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No lie remains uncovered. The truth always comes out, even with the most mundane fibs. It’s just a matter of when the other person sees right through you.

But for some people, sticking to their conjured-up truths appears to matter more. This was likely the case for these patients, whose absurd lies had their doctors shaking their heads in disbelief.

Their stories were a topic of discussion in a recent Reddit thread, which would likely be embarrassing if they ever read about it.

#1

During Covid we did a lot of telemedicine. People were used to just living their life on video anyway and it was pretty surreal. I’d have to ask people perhaps not to be getting dressed in their walk-in closet while we were trying to do a visit, things like that

My favorite was asking someone how much he’s currently drinking and he told me that he stopped drinking a long time ago. He was in his bedroom, sitting on his bed, surrounded by bottles of beer and liquor. Some half empty, most empty, some glasses with leftover beer and what not. So I asked him how to explain the “late on a Saturday night bar tableau,” and he said oh well that was just one time because it was just my birthday. I had to explain that I’m looking at his chart and his birthday was like 10 months ago.

#2

Paediatrician here. Toddlers aren’t brilliant liars. About an hour ago:

“Did you put the bead in your nose?”

2yo: No!

“So where is the bead from this bracelet?”

2yo: I don’t know!

*2 minutes later, after extracting said bead from said nose*

“How did this get up there?”

2yo: [thinks for a bit]… Bluey put it there!

…. Repeat ad infinitum.

#3

“Do you smoke?”

“No, I quit”

“Congratulations that’s great, how long ago did you quit?”

“This morning”.

#4

Oh, it’s always the classic lie about not smoking when the smell of cigarettes is practically burning my nose and eyes from the moment I walk in the room. “My roommate smokes,” they say with nicotine-stained fingernails.

#5

“I only had one drink.”

Sir was trying to fight the hospital curtain 10 seconds later.

#6

Not a doctor – I was in preop interviewing a patient before his surgery. I asked if he had anything to eat today and he said “no”. When I pointed out that he was covered in food trash and crumbs (rice, etc) he started picking at the food on his chest and eating it.

#7

Nurse not a doctor. I had a patient once tell me he’s not diabetic. His fasting sugar was in the 300s and he had one leg (amputated due to PVD, common diabetes complication).

#8

Nurse here. “Sir, do you use any recreational d***s?” (while holding his d**g screen results in my hand that shows positive for several.)

Patient “No.”

Me “Never? You sure?”

Patient “No. Never.”

🤔.

#9

Not a doctor but my BFF is a surgeon and his #1 peeve is people lying and saying they “didn’t eat before surgery”. They eventually confesses when he scares it out of them then has to cancel their surgeries.

I don’t know the specifics but apparently eating before surgery can be fatal.

#10

I’m not a doctor, but my dentist asks me if I floss every single day, and we both just sit there and participate in the lie together.

#11

I had a patient tell me he hadn’t done substances in a long time. I asked him how long is a long time. He said “You mean more than two bumps?”

SIR, I mean more than zero bumps. So anyways, it was earlier that day.

#12

A lot of people are saying d***s or alcohol, but I’ve found patients to be mostly pretty straight forward about them. Possibly just my patient population.

With one exception, though…. M**h. It’s bizarre. I, at least weekly, have this exact conversation:

“Do you use any m**h?”
“No”
“Okay, when was the last time you used m**h?”
“About 2 days ago”

It’s so strange. I’m convinced it’s some neurologic/cognitive sequela of m**h rather than volitional, just because of how frequently and stereotypically it happens, and how readily they offer it up after I ask it in a different way.

#13

I used to work newborn nursery and the number of moms who would swear up and down they’d never touched a d**g in their entire life and then baby tests positive for c*****e or m**h or whatever…

Also loved in the ER the number of straight edge virgins with +urine for pregnancy and d***s

Parents who bring in their kid with seizures and swear the kid has never missed a dose of their medicine and the blood level in the kid is zero*

Had a dad get mad the ER doc was taking photos of his kids bruises and said “back in my day we would just say kids play rough but now everybody thinks you’re hurting your child!” ER doc: uhhh. He’s three months old. And the bruise is on his eyelid.

#14

My spouse is a physician and it’s 💯alcohol. How much, how often, how drunk they are right at the moment.

