We’ve all encountered that one person we thought we knew well enough, only to have them show their true colors. Such revelations can be disheartening, especially if someone close is involved. 

This was the discussion in a recent Reddit thread when one user asked, “What’s a moment where you realized someone around you was actually a terrible person?” People candidly spoke about friends and family members whom they’ve since seen in a much worse light. 

If you have a similar experience that sticks out, feel free to share it in the comments below.

#1

When her daughter told me she regularly punched her in the face.

We aren’t friends anymore and the daughter lives with me.

© Photo: LizardPossum

#2

When my new friend had $30K of cosmetic surgery by refinancing her house but she said she couldn’t afford to get her son’s bed fixed as it literally was falling apart.

© Photo: Acceptable-Elk-2202

#3

She got rid of her dog that had been with her for 10+ years because it was “loud”. I never heard the dog bark once in the 2 years we were friends. Not even a week later she came home with a new Labrador puppy.

Ended the friendship immediately. You do not do that to an animal you’ve had that long because you want a puppy. Disgusting.

© Photo: Level_Sock294

One question you may ask after meeting someone who hid their true selves for prolonged periods is, “Why did it take them so long?” Apparently, it’s all a game of manipulation. 

According to Hannah Lewis, a counselor and psychotherapist at Compare My Health Insurance, these people understand that control is easier once the other person begins to trust and invest emotionally.

#4

My uncle always called me a swine, and I didn’t learn what it was until I was 7 or 8. He contributed to my eating disorder at a young age. At the same time, I actually started to understand what he was saying and realized he was super racist, too.

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#5

Christmas 2012, my step dad said to my mother “it’s either me(step-dad) or her (motioning towards me)! Or else I’m leaving!” She chose him. And it literally changed the course of my entire life. Knowing my mother would throw me, her own daughter, away for a man.

EDIT: I’m no contact with my mom going on 1 year and 3 months now. And my life is MUCH less stressful and dramatic without her and my stepdad in it.

© Photo: kitty_kat_witch

#6

My aunt got up at my mother (her sister)’s funeral to speak and laid into my mother about her ‘choice of lifestyle’. Um, people don’t choose to get sepsis. My aunt had always been a callous horrid wretch and being in charge of my mother’s funeral – I will always ALWAYS regret letting her speak. And she wonders why she was the only one not invited to my wedding.

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“When someone feels bonded, it can become harder to question red flags, easier to explain away hurtful moments, and more costly to leave due to shared routines, social ties, money, living arrangements, or a sense of responsibility,” Lewis told Bored Panda. 

Lewis adds that these people tend to play the long game, beginning with small boundary pushes. They will then escalate once they learn what the other person will or will not tolerate. 

#7

I had just lost my job and my gf and I went out for a bite as consolation. During the meal she asked if I didn’t mind continuing to pay for our dinners out. That was literally her only concern.

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#8

She asked me how I could stand to live in the area that I lived in at that time, because there were so many [derisory term for dark skinned people].

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#9

Had a friend named Kim who I met when we were both pregnant with our second babies. She had a sister in law who was also pregnant and was diagnosed with breast cancer at her first OB appointment. The SIL was going through chemo during her entire pregnancy and fighting for her own life and the life of her baby. The SIL ended up being gifted a lot of really nice baby gifts from an organization, and was flown out to NYC to spend time with a celebrity and some other women fighting breast cancer. Kim was so incredibly jealous because she was pregnant too and wasn’t getting all of the freebies and attention. She said to me that her SIL getting cancer was the best thing to ever happen to her because she got all that free stuff. I just stood there with my jaw on the floor. Fast forward 2 years and her SIL passed away from the cancer.

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Prevention is always better than implementing remedies. In this case, it helps to see the psychological warning signs that may indicate a toxic or manipulative behavior. 

Lewis says one manifestation is through “rapid intensity that skips the normal pace of trust-building.” It could take the form of pressure to make a fast commitment, over-the-top flattery, pushing for instant emotional disclosure, and immediate talk of a shared future in romantic relationships. 

#10

In one minute they would say they love me so much and can’t see a life without me. and then switch to “if you don’t like it you can leave right now.” A LITERAL MINUTE.

