There are a few popular sayings about this, but I like the line from Ridley Scott’s American Gangster (2007), where Denzel Washington’s character Frank Lucas explains, “The loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room.”

And to really drive the point home, we can take a look at a thread on Reddit, asking men to share the most pathetic or ridiculous things another guy has done in an attempt to assert dominance over them. Their stories prove that “alpha” energy rarely lands the way machos hope.

#1

Had a dude get mad at me for “talking to his girl all the time.”

I was her Econ tutor.

eb_straitvibin:

I once tutored this truly clueless girl general chemistry. She wanted to be a nurse, and couldn’t get past the first class, but whatever, I’ll tutor you. She was, however very pretty. Second tutoring session, she shows up with her boyfriend. Dude doesn’t study, doesn’t say a damn word the whole 2 hour session. Just stares at me and her going over the basics of chemistry. Next class same thing. Next class, I bring my girlfriend to have a stare off with him. He got the message and left us alone.

goodnt-guy:

Some people’s ideas of normal…

© Photo: goodnt-guy

#2

A guy was mad at me while sitting at a light and was revving his engine. It sounded like He held it at the red line, and there was a big crack sound and smoke started coming out of the front Of his car.

The dummy blew his engine.

p0rt:

That’s when you throw your head back and laugh as you slowly accelerate forward in your 2013 Dodge Dart.

Mr_Mori:

“in your 2013 Dodge Dart.”

hides keys

© Photo: Zachman97

#3

We once had a candidate come into the interview and legit say he wanted to sit behind the desk because he was going to be asking the questions to decide if he wanted to work with us. I think he’d gotten some bad advice about having confidence. I laughed but our HR manager flipped out. The only time I have ever seen her call security.

Anon:

What was the guy’s reaction once he realized it was going badly?

OP:

Oh he was committed. “Well this is obviously a hostile work environment…blah, blah, blah”

© Photo: Barfuzio

#4

Was on a 4 hour flight. In a 2 person row. The guy demanded to have full access to the middle armrest. Would push my arm off it if I ever got near it.

lexushelicopterwatch:

Oh man. I was in the middle of a three seat row. The guy in my left was some type of exec checking his work email on his laptop. Anyway after the first hour of arm rest jockeying I just ask him, “are we doing this the entire flight?”
He pretended to not speak English. The jerk was reading his emails in English and pulled the No hables card on me.
He finally conceded the armrest after that.

© Photo: broke_scrub

#5

I was standing in the breezeway outside a friend’s apartment while in college, and a guy coming down the stairs from an upper floor kinda tripped near the bottom of the stairs and stumbled into me. It was clear he was super drunk and immediately got aggressive. He was so worked up about being tougher than me for some reason that ***he started doing push ups at me*** while me and my friends just laughed.

Fortunately his friends came and apologized and took him back up stairs, but it was definitely the most bizarre assertion of dominance I’ve ever encountered.

bryanandani:

He wasn’t doing push ups, he was literally pushing the earth away from himself. That is how strong he was.

animetriplicate:

His lizard hindbrain is apparently of the Texas Spiny Lizard variety.
They do push ups at each other to defend their territories (which are frequently suburban driveways).

© Photo: yeti-van-halen

#6

When asked about what his hobbies are, he responded with “Hobbies are for children and single women. I work.”.

enjollras:

“You want to know how cool I am? You want to know how tough I am? I’m so tough that I have no life, interests or friends.”

HelpfulHistory:

TIL, I’m tough

© Photo: anon

#7

I used to tend bar in Milwaukee, and there is nothing that triggers bros more than seeing someone drinking something *they* don’t like. I can’t tell you how many arguments began with some guy – always unsolicited/unprovoked, mind you – feeling compelled to judge and “educate” other guys about what they’re drinking (or not drinking).

“You drink *that*??” and it goes downhill from there.

No one cares. Drink what you like and shut up.

ISlicedI:

I was at a bar in Stevens Point and the barman whips out a [dirty] mag asking if I want to read it. “No thanks..” “Why not? Are you gay?”
He looked as if I had offended his ancestors by not wanting to read his mag in the middle of a bar.

BlueKing7642:

In some cultures refusing an offer to look at [dirty] magazines is the ultimate sign of disrespect.

