Emotional intelligence, kindness, and thoughtfulness are underrated. They’re all features that mature adults ought to have. However, the reality is that they’re pretty rare. So, when you meet a person who embodies those traits, they really stand out from the crowd.

In a thoroughly wholesome AskReddit thread, women shared the things that men have done that genuinely surprised them. In the best way possible! Scroll down to read their stories. And we hope you’re all taking notes. Positive vibes only!

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#1

I had a colleague who was absolutely rabid about credit going to where it was deserved. If someone (usually a woman) came up with an idea in a meeting and it was ignored for ten minutes until a man brought it up again, the next thing that would happen would be him reminding the room that Jenny said it first. Every time.

© Photo: KindCompetence

#2

My friends and I were attending a wedding and were all staying in a big Airbnb. While we were getting ready doing hair/makeup, one of the guys in the group steamed his fiance’s dress and then went room-to-room to pickup and steam all the other women’s dresses. He then delivered the dresses back to each room a few minutes later. He said he noticed his fiance forgot to pack the steamer, so he put it in his suitcase because he had extra space. Once he warmed the steamer up for her dress, he figured he’d steam all the dresses since he had extra time.

When we attended steamer couple’s wedding later that year, another boyfriend in the group Airbnb steamed all the dresses so it’s become a fun friend group tradition.

© Photo: MySleepyPlants

#3

When my husband and I first started dating, we went out to dinner. It was raining outside and there was a homeless man seeking shelter in the front entrance. People were laughing and being mean to him, and my (then boyfriend) invited him to sit with us and order whatever he wanted from the menu and bought his dinner. Knew I wanted to marry him that night. The nice man gave us random trinkets from his shopping cart and we still have them to this day.

© Photo: nkliad123

As per the BBC, traits like agreeableness, extroversion, and intelligence are seen as more attractive than just physical looks.

Broadly speaking, emotionally intelligent and mature adults understand that their emotions are separate from their identity. PsychCentral points out that there is a big difference between calling yourself an ‘angry person’ and a person who sometimes experiences anger.

Emotional maturity also means that you take responsibility for your emotions. You don’t blame other people for how you feel. What’s more, being mature means that you take an interest in others’ needs and emotions. You can also receive feedback without getting argumentative or defensive. It’s all about staying in control and being calm, cool, and collected.

#4

I had a rough life growing up and it was still rough when I met him. Friends had fallen away and were off to their own lives. I was working in a call center. I was working tripple/double shifts to survive in my apartment alone. My family isn’t even a question on the table. I had just been alone for a long time.

I met this guy on a dating app. I had been on a ton of awful dates as one does when trying to find your person on an app. But this one guy I saw had these pics of him in a hat way too small for his head and a couple of other photos I found endearing. We messaged for a long time, and it wasn’t hollow conversations. Real conversations, that weren’t ended in one worded replies. After some time and me giving up on dating for a bit, I deleted my app/account. But I just.. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. So a few weeks later, I made the account again and found him. We planned a date that week.

He showed up to our first date with a small gift bag. Inside was a small 3-d printed dino skull. He stood there in the sunset that evening telling me that he didn’t know if I would like him (aka continue to see and date him) should my birthday come in a month, and he wanted to give me a birthday present now just in case.

He remembered my birthday. He remembered every detail from our conversations. He remembered I said i loved dinosaurs. He made me cry that night as I hadn’t gotten a gift from anyone in a very very very long time. It was given with love.

He’s my husband. 7yrs happy and going on till the end of time 🩵.

#5

Changed his opinion on something when given evidence to the contrary to his original beliefs. He’s one of the most thoughtful people I’ve ever met. Genuinely listens to people and actually weighs the things people say to him. Never just dismisses people without deeply considering their words and their perspective.

I can’t wait to marry him. 🥰.

© Photo: UnicornOfDerp

#6

My little brother keeps tampons, pads & ibuprofen in his glovebox just in case a girl might need it one day.

