For generations, women were obliged to take their husband’s surname after marriage and it was rarely questioned. It wasn’t just tradition, it often came with perks: their driver’s license, voter registration, or even their credit card may have depended on it.
Legal and cultural pressures are easing today, but the choice still carries weight.
A man recently posted on social media that he might not want to marry a woman who didn’t want to accept his last name. He then asked women if they plan to take their husband’s last name or keep their own.
The replies did not disappoint — from practical reasons to personal beliefs, here are some of the most honest explanations woman gave for either keeping or changing their last names.
#1
I will keep my last name. I run my own practice. Everything I have achieved has been done on my name and I am proud of that. I am the first in our family to have achieved a lot of things and I am proud of who I am and what my surname has come to represent because of my hard work and years of sacrifice. I would hope that I will marry a man whose sense of identity and self worth in our relationship is not anchored to his surname.
© Photo: t.s_naomi
#2
3 things, in order:
1. My husband didn’t get the PhD I did, my name stays
2. It’s the last thing I have left of my dad who passed when I was 16
3. My last name is cooler 😂
And….my husband doesn’t give a crap because he loves me for far more than just a last name
© Photo: whatoline
#3
Mitochondrial DNA is passed through the maternal bloodline. My progeny will have my last name.
© Photo: kristinadidthereading
Gender equality has come a long way over the past few decades and in many countries, women now have more freedom to make their own choices. But somehow, the tradition of women taking their husband’s last name is still going strong.
According to a 2025 survey in the US, about 69% of married women say they took their partner’s last name after they got married, while 29% kept the last name they were born with.
Past research findings do show that there is now a positive uptick in the number of women keeping their own name, especially among younger generations.
In the 2010s, roughly 22% of women kept their birth name after marriage, compared with under 15% before the 1970s.
#4
I want to take my husband’s last name because I become a part of him and his family. To me it will be an honor and a privilege.
© Photo: principessaflamingo
#5
What benefit does a husband’s name provide us? We already have a name. Who does things that don’t have a benefit?
© Photo: globelleaffairs
#6
My last name won an Olympic medal, and means velvet. No I’m not changing it. Whoever HE is he can change his to mine.
© Photo: monicaaksamit
A man changing his name? That’s a rare sight.
A 2025 survey of Americans shows less than 1% changed their surname after marriage. Of these, some took their wife’s family name, some hyphenated, and some invented entirely new surnames.
This shows that surname practices are deeply rooted in traditional gender roles. Many people don’t even consider asking a man to change his name because it isn’t viewed as a social expectation.
In some cultures, it was, and still is, believed that women “belong” first to their fathers, then to their husbands.
A recent study found that men who do adopt their wife’s surname are sometimes seen as having less power in the relationship.
#7
If he has a a white mans last name. I don’t know if I would. I would prefer us to take my grandfathers last name to carry our roots. BUT I’d be open to changing my middle name to my current last name and taking his as my last if it meant a lot to him. If he has an african last name I’d likely be happy to receive his last name but still may change my middle name to my last name to honour my family name.
© Photo: alyshamunsaka
#8
In my former marriage, I hyphenated my last name while still navigating identity and independence.
When I marry again, I’ll take my husband’s name as a conscious choice toward unity.
It’s not about benefit, it’s about conviction formed through experience.
© Photo: gracerabiawood
#9
We’re getting married later than we used to. Changing a legal name has a lot of steps for starters and a lot of it has to be done in person so literally standing in line all day. I personally have financial/business matters in my maiden name which is another set of hoops to jump through when I legally have a new name.
Socially, I’ll be Mrs. [Husband’s name] to everyone we meet. But, PLEASE don’t make me do the paperwork.
© Photo: peculiar.paramore
Haley Metzger, a millennial from Colorado, went viral on TikTok recently after speaking out against the tradition of women taking their husband’s last names.
She explained that the practice goes back to a time when women were seen as their husbands’ property.
“Pretty ugly origins for a tradition that most people are still upholding,” she said in the video.
“Obviously people have their own reasons for why they want to have the same name as their partner. You want your kids to have the same name as both of their parents, or it’s romantic to have the same name. But if those were really the reasons then why don’t we see more men taking their wives’ name?” she questioned.
She pointed out that some men seem to treat taking a woman’s last name as if it were humiliating, which says a lot about how they view women taking their name.
#10
I didn’t take my husbands last name because I didn’t want too point blank. We are an interracial couple and his last name would have changed my name on a cultural level that I was not comfortable with. Culturally speaking, women don’t change their last names where my family is from. Children carry two last names. We agreed our children would have his last name and that I would keep mine. It was a compromise that we haven’t had an issue with.