Frank__Lloyd__Wrong:

Yeah we call them rednecks.

© Photo: anon

#8

Not letting go of a handshake. It’s happened a few times and always make me wanna treat it as a hostile action. Last time it happened I just started caressing their hand with my finger and the guy jerked away. I winked at him after.

Eliju:

That’s great. I’ve found that the best way to respond to angry dudes road raging is to blow them a kiss. They lose it.

94358132568746582:

I gave a guy a thumbs up after he cut me off and was on his way off the highway on an exit ramp. I actually thought he was going to wreck because I have never seen someone so mad. That thumbs up enraged him. I don’t even understand why he was so mad. He is the one that almost hit me.

© Photo: DizzyDizzyWiggleBop

#9

Threatened to beat me up if I so much as look at his girlfriend again. His girlfriend was my sister.

I maintained eye contact whilst laughing, as she dumped him on the spot.

tarekd19:

how did he take it? Its surprising he didn’t even know (or didn’t care? which is worse)

OP:

Very badly, tried to take a swing at me, but we were in a pub full of bikers, all of whom knew me.
I got a round in, he was ‘helped’ out the door.

© Photo: HausKino

#10

I had someone stand on their tippy toes to seem taller when we where talking.

© Photo: daibz

#11

Generally guys purposely bumping into you when you walk past them, especially if they’re with friends.

Insecurity-Guard:

Then they get real aggressive and act like you intentionally bumped into them.

pilgermann:

I’ve actually had women do this. Always when walking in a long line of friends taking up the whole sidewalk, making no effort to give even an inch of space to others. They seem so taken aback when they get shouldered, and it’s like, I actually couldn’t have moved out of your way if I tried. Like the airplane [stuff] above, people have no pedestrian etuquette.

© Photo: anon

#12

One time at a house party, a few of us were talking to some of the girls there and one of the guys randomly started talking about how he does MMA, then another guy joined in and those 2 started wrestling in front of the girls. I don’t think their shirts needed to come off either but what do I know…

© Photo: drayd38

#13

Dancing at the club minding my own business, dude starts talking to me… guess i was dancing to close to his chick or his sister or whatever i dunno i didnt even really notice her until he said something, he goes (im paraphrasing, i was pretty drunk): “you arms are so thin, *grabs my arm* compared to mine”… like implying my muscles arent worthy to dance with he, which i wasnt even doing… so just kinda laughed right in his face and kept dancing right there. he didn’t say anything after that. it was weird and in hindsight i probably shoulda gotten a bit more mad, but i just couldnt take him seriously at all…

© Photo: inb4_banned

#14

In college, I got into an elevator and was followed in by a younger guy I didn’t know. He eyed my (pretty standard in every way) backpack and said “My backpack is way bigger than yours.”

Fair enough, he had a military, jumbo pack. Could’ve easily gone on a hike/camp with it. I smiled and agreed, but he kept talking about how much bigger his was and how he couldn’t fit anything into one like mine.

“Weird flex” as the kids say.

© Photo: anon

#15

One of my friends was at a bar we’re regulars at, so I went up to her to say hi, not realizing she was on a date. She introduces me, “Hey, this is my friend, Boof_Dawg.” I shook his hand and said, “Hey man, nice to meet you.”

He legitimately reaponds, “I’m an alpha male.”

Neither my friend or I knew how to follow that.

It sounds ridiculous but it 100% happened and I *hope* will forever be the most ridiculous thing someone says to me.

© Photo: Boof_Dawg

#16

Literally last weekend some really drunk dude who I had never once met or interacted with tried to fight me (to impress the girls he was with?) It was completely ridiculous, and his way of trying to initiate it was just repeatedly body checking me on the dance floor which I ignored because I thought he was just being drunk and dumb. Turns out one of his friends had to stop him from blindsiding me with a sucker punch to the face (assuming he was able to aim that well)

Some people do not mix well with alcohol apparently.

© Photo: WaviestMetal

#17

He tried to drink water faster than me

no one drinks water faster than me.

© Photo: anon

#18

In jr high I remember this one bully that would get on his tip toes and bow out his chest like a gorilla and get all in your face whenever he felt threatened. It was such a funny stereotype maneuver.