© Photo: iam-ky

When you have high emotional intelligence, not only can you communicate what your emotions are, but you can also express them (e.g., anger) without harming others. You know how to regulate your emotions and can experience them without allowing them to take control of you.

According to Verywell Mind, emotionally intelligent adults can let go of mistakes, are confident, and accept themselves (and others) for who they are. They can also identify and describe what they and other people are feeling. What’s more, they’re also keenly aware of their strengths, as well as their weaknesses.

These adults are also empathetic, sensitive, embrace personal responsibility, are curious about the world, and aren’t scared of change. They’re also good at managing and regulating their emotions in difficult and tense situations.

#7

My current partner never got the chance to meet my dad, who passed away several years before we started dating. I woke up around 11 on a Saturday morning in January to him putting a coffee on my nightstand that he had just picked up from the Dunkin across the street. I noticed when he kissed me that his nose and hands were ice-cold, and as it turns out, that was because he had de-iced, shoveled, and salted my entire driveway while I slept. On its own, braving the Boston winter cold to do that for me would be sweet enough – but my partner also knows that my dad died after a fall on an unsalted driveway. He got into bed with me and wrapped me in his arms and said “I don’t want to make you sad by bringing it up, but just know that whenever I see ice, I think about your dad. I’ll always make sure your driveway is safe.” I don’t really know what I believe, but I do genuinely think that my dad was looking out for me the day I met my partner.

© Photo: modernvintage

#8

I grew up in an environment where arguments were loud – shouting to get a point across. So it was something I thought was the norm. My first argument with my boyfriend (now husband) was very mature and he never once yelled. He was empathetic and heard me out, and put his points across calmly, without making me feel bad. We ended up having a constructive conversation and resolved it calmly. And got ice cream after. 4 years later, he’s still never once yelled at me.

I also don’t yell but that’s because I’m a crier.

© Photo: idle_mind52

#9

When a guy *does things* and doesn’t expect women to fuss over them. They make a mess, they clean it. They are hungry, they start cooking. They notice something needs fixing they get on with it wether or not it is a “masculine” job. And they don’t expect praise for it. Like it’s just common sense to them, you know what I mean?

My theory is these people were raised by single parents and haven’t had that “you boys watch the game while we cook dinner” type of experience.

© Photo: foxmachine

Like anything else, emotional intelligence is a skill. You can improve and hone it with experience. If you want to practice yours, you can:

1. Have empathy for others;
2. Develop your active listening skills;
3. Accept criticism;
4. Say ‘no’ when you need to;
5. Take responsibility for your actions;
6. Move on after making a mistake;
7. Share your feelings with others;
8. Solve your problems in a way that works for everyone;
9. Be less judgmental of others;
10. Try to understand why you do the things that you do.

#10

This was a coworker, not a romantic interest. But, ordered me flowers on behalf of the company for an event and had specifically instructed the florist to make sure they were non-toxic to cats so I could take them home. Just him remembering that I had a cat and putting two and two together in that way was way more thoughtful than most dudes trying to date me ever were, really blew me away.

© Photo: spacesuspended

#11

I was 17, went out with a fake ID, started talking to a considerably older guy. Naturally I attributed his interest to my maturity, sophistication, and poise beyond my years.

When he stepped away from me for a minute, another man – total stranger – approached just long enough to tell me, “You’re obviously not old enough to be here. That guy you’re talking to is not a good guy. You should go home. I’ll call you a cab if you need one.”

The creep came back, and as soon as I started showing hesitation about him, he became incredibly pushy, trying to get me to go somewhere alone with him. I insisted on getting a cab, and he tried to get me to tell him my address “to tell the driver.” I ducked him and got in the cab.

I’ll never know exactly what that stranger saved me from that night, but it wasn’t going to be good. I don’t even remember his face, but I still think about him sometimes.

#12

He noticed what I liked as we started hanging out, and then kept those things on hand at his house.

It’s like a magic drink/snack/movie/game portal every time I visit.