© Photo: giselllaa
#11
Well…. I’ve been married for over 40 years and took my husbands name, but now Republicans are floating the idea that I need to show proof of my birth name to vote. What if I didn’t have access to my birth certificate and other documents? It’s a form of voter suppression against women and perhaps we should keep our names to survive in this nation. It’s not always about you.
© Photo: hxsays
#12
Ah. The smell of misogyny in the morning.
If a man can’t respect that a woman has a whole identity outside of him, he’s not marriage material. Because he fails to see women as people and instead sees them as property.
© Photo: katebullockwrites
Even before a woman decides whether to change her last name, marriage already shifts how the world sees her. Suddenly, her title becomes “Mrs,” to prove she’s now someone’s wife.
Add a surname change on top of that, and it’s like rewriting her whole official identity.
In today’s digital age, all the work, connections, or achievements under your maiden name can vanish online if you suddenly change it.
All your documents need updating whether it’s your passport, driver’s license, bank accounts, or professional profiles.
It’s not just annoying, it can cost you time and even career opportunities.
#13
More than likely hyphenated. I’m 35, and I’ve accomplished things, and I’m known by many with THIS last name. At this point it’ll be too confusing to change it.
I also feel like if you’re a man that feels that strongly about a name, then you MAY be too patriarchal and traditional in other aspects for me as well.
I have my Mom’s middle name, so I don’t want to drop that. My mind may change about the name thing. Idk.
© Photo: deph1nitely_jeli
#14
I don’t have much sentimentality in me. But I’m very much a fan of things that just sound nice. When I got married I liked the sound of the new name so much better than my maiden name, and having my maiden name as my middle just messed it all up. So I dropped my last name. Now it’s reverse alliteration, all my names end in A and it sounds light and fluffy, easy to pronounce common names yet very unique in combination. The choice has nothing to do w my husband
© Photo: vincausa
#15
I did not change my name because historically women did it because they had no rights outside of their husband. There was no way I was continuing a patriarchal tradition that was rooted in ownership. If you can explain why a man doesn’t consider changing his name WITHOUT resorting to/leaning on patriarchy and its progeny, a conversation can be had.
© Photo: taxlawguru
Your names are not mere words on a paper — it’s your identity, it tells people who you are and how you fit into the world.
When society assumes a woman will take her husband’s name, it isn’t a neutral choice, it shapes how she sees herself.
If your name is treated as temporary, or as something you give away, it can make you feel less independent.
Instead of being simply yourself, you can end up being “someone’s wife,” “someone’s mother,” or “someone’s daughter.”
#16
Do you know why I took my husband’s last name because it was 4 letters and mine was 9 letters. It’s just easier. I only think in practical terms.
© Photo: blk_dahlia
#17
I kept my name—partly because it’s my professional name and partly because my name is easier to spell than his, and partly because it was my name for 30+ years and I liked it. He, fine fellow, wasn’t fazed in the least.
I’m also old enough to remember that all my mother’s credit cards were in my father’s name. She marveled when I got one in my own name. You don’t let go of that.
© Photo: madeleine.robins
#18
No man will ever convince me that his last name is more important to me than mine. Additionally, why are women the only ones who are required to literally change their identities in order to be coupled?
© Photo: kylajlacey
For women, even today the decision isn’t purely personal. Family expectations, religion, kids, and career all play a role.
And given the social judgment of a misogynistic culture, it’s no wonder why some women would decide that a name change is the path of least resistance.
Recent surveys show Americans are far more likely to have a positive view of a woman taking her spouse’s last name (58%) than of a man taking his spouse’s last name (20%).
#19
My husband felt that sharing the same surname was an important symbol of unity. I asked if it really mattered to him. He said yes, a lot. I said that it wasn’t important to me, but if he wanted to change his name to mine I was fine with that, and the strangest thing: suddenly changing his name would be a tremendous inconvenience to his working life, and to people staying in touch with him. He laughs about it now, several decades later. Our sons have his surname and our daughter has my surname.
© Photo: lucytreloarwriter
#20
in some places, like Quebec, getting married doesn’t automatically mean changing a last name.
By law, women keep their birth name after marriage.
It’s simply a legal difference, not a reflection of love or commitment.
For them a marriage is built on unity, not paperwork.