© Photo: RAGEKAGEDMD

#19

I work in a grocery store and sometimes help unload the delivery trucks and our delivery comes in on what we call cages, like a 6 foot cage on wheels and obviously one that’s full of toilet paper will be really light and one filled with 2 litre bottles of juice are the heavy ones. The lift that lowers them from the truck has that patterned metal floor and you have to pull the heavy cages hard to get them off, now Im 5’8″ and don’t have a lot of weight on me but I can pull these cages off just fine but there’s a guy who’s like 6’2″ and is always trying to show how strong he is, so whenever Im helping and he’s there he always insists he gets the heavy cages and that I get the “little guy cages”. Everyone agrees he needs to grow up.

© Photo: EathanS2k

#20

A former coworker. He would just stand in the way and refuse to move. Even if he wasnt in the way he would purposely get in the way. I work in a narrow kitchen so you can imagine how annoying that could be.

At one particular moment I was carrying a bulky 20 lbs box and he decided to do that. I pretended to not see him and barreled into him. He fell over and got incredibly mad at me. Started talking about how I have no muscle. It was pretty funny.

It was a display of the most fragile masculinity I’ve ever seen.

© Photo: PhreedomPhighter

#21

Playing a game of pool at a bar for a beer, dude missed an easy shot and broke the cue stick on his knee. He then gets in my face to try to intimidate me, I just simple tell him “look dude you are at a locals bar”

He shut up and left after that. Dummy.

Edit: yep most of you are correct, locals bar ment we all knew each other and had everyone’s back. Only time I’ve had to use that line, honestly was looking out for this dude more then anything, did not want to see him get kicked and any of us go to jail that night.

© Photo: pryos1

#22

A friend tried to make himself look good in front of his crush by literally putting me in a random choke hold “for a laugh”. Turns out it was because I was talking to her (I had a girlfriend at the time, we were just talking).

It wasn’t a choke hold though, it was basically just a headlock, so I decided to correct him. I was fairly oblivious and didn’t realise this was a failed “alpha move”.

Creeped out of his crush that he would do that out of no-where and she stopped talking to him. Apparently she quite liked him up until that point.

© Photo: Apple-Juice-Tsunami

#23

So when I was in the 8th grade thre was this one kid who hated me for no reason, I was really big for my age, so there was no way this 5′ 1″ guy was going to fight me, so he did something so cringy I have no idea what he was going for.

I was sitting at lunch with my friends, and this kid walks up to us, and spits in my glass of milk and says in a very commanding tone: “drink”, I just stood up and the kid bolted, got a good laugh out of it with my friend though.

Edit: to all asking what it tasted like, I did not drink the milk.

Edit 2: The kid bolted bolted because he was a huge chicken, never wanting to get in trouble, I’m not flexing by saying that.

© Photo: anon

#24

Not me, but my Dad.

My Dad has season tickets for the AHL hockey team in town. One day, he was late for a game, and arrived to see a teen in his seat with his girlfriend. My dad kindly asked him to move, explaining that these were his seats.

The teen responded with a quick “No its not.”

My dad then showed him his season tickets, and pointed out on the kids tickets that their actual seats were a few rows up. The kid got up, and tried to square up to my dad.

My father was just like “really dude?” and ignored them. The girlfriend began screaming at him for “being a jerk”.

Long story short, Dad kindly asked kid to get out of his seat, and kid tried to intimidate my dad for this.

© Photo: Redskullzzzz

#25

My neighbor in front of my (I’m a guy) house had a boyfriend that would literally rip his shirt off and come outside every single time I was in my front yard. It could be 7 AM or Midnight but it wouldn’t matter to him. I could be walking to my car and here comes Mr. Globogym flexing all around his yard. He would immediately go back inside when I went back inside. This went on for almost half a year until one day I saw him hop into his mega lifted truck and drive away never to be seen again. He did have pretty sweet pecs though.

© Photo: anon

#26

Once when i was walking on a street a guy was walking behind me and started to walk faster so he could pass me. I didn’t care but then he just stared at me straight in the eyes and walks into a tree

© Photo: anakinisnothigh

#27

This guy from work gave me a lift which was decent, but he had a chip on his shoulder about it. He put on the child locks, I couldn’t get out.

So he came around to let me out of the back, and I got out and walked off, didn’t close the door I let him do it like a chauffeur.