Hospital physicians are really good at telling when people are secret alcoholics.

Edit: I don’t know how they know, but it’s definitely a universal thing. Even one of my friends who is the same type of physician has the same uncanny ability as my spouse.

I’m a criminal defense attorney so I’m pretty good at telling when someone is on m**h but that’s not based on scientific knowledge in the slightest 🫶

Second edit: I don’t really care about your “bad doctor!” anecdotes. It’s just something I’ve noticed over the years. Sorry that some of you have had bad experiences with the medical establishment.

#15

That they take their medication as prescribed consistently and have never missed a dose, or never missed more than one or two days. I even ask this question in a way that normalizes missing doses because that’s reality. A shocking number just insist they’re perfectly compliant.

The problem is that I can see when a script was filled, know the count dispensed both because it’s in the record and because I wrote the rx, and I know how to count.

Ultimately, I just started referring to this as, “patient math”, which works differently than regular math. In patient math, a 30-day script confidently claimed to be taken as prescribed perfectly somehow can last well beyond 30 days. Who knew.

#16

“sure doc, I floss a few times a week” I say through my bleeding gums.

#17

The most obvious lie? Had a patient tell me, in preop, before a surgery for which he was supposed to be fasting, “I haven’t had anything to eat or drink today.”

His mouth was absolutely rimmed in powdered sugar. There was a donut bag sticking out of his bag. Pretty freaking obvious.

#18

PCP here. I guess you wouldn’t be shocked by this… but people compartmentalize substances into arbitrary categories and I need to list each individual substance, followed by form. “Do you do kava, kratom, cannabis? Do you smoke? Chew? Pen? Pouch? Hookah? Hotbox?”
One of my patients has been taking kratom for years with no prior documentation and all sorts of unexplained labs. 4tsp 5 times a day.

#19

As a vet, more of a client lie than a patient.

“He’s friendly and doesn’t bite!” As the dog was literally biting into and latched onto my assistant’s hand (he had thick handling gloves on thankfully). I stared at the owner in disbelief and he doubled down and said even more firmly, “He doesn’t bite!”. Unfortunately this is not an uncommon issue.

My assistant is a certified dog trainer so he knows how to handle aggressive dogs, but it still attacked unprovoked. This client came to us because multiple previous clinics were unable to handle his dog due to extreme aggression.

#20

“I have no idea why my child’s bottom is bruised”, “I have no idea how my baby got a femur fracture from me putting them to bed”

Yeah ok 🙄.

#21

Obligatory not a doctor. Worked in a NICU as a tech a long time ago.

Lady insists she rushed in her baby (with obvious congenital issues) to hospital RIGHT after home birth. Definitely didn’t wait with it! What kind of a mother would wait around while her baby needed urgent medical attention?

Baby was at least one month old, dressed in a little outfit with a ribbon on her head. Lady had her hair and makeup perfectly done, too. There were no previous medical records on the child. No birth certificate. Nothing.

The baby survived, but the social worker said there’s not much she could do to intervene with the situation.

#22

Not a doctor but a dentist I knew said patients would always say “I dont smoke” or “I havent smoked in years”…but teeth tell a different story because smoking stains not only the front but back of your teeth…he always knew if someone was lying by looking at the back of their teeth and seeing the nicotine/m*******a staining.

#23

Neither my mom nor my siblings would ever tell how much my dad drank when he was admitted to the hospital for stuff like pneumonia or strokes.

The doctors would think he was reacting to some of the d***s he got when it was actually the DTs.

I kind of made it my mission to make sure the medical staff knew about his drinking when he got admitted once I realized no one else was talking.

He’s been gone 11 years now.

#24

“I don’t smoke m*******a” while very obviously smelling like m*******a smoke.

#25

My clinician friend had a patient who was being seen for a medication abortion tell them that she had NEVER had s*x or anything close to it.

Yes, they talked about what an abortion was for, signed all consents, etc but was adamant they had NEVER had s*x.

I think it was a cultural thing.

#26

Not a doctor but a wound care nurse. People, who often smell like a chimney, lie allllllllll the time about smoking.

Had a guy say he doesn’t smoke, shifted his position on the bed, cigarette carton and lighter fell out of his pocket. I calmly picked it up, looked him straight in the eye and said “you dropped this”.

