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Empathy allows you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and see the world from their perspective. However, that’s easier said than done. Because of their limited life experience, some people have huge blind spots related to the challenges that others face. Every. Single. Day.

In a series of online threads, the women of the internet got real and revealed the tough daily problems that they have to deal with that many guys are simply clueless about. Keep scrolling to get their perspective on the toughest parts of being female.

#1

Pregnancy and birth [mess] you up, often forever. Just because it’s natural does not mean it’s not debilitating. Cyanide is also natural.

Pregnancy/postpartum hormones range from nonexistent to 180* personality change. Much like with teenage hormones you don’t get to pick where you fall on that spectrum and you don’t even know it’s happened to you.

And pregnancy has lasting effects. Your rib cage, hips and feet may all get bigger. No amount of weight loss will change the size of your new bone spread.

Your ligaments may never be right again. They may stay loose permanently, which means acid reflux, urinary incontinence or inability to fully empty your bladder, your abs may never get back together leaving you with a permanent pooch and all the ligaments in your joints may stay loose so that joint injuries are more common and make it much more difficult to work out.

Your period may not be the same as before pregnancy. Your response to medication, specifically birth control, may not be the same.

You may develop incurable insomnia or at the very least the inability to sleep more than 5 consecutive hours at a time.

And my personal favorite. Your [privates] might fall out. That’s right guys, as many as one in five women have a prolapse due to childbirth.

Oh. And women aren’t born knowing how to parent. We learn on the job. We’re no better than you are so get out of bed and change some dirty diapers or comfort your crying child.

#2

My hair will literally end up EVERYWHERE, and there’s not a [darn] thing I can do to control. It just sheds.

#3

Period pain can be debilitating to the point of being bedbound.

LesTroisChats:

I used to have cramps that were so painful I’d have to stop walking when they hit and breathe through them like labour pains. I’d be bed-bound 1-2 days per month with pain meds and my heating pad. My bleeding was so bad that my haemoglobin and hematocrits levels were half of what they should’ve been. I finally got a hysterectomy last year and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

While some people are naturally more social, attuned to other people’s wants and needs, and better at reading and perceiving emotions, your emotional intelligence can be improved with practice. In other words, with enough practice, you can learn to be more empathetic.

However, you can’t fake authentic concern for long. You genuinely have to care about other people and their problems, not just creating the appearance that you do.

In a nutshell, empathetic people are compassionate, good communicators, sensitive, great at reading others, have strong intuition, and you’d probably describe them as warm-hearted.

On the flip side, non-empathetic individuals have low emotional intelligence, are awful communicators, are insensitive, struggle to understand others, and have poor intuition. You’d likely call these people cold-hearted (though probably not to their faces).

#4

You can’t hold in a period.

#5

That women develop strategies for dealing with potentially dangerous men as part of our navigation of the world as a naturally physically weaker and that it has a LOT of bearing on how we conduct our lives.

Imagine if you lived in a world where 50% of the population could physically subdue you and not by some thin margin either.

Add that to the predatory nature of a small percentage of that population.

Most won’t be like that, of course, but you have to be HYPER aware of any hint or warning sign because your chances of survival could depend on it.

Knowing that within this population there are literally remorseless [criminals] who betray only very nuanced hints that they are as dangerous as they really are- your brain becomes hardwired for pattern recognition and you have to be consistently on the lookout.

Yea guys get mugged. Yes they get beat up and worse. I am not minimizing that experience.

But there is something so supremely vile about the knowledge that within the Male population there are literally people who HATE the fact that you are the sex that you are and see you as a lesser being and something to be controlled, punished and consumed.

#6

That unwanted attention from a man feels the same to a female as unwanted male attention does to a straight male. It is not “worse” for a straight guy to be hit on by a guy. Whether it’s flirting, cat calling, harassment, or groping, it is literally the same feeling we get when it happens to us. Doesn’t matter if we are attracted to men in general, if it’s someone we don’t want attention from, I promise you that it is every bit as bad for us as it is for you. Arguably it is worse because usually we are weaker physically and less able to defend ourselves.

You won’t become a highly emotionally intelligent and empathetic person overnight. Real behavioral change takes weeks, months, and years. But it’s worth it in the end. After all, you’ll have to interact with other human beings for the rest of your life. So, you might as well get good at fundamentally human behaviors like communication and reading others’ motivations, body language, emotions, etc.