#28

It was a co-ed recreational adult indoor soccer league (20-28 year olds pretty much) and there was this one dude who thought he was some guy who should be in the pros. He was average at best, but the issue was he kept tripping people, pushing them around (theres basically a no contact rule since there were women and it’s a rec league) and we all kinda had enough of him.

Anyway, I have the ball and dribble for a bit with it, the whole time he is on my heels trying to trip me and kick my legs etc. Being an ex college player, I know how it works and I just avoid it, but he was doing it to everyone including the women. Eventually I just stopped with the ball, turned around, and gave him a slight push, like no more than you would use to push a shopping cart into a cart corral. He immediately gets up and puffs his chest out and gets in my face (hes like 6’2”, I’m like 5’10’). Then he literally screams “I WILL DESTROY YOU.” I just laugh it off and walk away cause I knew I just got us both kicked out of the game. What a tool.

#29

New people at work trying to take my front seat in the van. They act like first come first serve almost saying we aint going no where if i have to sit in the back. Its so sad coz i have to sit there to navigate and call clients for the driver. So the driver says sorry mate i need him there if u want u can just get out and wait till we get back. The person always has some next alpha beat down persona for the day. Like he created the domaninace on himself. Its super strange one guy looked like he was gonna cry.

#30

I don’t know if it was necessarily dominance assertion or misplaced chivalry, but my SO and I have a deal where I cover all the other bills in the house as long as she covers food and does more chores. We both came to that agreement, it just works easiest. That includes covering eating out to a reasonable amount, and then I’ll chip in. So we’re just getting some BK I think and the guy at the register saw that my SO was about to pay, so he said “no, he pays” probably assuming I was some deadbeat or something. Instead of putting up a fuss, I just covered the $10 or whatever it cost.

#31

Back in my youth, we had a sleepover at a friends house. It was me and my girlfriend of the time and 2 other couples. We were probably 13.

One of the other dude tried to assert dominance over me because he I thought I wasn’t “manly enough” to have a girlfriend.

He was sneakily bullying me in front of the others by always saying mean stuff that targetted me but nobody did much because nobody cared about him, even his girlfriend.

He waited until the girls went to the bathroom and came to me with the other dude and punched me in the face. My nose was bleeding a little bit and he punched me in the stomach. The other dude was trying to get me in a headlock when the girls came back in the room.

They left me on the couch and went to the girls all proud of themselves. Girls slapped the 2 jerk and asked them to leave. The boys were shocked and when the 3 girls went to tell the dad (who owned the house) what the 2 boys did, they had to call their parents and explain what they did.

I never met those 2 guys after that.

#32

My best female friend’s boyfriend, who is 100% jealous/threatened by how close I am to her, will constantly try to one-up me in conversation whenever I talk to her. He keeps an eye on me the whole time that I’m with her and as soon as I make a joke or tell a story, he jumps right in with his own thing to try and top what I said. Like, Every. Single. Time. That I speak.

Oh, that and he’ll roll up his sleeves and sit with his elbows on the table in a not-so-subtle effort to compare his biceps to mine.

#33

Recently got my first tattoo. It’s a small, minimalistic one. A guy at a party keeps making fun of it when I throw the ball in beer pong as it’s on my right arm I use to throw. Reason he’s making fun of it is his arm is filled with big, detailed tattoos. He clearly felt I was somehow inferior due to my small tattoo. Didn’t bother me too much, but that, along with other things he’d brag about, convinced me he’s not a person worth caring about.

#34

Earlier this year my boss asked me to do something, and then leaned over me and said “you are going to do it.” He was like, literally leaning over me because he was 6’8″. Dude acted like a cliche high school bully from an 80s movie and was like 40 years old so I assume he was at some point. Anyways he quit.

#35

When I was on a trip to Iceland my friends and I were out drinking at the bars and I met a local guy outside and as we were talking he kept trying to get close enough to me so he could put his foot on my foot. The first time he did it I just thought it was accidental. Then I could see it was what he was trying to do. I ended up telling the dude to f**k off and the situation de-escalated from there. Other local guys told me after that it’s a thing they do there in Iceland to show dominance/start fights with tourists.

