and he’s trying to hard to fix it so the baby can go on it but it’s taking time away from him spending time with her.

I know it’s his pride and joy and he works so hard on it but it’s just not the right time for it right now with a new house and a new baby. We can’t afford it and he knows that but he’s just too stubborn. I keep telling him to sell it and put the money in a separate bank account and we can buy a new, better boat in a few years once the baby is older and we have some money saved up.

Am I the jerk for wanting him to sell it? It’s taking time away from his family and draining our bank. Fuel also costs thousands and we just can’t afford it now and just having it stored somewhere costs thousands a year so it’s not worth it but he doesn’t want to let it go.

TL;DR I want my husband to sell his boat because It’s taking time away from his family and draining our bank.

#28 Aita For Asking My Husband For The Gift Money

I (30F) had visited shopping with my Husband (32M). There I really liked 3 dress and I bought them for myself though it was expensive. My husband said he liked one of them specifically and said it’s a gift from him ( the most expensive one). On our way back home he told his mother specifically that this dress (for which he had not paid yet) was a gift from him to me. Later I said why would he tell all the details to his mother especially if he hasn’t paid me the amount yet.

He said he will send me the amount In a day / next day by evening. He did not. I reminded him to send me the money. He got very upset saying I don’t trust him and gave me extra money saying keep the original amount with interest! But the total amount which he gave me was still 500 rupees lesser than the original price. I said he doesn’t need to take the credit for the gift if he can’t pay for it. Am I the jerk?

#29 Aita For Asking My Husband To Talk To His Brother About His Lack Of Hand Washing After Using The Bathroom?

My brother in law comes over to our house and consistently doesn’t wash his hands after using the bathroom. I brought up to my husband about how uncomfortable this makes me and he told me to deal with it if I don’t like it. He acts pissed off anytime I bring it up to him as if I’m the one doing the act so it’s a touchy subject. I’ve confronted my brother in law once about a different thing in the past and he responded with anger towards me so the thought of bringing something else up to him makes me nervous.

#30 Aita For Being Resentful Towards My Husband And In Laws In This Situation

AITA in this case?
Hi this is my first time ever doing this so please bear with me. My husband and I been married for 6 years and we have a 1 year old.

My husband and I both contributed for last 5 years towards our savings but I quit my job after I had our baby.

So we have a joint savings account but since I can’t contribute anymore we can’t save anymore.

Recently my husband’s disabled mom decided to finally get a divorce from her horrible husband. FIL has been financially controlling towards MIL so she didn’t gave funds to pay for a lawyer and my husband decided to cover all of it hoping that whenever she gets her share, my husband will get it back, which is looking highly unlikely lately because of how the case is going.

So our savings are disappearing day by day, and my husband decided to move back in with MIL to save money on rent, but the relationship is very very toxic since they constantly fight and my SIL lives there too and she smokes (my) all day long and the house has mold and and in no condition to be bringing the baby. Every argument I bring my husband brings up the fact that I’m not working and not contributing. I can’t keep up with the way he fight it always gets ugly. But I can’t also work because he categorically refuses daycare idea. He always says that my parents should come and watch him, which is impossible cuz they’re in different country and not in the right health. I’m in a pickle. Even if I leave I don’t want judge to give my husband custody, since the issues in the house and toxicity and I have no proof. What would you do in this case ?

#31 Aita For Asking My Husband To Get Up With Baby Before Work

I ask my husband a few days a week to get up with our 7 month old baby from 7a-8a before he works (from home). Mind you, almost every day that I don’t wake him up he doesn’t wake up for work on time so he’d normally be sleeping during this time anyways. He gives me push back every time saying that he “needs to get ready for work.” And I say, you were sleeping anyways and I get very broken sleep with the baby all night, never waking my husband up at night. I said I’d love if you took the baby by choice these mornings to do something nice for me. And he said we both need to do nice things for each other then. Which, okay sure. I told him I’m not feeling appreciated to which he scoffed. I exclusively breastfeed, am currently eating dairy and soy free for baby’s allergies, and work as a nurse 2, 12 hour shifts a week. He does A LOT with our kids and things are usually about 50/50. This is our third child so he takes the older two (who aren’t always easy to get to bed but sleep through the night). I’m conflicted typing this out because I see his perspective and he is usually right about EQ things, I have more issues with mental health and usually have to apologize for being mean or in the wrong, but I do feel like I’m right on this one. AITA?

#32 Aita For Wanting My Husband To Get A Flight With Me To Visit Our Country Together?