© Photo: paulechimi
#21
My name has been my identity as long as I can remember. I am the only child of my family. If I change it, it’s gone. It is a signifier of my cultural heritage, which I’m very proud of. In my professional life, I am credited with it and recognized for it. Giving it up is not only a logistical nightmare, but would make me feel as though I am turning my back on huge parts of who I am.
If one day someone said, your last name is now O’Connell, forget your old one, that’s who you are. You’d be cool?
© Photo: joanna.kalafatis
But there are some women who say they don’t feel pressured and genuinely believe taking a partner’s name is justified — they want the same family name, or his surname sounds nicer. Some even go on to say that their last name is just their dad’s anyway.
Tradition is another reason. “Some things have just always been done, and so people don’t question them. They don’t counter them,” says Deborah Carr, a professor of sociology at University of Boston.
Some people might also wish to distance themselves from their biological parents.
“Somebody who wasn’t close to their parents or felt hurt by them (and) didn’t really like being identified as a Smith or a Jones or whomever, would welcome the idea of a new surname that wasn’t their own,” says Joshua Coleman, a psychologist in private practice in Oakland, California.
#22
I hyphenated my last name and his. I know it meant a lot to him that I take his name and I am very proud of my family name, and had it nearly 40 years before I ever got married. I don’t think it would have been a dealbreaker if I didn’t take his name. Also, his name sounds nice with mine. Some surnames I’m not willing to take. 
© Photo: geektoriasecret
#23
For me it was simply identity change. I married a white man and I didn’t want a ‘white’ last name. I wanted to keep my last name so I can keep my culture, ethnicity, indigenous Christian religion (some Arabic last names tell you what religion you are) 
© Photo: caroline.elkhoury
#24
My partner and I have talked about taking a new last name because he doesn’t want to be tied to his family and I already changed my name once for my first husband so we are going with a totally new name together!
© Photo: talltink
After several comments on his post, the man who had asked the question on social media shared how he didn’t expect the “onslaught of insults, slander and hate filled comments.”
“I’m an American, so I have American values. And, I’m a Christian, so I don’t expect love or agreement from those who don’t share my faith. But, I would appreciate if people were more respectful,” he added in an update.
#25
When I was married, I kept my last name simply because my ex-husband’s last name was kind of embarrassing, and I still do this day. Can’t say it without laughing. My ex mother-in-law she may have changed her name, but she professionally and socially, went by her maiden name as well because the last name was that bad.
© Photo: ana_is_adorable
#26
We hyphenated because we wanted both of our cultures represented
© Photo: whorticia_addams
#27
I took my first husband’s name and changed back after our divorce. I did not take my second husband’s name. It’s a HASSLE and he doesn’t care because he’s not an insecure prick.
© Photo: lmorris_writer
#28
I want to hyphenate and hope he will too. Why? Because my last name has been with me until now, it’s on my licenses, diplomas, etc. And I’m proud to be associated with my family. I want to carry it on. My last name is important to me.
© Photo: jenareice
#29
I was on the path to becoming a doctor. Why would I credit his family while mine fought a communist regime, fled our homeland, moved to Europe, then America. I put in the work. Not him. His family doesn’t value education. Hell, some of his family won’t admit what’s actually happening in America because they have to confront themselves.
Long story short, my last name means a LOT to me. It’s not just a name. It’s held up against multiple regimes, immigration, and if I ever complete my PhD
© Photo: montano_bri
#30
Many reasons:
1. It is illegal in my country to change my name to my husband’s.
2. I was a person already when I met him.
3. I have awesome parents, which have given me a solid foundation for my future. Their name is mine forever.
4. We are a marriage, equal partners for everything except in the risks taken in order to form a family. So my surname went first and he knew it would be like that since we became serious.
5. My husband is strong enough to accept a strong woman.
© Photo: almabelcher
#31
Having to change you surname after marriage is unthinkable to many in Europe, the custom of taking the husband’s surname is not so wide-spread. Also it would completely break the already failing beurocratic system here in Spain. It is important for records to be able to trace family relations through surnames. Ppeople have 2 surnames here, paternal and maternal, they normally do not change after birth. With the divorce rates, it just seems impractical to change surnames.
© Photo: planner.mutts
#32
I would like hyphenate it. My dad was the last person outside of my mom who carries the name.
© Photo: msreddmfa
#33
I like my name and I don’t like my husbands, I also had my grandma walk me down the aisle and I told my husband that if he “asked my dad for my hand in marriage” I would never marry him. I am my own person, not my fathers’, not my husbands’.
© Photo: happynsmiling27
#34
Men have always got to keep their names, so I thought it would be good to keep mine.
© Photo: ruthbc_is_here
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