Imagine a world where social norms didn’t exist. Would it be chaos, or would you finally be able to relax? You would no longer have to worry about watching what you say around colleagues or feel pressure to conform to rigid beauty standards.

While societal expectations can certainly help us navigate through the world with minimal conflict, certain ones might also become the bane of your existence.

Redditors have recently been calling out social norms that they would happily eliminate if they could, so we’ve gathered some of their hot takes below. Keep reading to also find a conversation with sociologist and author Dr. Todd Schoepflin, and be sure to upvote the unspoken rules that you’ve had enough of too!

#1

Having to pretend you’re “busy” to decline plans – just let me say no without making it a whole thing!

Image credits: Blake-Faust

#2

Not accepting aging. 20yo girls shouldn't be getting "preventative botox". And actresses showing signs of aging shouldn't lose jobs. "Aging like milk" shouldn't be a saying at all. Normalize aging in general.

ktatsanon:

The amount of plastic surgery that young women are getting around here is sickening to me. Beautiful women ruining their looks to look like inflated, smooth faced aliens, is just so off-putting.

Image credits: lithuanian_potatfan

#3

That as a woman you need to have biological kids or that “you’ll never be complete/feel true love without them”. Just let us be our own selves.

Image credits: rock-mommy

To learn more about the complex world of social norms, we got in touch with Dr. Todd Schoepflin. Dr. Schoepflin is a sociologist, professor, the author of Sociology in Stories, and blogger, and he was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda about the unspoken rules we follow every day. 

“As a sociologist I’m obsessed with norms, a foundational concept in my field. Norms guide our behavior,” Dr. Schoepflin shared. “They are the generally agreed on do’s and don’ts of everyday life.”

“When students walked into the classroom today and said ‘Good morning,’ a norm was in effect. When students sit and pay attention, and I teach with enthusiasm and do my best to ‘act like a professor,’ we’re all following the norms,” he explained.

#4

Working 40 hours a week until you can hopefully retire at 65.

I see my coworkers more than I see my own family.

Image credits: Apprehensive_Use2563

#5

Videoing everything you do for fake internet points has become normal. No one f*****g cares.

Image credits: Silly_Importance_74

#6

Being a workaholic is a kind of = success, and working just to get to live and enjoy life with your loved ones is kinda "stupid".

Life is short, why do I have to spend 12h working in a place to make money for someone else and be a stranger to my kids, stop visiting my parents, and just talk to my wife 20mins before we fall asleep.

Image credits: bunanita3333

But what happens if we ignore norms in society? “No one holds the door for anyone. Shoppers leave their carts wherever they want. Drivers take up two spots,” Dr. Schoepflin told Bored Panda. 

The expert also pointed out that norms differ place to place. “The norms of the New York City Subway system make for an interesting case study,” he says. “As a different example, here in Buffalo, NY, it violates a norm if we don’t eat bleu cheese with chicken wings. We’re not supposed to like ranch with our wings here.”

#7

Not talking about your salary with your coworkers. 

If everyone knew what everyone else was earning, wages would go up across the board—which is exactly why it is taboo.

Image credits: Incredible_Witness

#8

The need to be busy or productive all the time. Hustle culture is b******t, we all need and deserve rest time. It’s not lazy, it’s something we all need. My hobbies don’t need to be monetised or marketable in some way to be worth doing.

Image credits: breadcrumbsmofo

#9

Shaming people who live with their parents as adults.

ChairmanLaParka:

The amount of people I interact with who, when they find out I, as a middle-aged man, live with my mom, no longer want anything to do with me is pretty high.
The amount of people who still feel that way after I tell them it's because she has mobility issues and has trouble doing basic things on her own is frustratingly high.

Image credits: Tkinokun

Dr. Schoepflin also noticed that I’m a native Texan. “I would wonder out loud, if, other than perhaps in Austin, does it violate a norm to be a vegan?” he asked. (It does!)

“I say that living in Buffalo, which I deem to be a meat loving place, and recalling that when my son was briefly vegetarian, he got some grief for it. People attend meat raffles here to have fun and raise money. There aren’t salad raffles! So it’s always important to think about norms and how they shape our behavior, expectations, and reactions.”

#10

Expecting people to be in a relationship, and questioning single people about why they’re single. All it does is makes single people feel inadequate.

Image credits: DeathSpiral321

#11

Touching a pregnant woman’s belly without permission.

Image credits: fallen_aussie

#12

Always needing to have new, fashionable clothing that you cannot wear repeatedly. This is slowly starting to change, but people still look askance if you wear the same thing more than once within a short amount of time even though plenty of people have washer and could easily wash something overnight and wear it again the next day. Fast fashion causes a lot of harm.