#27

Not a doctor myself but I wonder if a pharmacist might comment on me. I had a good friend who was terrified to purchase the morning after pill, we have one pharmacy in town and let’s just say she knows people who work there. I was happy to buy it for her but I didnt think it through. I was 9 months pregnant. The tech looked at me and said she needed to ask the pharmacist, who came over and also looked at me and said are you pregnant? I said uhhh no, then I turned around and left.

#28

Pregnant women who come in obviously high as a kite but adamantly deny using. Then when they or the baby test positive come up with crazy excuses – “someone spiked my champagne with c*****e” “there must have been f*nty in the father’s s***m” “There was m**h in the air on the bus one time”.

#29

My dad was a doctor in a famous wine-growing region. If someone said they didn’t drink alcohol, he’d always have to follow up with ‘how about wine?’. ‘Of course! A glass or two with lunch and dinner.’ In their minds they weren’t lying, wine to them was just as basic as water or coffee.

Similar with some older diabetics. ‘Your sugar is really high this morning, did you eat anything to raise your blood sugar?’ ‘No, I’ve just had a bowl of grapes.’ ‘Grapes contain a lot of sugar!’ ‘But fruit is healthy!’.

#30

Most obvious is tweakers on m**h who refuse to say they’re on m**h… buddy, I don’t care. Now take your turkey sandwich and sleep for the next 4 days.

#31

Not a doctor, but a nursing student.

I helped a couple get settled into a room where the husband was about to have his first dialysis treatment. The couple said they came here straight from the ER, where they both had to be stabilized because their drinks were spiked at a bar the day before. Their drinks were apparently “spiked” with an array of illicit d***s… That was the story the couple decided to go with, at least.

Seems like they just didn’t want to admit to having voluntarily partaken in recreational use of illicit substances. No one confronted them about it because it wouldn’t impact their care needs at the time anyway, but a nurse let me know later that it’s a common lie patients admitted for d**g overdoses use.

#32

Primary care NP here: telling me their diet in great detail when the patient is diabetic. I will get a diabetic patient who will recount ‘every meal’ they have eaten which sounds shockingly like something off a Mediterranean Diet website down to the measurements. Majority of the time if a patient goes into that much detail they are lying. 100% of the time their A1C will come back >10. When we call to schedule a follow up they will state 1 of 2 things: 1) my feet are on FIRE, it hurts and I can’t really feel them! Or 2) does that mean I can cut back on my medication?! It’s…a struggle.

#33

A quite common one, when being asked if they have any medical conditions (and I often give examples like diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.), and they say none, only to be followed by a long long list of medications for these same conditions and several others when asked if they take any medications..

#34

A woman in the emergency department with intermittent abdominal pain and a distended abdomen. Arrived with her girlfriend. Insists that she can’t be pregnant as they are a same-s*x couple and no recent male s****l partners. She gave birth to a preterm baby 2 hours later.

#35

A guy came into the ER and said he drank a cup of clear liquid under his sink and it was Drano. He said he initially thought it was water. He drank the whole cup. Obviously with significant problems throughout his GI tract as a result.

His buddy came to the ER a bit later and wanted me to know that the patient was a m**h user who had an upcoming d**g test and thought that if he drank Drano, it would allow him to test normal.

#36

I had a patient who came asking after some bloodwork. He wanted to have his testosteron levels checked. Mind you, this guy was swole as hell. As in he can’t reach his back with his arms because he’s got so much muscles. Of Is had checked his balls they probably would have been the size of marbles. So I already knew exactly what was going on.

He “just wanted to known how his levels were because he felt a bit tired lately”. So I asked him if he ever used anabolic steroids. Of course he denied this, many of the guys at his gym did but he would never etc.

Before I took his blood I literally told him that if he took any steroids, I would see it. Still he held on he never used any.

So I took his blood and, who would have guessed it, almost no endogenic testosteron and suppression of other related hormones.

So I called him, told him what I found and again asked if he used steroids. He kept saying no. I explained him that he really should come clean if he did and that it wasn’t a big deal, I just have to know. If not, I had no other option then to refer him to an endocrinologist.

He kept denying up until they endocrinologist who really called him out on his b******t.