If you think your empathy skills could use some work, there are a few specific things that you can do to improve. Verywell Mind suggests that you start by paying more attention to people’s nonverbal cues and body language. These details can give you a ton of information about how someone is feeling and what they might be thinking.

#7

Just because I’m on my period doesn’t mean I’m upset for no reason or that I wouldn’t be upset off my period or that my feelings are invalid.

#8

Emotional labor – having to remember all the tasks in a family is work in itself. Having to remember birthdays, set up appointments, ask your partner to clean something, basically being the house manager is so exhausting. So many men just say “well why doesn’t my wife just ask for help?”, not realizing that simply having to constantly ask and keep track of things is exhausting and not innate for many women.

#9

I just want to be friends.

Another thing that you can do to ‘level up’ your empathy is to practice active listening. This is an area where many people could stand to improve! To put it bluntly, if all you’re doing in a conversation is waiting for your turn to talk about what matters to you, there’s room for improvement.

“Active listening involves fully focusing on what the other person is saying verbally and nonverbally. When actively listening, you should be trying to understand what the person is saying and how they feel, rather than just waiting for your turn to speak,” Verywell Mind explains.

Other behaviors to embrace for the sake of better empathy are things like actively trying to understand the other person’s perspective, motivations, and feelings. This means setting your ego and assumptions aside so that your biases don’t shape how you view the other person.

On top of that, it’s helpful if you express that you understand how the other person feels. That being said, don’t dismiss their experiences by instantly comparing their situation to what you or someone else has been through.

#10

Women are expected to put up with discomfort in order to “be kind” since childhood and it adversely affects the ability to enforce boundaries.

#11

That when we share a problem with you, we may not be asking you to fix it for us.

Commisserate, provide emotional support. A hug when I’m upset goes a long way. Then offer suggestions if she seems open to them.

#12

Not men in general, but for the ones who do this: Cat-calling is *not* a compliment. I know many of the guys who do it think it’s one, and it’s nearly impossible to reason with them. Women do not find it flattering the vast majority of the time. I only put a disclaimer because if never fails that someone will try to undermine this by saying “well *I* like it” and it kinda spoils what I’m trying to say. No matter your intentions, it comes off creepy as hell. Please do not cat-call.

What are the biggest challenges that women face every day that you wish everyone knew about?

Realistically, what could be done to improve self-awareness and empathy, and reduce people’s knowledge blind spots, no matter their gender?

What are the biggest daily problems you have to deal with that you’d like everyone to know about?

Share your insights in the comments.

#13

That plenty of us don’t care about being attractive to men and that there’s nothing wrong with us for not caring. E.g. female bodybuilders aren’t under the misunderstanding that most men are attracted to extremely muscled women. It’s not why they do it.

#14

How not being able to find something to wear gives me genuine anxiety and when I say I have nothing to wear it’s actually based on the fact that I am not emotionally prepared or confident enough to wear the clothes that I own right now!

#15

The feeling of being outside alone at night and tightly gripping your purse when you see a man walking behind you.

#16

When we say “misogyny” or “toxic masculinity” we are referring to societal standards that hurt both men and women. Toxic masculinity is the idea that men always have to be strong, stoic, which hurts men, who also have emotions. Toxic masculinity also refers to the idea that men are “breadwinners”, while women do domestic chores, which hurt women who want to pursue male-dominated careers.

However, toxic masculinity does not mean all men are toxic – both genders (or just all people) are flawed in different ways. Toxic masculinity is not a personal flaw but a systemic and cultural one.

#17

That the smallest things really matter. If she can’t trust you with something small, then definitely she won’t with something big or more serious. It’s the little thing that matters. Every little act of affection and thoughtfulness, those are the significant things.

#18

Difference between feminism and misandry, and significance of feminism.
Some guys do exist who understand.
Some just understand the literal meaning but their actions don’t depict it. A lot of them don’t even realise it when they’re contradicting what they’re saying.
Then some other are there who would never wanna understand.

#19

Safety concerns. Men can’t fathom having to carefully consider your personal safety constantly. My brother has hitchhiked, slept on the beach for fun, lived in rough neighborhoods, walks everywhere at night, parties with random people he meets, and basically goes wherever he wants. He tried to shame our sister for not moving to Australia to a precarious living situation with no money, because she should “seize the day”.

#20

That not all women are the same.

Some have light and easy periods without pain, other ones have to change their tampons every thirty minutes or otherwise they would spread an amount of blood every slaughterhouse would envy.