Me and my husband are going to visit our home country again after two years. I have two fewer weeks of vacation than he does so i can’t go longer than two weeks. We also have two dogs.
I wanted to book my ticket early so I could get a better price and avoid having to wait for him, because my husband always leaves everything until the last minute, and in the past I’ve ended up paying two or three times more for tickets just because I waited for him. He told me he’d rather book later, even if that meant paying more.
I asked him several times to confirm that he was definitely coming, and he told me yes.

Yesterday, while I was asleep, he booked his ticket — and it turns out he’s going to travel before me and come back after me.

So I’m going to spend Christmas alone, and I’ll also have to take the dogs to the dog sitter by myself and pick them up by myself.

Am I overreacting for feeling hurt about this?

#33 Aita For Mentioning How Dirty The Kitchen Is When I Get Home Rather Than Kissing My Husband First

Today my husband got mad at me because instead of walking in and giving him a kiss, I got home and immediately mentioned the fact that we had a sink full of his dishes that could’ve gone into the dishwasher that I went out of my way to unload last night so he didn’t have to. (He never puts his dishes in the dishwasher. He always leaves them in the sink even when the dishwasher is empty. He’ll purposely keep piling up the dishes in the sink instead of just unloading the dishwasher. It takes like 5 minutes.)

My husband seems to not do anything when he’s left home to care for our baby and I’m at my wits end. For insight, my husband and I both work full time but since we both work 4 10s we are also able to stay home during the week with baby. (Trying to avoid daycare) Anytime my husband stays home with him, I come home to a mess. Dirty clothes, diapers, and bottles everywhere. Kitchen full of dirty dishes and milk bags even though our trash can works and the dishwasher is free. I get so frustrated because my husband never comes homes to a house left the way he leaves it for me. And we’ve had talks about it, I just don’t know what else to do. I thought maybe it’s because the baby is giving him a hard time. But, he told me our baby is a great baby so Im confused as to what’s preventing him from simply cleaning up after himself. I’m so frustrated. Im four months postpartum, juggling a full time job plus mandatory overtime twice a month, breastfeeding/pumping, a baby, and cleaning up after myself and a grown man. I feel like I’m going crazy. So am I really the jerk?

#34 Aita For Telling My Husband He Can’t Do Laundry When He Asked

We are at a stage in our life where we have a biweekly house cleaner come in to help us stay on top of things. To ensure that the bed sheets are changed I declared the washing machine off limits on the morning the cleaner comes so that we can strip the bed before leaving the house. My husband decided that it’s most effective for him to wait until that same morning to throw his entire pile of laundry in the machine.

He thinks he’s helping because that means his side of the bed is clean. I haven’t been able to get this worked out even though I’ve been consistent about suggesting he plan his laundry earlier in the week so that the only thing that can’t be washed early (because we are sleeping on it) is what gets cleaned the day the bed gets made.

At some point I gave up on reiterating this logic, and later on he also started asking if he could wash his clothes on the cleaning day each week. Today he asked and I said no, I wanted use the washer for my stuff. Which was partially sarcasm, I meant for our shared bed sheets.

He didn’t believe me when I said the point was that he was never supposed to wash his clothes on this one morning and now believes I was just selfishly telling him no so I could wash my clothes (I don’t have anything to wash).

I want him to feel a little perspective about how our house is managed and realize he was interrupting what could be a smooth morning when he has six other mornings where no one is trying to use the washing machine. I could have just plainly spoken my reason but that has never worked before. I felt a little sarcasm was in order. So…aita?

#35 Aita For Asking My Husband To Tell Me Where He’s Going?

My husband sometimes goes off to rest in our room. The problem is, he doesn’t TELL me he’s doing this, and so I’ll be sitting around waiting for him to re-emerge from what I assume is the bathroom. Then he won’t re-emerge, and I’ll go off and look for him, and find him laying in our bed looking at his phone. I should mention that usually we spend our leisure time in the same room when we’re both at home and usually it involves watching a show together, whereas if I’m by myself I usually read a book or watch something different that he wouldn’t want to watch. And if he’s doing something else like working on something in the study or anything hat’ll take more than 5 minutes, he usually DOES tell me what he’s doing, so this is a bit of an outlier.

I should also mention that he does a lot around the house and is a good partner – legitimately does at least as much of the life admin as I do. This is not a “my husband is lazy and sleeps in our room all the time” issue so don’t even go there Reddit.

