Honesty is, usually, the best policy when it comes to being a great partner to your spouse. None of us, as far as we know, have the ability to read minds and know of issues that may be festering inside one another’s minds, so speaking about it all is necessary for any good relationship to work. 

However, there are certain things that are better to keep secret for the overall good of everyone. Married people of this Reddit community discussed just that in a thread that went viral and we’re bringing the top answers to you today. 

#1

I witnessed my son walking for the first time about a month before she saw him walk. She was struggling with post partum depression and upset she wasn’t the mom she wanted to be. I’m taking that one to the grave.

Image credits: Rusl21

#2

An emergency gift stash for when the partner has a bad day. My emergency stash for my wife is mostly chocolate.

fluffyfistoffury replied:
As soon as my wife figured out I had a secret chocolate stash for her bad days, she started ‘having bad days’ more often just to get all the chocolate. Then she got upset when it was all gone.

Image credits: Muffin3319

#3

I’ve been playing Mario Kart 200cc by myself for a few years now. I’m really good. My husband beats me all the time, but it’s usually because I let him. It’s my deathbed secret.

lackaface replied:
That’s cute, but f**k that. When I game with my man, I’m out for blood. Same with the kids.

Image credits: arihkerra

#4

I worked very hard with my kids to ensure their first word was Mama. When she wasn’t around I was going, “ma-ma-ma-ma” to the kids. Being a mom is everything to her, and I wanted her to have that cherished moment of being the first word they said. I will never tell her that.

Image credits: NiceTuBeNice

#5

The size and nature of your bowel movements please if you are my husband reading this honey please no

Extremely_unlikeable replied:
Please ask my boyfriend not to send pictures, even if it looks like a heart.

spooky_upstairs replied:
But romance.

Image credits: spooky_upstairs

#6

My husband has no idea how many times I eat a cheeseburger on the way home from work. That’s the only acceptable secret to keep.

VicePrincipalNero replied:
My mother-in-law was an appallingly awful cook who grew up in the Depression and refused to throw away food, no matter how bad it was
After they died, I was going through decades’ worth of old paperwork. I discovered that my father-in-law would stop at Burger King every single day for a survival meal during his daily walks.

Image credits: dumplenut

#7

On the day I got married my dad pulled me aside and gave me this one piece of advice “you don’t have to tell her everything.” I was flummoxed, did my dad have a secret family in Florida that he was visiting on those long business trips? No, thirty years later I realized he didn’t mean “keep secrets” he meant “don’t always tell her dinner tastes burned, don’t always tell her when someone says something mean about her, don’t always tell her that the children clothes look dumb.” Of course it would have helped a lot if he had actually said that but perhaps he wanted me to learn the hard way. This morning my wife asked me “now, be serious does this dress look nice or does it look like I’m trying too hard to look like a teenager?” I honestly thought she looked great, and I told her.

Image credits: hardwareweenie

#8

That you would, in fact, not love them if they were a worm

Sure_Ad_9858 replied:
My partner said he would build me a ‘worm sanctuary’ and allow me to live in a tank at his home so I wouldn’t die on the streets. I found that very sweet. I told him he could date other people, and thanks for not letting me die.

Image credits: Remolee

#9

My partner thinks he makes a great Bolognese sauce, the kids and I are not fans. My kids try and distract him out of the kitchen so I can add seasoning and tomato paste every time he cooks it.

Image credits: charlieblazer21

#10

I take care of the bills. My husband has no clue about any of our bills. I’ve been secretly overpaying our mortgage by $800 every month for over a year, going to principal. I’ll continue to do so. And then one day it will be a nice surprise.

Image credits: nashatherenoqueen

#11

That the reason the dog has horrible farts wasn’t because ‘dogs just do that sometimes’, it’s because I needed to get rid of leftover black beans and he was there.

Image credits: Conch-Republic

#12

I let my wife experience all the big things with the kids first. She’s a shift worker covering both day and night 12 hour shifts and no two weeks of roster are ever the same, so we have a rather sporadic home life where we are all home at the same time. If the kids have happened to have done any of the milestone events when it’s just been me at home I’ve kept quiet about it and been excited (genuinely) when she’s witnessed them “first” and calls me in the room or tells me about it. I figure it helps her not feel like she’s missing out on the family.