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#11

My co-worker came to work furious with her husband because he wouldn’t join the military. There was a $30,000 signing bonus, but he would have been shipped immediately to Iraq. She complained to high heaven about how selfish her husband was being.

Her later behavior bore my early impression out, but that was when I strongly suspected.

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#12

My ex stepfather and I were having a light conversation about politics and something about equality came up. I knew he was a Republican (he had just started expressing that he was MAGA) and I didn’t agree with him on much, but he asked me “you think things should be fair?” And I said, “well yeah of course, everyone should be treated equally” and he looked disgusted by me. About 5 months later he was arrested for beating my mom. (She’s completely ok and he no longer lives with us).

© Photo: SurrealNhilist7

“Also keep an eye out for patterns of control that show up as isolation, jealousy framed as love, monitoring your time, discouraging outside friendships, or creating conflict whenever you spend time with others,” Lewis added, noting that the person may also use teasing that may leave you feeling unsettled. 

#13

My mother didn’t recognize me at my brother’s funeral, and when I told her who I was she said, “oh” and walked away. The final trauma of a truly incredible torrent since early childhood.

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#14

Canoeing down a small river and proceeded to “sink” his empty beer cans. Dude. Those are going to be here next time we come down this river. Jerk.

© Photo: Sweetcornprincess

#15

When my former “best friend” told me that it didn’t matter that my mom passed away after being in ICU for two months because her dad passed suddenly. She felt that because my mom was in the hospital for two months I had opportunity to say my goodbye to my mom (I had no idea my mom was going to pass when she did), but since her dad’s passing was sudden my mom’s passing was insignificant. I told her both situations sucked and wouldn’t wish either on anyone. I never wanted to see/speak to her again and for the most part haven’t. Friendship ended. Terrible human being.

© Photo: Legitimate_Snow6419

It can be tough for anyone to try to distance themselves from someone they realize isn’t a good person. This may be especially true if a relationship had already been built. 

However, there are other ways to do this. Lewis suggests keeping finances separate, not tolerating surprise visits, and immediately ending a conversation that becomes insulting or threatening. 

#16

When someone is rude to service workers for absolutely no reason.

I once watched a guy snap his fingers at a waiter and complain about the food before he even tried it.

#17

I thought we were best friends, but looking back she wasn’t a really good friend. She would make situations focused on herself even if they weren’t about her. For example, I really wanted a prom date to get the full experience, but she told me she felt insulted because she offered for me to go in the limo she was going in with her boyfriend. Yeah, she invited me to third wheel. She also refused to ever visit me or stay at my place. Even when she got her license and we graduated HS, she would make plans for us to hang out and then cancel day of saying she couldn’t drive to mine. Our friendship ended on my 20th birthday. I had invited her to come to my family’s house to swim and eat. She would’ve been the only friend there except for family because my friends in nursing school had clinicals and my other friend was sick. She had work in the morning, so I texted her to verify that she was coming. She said that she felt too tired from work and wanted to rest at home. I told her we weren’t even doing anything, just hanging out in the hot tub. She still refused. I told her whatever. That was the last we really talked. I still wonder from time to time what went wrong.

#18

Couldn’t ever be happy for friends around them. Got a raise? Why couldn’t *they* get a raise?

Got a relationship? Why couldn’t *they* get a relationship? Everything was woe is me why can’t *I* get those things without ever working at it?! It should all be willing and ready to be given to me!!

“If you need to distance yourself, do it in practical layers and first reduce how much personal information you share,” Lewis said. Choose public settings or time-limited interactions. Arrange your own transportation. 

“If you feel consistently anxious, foggy, or pressured after contact, treat that as useful information. Keeping a simple record of concerning incidents and what happened can help you stay grounded if your memory is later challenged.”

#19

When she wrote a horrible (and completely unjustified) email about me and sent it to someone she thought was my boss. Except it wasn’t my boss, it was a trusted colleague who forwarded me the email. She doesn’t know I saw the email. I bump into her sometimes and she has no idea why I totally snub her now.

