Healthy romantic relationships require lots of consistent effort to make them work. It’s unfair if it’s just you who’s trying to make things work. But sometimes, after so many years together, it’s hard to admit that your significant other might always have been a walking red flag.
In a series of raw online posts, a woman chronicled how her toxic husband kept leaving her and then trying to worm his way back into her life—over and over and over again. The woman asked the ‘Relationship Advice’ community for help, and netizens rushed to support her. Scroll down for the full saga about how this woman reclaimed her life.
Trust, respect, and good communication are fundamental in healthy relationships
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This woman turned to the internet for help after opening up about her husband’s repeatedly toxic and unstable behavior
Image credits: Gabriel Ponton (not the actual photo)
Image source: Suspicious-Rock-1661
Controlling tendencies, disrespect, dishonesty, and gaslighting are just a few main relationship red flags
Recognizing relationship red flags is easier to do when you’re looking at strangers, instead of thinking about you and your partner. We all have blind spots where our loved ones are concerned. And when you’ve been with your significant other for years and years, some glaring problems might not be as obvious to you as to your family and friends.
Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, care, love, and affection by their partner. If it’s just one person who’s doing all of the hard work in the relationship, while their partner has completely checked out, keeps sending mixed signals, or keeps criticizing them, it’s completely unfair to them.
From the information that the woman shared about her soon-to-be ex-husband, it seems like he exhibits numerous problematic behaviors, from controlling tendencies, low emotional intelligence, and a lack of self-regulation to substance misuse, manipulation, mistrust, and a lack of honesty. It’s painful to imagine anyone in his wife and kids’ situation. The man likely needs long-term help from a therapist, spanning years, if he’s ever to change.
As Verywell Mind explains, relationships often grow, change, and sometimes fall apart over time. “A relationship might be mostly healthy when things are going well, but the addition of stressors can create strain. People may respond by falling back on unhealthy coping mechanisms or by engaging in behaviors that are ultimately harmful to the health of their relationships.”
Some of the main red flags of unhealthy relationships include the following behaviors: control, blame, disrespect, betrayal, dishonesty, drama, fear, gaslighting, guilt, isolation, intimidation, jealousy, poor communication, unhappiness, financial dishonesty, stress, negativity, and ridicule.
Other signs that should set off anyone’s inner alarm bells are indications of verbal, emotional, physical, or mental violence.
Broadly speaking, in unhealthy relationships, a toxic individual might try to control their partner’s life through manipulation or intimidation. They might try to isolate you from your family and friends, cut off your access to finances or communication, or make it difficult for you to leave them.
Poor communication and over-the-top anger are unhealthy. They indicate that your significant other has much room for personal growth
They might be overly jealous or possessive, trying to control what you do and who you meet, checking your phone or possessions without permission, and being upset if they can’t reach you. They may also accuse you of infidelity out of nowhere.
These toxic partners are often disrespectful toward their significant others. For example, they might be dismissive of them or ridicule their opinions or interests. On top of that, they are very poor communicators.
“Unhealthy relationships are often marked by patterns of ineffective communication. This might involve not talking about problems, avoiding difficult issues, expecting the other person to be a mind reader, not listening, getting defensive, or stonewalling in order to avoid confronting problems in the relationship,” Verywell Mind stresses.
“Communication style has been shown to be a key predictor of divorce and has more of an impact than commitment, stress, and personality when it comes to marital success.”
In the meantime, WebMD warns that other major relationship red flags include over-the-top anger, chronic dishonesty, isolation, and blurry boundaries.
For example, anger is a fairly normal human reaction. Every human being feels this emotion. However, someone who is emotionally unhealthy might lash out when they get frustrated over the tiniest things. Or they might use anger to make their partner fear them, thus controlling them.
Meanwhile, if your significant other is frequently dishonest about things like who they’re texting and who they’re meeting, it is an indication that they might not trust or respect you. “If your partner seems to skirt around the truth, hide large parts of their life from you, or refuse to make your relationship public, these are big red flags,” WebMD states.
Toxic partners also try to isolate their significant others, while healthy individuals encourage you to pursue your own goals, dreams, and interests. Another massive red flag to keep an eye out for is if the individual has blurry emotional, physical, and financial boundaries.
What are your thoughts, dear Pandas? What would you do if your long-term partner suddenly decided to leave you, out of nowhere, only to come back, then dump you, and repeat that again and again? How do you protect your boundaries, peace, and well-being in romantic relationships? Let us know in the comments.
Many internet users rushed to support the woman. Here are some of the main pieces of advice they gave her
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Later, the woman shared an important update about her marriage situation
Image credits: Victoria Romulo (not the actual photo)
Image source: Suspicious-Rock-1661
Here’s how various people reacted to the update
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The author then wrote a follow-up post to inform her supporters of what’s been happening
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This is what netizens had to say after reading it
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In a final update, the woman revealed what things are like now that everything has calmed down
Image credits: Colin + Meg (not the actual photo)
Image source: Suspicious-Rock-1661
People were overjoyed with the surprisingly positive ending
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