A lot of people don’t consider what living with a disability is like until it happens to them. According to the CDC, one in four people in the U.S. lives with a disability in 2022. Nevertheless, they can live normal lives: be homeowners, professionals, and have romantic relationships.
This guy was born with a condition that left him without one arm. Still, he would do most things on his own, except he needed some help with chopping his own veggies. When his girlfriend’s freeloader brother came to stay with them, he called the disabled man out for being “lazy” and a “mummy’s boy.” But when other people weighed in on the story, it became clear who the real jerks in this story were.
A man had his mother cut his vegetables for him since he only had one arm
Image credits: Getty Images / unspalsh (not the actual photo)
But his GF’s brother saw that as a sign of laziness and called him a “mummy’s boy”
After he asked his GF’s brother to leave, their relationship was hanging in the balance
Image credits: DC Studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Direct-Caterpillar77
Individuals with upper limb differences often have to rely on others for meal preparation
There are many people all around the world who live with limb difference just like the boyfriend in this story does. Some sources estimate that about 3.4 million Americans live with limb difference, and about 2.3 million live with limb loss.
Life is different for disabled individuals, although not as much as many people think. People often imagine that individuals with disabilities need constant care and lack independence. However, as this one man’s story proves, those with limb differences can lead fulfilling lives with regular assistance from loved ones.
Some individuals might avoid asking for help in fear of being a burden. In one study of people with upper limb absence, many respondents said they wanted to have as much independence as possible. One respondent named Namuli shared their mixed feelings: “[I’m] okay if they are just helping me, [I] let them out of love and not out of being [a burden]… I was not used to saying things like ‘Hey do this for me’ so I get a hard time from that, it is hard, so I find myself very [dependent] on others.”
Another participant, Nakanjako, talked about similar experiences with cooking that the author of this story has had. “I can cook if they have chopped the onions and tomatoes for me, I can cook the sauce but then I can’t use one hand to chop the tomatoes and onions.”
Studies show that differently abled individuals feel guilty about lacking self-sufficiency. Meal preparation is one of the main daily activities we do as people, so being able to do at least part of it themselves boosts the self-esteem of people with limb differences.
For differently abled people, independence is about control, not self-sufficiency
People often mistake small accommodations that differently abled people need for a lack of independence. In the case of this story, his mother chopping the man’s vegetables is not a sign of laziness or him being a “mama’s boy.”
Experts and disability advocates note that self-sufficiency doesn’t equal independence. Karen Christensen, professor of Health and Society at Roskilde University in Denmark, claims that in the disability movement, the word “independence” is used in a “practical and commonsense way to mean simply being able to achieve goals.”
While for able-bodied individuals, independence is about being able to do everything by themselves, for differently abled people, it’s about being in control and able to make decisions about their lives.
According to disability scholar Michael Oliver, independence for disabled people is “the ability to be in control of and make decisions about one’s life, rather than doing things alone or without help.”
In the end, no person on Earth is entirely self-sufficient. We all need some kind of assistance and services. As the European Network on Independent Living (ENIL) notes, “at different points in our lives, we may need help in taking care of our children, emotional support because of a recent bereavement, assistance when we are ill, or financial support if we have lost our job.”
“Disabled people are no different. Ironically, disabled people are often expected to prove their ability to be entirely self-sufficient before they are permitted the same latitude others take for granted.” So, a family member pre-chopping some veggies for a disabled individual is neither a sign of weakness nor of laziness. It’s just a small accommodation they have to make.
The situation was even worse because the girlfriend wasn’t pulling her weight at home
Commenters unanimously agreed that the brother and sister were ableist jerks
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