#20

Years ago I had been friends with my then best friend for over a decade. But his behavior started becoming more and more right-leaning/conservative as the years went by. That and he constantly committed infidelity and boasted about it, making me realize that he was a bad person. After an online fight over politics I finally ghosted him completely and severed ties with him for good. Bullet. Dodged.

#21

I had a “best friend” of many years. Her high school sweetheart and husband of 12 years who she had kids with cheated on her and left her. I was the friend who immediately came to her rescue. I encouraged her, held her when she cried, stayed on the phone with her for hours, let her vent, gave her advice, went out and partied with her until she got it out of her system, taught her how to date again and how to use dating apps, treated her two young boys like they were my own, stayed when other friends ditched her, and more. She found a new guy and got engaged to him within a year. I was her maid of honor in her wedding and poured my heart out in my speech. They got married and she got pregnant immediately and they bought their dream home. I supported her through it all.

A few months later, my boyfriend of 3 years suddenly left me and admitted that’s he’s been seeing someone else. I was completely devastated and heartbroken. Suddenly, my friend started avoiding me and when I asked her what was up, she said that I was too much for her right now and that she’s too busy and that she has to protect her peace. I never heard from her again and it’s been almost 2 years.

#22

Saw some kids fishing off a bridge throw a live fish into the road and laugh their heads off when it got run over… :(.

#23

They were driving while under the influence ran into someone’s parked car totaled it and then said they asked god for forgiveness and then proceeded to cover it up and used religion as a blanket because god forgives all…

#24

I think it was when my aunt was newly widowed, and she asked my father to come help her fix her dryer, which he agreed to, and my mother (who is her sister) sat on her couch pouting, and then when they were done she told my father to go outside, and told my aunt not to call them for help ever again, that my aunt has two sons, and my parents are busy. Widowed a week, and she can’t even ask for help from her own family because my mother and her BPD.

#25

We’d been friends for 6 years. I thought he was just “blunt.”

Then one day his dog got sick and needed a $900 surgery. He asked everyone in our friend group for money. We all chipped in. Dog survived.

Two months later, I’m going through a rough patch and mention I’m struggling to make rent. He looks me straight in the eye and says “you really need to get your finances together.”

That was the moment. Six years of “bluntness” suddenly recontextualized in about four seconds. He wasn’t blunt. He just only had empathy when it benefited him.

#26

My sister maxed out a credit card in our Mom’s name when she had dementia.

#27

When I was maybe 14 or 15 I was watching TV and a PSA for drinking and driving came on. Not a new one I had never seen, but I actually saw it this time, ya know? Then I thought about all the times my Dad drank and drove me and my brother home from the bar he dragged us to, I was there so often I had a tab. I was back living with Mom at that point, for good.

#28

We’re having fried rice for dinner! Get it? Its August 6th fried rice day. (Anniversary of Hiroshima). I’m in my sixties, and that may be the most revolting thing anyone has ever said in my presence. I told my husband that I refuse to ever be in a room with that person again.

I’m glad I didn’t go to jail, but I still regret not punching that guy.

#29

I wouldn’t say I judged people as terrible. But I would say some people showed me their true colors and it changed the way I saw them.

I always used to think one friend on mine was the victim in her relationships. I felt so sorry for her hearing about how guys always left her behind and betrayed her trust. Until I saw the pattern, that she was always the victim, no matter how many times she settled down and found a new partner that really respected her.

But all of her relationships ended the same way. Her partner left, she claimed they were evil incarnate. Not one of those guys ever beat her, but somehow they were all toxic or gaslighting her. And like 5-10 guys? You’re telling me they were all terrible?

I guess I still sort of pity her, and I wouldn’t say she’s terrible. She had a hard life. But now I would keep my distance from her and would not necessarily judge all of her exes without hearing their side of it. I wish her well, I really do, but at some point you should take responsibility for your own life and stop blaming everyone else.

#30

My mother threatened to kick me out and disown me for not skipping work to drive her to a liposuction appointment.

#31

My partner at the time started waking me up in the middle of the night for different reasons “you’re on my side of the bed”, “you keep grinding your teeth” etc. never kindly, sometimes yelling. I asked her firmly to please stop it as it was making me tired and irritable.

