Healthy boundaries are what help everyone live a happy and mutually respectful life. But if you think that just because someone is a family member you should get rid of any and all boundaries, then you’d be wrong. They bring clarity, set expectations, and ensure that everyone’s on the same page. But if you don’t enforce them, they’re less than useless. Though if you do, it’s almost guaranteed that others will push back.
Redditor u/CategoryEquivalent95 opened up to the AITA online community about a spot of family drama. She shared how she was forced to start setting some serious boundaries with her sister and her kids after they started seeing her room in the basement as a ‘family room.’ Scroll down for the full story, in the OP’s own words.
Healthy boundaries help family members respect one another. However, not everyone understands each other’s need for privacy
Image credits: Adam Winger (not the actual photo)
A woman shared how some of her relatives ignored her boundaries after they all moved back into the family home
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo)
The author of the story also posted an update on what happened next
Image credits: CategoryEquivalent95
The woman’s family was jealous of what the basement looked like after she refurbished it
At first, the ‘creepy’ basement was a place that nobody wanted to spend time in. It was musky. It was infested with spiders (yuck!). And it was the room that u/CategoryEquivalent95 got stuck with after she moved back into her family home, along with her sister. However, this turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
With some time, effort, and a bit of DIY know-how, the redditor quickly managed to turn the basement into her “own personal clubhouse.” She fixed the heating and lighting. She even got a foosball table, as well as a mini-fridge. Honestly, it sounds fantastic. And it was. So much so that her family members began eyeing the place up.
Now that it was all fixed up, others wanted to spend time there. It’s all so easy to make demands when you’re not the one doing the repairs on your own dime, right? The OP’s nephew kept taking her drinks and messing with her consoles, so she decided to lock the basement. Soon enough, things got heated, some spicy words were said, and the family put everything on the table.
Image credits: SlyFoxC (not the actual photo)
Open and honest communication is the best way forward
However, that was exactly what was needed. There is literally no substitute for open and honest communication when it comes to solving interpersonal issues. No one’s a mind-reader. If you want to solve a problem or remind someone of your personal boundaries, you need to talk to them. How you do that is up to you, but a lighthearted but firm approach often works best.
Often, these conversations don’t go as planned. But, ideally, you don’t want to be in a position where you’re aggressively accusing someone else because they’ll get overly defensive and fire back at you. Then, instead of solving the issue you wanted to in the first place, you might have sparked an entirely new argument. Try to be diplomatic, to the to-the-point, but don’t be scared to take a more lighthearted approach if you see that things are getting too heated.
As we’ve written on Bored Panda earlier, if you live without boundaries, you’re essentially living at the expense of yourself. It’s fine to make sacrifices for those you love. However, if it’s you who always has to make them, something’s clearly not right. You cannot prioritize others all the time, otherwise, you’ll burn out and live with lots of resentment.
If you keep all of those thoughts and feelings of others using you inside of you without communicating them, all of that frustration is going to keep building and building. Meanwhile, if you share your thoughts and set clear expectations, it makes life easier for absolutely everyone. Including yourself!
Image credits: fauxels (not the actual photo)
Actively listening to your family members and looking for compromises can help
According to the Better Health Channel, if you’re ever in a family conflict, some things to help you navigate it include staying calm, avoiding bringing up unrelated issues from the past, and remembering that—at the end of the day—you’re all on the same team. Families have arguments. It doesn’t mean that they stop being families.
Meanwhile, another important aspect to keep in mind about arguments is that you ought to do your best to play the role of a good listener. That means putting in the effort to really get to grips with what the other person is saying. Consider their perspective. Be open to compromises. And do your best to make sure that everyone’s on the same page when you do come to a consensus. That way, there will be less ambiguity in the future.
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
The woman also shared some more context in the comments of her post
Most readers were on her side. Here’s what they had to say about the spot of family drama
The post “It’s My Own Personal Clubhouse”: Woman Fixes Up The ‘Creepy’ Room In Her Basement, Her Sister Wants It To Be The Family Room Now first appeared on Bored Panda.
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