There’s nothing inherently wrong with critiquing the clothing choices of a significant other. But if you must go down that road, do so in a way that comes off as constructive rather than hurtful.
This man shows exactly how not to go about it. While he appeared to have good intentions toward his girlfriend, his delivery of the message was insulting and demeaning.
Worse, he saw nothing wrong with his choice of words until the internet gave him a much-needed reminder on tactfulness and respect, especially toward a significant other. You will find the entire story below, along with comments from readers who gave it to him straight.
Critiquing a significant other’s choices must be done constructively and respectfully
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
This man, however, did the exact opposite about his girlfriend’s dressing style
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
However, he saw nothing wrong with how he approached the situation
He later realized his mistake after some people online let him have it
Image credits: hwilson8 (not the actual photo)
He later clarified his initial post by reiterating some of his points and sharing new details
Image credits: katemangostar (not the actual photo)
In his final update, the man revealed that he had spoken with his girlfriend
Image credits: ConsistentOutcome8
Criticizing a partner’s appearance has more severe repercussions than one may expect
Some people may perceive the criticism of personal appearance – or in this case, the criticism of one’s clothing choices – as something superficial and easy to brush off. However, the reality is far more severe.
Dr. Ben Garrett, who specializes in helping people deal with trauma, relationship issues, and emotional stress, among others, refers to this problem as a “criticism climate.”
“It is a place where the partner being criticized feels judged and that the criticism will never stop,” he told Bored Panda, adding that it can also lead to the person experiencing anxiety, body dysmorphia, and clinical levels of depression.
Licensed therapist Stella Fischl also noted that repeated criticism not only erodes the person’s self-esteem but also destroys the trust needed to feel safe with a partner.
“Over time, a partner may feel they have to shrink themselves to avoid conflict, constantly anticipate demands, or comply even when they disagree,” Fischl said, noting that it inevitably leads to an imbalanced relationship should the couple decide to continue.
The author realized he may have worded his message incorrectly, in a way that made him appear like a jerk. So, how do you effectively convey a criticism of a partner’s clothing choices?
Dr. Garrett urges framing it as curiosity rather than judgment as a start. He also advises using emotion to express feelings without accusations.
“We don’t know why they are doing something until they tell you. Saying you already know what they are doing or why they are doing it will only cause more problems,” he said.
Meanwhile, Fischl’s advice is about sticking to the issue at hand. In this case, the focus must be on the clothing, not on the person’s physical features.
“Remember you’re speaking to someone you love,” she emphasized. “Choose a language that supports their confidence, respects their autonomy, and helps them feel empowered, not controlled.”
Fortunately, the man realized where he went wrong, and hopefully, it’ll be a learning experience for him moving forward.
Many people called him out
However, some commenters believed he wasn’t at fault
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