She did, but then I started getting these mysterious bruises on my arm.

A couple of nights after noticing the first bruise I woke up right as I saw her hitting me while I had been asleep. She quickly rolled away pretending she was already asleep.

#32

My partner and I have been together 14 years. When he and I first started dating he had to have emergency gallbladder surgery. It was the first time I was going to meet his siblings and was super nervous but excited too. His parents were awesome so I thought his sister above him would be too. I was 100% wrong. I walked up and introduced myself. She then spent the entire time he was in surgery talking down to me and calling me names. I was a rebound chick and wouldn’t be around long so she didn’t need to know my name. And it got worse from there. I was crying by the time he was in recovery. And she has been that way our whole relationship. After his mom passed away about 10 years ago I refused to ever speak to her again and I haven’t. He made it till we moved to another county and hasn’t spoken to her in 9 years.

#33

When she told me, with a tut and an eye roll, ‘you didn’t have a miscarriage, you had a late period’.

#34

When I found out other parents didn’t leave pets behind when they moved.

#35

When they legit blamed EVERYTHING on someone else: young children, teens, adults, bosses, parents, etc but could NEVER see their faults.

#36

They were laughing and said they loved to annoy me after saying something mean to me. – I wrote it down but waited a day or two to tell them to get out. They were a narcissist and made excuses for dozens of cruel jokes but forgot that one moment when the truth leaked out of their nasty mouth. I got rid of them but they still stole a few of my things-but it was worth it.

#37

My aunts dog was sick and incontinent (sp?) he had an accident after she told us he was sick and she hit him. I knew she was horrible before that but that just really brought it home for me.

#38

God. These are all awful!
So…uhmm…my boss just acts super nice and then threw me under the bus in a major client enquiry when the company was under scrutiny for insider trading. I had to fix it as a junior social media manager. She didn’t have my back. Not once. So, I quit.

#39

He went off on how he did not need to be made a part of trans people’s mental issues and how it was grammatically incorrect to call a person by a pronoun that did not agree with their birth certificate. The he sent me a video from Matt Walsh to make his argument so I found out he was also racist. I cut him off not long after.

#40

I realized a friend was a terrible person when they laughed at someone getting genuinely hurt just to make a joke. Like a silly scene from a movie.

That moment stuck with me.

#41

A co-worker’s married son (who also worked at the same place) was hitting on me at a work outing and asking for bra and panty pics. I told her about it and that it made me and my SO uncomfortable. She said “ohhh he’s just messing around, him and his dad do that all the time.” Apparently to “stir the pot” since my SO was there.

I never looked at her the same again, that woman was a monster (and for many, many reasons, not just this incident. It’s just what opened my eyes to her shittiness).

#42

Ex-bf’s roommate stole their neighbor’s Chihuahua and took it on a “drive of destiny”. They left the poor animal on the side of the road several cities away. They used to tell the story laughing and I am still filled with so much rage at the thought of that poor little confused scared dog getting hit by a car or something. What an absolutely evil thing to do.

#43

Mom’s now boyfriend, destroyed the marriage she had with a great guy that I was happy to call my step-dad. Then after the divorce they started dating after a few months of dating mfr cheated on her. My mom keeps bringing him back even after all the things he’s done to her. At one point I punched him bcs of the things coming out of his mouth. He sexualizes everything he even made a dirty joke after my 5 year old daughter made a comment on his white hairs.

#44

For years I thought my father rescued some puppys from a canal. I mentioned it to my mom a few years ago and she said I had it wrong, he threw a bag with our dog’s puppies into a canal.
He did bad things to me and my mother when I was growing up but that was when I finally checked out.

#45

They moved into a new house and left their dog in their old house (his parents were going to move in about a month later). Wife didn’t want the dog around since it growled once at their newborn. Wife refused to socialize the dog at all – wanted it gone. Bought a bunny instead.

Before coming to terms with re-homing his 12 year old dog he just let it live and defecate inside the house for a month. My husband and I were asked to go feed him once and the state the poor dog was in was vile. First time I think I saw a dog cry.