Some getting a lot of help from hormonal birthcontrol, others could be driven right into depression and absurd physical Problems,too.

Never EVER talk your girlfriends Problems down because “but my ex/sister/whoever never had that problem”.

#21

Telling me to calm down and acting like I’m being a typical “emotional woman” when I’m upset does not make me less upset. In fact it just pisses me off more and it makes me feel invisible and worthless.

#22

Consent.

#23

You will never face a fraction of the criticism, hatred, and judgement I face after having an abortion even if you paid for half of it. All the stigma surrounding it alone makes it traumatic and can result in some mental/emotional damage. There’s no possible way you can understand what we’re going through.

#24

Cultural expectations. I’m expected to give my in-laws grand children. Cook. Clean. Scrub my SO’s cuffs and collars. Put him on a pedestal. And don’t forget to smile.

I’m a horrible cook, my SO can pick up after himself, and even after five years of failed fertility treatments, diagnosed with an auto-immune neurological disease that wipes my energy, there’s still the usual “You should…” and “You have to…”

Why can’t I just be me? The real me. Even though they are kind and generous people on other ways, I often feel the resentment whenever I’m around them.

#25

When I was trying to get pregnant, I had to explain to my guy every single freaking month about ovulation and when is an optimal time and how the whole thing works. You can understand particle physics, but you can’t fathom an egg traveling down a tube???

Sorry, that might’ve been me needing to vent.

#26

This has been mentioned several times already but I’ll add a twist: endometriosis and PMDD. Our hormones and pain can be debilitating, y’all!

#27

That actually, I *do* know what I’m talking about, and I *do* know what I’m doing.

It’s exhausting having everyone always assume you’re dumb and incompetent unless you personally prove to them you’re twice as good as anyone else– and even then, the impression of competence can be instantly revoked if you mess up one (1) time.

#28

Some women prefer to be single and childfree.

#29

Not specific to men, but a lot of men are guilty of this: I shouldn’t have to ask you to help out or do chores; you should just know to help out and do chores.

#30

How he is directly displaying misogyny/misogynoir. They get defensive and/or shut down nine times out of ten. Some men are dismissive, some feel attacked, most deny and attempt to discredit, and some even threaten violence. I’ll never forget I asked a man to refer to women as such instead of saying “females”, as it is dehumanizing, and he got in my face and threatened to beat me up.

#31

That the way some of his friends interact with women is not charming, it’s just downright creepy and disgusting.

#32

My irrational emotions I have during my period.

#33

How careful we have been raised to be. Recently my guy half as a joke I think at first made a female avatar on a game and that has led to me saying welcome to womanhood so much when he encounters something he questions as is it always this way/it can’t be like this for real/they only act like this because it’s a game.

#34

That being conditioned your whole life to only express emotion in violent outbursts is [messed up], but it’s still your responsibility to act like an adult and learn to feel. Go to therapy stop, stop treating the women and femmes in your life like free therapy especially when you do not reciprocate the same emotional labor.

#35

It is not flattering to be told that you look better without makeup. We do makeup that makes us feel confident. Being told that after all of that work, you look even worse, well, it’s pretty annoying.

#36

What it’s like to be a stay at home mom.

#37

Women aren’t some hive mind other species. We are individuals just like men are and we are all human. Get to know the specific woman and find out about her. You’ll be surprised probably at how much you have in common. You’ll also be surprised at how much she doesn’t match the stereotypes. People are individuals.

#38

That even though my husband is a kind, wonderful man that things done to me in the past by other less kind men has me reacting harshly sometimes to things he says/does that are well meant or just clumsily done. The triggers have become a part of me, even though I know it’s not rational or fair.
(Therapy is your friend ftr.).

#39

No doesn’t mean keep trying. There is no hard to get. Many women don’t want to date or socialize outside their spiritual or religious community. We are entire people separate from males.

#40

Every action has the capacity to be perceived as salacious or a proposition for a man who’s social inept or who has a propensity to misconstrue peoples intentions. Wearing a dress and you drop something so you bend down to pick it up? You’re orchestrating his seduction! Hold the door open and say an effusive ‘Hello!’? You’re obviously flirting. Sit next to him in the cafeteria because it’s the only seat left? You’re contriving interactions just to get close to him.

It’s a very small minority of men but they certainly do think innocuous interactions are layered with coquetry. The implications!