Image credits: _ficklelilpickle

#13

I’m sure I’m too late for this to be seen. One day I woke up with a blocked ear, had a shower and let the warm water run into my ear. Small spider came out and ear instantly unblocked.

If I told my partner this she’d literally never sleep again.

Image credits: xlr8_87

#14

Your other friends secrets. When a buddy of mines partner started talking about something I explicitly said not to share with anyone I had to reevaluate what I would share with him in the future. Part of me kinda expects their spouse to know what I’ve told them, but when you know your spouse is a gossip, don’t expect me to ever open up to you again especially if I’ve already told you to keep it a secret.

Image credits: Zayt08

#15

Where you keep the emergency candy.

unicornfarthappyhour replied:
I hide my chocolate in an empty box of Raisin Bran.

Image credits: Karma8719

#16

If you ever slept with their mom or dad years before meeting them. There is no coming back from telling them in any situation.

I’m 100% serious.

Image credits: hittsme91

#17

not married but i rarely tell my bf that he’s already told me a story/explained something about one of his interests to me before. it’s so cute to see him get excited about it and a lot of the time i’ll pick up on details i didn’t get the previous times and learn something new.

Image credits: _h4sh_br0wn_

#18

Spoilers for a show you have watched before, but are rewatching with them.

Fredx7_2 replied:
My wife and I are watching Game of Thrones at the moment, which is my first time. She’ll say, ‘If you don’t do XYZ chore, I’ll tell you what happens to Joffrey/Jon/Sansa/etc.’ (This is all good-natured and fun, btw.)

Image credits: FlowersInMyHair923

#19

I was given s**t in another sub when I said I’d never told my husband any details of the horrible bullying I experienced in school. I’m not comfortable divulging that, and it isn’t something he needs to know.

Image credits: California_Sun1112

#20

That you prematurely threw out leftovers…and if my husband is reading this. No you didnt.

Image credits: JessAN45

#21

If someone talks s**t about them (your family, friends) you don’t need to tell them. You can stand up for them and leave it at that; I don’t need to hear every thought my MIL has about our wedding.

Action_Nad replied:
I’m the opposite. I give my wife full details so we can shark-attack their punk a**es together.

Image credits: maplesyrupwinter

#22

What partner was best in bed, had the best d**k/tits, anything they can’t realistically change or control.

Image credits: No_Dragonfruit_302

#23

That I didn’t actually play a good round of golf, it was total s**t, I hooked 90 percent of my drives, 4 putted half the greens, lost 10 balls, and swore I’d never play this stupid sport again. All she needs to know is it was good and I’d like to go again next weekend… please

#24

That you don’t really love their new haircut/outfit.

Image credits: Responsible_Wish1094

#25

Your Reddit ID

Image credits: LogicalGold5264

#26

Your p**n preferences. At best, they’ll feel pressured to perform some of those things when, sometimes, you aren’t really interested in *doing* those things, you just like looking at it. That might lead to some feelings of inadequacy.

Image credits: edgarpickle

#27

Smelled something gamey behind the kitchen stove in a place we were renting.

Pulled the back off it, found a fried mouse shaped object frozen in a rockclimbing move across the live terminals.

“Find anything honey?” from the loungeroom.

“Nah, nothing darl” as I discreetly yeeted it into the outside bin,

#28

I let the dog on the couch when my husband isn’t around. He has a strict “absolutely no dogs on the couch or bed” rule. I just love cuddling her so much. There are few things that bring me as much joy as watching her nuzzle her face into my leg and listening to her little snores. I just sit there not moving for as long as i can taking in every moment.

#29

When you don’t really care about something that they enjoy. Just smile & let them talk about it. Even if it’s the damn Dallas Cowboys like in my case. Lmao.

#30

the general rule is if the secret is being kept for their benefit and not for yours, it’s ok to keep it.

#31

This may be a contentious topic but your spouse isn’t your therapist. Some things are above their pay grade.

#32

If you cheated, ever, and it’s long over and you’re feeling like you need to come clean with the truth, do not tell me. If I didn’t know and it was a decade ago, l don’t want to.

I once saw someone make a confession bedside in the ER as a traffic accident victim was slipping away, and I will never forget how hurt she looked. We (ER staff) were there to hear her later say why the f**k did he bother telling her that, and you know what, we agreed. She coded the same night and that was that.