© Photo: NoRegretCeptThatOne

Dear Pandas, which of these stories impressed you and made you smile the most? What are the things that your partner, friend, relative, or anyone else you know has done that genuinely made them stand out, in a positive way?

How emotionally mature and intelligent do you think you are? Is there any room for improvement? Let us know!

#13

We had been dating long distance for less than a year when I got diagnosed with stage 4 blood cancer – he dropped everything and flew down to take care of me until I finished my treatment. We are now married and I have been in remission for 3 years. I did not know how common it is for men to leave their partners during a health crisis.

© Photo: VeryVeryVeryGood5061

#14

The first time my now husband came over to my apartment, he was telling me a story and while he was talking, I nonchalantly held my cat’s tail (who was sitting in his lap at the time) near his mouth like a microphone. He stopped telling his story, tapped the top of the cat’s tail like a mic and said “testing…one, two…*tap* testing…” and continued telling his story into the cat’s tail like he was talking into a microphone. That’s when I knew.

#15

My bf was at home, and I was at the University. Probably a 20 min walk. I called him to say that I would be late to see him because I forgot my umbrella and it was raining pretty hard so I was going to wait till it died down a bit. Next thing I know, he shows up, umbrella in hand. I felt like I was in a romcom.

© Photo: VerbJones

#16

Reacting calmly to someone else being aggressive. In situations that could have turned into unnecessary confrontation with others, even physical, it’s very valuable to trust someone is not gonna be easily provoked and will actually help deescalate a situation.

© Photo: User

#17

Asking for consent before touching me. Really appreciate that, I hate how so many people think that’s an awkward thing to do.

© Photo: anon

#18

I married my husband because he is the only man I have ever met who has ever apologized to me and meant it. Not warped it into, “sorry you feel that way” or any [nonsense] like that. I can work through any problem with him because he is not afraid to admit when he is wrong and we face the problem together, not bash egos.

I was not that way when we met, but he allowed me to learn to be vulnerable and apologize when I am wrong.

© Photo: User

#19

He stood up to my a*****e parents and defended me when no one else would.

#20

My now-husband got up at 7:30 every day our last semester to have breakfast in the cafeteria with me. He didn’t have class until 10. He doesn’t eat breakfast. We weren’t even dating yet.

© Photo: Repulsive_Bagg

#21

I had to tell him how something he’d done had been harmful to me. Took it on like a champ, apologised and was clearly remorseful but not in a histrionic way that made me feel uncomfortable. He never did it again and it was all good, if anything he was like, wow thanks for telling me because that’s made me a better person. Just all round good vibes.

© Photo: anon

#22

He mentioned alternative contraceptives for men by himself in a conversation and how unfair it is that there’s the pill for women but not men and that the financial aspects are pretty unfair.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but most men I met never had a single thought about preventing pregnancy besides that it’s a ‘womens job’.

He’s my boyfriend now.

© Photo: xSchneeeulex

#23

My ex and I approached a busy intersection where a man’s truck had broken down in the middle. Without hesitation, he put our car in park and jumped out to help push the man’s truck. No one else got out to help.

We lived in a big city where most people keep to themselves. He was different. He befriended a homeless man with a dog who occupied the corner of his workplace and became concerned when he stopped showing up.

© Photo: aspiringdiyer

#24

When he tries to help someone everyone else is ignoring.

anonymous:

I feel like I got a winner when I see my SO give up her seat on the subway to an old lady. It’s amazing how few people do that.

© Photo: Dreamer_Dram

#25

When my now-husband and I had been dating a couple of months, it somehow came up that the house I was renting didn’t have any carbon monoxide detectors. He didn’t like that, and said he was going to get one and install it for me. I was like, “Okay, sure,” and promptly forgot about it.

And then the next week (we lived about an hour and a half apart and only saw each other on weekends) he showed up with two and installed them before we went to dinner. It wasn’t just that he cared about my safety, it was that he said he was going to do something and then did it at the first opportunity. I’ve had a fair amount of people in my life who promise a lot but never deliver, so the fact that he did, well, that meant a lot.