One day I got annoyed with him about this, and asked that he let me know if he’s going to lay down so I can just do my own thing rather than be semi twiddling my thumbs expecting that he’ll get back and we’ll do something together. I should also mention that we have a baby, so I do also like to know if he’s not coming back any time soon to help me wrangle her. Again, he does plenty of baby-wrangling, so that’s not the issue.

He says that it’s not hard to find him when he does this and thinks it’s a weird household rude to announce his minor comings and goings. I think it’s mildly rude to disappear without telling me where he’s going, even it’s in the house, because it changes what I’m doing with my time if he’s going to be gone for a while doing his own thing versus just taking a dump or taking out the trash or something.

#36 Aita For Not Celebrating My Husband Birthday “Enough”

Neither of us grew up celebrating our bdays, but we still do a simple desert+dinner+card combo.

This year it just so happened his birthday is also the same day as my close friend’s wedding, (he knew this, we were BOTH invited to the wedding). Ive been helping with this wedding as well, so his birthday did slip my mind BUT we still did the usual combo we always do.

But this time he complained that he didnt like how much more effort I was putting into my friends wedding vs his birthday. So not only did we do the usual combo, but the day after I also logged off work early and we went wine tasting and thrift shopping.

Now hes saying that he still thinks im not celebrating him enough and wants both of us to take TEN DAYS OFF and go on a road trip with just us. I suggest that we can do 7 days, and maybe he can spend the first 3 days doing whatever he wants solo, and he had a huge meltdown over it.

He says Im always prioritizing work and other people and not him.

Both of us work full time, both our parents are elderly, we have a 3yo, and a mortgage to pay.

We already went on a week long trip to Singapore earlier this year, and have been doing a lot of home projects together every weekend.

I think 7 days off is just as valuable as 10?

#37 Aitah For Sulking At My Husband’s Dinner Treat?

My husband treated me to dinner to celebrate finding a job after more than 5 years of depending on me financially.

It was nothing fancy, but in the middle of dinner, I tipped over my drink and the first thing he said was “that was an expensive drink”. No napkins for me whatsoever. Then he went to the bar and said, “She spilled the drink! She spilled the drink! She hasnt had a sip and she spilled the drink!” The staff told him that it will be an additional order to while he replied, “it is what it is.”

Then when the new drink came, he snickered, “Let’s hope she doesn’t spill it this time.”

I wanted to walk out of the restaurant, but alas! I’m recovering from stroke and in a wheelchair.

Tell me, Reddit. Am I the jerk?

#38 Aita For Using My Husband’s Car To Drive Contractors?

My husband and I car pool to work. We use his car–which is a newer car (2024). Last week it came back from the shop again after another unexpected repair, this time to the air conditioner. On the day in question I dropped him off and then I headed to work. For the last several weeks my office has been working with new contractors. This was their first in-person day. When contractors come to the office, we usually go out to lunch. I mentioned to my husband the day before that I was going to go to lunch with the contractors, but didn’t explicitly state I was driving them. I drove two of them in my husband’s car. One of them was tall–like over 6 ft. I said he may need to move the passenger seat back to be able to sit comfortably. He did. When we got back to the office, he didn’t to move the seat back to the original position.

The next day my husband got in the passenger seat and noticed that the seat was moved further back. He asked why the seat was moved, and I told him the contractor moved it. He seemed to get annoyed the seat was moved because (a) he didn’t know I’d be driving two people who I just met in person in his car (2) the one guy moved the passenger seat back and didn’t return it to the original position and (3) it was an invasion of of personal space.

I apologized to my husband. I also said I would (a) take my car when there was any possibility of driving anyone and (b), if I had his car again, and a similar situation arises, that I would carpool with someone else. He says that is not feasible as you can’t always know when or if you may have people in the car. He says now he has to be as prepared possible because he doesn’t believe me when I mentioned (a) and (b) above, even though we agreed to it last week.

This week, he cleaned the car, bought new floor mats, and removed various personal items from car. He feels that if an unknown number of strangers are going to be shuttled around in the car an unknown number of times then the car needs to be cleaned and prepared for a greater number of contingencies. He has also considered purchasing a spare tire, additional insurance, and placing cameras in the car for safety and to head off potential lawsuits. He has not asked me to limit the number or type of people I drive in any way. Instead, he feels he needs to over-prepare for every possibility. He seemed to be very annoyed with me this evening because he is mad about last week. I explained that I think he may be blowing this out proportion and that if this happened to another 100 people, he would be the only only to react this way.

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