When we agree to take someone “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part,” are we also agreeing to full transparency of how much we have saved up in the bank?
One woman recently detailed on Reddit how her husband became extremely upset when he learned she had saved thousands of dollars in her “fun money” account and was able to make a large purchase. Now, she’s wondering if she should have handled the situation differently, so below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies invested readers left her.
This woman and her husband each have separate personal accounts that they’re able to spend on whatever they please
Image credits: micens (not the actual photo)
But after she decided to spend several thousand dollars on gaming gear, her husband suddenly felt entitled to her money
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LadySavings
Later, the woman responded to several comments and provided additional information on the situation
Most couples agree to keep at least a portion of their finances in separate accounts
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
While some people view tying the knot as a time to fully merge their life with their partner’s, not everyone feels the same way about how intertwined their financial lives should be. According to Bankrate, only 43% of couples in the US who are married, in a civil partnership or live together have exclusively joint bank accounts. One third have a mix of joint and separate bank accounts, and nearly a quarter have completely separate accounts. Younger generations also seem to have a slightly different view on finances than their parents, as Millennial couples are the most likely to have separate bank accounts, with over two thirds keeping at least some of their money in separate accounts.
Couples also tend to make decisions about whether or not they should have combined accounts based on their level of income. Bankrate reports that 68% of couples who earn less than $50,000 per year keep at least a portion of their money in joint accounts, while 83% of couples who earn over $100,000 a year have some form of joint account. And while 61% of couples say they have conversations about money at least once a month, finances are still one of the most common issues for couples to argue about. 44% of couples admit that they fight about money “at least occasionally,” but that number is even higher for Millennials, with 49% of them arguing about finances.
Financial infidelity is a common issue in relationships, but this involves intentionally lying or hiding information
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
In this particular story on Reddit, the husband decided to throw out the term “financial infidelity” and accuse his wife of being guilty of it. But what exactly does that really mean? According to Choosing Therapy, “Financial infidelity occurs when one engages in any financial behavior expected to be disapproved of by their partner and intentionally hides or lies about this behavior.” This might include withdrawing money from their joint accounts without any explanation, using money from a joint account to pay a personal debt, having undisclosed debts, hiding a shopping addiction, and more. And apparently, about a third of couples say they have experienced some form of financial infidelity.
A 2022 survey from US News reports that the most common forms of financial infidelity that have occurred in relationships are keeping purchases secret (31.4%), hiding debts or accounts (28.7%), lying about income (22.6%), draining money from savings (10.4%), and lending money without consent (6.9%). And when it comes to the reasons why partners commit financial infidelity, 38% admit that they were trying to avoid an argument. While one party being dishonest about finances or stretching the truth about how much they have in their bank account may not seem like a big deal at first, it can be detrimental to a relationship. “I think if you’re stashing money away, you’re not really in the relationship entirely,” Susanna Abse, a psychoanalytic psychotherapist, told The Guardian. “You’ve got one foot out.”
One spouse controlling how the other spends their money can be a sign of financial abuse
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual ohoto)
However, the woman who shared this story on Reddit explained that she and her husband were well aware of the fact that they had personal “fun money” accounts. They never asked one another exactly how much was in those accounts, but she was never keeping any secrets. He knew the account existed and that she would have about $1,500 to add to it each month. What she chose to do with that money was up to her. Her saving money does not seem to be a form of financial infidelity, but rather, him demanding she return items and start contributing more to their joint accounts might actually be a form of financial abuse on the husband’s part.
According to Verywell Mind, some of the trademark signs of financial abuse are controlling how your partner spends their money, criticizing financial decisions they make, having double standards when it comes to spending, demanding that their partner get permission before making purchases, and becoming angry over finances. This may involve subtle tactics like manipulation at first and grow more overt over time.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman had the right to spend her hard-earned money on some new gaming gear for herself? Feel free to share in the comments below, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing finances in a relationship, look no further than right here!
Readers assured the woman that she had done nothing wrong, noting that her personal money should not be her husband’s concern
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