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I (28F) have been with my fiancé (30M) for seven years, engaged for three, and our wedding is now exactly two months away. At this point, everything is done. The venue is paid. The catering is paid. The photographer is paid. The invitations are out, the RSVPs are in, the décor is sitting in my parents’ garage, and my dress is hanging in a garment bag in my closet, waiting for its final fitting.
From the outside, it probably looks like my life is going exactly as it should.
But I feel like I’m suffocating.
For the past few months, something has been off. At first, I thought it was the typical “bridal stress” everyone jokes about.
My mom kept telling me, “All brides get cold feet, don’t worry”
Image credits: Paige Johnson (not the actual photo)
My friends said the same thing – that doubt is basically a wedding tradition at this point.
But it doesn’t feel like cold feet. It feels like quicksand. Like the more I try to talk myself into feeling excited, the deeper I sink.
Part of the problem is my relationship itself. My fiancé is a good person. He works hard, he’s responsible, and he’s always been loyal. But as we get closer to the wedding, I’ve become painfully aware of the things that have always been missing but I ignored because I thought they would change with time or maturity.
He’s never been emotionally expressive. When I try to talk about how I feel, he doesn’t really meet me there – instead, he explains why my feelings are “not logical,” as if that fixes anything. He says it with a calm voice, like he’s being reasonable, but it leaves me feeling invisible.
Affection has always been… minimal.
He kisses my forehead instead of my lips, pats my back instead of hugging, and avoids anything he calls “high school behavior”
Image credits: Toa Heftiba (not the actual photo)
It sounds silly, but there’s something deeply lonely about being in a relationship where affection feels like an inconvenience.
He’s never fully opened up to me. His phone is always face down – not because he’s cheating, but because he thinks privacy is “a default boundary.” He keeps his deeper thoughts guarded. I don’t think he’s hiding anything dramatic… I just don’t think he knows how to let someone in.
And in our day-to-day life, his job consistently takes priority
Image credits: Studio Republic (not the actual photo)
If something comes up at work, our plans evaporate. If I need flexibility, he calls it “bad timing.” Somewhere along the line, I slowly became the adaptable one – the one who shifts, rearranges, adjusts. I didn’t notice it happening until recently.
None of these issues were dealbreakers when I was 21 and in love for the first time. But now that I’m 28 and expected to promise the rest of my life to someone, I’m looking at these small cracks and wondering whether they are actually huge structural problems.
And then… there’s the part I’m most ashamed of.
A few months ago, I met someone. Not romantically – nothing inappropriate happened.
He’s a coworker of a friend; we met at a casual get-together
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual photo)
But the moment we started talking, I felt something shift in me.
He made eye contact. He actually listened. He asked questions and remembered the answers. He laughed easily. He talked openly about his own life, his fears, his hopes — things my fiancé considers “pointless oversharing.”
I’m not saying I fell for this person. I didn’t. I don’t even know him well enough for that.
But I felt a spark I hadn’t felt in years, and it terrified me.
Because it wasn’t about him. It was about the fact that a simple conversation with a stranger felt more emotionally intimate than most conversations with the man I’m supposed to marry.
Ever since that day, my doubts – which were quiet before – have been screaming
Image credits: Caleb George (not the actual photo)
When I imagine the wedding, I don’t feel joy. I feel pressure. Noise. A giant machine that’s already moving, and I’m being pushed along the conveyor belt.
People have spent money. People are booked for travel. Both families are excited. Everything is in motion, and stopping it would be catastrophic.
But moving forward feels like betraying myself.
I’ve seen people online say, “Better to call off a wedding now than divorce later,” but that feels like movie logic
Image credits: Katy Duclos (not the actual photo)
In real life, brides don’t run away dramatically – they smile for the photos and pretend everything is perfect because stopping it would blow up multiple lives.
I don’t know if my doubts are fear, cold feet, or the truth I never wanted to acknowledge.
I just know that the closer the wedding gets, the more wrong everything feels.
So… AITA for wanting to cancel my wedding – even though it’s two months away, everything is paid for, both families are excited, and part of my doubt comes from realizing I might be capable of feeling something deeper for someone who isn’t my fiancé?\
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