#41

Strangers talking to you. Constantly.

Most guys can go run an errand without people walking up to them and saying stuff – granted it’s normally offering help but I can dread leaving the house because I don’t want to interact with people. like last time I bought ice cream I was taking a moment to decide and a random guy came up to me and told me which one he would buy. Thanks … I was just thinking about what I was in the mood for. (He was the second person to chat at me during this grocery store run)

I guess people commenting on every stupid little thing you do?

#42

Everything being slightly too big for my hands, like rubber gloves where even the smallest size is loose-fitting or phones where my thumb doesn’t reach all the way across the screen.

ETA: also when the bra strap accidentally twists itself or slips and I’m in public and can’t fix it immediately IT IS PAIN.

#43

The casual cry: when you feel a little excess emotion and you just get it out of your system when you have some spare time.

#44

Nonsexual affection is INCREDIBLY important.

#45

Looking like someone on TV, even when they’re doing a “natural” look, takes a lot of time and money.

#46

I am not, fundamentally, that different than you. You do not require a mysterious, thousand page instruction manual to understand me. Yes, there are a few differences in how males and females think about things or communicate, but we have the same brain, many of the same experiences and hobbies, and speak the same language. Just talk to me and ask questions if you don’t understand something or are interested.

I keep hearing guys say that they don’t know how to talk to girls, or don’t understand girls. Yes, there are some girls who do strange things like asking trick questions about their weight or how attractive their friends are, but that’s just some girls, and only some of the time. Even the girls who think that way are pretty much the same as guys most of the time.

#47

I don’t know how other men feel about this, but my boyfriend could not understand how I can have a male gynecologist. He must have argued about it with me for an hour, how it made no logical sense because the doctor doesn’t ‘have the same parts.’ He kept equating it to going to a mechanic who didn’t own a car or a dentist who didn’t have teeth.

I countered by saying that’s like saying my vet can’t see my cat if he only has dogs, or like saying no male doctors can deliver babies since they can’t give birth. It wasn’t a weird jealousy thing, he honestly kept telling me the doctor couldn’t possibly do a good job because he didn’t have the same body parts as me. I told him it was possible because he had gone to school and made gynecology his field of study, and you can understand something even if you don’t possess it. He just kept shaking my head like I was an unbelievable dunce.

#48

This isn’t *the* hardest, but the other things I thought of have been covered, so:

That nothing all that exciting is going on in the women’s [bathroom]. Nobody is flashing their genitalia. Nobody is summoning demons in a magic circle. There are private stalls. People wash their hands, maybe touch up their makeup and hair, and [get out]. No one wants to be in there any longer than they have to.

The reason it seems like we take forever in there is that architects don’t build enough women’s stalls and because we have to remove more clothing. That’s it.

#49

If something is affecting your SO and you shrug it off, but then same problem affects you and it’s suddenly a big deal, you lack empathy.

If you expect more form your SO than you are willing to give, you’re gonna have a bad time.

#50

That sometimes I’m not quiet because I’m mad, I just genuinely don’t feel like talking.

#51

Just how *much* our periods can affect. Headaches, cramps, cravings, leak throughs, sometimes tampons or other inserted things feel fine and sometimes they just feel *off*, and that’s only scratching the surface as well as ignoring the social stigmas and drop in self confidence.

#52

Tone in a conversation can change everything…

#53

Any kind of manly chore. My boyfriend is 20 years younger than me and anytime I try to tell him how to do something that he’s never done before, he ignores me and does it how he thinks it should be done. Example: we have a pool. Not my first pool. Told him to turn the pump off after it rained and was over the filter. He said it will be ok. I said it would blow up the pump. Next day, pump is blown. This is after I had spent 200$ on chemicals and repairs to the pump. So then HE had to pay $300 for a new pump and 200$ on more chemicals. Smdh.

#54

All the comments trying to mansplain back to women on this thread – and all the men working really hard to pick apart and discredit women’s statements. And all the men saying “not all men” and “we actually have it worse”. Almost all the comments have at least one of these under it.

Listen, acknowledge. We’re not making it up. We live this every day.

#55

How and why it’s so terrifying to be a woman in the company of a man or several men. Even ones you trust or are seemingly comfortable with.

#56

Where we want to eat.

#57

When I’m upset or angry when PMSing, it’s not that the feelings or emotions are not real, it’s that I’m not able to censor very well.

