When you realize that a friend or romantic partner is toxic, ending that relationship should be a no-brainer. But it’s a bit more complicated when it comes to family members, as they’re expected to be in our lives permanently, no matter what.
One man, however, has been estranged from his parents and siblings for the past five years. And over time, he realized that was probably for the best. But now, he’s reaching out to the internet for advice because his mother has suddenly decided that it’s time for him to reunite with the family. Below, you’ll find the full story that he shared on Reddit, as well as some of the responses invested readers left him.
It’s never easy to become estranged from your family members
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But over time, this man realized that being away from his family was actually for the best
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Readers assured the author that he was allowed to enforce boundaries with his family, and he joined in on the conversation
Then, the author shared an update on what had happened since his family reached out
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38% of adults in the United States are estranged from at least one family member
If you’re close with your family, you might not be able to imagine going five weeks, let alone five years, without talking to them. But the truth is, not everyone is lucky enough to have siblings that they are best friends with or parents that love and respect them. Sometimes, the healthiest decision a person can make is to simply cut ties and protect their own mental health.
According to a 2025 YouGov survey, 38% of adults in the United States are currently estranged from a sibling, parent, child, grandparent, and/or grandchild. Over half the time, one person in the relationship made that choice, while 19% of the time, the decision was mutual. Meanwhile, 5% of the time, someone else cut off the relationship, and 18% of the time, both parties simply grew apart.
When it comes to parent-child relationships that become estranged, the kids are nearly twice as likely to say that it was their choice to cut off their parents than the other way around. The same is true for grandchild-grandparent relationships.
But just because family members become estranged at some point doesn’t mean that their relationship is doomed forever. 70% of children say that they would be willing to reconcile with their estranged family members, while 66% of grandchildren say the same.
45% of siblings, 35% of parents, and 40% of grandparents would also like to rebuild relationships with estranged relatives. To do so, however, the issue that caused the estrangement in the first place would need to be resolved.
Repairing relationships after estrangement takes effort from both sides
YouGov reports that some of the most commonly cited reasons for family estrangements include personality conflicts, lies or betrayal, manipulative behavior, conflicts with other family members, conflicting values or lifestyles, growing apart, mental illness, money or property disputes, substance use issues, and political or religious disagreements.
Deciding whether or not to reunite can be tricky, especially if you’re unsure of where your family currently stands. You may not want to open old wounds or give your relatives the opportunity to hurt you again. Wondermind notes that it’s important to first determine if they truly understand your experience and their part in it.
If they have apologized and acknowledged your feelings and appear to be coming from a genuine place, it might be worth giving them a second chance. It’s also crucial that their words and actions line up. Make sure that they’re not just saying what you want to hear. After all, actions speak louder than words.
At the same time, you have to accept the limitations of your estranged relatives and have reasonable expectations for them. You cannot expect them to transform into completely different people, so you have to find healthy ways to react to their behavior.
If you know that they’ll make some comments that bother you, you may need to prepare yourself for how you’ll respond. Repairing the relationship will not be easy, but if both parties are willing to put in the work, it can be worth it.
Again, readers shared supportive messages, and the author shared even more details about his situation
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