#37

Not a doctor, but I scheduled surgeries for an ophthalmologist. We got a diabetic patient’s preop info & her glucose was sky high, yet her primary ok’ed her for surgery.

I called the primary to be sure there wasn’t a mixup. He just sighed & said, “Look,
I have explained many, many times that she needs to change her diet & bring her glucose down. I mean, I’ll be saying that & she nods – while popping candy in her mouth right in front of me. I know she needs cataract surgery, so I signed off on it.”.

#38

I‘m a RadTech so not a doctor.

There are a lot of young men with hand fractures saying they fell.
But the abrasion on their knuckles and the type of fracture does tell us they really hit a wall.

#39

How did that Apple get stuck in your r****m?… I swallowed it?

#40

This is really sad, but dementia patients saying they’ve got no memory issues and are coping at home fine. Meanwhile they’re covered in bruises from their multiple falls, look and smelled like they haven’t showered in a week, and think it’s 1948.

#41

Not a doctor,
I used to work in a sleep analysis center, one day a guy came in and said he never ever slept at all. Many patients say that but usually they just have very bad sleep patterns and say they don’t sleep, but this patient didn’t seem in distress, he seemed proud of it.

Anyways, not our job to judge, we gave him a monitor to wear and asked him to come back in 3 days so we can have some data and see his sleep patterns, if any.

3 days after he comes back and he looked so so bad, super pale, smelled an awful mix of cigarette alcohol, sweat…with old crusty puke on his shirt and everything…

When we checked the monitor, we saw that he did everything in his power to not sleep for those 3 days and pretty much didn’t sleep at all.

He did all that to himself just to prove us that he for real didn’t ever ever sleep…but he looked so awful compared to the first time that we just knew this was not his usual sleep patterns…anyways, sent his results back to his doctor with our observations on his state, no idea what happened after, and not sure what he was trying to achieve either.

#42

Had a young patient prepared for hernia surgery. He has tobacco stained teeth and breath so I asked how many packs? He denied smoking. Asked if he was theoretically smoking would he tell his parents?( he was around 16). He admitted to be smoking a pack a day but insisted that I didn’t mention it to his parents.

I tried to explain to his parents that their kid is experiencing some youth stereotypical behaviour (gently delivering smoking idea) and before I can say anything about smoking, the father interrupted and told me “Doc is this related to his smoking?” I was like “so, you knew?!”. His response is where I lost it, he said “we knew for a few months but we couldn’t face him with it. Please explain to him how dangerous smoking is” I was like 💀.

#43

“I fell on it” (referencing items in bum)

#44

Not a doctor, but an audiologist.

When a patient does a hearing test that shows they have pretty much no hearing, but you can talk to them normally without any hearing aids or cochlear implants.

I also like to do a yes/no audiometry with some children, where they have to say yes when they hear a noise, and no when they don’t hear it. Caught a few children out with that.

#45

Not a patient, but his wife.

Her answer to basically every single question I asked was ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I never noticed anything before today’.

Her husband came in, because he’d fallen with his bicycle. No corners he missed, no other cyclists he had to go around, just basic flat Dutch cycling path and he just fell without any reason to do so. Landed on all fours, 0 signs of him hitting his head.

Turned out it wasn’t the first time, but the 4th time in 2 months time. That was the only proper answer I got from her.

The husband was mostly talking absolute nonsense, couldn’t walk in a straight line without help and couldn’t even walk 3m without me having to grab his arm or he’d fall over and he was showing lots of other issues during the neurological exam. Only scrapes and bruises were on his knees and feet.

The lovely wife just kept on knitting and ignoring me or giving me the BS answers.

The guy had a braintumour the size of a lemon, but sure, not a single issue before he fell earlier that day.

#46

Answering for my mom who had to remove a vibrator out some guys b**t in the ER: “I don’t know how it got there.”.

#47

“I don’t have COVID, don’t cancel my surgery.”

“You know I can read the note from your doctor this morning about your COVID infection?”.

#48

“i never have anxiety” body currently running windows 95 error sounds.

#49

Not a doctor but a nurse and the most obvious lies I’ve heard in my 11+ year career, is when patients tell you how they got that STI.

#50

Not a doctor.
Do you have any medical conditions? No
Do you take any prescription medications? Yes I take so-and-so for my high blood pressure and so-and-so for my diabetes.

#51

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