My husband threatened to call animal services if he didn’t re-home the dog immediately. Guy finally did. I lost any morsel of respect for either of them after that.

#46

Co-worker started spouting right-wing lies about immigrants and how a lady street vendor selling churros makes $80k tax free and is a criminal…
Lost all my respect for him. Putting aside the main point that he believes lies, my one point to him was:

WHY DO YOU CARE??? LIVE YOUR LIFE

Mind you he is of immigrant decent (parents from Cuba) and makes over $90k himself with full benefits. I’ll never understand the ABSOLUTE HATE people have in their daily lives.
Worry about yourself in this world.

#47

My ‘step grandmother’ couldn’t understand why my brother didn’t just leave his kids with his ex wife and start a new life, rather than fighting for custody.

#48

When my mother moved us across the country because I had a black friend in 64. When I found out it wasn’t the military moving us, I was devastated to realize how racist my family was.

#49

I realized it when something bad happened to someone in our group and instead of showing even a little empathy, they were genuinely enjoying it. They were smiling, making jokes about it, and acting like it was entertainment. That moment made me understand that some people don’t just lack kindness .. they actually feel good when others suffer. After that, I slowly distanced myself.

#50

I’d moved across the country and made a friend (Bob). He had some bad qualities, but I was generally willing to let them go because I didn’t have many friends. A friend I met through him (Tyler) had a dinner party at his place where Tyler’s mom cooked most of the food. It was authentic Mexican food and she didn’t speak much English. After the meal, she came to ask us how we liked the food and Bob barked at her that she should speak English.

Like, dude, she just fed you and you’re being an absolute jerk. No excuse.

#51

Mother of my daughter’s friend. It started with me saying I felt so bad because I sent a PB&J to school with my daughter. It’s not a peanut free school but their police is to isolate the kid with allergies if there is someone with peanuts at their table. I didn’t know that and I felt bad. This woman laughed and said her kids only ate peanut butter and she didn’t feel bad at all. Her kids have ASD and she was adamant that they deserve all the accomodations but she was literally laughing about potentially causing an allergic reaction in another kid. Then she made fun of “welfare queens” which is bad enough but in the next breath told me her inlaws support her family because her husband has been going back to school for 12 years but they’re “not like those people”. Then came Covid and I assume I don’t even have to say it but suffice it to say, she doesn’t care if your Grandma died because Mama needed to get her Little Debbies and masks aren’t cute. I was really glad when my daughter and this girl started moving in different social circles. I actually liked the daughter a lot but her mom was not my people.

#52

I told them I was buying a house and the guy started talking about how that was a bad idea and how he and his girlfriend (who both lived with his grandparent) had a lot expensive musical equipment to record her stuff because they didn’t spend money to do stuff like *owning their own house*.

For the record, I wasn’t spending money I didn’t have or anything. My musical carreer was doing fine and not once since that day I’ve struggled.

He just wanted to take that moment away from me because it was probably the first time in years I was achieving something they hadn’t.

#53

Nye. Random young drunk girl knocks on my door sobbing, not making sense, clearly distressed… “friend” says “shut the door in her face, not our problem.” Hmmm you are no longer my problem, this kid is.

#54

One of my close friends has a wife who was close friends with my wife.

Our wives got in a fight. My friend got mad at _me_ for not “controlling your wife”. He never talked to my wife about it. Just got upset with me.

I don’t have time for that kind of misogyny.

#55

They claim to have “stolen” their current wife from a past friend..

It’s like wow thanks for informing me you are in fact a piece of trash.

#56

A friend of mine had been very overweight her entire life. At her heaviest she was probably close to 300 pounds. She got married to a very sweet guy, and I feel like she essentially forced him into the marriage. After they got married she did keto and exercised a lot and probably lost close to 150 pounds. She then filed for divorce and had a boyfriend weeks after filing.

#57

When I told my husband of 28 years that I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him and for that to happen he needs to be with only me and he immediately said no.

#58

When I told a close friend I worked with that I resigned, and she said ‘good, it’s been painful working with you’. She wasn’t joking.

#59

When talking about being depressed they said “want me to read you a bible verse?” Knowing the depressed person is a raging atheist.

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