Image credits: AlishaV

But of course, the expert says people defy norms all the time, and we see norms change over time. “Look at the increased popularity of tattoos. The people like tattoos!” Dr. Schoepflin noted.

“Sometimes a public official makes a difference in the norms. I believe Dr. C. Everett Koop impacted norms of smoking when he spoke out about the dangers of tobacco. In my 20s, all the bars smelled of smoke. Now they don’t,” the sociologist continued. 

#13

Letting kids act like psychotic inmates in public and at school. Because it’s super disruptive and ruins everybody else’s time, and is sometimes dangerous, and does not bode well for the kids as adults.

Image credits: ScoutieJer

#14

I would eliminate the social norm that discourages open conversations about mental health. If we could talk about our struggles without stigma, more people would seek help when they need it, and we’d foster a society that’s more understanding and supportive.

Image credits: iiJinn

#15

That a woman should be younger in relationship.

Having a younger boyfriend/husband for women should be a norm and not a shocking exception.

Image credits: Soft_Detective5107

“So many gender norms have changed,” Dr. Schoepflin added. “A few generations ago, men smoked cigars in waiting rooms while their girlfriend or wife gave birth. Now, men are expected to be part of the labor process and may even be asked to cut the umbilical cord.”

“Speaking of labor, in 50 years, the share of women in the paid labor force increased from 30 percent in 1950 to 60 percent by 2000,” he says. “I’m going to show my students this example in class: until 1974, women didn’t have the right to apply for credit in their own name without a male co-signer. Social movements (feminism, Civil Rights Movement) play a critical role in changing norms, attitudes, and laws.”

#16

Drinking alcohol in almost any social situation.

Image credits: ThimMerrilyn

#17

Women needing to remove their body hair in order to be seen as feminine.

Why? Because I think it’s ridiculous. It’s time consuming, costly, can be painful, can lead to rashes, ingrown hairs, infection and scarring.

I know there is such a thing as autonomy. I am aware that people have their own preferences and their own motivations.

Image credits: Aequanitmitas

#18

Shaking hands. Let’s just go to a head nod instead. I’m not a germaphobe in the slightest but I know people don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom.

Image credits: Kid_Named_Trey

We were also curious to know if Dr. Schoepflin would like to see any norms changed. “I’m concerned about what I perceive to be an ‘almost norm’ of aggressive driving,” he told Bored Panda. “More and more often I observe people driving like they’re in video games, weaving rapidly through traffic, tailgating, and gesturing in a hostile manner when they don’t like what their fellow drivers do.”

#19

Circumcision. Such a barbaric thing to do to a literal infant.

Image credits: eyedaisydoom

#20

More than 1 please 🙂
1) it is normal and healthy to be unmarried
2) it is normal to think of entering in a romantic relationship in 30s or beyond
3) divorce is a situation and not a label, once divorced, you are as single as someone single
4) love can be found at any age.

Image credits: shalini-andwemet

#21

Tipping.

Image credits: HeyImBandit

“I’d love it if, as drivers, we collectively chilled out, slowed down, and reacted in a calm manner when something doesn’t go our way,” the sociologist continued. “But it seems to me that we’re going down the road of being distracted, impatient, angry drivers. This puts drivers and pedestrians in danger!” 

“We’ve had long standing, effective campaigns against drunk driving (MADD gets some credit for that),” he added. “Perhaps we need more public awareness about the dangers of aggressive, distracted, everyday driving in contemporary society.”

#22

Saying things you don’t mean to be polite (such as as let’s hang out sometime).

Image credits: mrdoeth

#23

Expecting people to be onboard with gender norms is really annoying. Let boys learn home cooking and give girls the opportunity to do yardwork.

Image credits: Barely_An_Artist

#24

Greeting cards. Now they're closer to $7 or more. Last a few weeks and then it's in the trash.

Image credits: coreynj2461

#25

Virgin shaming. More specifically making assumptions about a person if they are “still” a virgin (ex: religious, traumatized, weird, question sexuality etc). It could just be circumstantial it hasn’t happened yet, they aren’t ready yet, didn’t meet someone they want to yet. It doesn’t always have to be some exaggerated reason and some questionable trait about a person that they’re a virgin.

Image credits: RezDerez

#26

Having university function as job credentialism. 

It just makes people resent education and see it as a “scam” because they just want to get a job. They don’t want to pay an extra 50k to take electives in underwater basket-weaving.

Image credits: wrinklybuffoon

#27

This is a new social norm of tween girls being taking to sephora and ulta to buy face serums needs to be eliminated. Dermotologists are horrified, no tween girl skin needs anti aging products. And these products are not cheap. I used to work at kohls and every night there would be a gaggle of middle schoolers and their mom and sometimes dad, buying the products that cost $50+ why be use of tik tok!!!