A bit later, we were starting to get more serious, and he had gotten a new job after recently being laid off. He was talking about his future and that he might sell his house and buy a new one in a year or two, and I said, “Oh, what would you be looking for?” He replied, “Well, if we’re still together, hopefully we’d be ready to live together, so if you still have the same job, something halfway between our current places so neither of us has a terrible commute. And I figure you won’t want all of my WOW stuff displayed in the living room like it is now, so I’ll need a man cave. And if I have a space that’s all mine like that, it’s only fair that you do too, so there should be a room you can turn into a craft room or a library or whatever you want.”

I was BLOWN AWAY. No one had ever shown me such consideration and thoughtfulness like that, factored me into their plans without prompting and actually thinking about what I might want. I told him I loved him for the first time two weeks later.

And yes, our house has both a man cave for him and a library for me.

#26

When they are very kind to animals, it’s so sweet and tells you a lot about a person whom you might not know well yet.

#27

My now husband after a few weeks of dating showed up with a journal he’d picked out. I mentioned in passing I liked writing. It was just a nice gesture. He saw it, thought of me and handed it to me without fanfare as he picked me up for dinner. It was the listening, the thoughtfulness specifically for my interest, and the modest way he did it where he didn’t need me to make a big deal about his gesture. It was a sign he’d be interested in me and thoughtful in small ways, I thought. 20 years in, I was right and it’s has held true.

© Photo: SideBackground6932

#28

A guy made a pass at me at a coffee shop. I politely declined. He said something like “ok well thanks anyways, you have a great night”(with a smile) and then turned around and started to walk off. He didn’t call me a b***h or insinuate i was ugly or get angry. No grumbling. No [annoying]. No moaning.

He got about 5 feet from me before I went and asked him for his number. It was such a shock that I had to see what else he had to offer, even if he wasn’t really my type. We didn’t click but I sent every girl I thought he’d like his direction after that.

#29

My now-husband always did whatever he said he was going to do. He called when he said he’d call. He showed up at whatever time he said he would. Anything he told me, I could rely on it. A shockingly high number of the men I’d dated could not be relied on to do the simplest things. 

We’ve been together nearly 33 years, almost 31 married, and he’s still that way.

#30

My wife says it was the moment I paid $91 for emergency vet treatment of her cat at a time neither of us had any money, but I had a credit card. Cat would have died. 

In about 1984. 

Married almost 39 years now.

#31

It’s a tiny thing compared to some, but when I asked him not to use some words when talking with me (like refer to anything as b***h or b****y, etc), he just said ok and never used them again. He didn’t argue how it’s just a word and I’m too sensitive, just accepted it.

#32

The first time we disagreed, we attacked the problem instead of each other. It was the first “fight” I ever had with anyone where I didn’t feel defensive or scared or need to scream/be mean. It didn’t feel like one of us had to be right and the other would be wrong.

He was calm, receptive, listened to understand me, validated my feelings while brainstorming solutions to the problem. I was so shocked, I didn’t know this was an option. I can get ilys in the middle of an argument?????

Now I’m excited to be my true self, share my true thoughts and opinions and have lots of “arguments” with my boyfriend.

© Photo: anon

#33

Every time we walk in a place he’s been before the workers smile when they see him and remember him joyfully.

711, Subway, literally anywhere we go.

#34

I cancelled a date because I was sick he showed up half an hour later with medicine, soup and the Lord of The Rings box set.

© Photo: rowenaravenclaw0

#35

This is about two guys actually. I’m a football (soccer) fanatic. I always wanted my favourite football team’s jersey since I was about 13, it was a luxury I couldn’t afford because we struggled a lot financially. In uni two of my male friends (besties) went 50/50 on a football jersey of my favourite team for my birthday.

So teams have a home, away and 3rd kit. They sneakily got information out of me, to figure out which one I’d want. So whilst I thought we were just having a causal convos about our teams kits, they were extracting information out of me. 🤣

I d**n near cried when I opened the gift. That season my team went on to win the Champions League. I plan to have the jersey framed.

