We all want to surround ourselves with positive energy and nice people. After all, no man is an island and we all live in close proximity to one another.
In some cases, however, dealing with other people may be a daunting task. Some people in particular may be very difficult to be around. Think of that selfish relative everyone in your family avoids, or that manipulative coworker who seems to live for the drama.
“What are subtle signs that someone is a ‘bad’ person?” someone wondered on Ask Reddit, and the question hit a soft spot for many. Below we wrapped up the most illuminating responses and red flags that people see in those they don’t want to cross paths with.
Most of us like labeling and generalizing people and things into categories. We may see some things as good, others as bad. That’s especially true when talking about other people, who we may be tempted to call a “good” or a “bad” person.
So to find out more about the psychology behind categorizing things and people into polar opposites, we reached out to Helen Marlo, a licensed clinical psychologist and Jungian psychoanalyst who provides psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, and consultation. Helen, who is also a Professor of Clinical Psychology and the Department Chair at Notre Dame de Namur University, was happy to share some very interesting insights into the topic with us.
#1
Mean to animals or service workers
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#2
Using religion as an excuse or forcing their beliefs on others.
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#3
Animals don’t like them
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#4
They litter
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#5
Not returning the shopping cart to the corral. It shows that they’re too lazy and self-centered to do a small task that prevents damage to someone else’s property.
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#6
When they refuse to wear a mask during a global pandemic.
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#7
Bashing or being rude to service staff.
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#8
They never take accountability for their actions. No matter the situation, it always someone else’s fault.
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#9
If someone regularly complains about their friends behind their back to you, chances are they are complaining about you as well. Steer clear of people like this.
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#10
They only do nice things when they want something in return.
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#11
they only interact with you when it’s convenient for them and they’re never happy for other people’s successes
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#12
Anyone who starts a sentence with ‘I’m not racist, but…’
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#13
When someone says ‘lighten up’ or ‘it was just a joke’ when they say something offensive. It’s deflecting from the offended person’s feelings, and it’s an invalidation method. It’s often used as a way for the toxic person to feel okay about making sexist/racist/homophobic-leaning jokes or micro-aggressions.
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#14
They make little belittling comments about everyone.
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#15
Moral elitism, especially the subtle kind. If you have to tell us you’re this perfect wholesome empath healer every 5 seconds, you’re probably hiding something.
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#16
People who always have to one-up you. I have a work colleague who, if I mention I have a headache, has to counteract with all of her aches and pains and explain that what I feel can’t possibly compare. It’s not a competition.
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#17
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”
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#18
They find out really personal information about you and use it against you in front of people or at their sickest convenience. Cough sister in law cough.
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#19
“I’ve got no filter…”
Tends to go with people who do rude things just because they’re “not allowed” to do them.
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#20
When they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong after saying something hurtful, and they just tell the person to ‘get over it’ or say something like, ‘Why do you care what they say?’ Because hurtful words HURT. THEY HARM PEOPLE.
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#21
People who pull the ‘silent treatment.’ You’re a grown-ass adult. Stop acting like a 4-year-old.
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#22
When someone writes you off as ‘crazy’ or ‘dumb’ for disagreeing with them. Instead of engaging in an argument or discussion, they try to win by diminishing your credibility and breaking down your confidence.
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#23
when someone is a bad listener (but likes to talk abut themselves) . Sounds like a minor thing but at the core of it is lack of empathy. It’s an early sign of toxicity
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#24
From the most important to the least:
They take small digs at you or your life, unprovoked.
They put doubt in your perception.
They make you feel awful about being yourself.
They feel insulted when they shouldn’t be.
They bring you down.
They think they’re better than others.
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#25
I’m usually wary of people who say, ‘I just call it as I see it’ or ‘I’m just blunt!’ As if those are virtues. I feel like they use it as an excuse to hurt people’s feelings.
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#26
“If you loved me you’d…”
I’ve been guilty of this one and someone mentioned that in a similar thread. I’ve done my best to be better ever since.
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#27
When someone constantly brings up the past. They can’t and won’t let it go, no matter how many times you explain and apologize, and they hold it against you every time.
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#28
When they lie about really mundane, meaningless things. It might not seem like a big deal in the moment, but they’re probably just not a truthful person in any situation.
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#29
When they’re rude to teachers for no reason. Like, when they try to be ‘funny’ but it’s not funny at all.
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#30
When they constantly tell you how incredible they are (attractive, smart, etc). Some try to be subtle about it and will tell you stories about how others think they’re so incredible, but it’s the same principle.
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#31
When they have to keep telling you something about themselves, it’s usually a sign they’re guilty of the thing they’re trying to convince you they’re not. Such as, ‘I don’t lie,’ ‘I’m not a liar,’ ‘I never lie,’ ‘I hate liars,’ etc. That person is probably a pathological liar.
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#32
When all of their other relationships are toxic. Like, they don’t have a great relationship with any of their other friends, and they don’t have a great relationship with any of their family/chosen family.
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