#58

We are not always defensive, it’s being confident and voicing our opinions.

#59

A lot of us actually really *hate* “dressing up”. We hate putting on shape-shifting underwear and dresses and high heels and putting our hair into ridiculous arrangements and spending an hour or more putting on makeup. It’s all so uncomfortable to wear, and I don’t feel “empowered” because I’m all prettied up at all whenever I have to do it. Just because I “look pretty” doesn’t mean I simply adore wearing that kind of [things]. I just want to not feel like a natural human body that’s been stuffed into a bud vase and balanced on stilts.

#60

Period syncing, WHENEVER I’ve ever tried to explain it to a guy I swear it’s the same comment “What like bluetooth?”.

#61

The difference between shampoo and conditioner. God read the bottle instead of complaining to me that my shampoo “doesn’t foam”.

#62

How uncomfortable the last couple of weeks of pregnancy are.

#63

Woman are not here to be your emotional dumpster. Idc if you had a bad day your partner doesn’t deserve you throwing all that emotional baggage at them.

If you want to discuss your bad day and share your feelings I’m all for it. But do not lash out at me and expect “I had a tough day” to be an acceptable excuse.

#64

That they should relate more with the victim than the aggressor.

Hear me out. I’ve noticed a knee-jerk reaction from a lot of men. When a woman says, “he’s making me uncomfortable… it’s these little things he says and the way he stares.” The man instantly responds, relating to the man, “oh, he probably just likes you or he’s awkward.” Or she says that a man scares her, or might be following her, or that she was SA’d. A lot of times I think it’s easy for men to put themselves in the accused’s shoes, and say, “what if that was me?” But instead I wish they’d ask, “what if she was my sister or my mother?” I think if they thought that way instead, it would change so many things for victims. Women wouldn’t need to feel scared to speak up when something happens with a man that’s… just wrong.

Men can be victims too, so this goes for these situations too. But I wish more good guys, who would never hurt someone, empathized with the victim and not the aggressor. I wish they understood how much that would help victims.

#65

When you fart and that stray bubble rolls forward to travel between your flaps.

#66

“Waste of makeup” days.

#67

That sometimes I need you to open up and speak to me. If something is bothering you or you had a bad day, you can talk to me. You don’t have to strong macho tough all the time.

#68

Sometimes, “fine” actually does mean “fine.” Don’t assume we’re upset all the time.

#69

For online creeps, they almost NEVER get it into their heads that you don’t want to see their pics or send pics to them, even if you tell them so a million times. I swear some of them turn into zombie blockheads, and I don’t mean that in a good way.

#70

This is mainly for dads of girls but it can apply to anyone with a teen girl around them: we don’t need you making remarks about us and being on our periods, it’s super humiliating, please just get the pads/tampons/dash whatever we need and leave it at that😭

#71

If we say we are cold, even if you are fine, we are not making it up. Our bodies tend to react to cold in a different way to yours, and we can’t help it. It sucks.

(obviously I’m not referring to women who wear skimpy clothes and turn the heat up full)

#72

Friendzoning happens to us too. And when we do the friendzoning, we did not manipulate you or intentionally want to cause you pain. We just platonically enjoy your company.

#73

Scalp hurting because my hair feels heavy today.

#74

I’m not rude, but I’ve been hit on enough in inappropriate settings that I like to keep my head down in public and not engage with strangers. If you said something non “threatening” I would respond with a smile no problem.

#75

My phone doesn’t fit in the pockets of my jeans.

#76

Sometimes we are scared to say what is wrong because some guys don’t understand the problem, or just ignores what has been said.

Edit: what I meant is I don’t come forward with my problems to any male friends or family male. Because I find it that my brother either doesn’t understand or doesn’t care, and we don’t have the best past and it might be affected by that.

I usually talk about stuff more to my sister than anyone in my inner circle of friends/family.

#77

That our skirts is not an invitation, but they don’t seem to understand that. Ayesha Erotica was right when she said, “I do it for the girls and the gays, that’s it.”

#78

Not all women are golddiggers that will take away your money, house and kids and run away to a more wealthy “Chad”. Also, most of us do not cheat and DO want to support you.

#79

Why I come to some of the conclusions I do. Sometimes I just don’t feel good about something and it has nothing to do with anything that can be quickly troubleshot ima. Conversation.

#80

Having to go to the bathroom just to wipe.

#81

Bra doesn’t fit right, always have to adjust -_-

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