“Swallows Up Her Whole Ring Finger”: Guy Upset About Fiancee’s Ring Enhancer

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Engagement-related matters leading up to the big yes (hopefully) can get pretty stressful, from thinking of the right time and the place, to getting the right engagement ring.

So it’s not surprising that when a person does find the ring, they might not want others to add to it. At least the redditor u/JackkHammerr didn’t. He opened up to the AITA community about how he felt when his MIL gave his fiancée a $3,000 ring enhancer and asked if he was being a jerk about it. But the internet didn’t have a unanimous answer.

Choosing the right engagement ring might be more difficult than it seems

Image credits: JackkHammerr

This redditor wasn’t happy about his fiancée adding a ring enhancer to the engagement ring he picked out

Image credits: JackkHammerr

Feeling anxious about the engagement does not mean the the soon-to-be-wed are not happy about it

Even though finding the right place, the right time, and the right ring are all valid worries, they might not be the main or the only sources of stress. Another thing that often accompanies popping the question is engagement anxiety, often stemming from the gravity of the decision.

Marriage and family therapist Marni Feuerman pointed out that having anxiety is not indicative of people being unhappy about the engagement. “Do a bit of self-reflection first to get clear on what you are anxious about,” she suggested in the HuffPost for those anxious about their upcoming union. “You can bring it up without hurting his or her feelings by first confirming your happiness about being engaged before talking about your anxiety.”

She added that a person’s significant other might feel the same way, so starting a discussion on the topic might be beneficial for both sides. “This is an opportunity for you both to calm each other’s worries and get clarification on topics triggering negative feelings,” she explained.

The expert emphasized that getting engaged means being one step closer to a lifelong commitment; and with it might come anxiety about other matters as well, such as planning the wedding itself, merging the two families, and figuring out financial arrangements, among other things.

Image credits: Jesus Arias (not the actual photo)

Choosing the right ring can be quite a headache

All the other engagement-related worries aside, choosing the right ring alone can be stressful enough, especially if it’s a surprise proposal. It might seem like a pretty straightforward task, but the deeper you delve into it, the more things there are to consider or choose from, whether relating to the cut, the band, the size, or any other detail of the ring.

To make matters worse, what’s beautiful to the one proposing might not be equally as enchanting to the person being proposed to, which is why it’s important to know your partner well (and to figure out their ring size somehow, which might call for a secret mission or involving some of their friends or family). The way to solve this might be shopping for a ring together, which, according to the Brides Magazine, roughly 62% of couples tend to do nowadays.

Another common headache when it comes to choosing an engagement ring is the price. Even though there are many myths and legends surrounding the matter (for instance, that it has to be worth the amount of one’s last three months of salary), the reality is that the question is way too subjective to have one universal answer to it.

Image credits: Taisuke usui (not the actual photo)

The price of the engagement ring is a subjective matter, no matter the myths surrounding it

A 2022 survey by The Knot pointed out that prices for an engagement ring do differ from couple to couple. It found that $6,000 was the national average cost, but pointed out that roughly one-in-three respondents are willing to pay anywhere between $1,000 to $4,000, and nearly 10% are something below the $1,000 mark. The survey emphasized that the price may vary depending on numerous factors, such as the region; for example, the difference in price between people in the Mid-Atlantic and the Midwest is over $3,000, as people pay an average of $8,400 and $5,200 respectively for an engagement ring.

The Knot also revealed where the three months’ salary guideline comes from, suggesting that its origins date back to the 1930s. That’s when the De Beers diamond retail company launched their marketing campaign portraying diamond engagement rings as the true symbol of love and encouraging people to allocate one month of salary to buying them. Over time, it increased the diamond sales in the country, as well as the amount of money one was expected to spend on a ring; in other words, the number of months one was expected to work before they could afford buying one.

For the OP, it wasn’t about the money; it was more about the fact that, in his opinion, the engagement ring should be from him, and adding something from another person—no matter how close—was not right. His views seemingly split the redditors into camps; and after reading comments from people from both sides, he updated them with an addition on his post.