#36

Not done to me, but I actually met someone in an emergency room. His dad was sick, and despite the stressful situation and long wait, he stayed so patient and reassuring. He kept comforting his dad with the sweetest smile, making sure he felt at ease. The way he handled everything with such grace and warmth really stood out to me.

#37

He was hanging around my boyfriend of the time who was bragging about how he was cheating on me. The next night when we were all hanging out in a group, he asked if I’d like to go on a walk with him before I went home for the night because he wanted to talk to me about something. He told me everything my bf said about the girl because “you deserved to know”. He bought me a soda and talked to me while I processed it and never once made me feel like he was preying on that circumstance like people sometimes do.

#38

Was on the date with a guy and we went on a bus and after us this one older lady struggled to pay for the ticket. My date went and paid for her.. the s**iest thing I have ever seen.

#39

Men who stand up to other men being unnecessarily rude, aggressive, mean to people. Immediately stands out in the BEST way.

#40

My now husband was a college student who used a bicycle to commute. When we met, he decided to get a “proper” vehicle to visit me because I lived an hour away. That vehicle was a motorcycle and he would drive it in the middle of winter where it’d get down to 20 degrees.

He always swore that it was no big deal. Well, he finally admitted that the drive was miserable but worth it to see me.

#41

He brought me snow ice cream.

We were in college together, but he frequently went home on the weekends – 200 miles away. It had snowed there, and knowing that I had not seen much snow in my life, he packed up the ingredients and made snow ice cream for me in the parking lot of my dorm. We married and had 44 years together.

#42

A girl and a guy I work with and myself were having a conversation about traumas and how it comes out in sleep (sleep paralysis or night terrors) but she had said something along the lines of “I mean im pretty f****d up been to mental hospital hospital and everything ” and he just sort of connected and made the comment “we all have a past and we all have a story” just in the most understandable comforting way and stuff like that makes me think wow this human is a good human. No judgment at all from him.

#43

He made me feel heard. I was new to this group of people and am fairly introverted and naturally soft spoken. The people around me were great and fun people, but the first time I tried to speak up I was accidentally spoken over. I felt SO awkward and embarrassed. But he noticed and he said really kindly to the person who’d accidentally interrupted me: “Oh hey, sorry but I think OP was trying to say something!” And the guy that interrupted me apologized profusely and they all seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say.

I’d never felt so valued amongst a group of already established friends. He made me feel heard, didn’t make me or anyone at the table feel awkward, and I got to speak up. Thanks to him I grew closer to these amazing people and found my voice amongst them. He rarely has to step in again, but he’s done it for me and for others on many occasions. Such an amazing guy.

#44

Just being a genuinely thoughtful, kind human being without any expectations of getting any (uh hum) in return.

#45

It is my now husband(feel so good to say that, lol). I am in tech and I usually work from home, however I go to the office occasionally. This time was for a brainstorm meeting for an important project we wanted to undergo. I was the project leader along with someone else and everyone was brainstorming but also asking me a bunch of questions and I felt really overwhelmed as I don’t like being the center of attention at all, even though I lead pretty well I’d say. I texted him after the meeting(about 2 hours before close of day) that the meeting was hectic and I was overwhelmed, trying to make light of it. This man legit saw my message and took a bus to my workplace, it takes 1.5hrs to get to by bus.

When I closed from work and went to my car, I saw him standing there and looking at me with those pretty hazel eyes of his and I just felt so loved at that point. He opened his arms and we hugged for a long time(I was just taking in his scent haha). I asked him why he was there cause I hate feeling like someone inconveniences themselves for me and he was just like, “I know you well to know that you would be overthinking everything you said in that meeting so I am here to take you home. You wanna go watch the sunset before we go?” It took everything to not just cry.

I love that guy :-).

#46

He took the time to understand misogyny and how it affects women. Then he stands up to other men about it.

#47

Held my hair back while I was drunk and threw up.

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