#28

Casual racism- it’s so common it’s just so tiring to hear.

#29

The one bothering me most at the minute is vaping in people’s faces like it’s nothing.

#30

Poor driving habits.

– Blocking the left lane.
– Not using turn signals.
– Speeding up to get past, only to slow down once in front.
– Speeding up to block someone from moving over.
– Blocking someone from merging onto the highway.
– Highbeams at night when not necessary.

Poor driving habits trickle down to people gradually becoming a******s to each other. We are in our own little bubble while driving.

Image credits: Mrcommander254

#31

That whole thing where victims (of bullying, assault or abuse) have to “let things go” to “keep the peace” needs to die. People need to stop covering for a******s and criminals and let them face the consequences of their actions.

Image credits: MindlessApricot8

#32

Exchanging of gifts, it’s gimmicky and a waste of time and money.

Image credits: ThrowawayCIAMA90

#33

Working in an office.

#34

Expecting women to wear bras.

Edit: People commenting that big breasted women would disagree are missing the point. If you want to wear a bra, wear a bra. But we shouldn’t be expected to because our nipples are more sexualized than men’s.

#35

Thank you cards when you thanked them in person already.

Image credits: OutrageousMoney4339

#36

If I could eliminate a social norm, I’d probably get rid of the expectation that by a certain age we should already “have everything figured out,” especially when it comes to work, relationships, or life in general. This pressure to follow the “right path” according to what society dictates may cause a lot of anxiety and frustration. The truth is, everyone has their own pace, their own circumstances, and their own idea of what success is. If we got rid of that norm, I think people could live with more freedom, without constantly comparing themselves to others.

#37

Let’s stop judging people for their relationship choices.

#38

I wish we could eliminate the pressure to marry by a certain age; everyone’s timeline is different.

#39

The pressure to conform to a specific body type is harmful; all bodies are beautiful.

#40

The idea that vacations must always be extravagant is limiting; staycations can be just as fulfilling.

#41

Introvert stereotypes.

#42

Get rid of the stigma around casual relationships.

#43

Referring to ones spouse as a ball and chain or otherwise joking about your cr*ppy marriage. Your marriage should be strong if it’s going to last and a cr*ppy marriage shouldn’t be socially joked about it as if it’s unfixable.

#44

‘How are you’ when they really don’t care.

#45

Oversharing online. When you’re taking pictures of your child all tubed up in hospital and posting them online, you should really stop, have a think about wtf you’re doing, slap yourself and don’t do it.

#46

The whole song and dance around bringing something when someone invites you over. If you ask, “what can I bring?” (which you should) and they say “nothing,” that should be the end of it.

#47

Men praising other men for sleeping with women. Having s*x shouldn't be a competitive sport.

#48

People could openly say “I’m ONLY looking to have fun” or “I’m ONLY looking for something serious” when it comes to dating.

Yes you can have fun with someone and it just not work out but it would be nice to be able to know which people are going to hit six months and one person thinks “This is getting serious” and the other person is all “well it’s been fun see you”

But currently if a person says they’re specifically not looking for something serious or that they are they’re either considered a flake or they scare someone off.

#49

Get rid of the belief that all friendships must be deep.

#50

The high expectations for men, whether it comes to their hight, or their duty to be the only provider in the family

Times have changed, and women are just as capable at making money as men.

#51

I would eliminate the idea of wearing high-heeled shoes.

#52

I’d love to see an end to the pressure to conform to beauty routines; authenticity is liberating.

#53

Ditch the expectation to respond to messages immediately.

#54

Family pressuring their kids to get straight As or berating them if they get a slightly lower grade (“You’ll never become a (insert dream job)”, “You will be useless”)

It happens to me while they brush off any external factors that could contribute (Illness, loneliness, any conditions that could prevent me from studying properly like ADHD) to me falling behind.

#55

The pressure to always be available can be overwhelming; everyone needs downtime.

#56

Let’s eliminate the expectation that you must attend every family event; personal choice matters.

#57

Viewing monetary success and fame as the most important metrics of success and worth.  

 Greed and hoarding should generally be frowned upon but isn't.

#58

Trying to be the last to say “goodbye” on the? cause you don’t want to be rude
“You have a good night”
“Will do, you too”
“I will, you too”
“Yeh, thank you, bye”
“Alls good, yeh, bye”
“OK, bye”
“Yeh, bye”
“OK, bye” repeat last two for infinity.

#59

Home cleanliness.

#60

Travel expectations.

#61

The norm of always being polite; honesty can be more important.

#62

Get rid of the stigma around taking mental health days.

from Bored Panda https://ift.tt/i9Nt1Xk
via IFTTT source site : boredpanda