You might want to love your in-laws just as much as you love your own parents, but that’s just not realistic for everyone. Your mother-in-law may make snide comments about how you discipline your children, and your father-in-law might feel the need to challenge your political beliefs during every holiday gathering. So it’s important to know when to say enough is enough.
One soon-to-be mom shared a story on Reddit detailing how she blew up at her mother-in-law for taking it upon herself to declutter her home. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies readers have shared.
This soon-to-be mom is well aware of her mother-in-law’s controlling tendencies
Image credits: Gpointstudio/Envato (not the actual photo)
So when her mother-in-law took it upon herself to declutter her home, the expecting mom decided that was the final straw
Image credits: NewJadsada/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: NoMaybe3163
It’s common for married women to butt heads with their in-laws
If you’re married, it’s probably safe to assume that your wedding day was one of the most exciting days of your life. Finally, you and your partner got to declare your love for one another in front of all your friends and family and make your relationships officially legally binding. And with that arrangement, you also accepted all of your spouse’s relatives into your own family, for better or worse.
If you have a great relationship with your in-laws, you were probably thrilled to have another mother, father, brother or sister. But if you’re not a fan of them, you may have just signed up for a lifetime worth of uncomfortable holidays and gatherings. And if you happen to feel more like the latter, you’re certainly not alone. According to The Washington Post, about 60% of married women admit that their mother-in-law causes them stress.
And oddly enough, having a great relationship with your in-laws doesn’t necessarily mean that your marriage is in a wonderful place. Research by sociologist Terri L. Orbuch found that women who reported being on good terms with their partner’s parents after being married for one year were actually 20% more likely to get divorced than other couples. This might be because it’s uncomfortable for men when their partners talk about everything with their parents.
Image credits: Євгенія Височина/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Mother and daughter-in-laws often have differing views on how close they are
It’s also common, however, for mother and daughter-in-laws to disagree on how great their relationship is. According to the book In-Law Relationships: Mothers, Daughters, Fathers, and Sons by Geoffrey L. Greif and Michael E. Woolley, about a third of mother-in-laws believe that they’re close with their daughter-in-laws. Yet only 18% of the younger women reported the same level of closeness.
At the same time, 42% of mother-in-laws said that they admired their daughter-in-law, while less than a quarter of wives said that they admired their spouse’s mom. Over a third of mother-in-laws enjoy spending time with their daughter-in-laws, and only 22% of the younger women were eager to spend time with their spouse’s mother. Half of mother-in-laws also say that they trust their son’s spouse, while less than a quarter of wives would say the same about their mother-in-law.
As far as why these discrepancies occur, Greif told TODAY that a lot of it is due to wishful thinking on the mother-in-law’s part. “You go into this relationship assuming the best and not assuming the worst — that’s a form of wishful thinking… I think that’s a really good and positive thing. Mothers-in-law really want to make this work,” he explained.
It’s important for moms to be open-minded and respectful towards their daughter-in-laws
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
But unfortunately, it takes more than just hoping things will work out to cultivate a great relationship with your in-laws. The BBC explains that raising children is a common source of tension between moms and their mother-in-laws, as grandmothers are the most likely to start helping and showing support once a baby comes along. Along with their help often comes unsolicited advice, and they can sometimes be too imposing with their beliefs and opinions, especially when they expect their grandchildren to be raised a certain way.
It’s not always easy to maintain a healthy relationship between in-laws, but Gransnet provides some tips for any grandmothers who want to be on good terms with their daughter-in-laws. First, they recommend treating them like you would your own daughter. Be open-minded, trustworthy and approachable. But understand that it can take a long time to build a strong relationship; it’s okay if it doesn’t happen immediately. Don’t try to force it.
It’s also best to accept the flaws and respect the opinions of your daughter-in-law. Just like with your own children, you’re not going to agree on everything. And that’s okay! Just try not to create unnecessary conflict, and don’t sweat the small stuff.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda piece discussing in-law drama, look no further than right here!
Later, the woman responded to a couple of readers and provided more background information
Many readers took the expecting mom’s side, noting that she had every right to set boundaries with her mother-in-law
The post Woman Tries To Help Pregnant DIL And Declutters Her Home, Gets Kicked Out For It first appeared on Bored Panda.
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