#33

The fact that he has a small flat a*s…he doesn’t need to know what parts of him I find unattractive.

#34

Where you keep your secret stash of the good biscuits

#35

Things that were told to you in strict confidence that don’t relate to your partner

Image credits: fermat9996

#36

If you went off to have a cheeky takeaway or snack without telling them.

#37

Three different things here:
Secrets, private things, and surprises.

Secrets come from a place of fear, shame or guilt. You’re afraid of how they would react, guilty about the action, or ashamed of it.
No secrets.

Things can be private and do not need to be shared, but those are things that are not/should not be impactful to your partner, and if they ask, it’s up to you to share, with the understanding if you don’t there can be a loss of trust by both you and your partner.
They might lose trust in you sharing things and you’ll lose trust in them for not accepting that the private thing is not impactful/important to the relationship.

Lastly, there are surprises- these are just things that are hidden/concealed for a short time, like presents/gifts or trips etc.

Image credits: Drac73521

#38

What you’re getting them as a gift.

Image credits: CrabbiestAsp

#39

Depends on the relationship. It’s whatever is agreed upon by both parties. There is no rule book. Things need to be defined most of the time or s**t will get real. A couples counselor I knew said this always causes issues. “Well of course you can’t ___, everyone knows in a marriage you can’t.” But it’s b******t. There is no rule book. Figure it out and talk it to death. What is cheating. Is dancing? What about a foot rub? What about nude images? P**n? Rub and tugs? Late night texting? Discuss it in depth.

#40

Fast food pit stops without them or watching a show without them (and pretending like you haven’t seen it yet while watching it with them.)

#41

That someone you dated in the past was better than your current partner in some way.

If the other person was smarter or better in bed or funnier or whatever, don’t f*****g ever say it. Ever.

#42

Gifts you have gotten them or are going to get them. Something that will ruin a lovely surprise (if they hate surprises, then spoil it and let them know they need to be surprised). The secrets of friends or family, unless they will impact your relationship negatively.
Details about previous partners, like secrets, insecurities, and stuff like that.
And I’m sure there are other things too. But I don’t think there should be a lot of secrets in a relationship, but some are okay, and other things don’t need to be mentioned even though they aren’t really secrets.

#43

I don’t discuss my lingerie shopping with him. I keep it secret to surprise him.

#44

Other people who are romantically interested in you. They may exist. The fact that they’re interested in you may even be flattering and offer a temporary boost to your self-esteem. Your partner doesn’t need to know about each time you’re flirted with or if someone shows interest in you. Just state that you’re happy, in love, and involved with someone, and for the love of god–don’t reciprocate. Just smile, say thank you, and keep it moving.

Your partner doesn’t want to feel like they have a steady stream of competition all because some random a*s person said you had nice arms or a nice smile or whatevs.

#45

A small enough amount of money that if s**t ever hit the fan and you split up, you’re alright for a few months

Image credits: DefinitelyNotADave

#46

Classified information

Image credits: mtwstr

#47

Deployment zones in the military.

#48

My MIL told me, if she had the chance to do it all again, she wouldn’t get married and have kids.

She was awesome and she loved her family but she suffered a lot of anxiety and depression.

I will never, ever, tell my husband.

#49

How much I actually spent on the kids at Target.

Now, we have separate accounts. My money is mine. His is his. Our bills are paid. But I can already hear the groaning he’d do if I admitted that every single thing I got was full price and NOT a good deal.

Simply saying “don’t worry, it wasn’t that much.” Seems to be our best bet.

#50

What you’re reading (generally). My spouse does not need to know I read stupid romance and fairy books. He just knows I love to read fiction.

#51

It’s really OK not to talk about every particle of your past. Some things need to be left behind and never spoken of again. Don’t ruin the image they have of you.

#52

The answer to “Does this dress make me look fat?”

#53

Abuse/trauma that happened to you. It’ll be up to you to share that once you feel comfortable

#54

Me and my spouse both have careers involving protected information, so we keep a lot about our work days private.

I know people who have kept childhood trauma to themselves and didn’t want their partners to know. I think that’s fair.

#55

Body count.

Dont ask. Dont tell.

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