Times have changed. Women no longer have to be stay-at-home moms if they don’t want to. They can vote, open bank accounts, own property—and they definitely don’t have to take their husband’s last name when they get married.
All major wins. But when this woman found out her son planned to hyphenate his last name with his fiancée’s, she wasn’t exactly celebrating. The names were long, the spelling would be a pain, and she worried it would be an unfair burden for their future kids. Oh, and the grandparents? Absolutely horrified.
So she turned to the internet for backup: is she wrong to be upset?
The woman’s son shared that he’d be hyphenating his last name with his fiancée’s
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, she didn’t take the news very well
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: MsArgent
Hyphenated surnames are the best of both worlds, says woman who chose one
Although taking your husband’s last name is no longer a requirement, it’s still the most common choice in some societies. In the US, for example, most women in opposite-sex marriages (79%) say they took their spouse’s last name when they got married, according to Pew Research Center. Another 14% kept their last name, and 5% hyphenated both their name and their spouse’s name.
In a recent survey by YouGov in the UK, the numbers looked a little different. About half of women say they’re willing to take their husband’s name, but the willingness drops among younger generations. Only about a third of women aged 18 to 34 said they would change their last name when getting married.
Some countries make the decision for you. In Quebec, women legally can’t take their husband’s last name after marriage. And in the Netherlands, official documents stick to a woman’s maiden name, with only a few exceptions for using a partner’s.
But when you do have the option to get creative, either by changing your last name or hyphenating, it usually comes with a bit of discussion. A name is a big part of your identity, and for some people, changing it can feel deeply meaningful. For others, it’s more about the logistics—updating ID, passports, accounts, and every document under the sun.
Bored Panda got in touch with TikTok creator Sarah, who went with a hyphenated name shared with her husband (and later, her kids) to hear what that experience was like and whether she’s had any issues with it.
Changing her last name never sat quite right with Sarah, so when she brought up the idea of hyphenating to her husband, she was relieved that he was on board.
“My last name is what connects me with my parents, siblings, community, and my ancestors, so I was not willing to give that up entirely,” she told us. “At the same time, I didn’t want a different last name from my children and husband, so hyphenating was the best of both worlds!”
She sees hyphenating her surname as an empowering move. “It’s like holding onto my identity while also establishing our little family as our own.”
Although you’ll find people online sharing frustrations about hyphenated names, especially when certain forms or platforms won’t accept symbols like dashes or apostrophes, Sarah says her experience has been mostly smooth.
“The only practical challenge is that some systems won’t let you add a hyphen, but you can easily just write it as one long name to get around it,” she said. “It’s common in some cultures to hyphenate, so no one has ever been surprised or unable to find a way around that. It has never been an issue on legal documents, either.”
For those considering it, Sarah says it’s absolutely worth thinking about. “Some people are more than ready to give up their last name when they get married, but for others, it’s harder—so it’s nice to have that option,” she said.
Commenters said it’s ultimately up to the couple to decide their last names
The woman later clarified she wasn’t horrified, but believed it would be unfair if her son gave up his name entirely
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: MsArgent
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