We often think that the biggest thing parents stress about is childcare. However, an untidy home can cause just as big a headache as deciding which parenting strategy is best. Surprisingly, 60% of parents say that the cleanliness of their home is a major stressor in their lives.
Sometimes, their fears of guests seeing it are founded. This couple, for example, faced threats of CPS from the grandparents because their home looked too messy for the in-laws’ standards. According to them, it was hazardous to the new baby. But when the couple shared their story online, people deduced that the in-laws had grossly overstepped boundaries.
In-laws threatened a couple with calling CPS if they didn’t get their messy house under control
Image credits: freepik / freepik (not the actual photo)
The couple wondered whether the in-laws were right or straight-up manipulative
Image credits: bearfotos / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Basic-Refrigerator93
Parents often don’t find enough time for cleaning and organizing
Keeping a clean house as a parent is not easy. Even people without children admit that cleanliness is one of the hardest things they have to do as adults. In fact, one survey shows that 24% of Americans think keeping a tidy house is harder than their regular 9-to-5 job.
When kids come into the picture, it can become even more difficult to find time for tidying up. Some parents can’t even find 10 minutes to take a shower, let alone do laundry, wash the dishes, and sweep the floors. As kids grow up, they make even more messes, so it’s only downhill from there.
Parents do stress about untidy homes, but experts say that mothers are particularly affected. “Even in homes where the labor is divided pretty equally between partners, there’s often one person who takes more of the stress over appearance,” says Bonnie Scott, a licensed psychotherapist in Texas and the host of the Work and Wellness podcast.
According to a 2024 study, moms take on an average of seven to 10 household tasks. Fathers, in turn, manage around 45% of those tasks. Mothers take on more daily jobs like childcare and cleaning, while dads do “episodic” tasks like keeping the finances in order and home repairs.
A disastrously untidy home isn’t just an eyesore; it’s also a source of stress for those who live there. Relationships with family members might even deteriorate because of a messy home. As a 2023 survey shows, 46% of Americans say that messiness causes tension between them and family members. 35% of the respondents admit to arguing about cleanliness and tidying up, and for 33%, it’s a “source of stress on a daily basis.”
A normal family house will always have signs of wear and habitation
Image credits: eduard / unsplash (not the actual photo)
But what is a messy house? Clearly, as evident from this story, what’s a mess to one person might seem like a normal, uncluttered house to another. Family members often disagree about what “clean and organized” means, and that’s why arguments and resentments arise.
Some would argue that a messy house is a house that’s lived in. Bonnie Scott says that the pressure to always have a perfect, tidy house comes from comparing ourselves to people we see in the media we consume. “Comparing your space to others is in no way helpful, because you don’t live in those spaces,” she explains. “We can treat those magazine shots, HGTV reveals and social media posts as what they really are: art-directed spaces presented as perfection.”
It’s important to remember that we seldom see other people’s spaces the way we see our own. Before we come to visit, most people have scrubbed and neatly organized for a few hours beforehand.
KC Davis, a therapist and author of How to Keep House While Drowning, told Vox that a clean house doesn’t have to be sterile with no hair out of place. “As long as things are sanitary, people aren’t going to remember what it looks like. They’re going to remember the way that they felt and the time that they had while they were there.”
The in-laws had a pattern of overstepping boundaries: “What they do isn’t okay”
Commenters urged the couple to enforce strict boundaries and go no-contact if necessary
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / freepik (not the actual photo)
The author came back with a surprising update: “Under no circumstances is she to go to them”
Image credits: Basic-Refrigerator93
People congratulated the author for standing their ground and urged them not to give in to the in-laws’ further manipulations
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