#36

Not me but my wife – we were living in an apartment complex and my wife had just parked her car, was carrying groceries and my 2yr old inside, and this guy stopped her and said, “that’s my spot. you need to move your car now.” We don’t have assigned spaces, but my wife was caught like a deer in headlights and put all the groceries and my daughter back in the car and moved it – just so he could park his ten-year-old Cadillac CTS in his favorite spot.

I always got home from work before this guy, however. I never directly confronted him – but from then on, that parking spot became *my* spot and I parked there *every single day* for the next two years. I saw him out and about a few times, but thankfully being 6’1″, overweight, and bearded, most people choose not to mess with me (even though I’ve never been in a fight and would be helpless in a confrontational situation).

#37

A guy in my uni got jealous because i was close to the girl he likes. it was really obvious, and he would always stare at me whenever i was with her.

couple days later he would show up to uni wearing tuxedo, fedora, AND AKATSUKI SCARF. walk along the hallway like it was a fashion show and proceed to give me ” the smirk ” everytime i saw him.

#38

My fiances ex tried to get into a fight with me but he didn’t want to be the one who started it. To prompt this fight he called me a big gorilla, I sat there for a second before bursting out into laughter. I told him if he was going to insult me he had to do a hell of a lot better than that.

#39

I worked at Pizza hut when I was 14, everything except the cash register. A new manager started with us. Before the end of my shift where it was just him and me (a Sunday), I made myself a pizza and was about to go home. Now, the previous management didn’t mind when I made a pizza for myself about once a week or so. But this guy got extremely mad over it.

“Hey you”

“yeah?”

“What’s this?”

“A pizza”

“Who ordered this?”

“No one, it’s for me”

“Did I SAY you could make a pizza for yourself?”

“Well no, but–“

“So why’d you make it”

“The other managers for the last 6 months–“

“I don’t care. You better ask me next time”

“Alright”

“You can keep the pizza this time”

“Sure”

“Say thank you to me”

“uhh thanks”

Guy was like 40. Good thing I quit like a week later (for unrelated reasons).

#40

The guys that start a lot of their sentences with “Only real men…”.

We were drinking in a pub and after seeing I was drinking Guinness had to attest that “Only real men drink whiskey”.

#41

I was out with my ex gf one day, when we ran into one of her male friends (who was into her as far as i know) and tried to boast his reputation every time they talked

A, he acted like I didn’t exist and talked to her for 10 minutes (about how much he loves skateboarding. My gf loves skateboarding, I’d probably break my legs and arms) and B, when finally realizing that I exist, just insulted the shirt I wore that day (“who did choose that for you? Your mom? Thats ridiculous. I have way more style” while laughing like a mad man), before leaving

I wore a white shirt, black pants and white shoes, while he wore a green-and-yellow tank top, red shorts and blue shoes (and not the kind anybody could pull of).. but I guess looking like a parrot ain’t ridicolous.
The funniest part was, that my gf actually chose my shirt because I couldn’t decide on what to wear and asked her.

#42

Talked about the MBA program at his Alma mater was superior to where I was getting my MBA.

For clarification, he doesn’t have and isn’t working on an MBA, but wanted to be sure I knew he was better because he went to a school with a perceived better program.

#43

The overly firm handshake is always annoying. I’m not a freak show of strength but I have a good enough grip that I can get them to back off.

#44

One night in college me and my buddies were walking down the street at about 11:30 PM. We were near a major university and on a street that was almost entirely college kids renting. It was a Friday night, warm, so lots of people were out drinking on patios, talking, playing drinking games, etc. Generally pretty chill–we’re done pregaming at home and headed to a bar or something, I don’t remember.

Anyway. We’re walking down the road and across the street, there’s some people on a patio. They yell something at us–we weren’t really listening, but the tone seemed friendly, or at least “woo yeah college bro amiright” generally. I kinda yell back “Yeah man, cool beans!” and return to my conversation.

Apparently this guy does not like beans, regardless of temperature, because the next thing I hear is “DID YOU JUST SAY COOL BEANS” and see this perfect Skyler Popcollar college bro storming off his porch to come across the street at us. I can only respond with a confused “y…yeah?”

My group stops, this dude is crossing the street at us looking like he wants to fight.

Him: “Say it again, bro, what’d you say?”
Some girl behind him: “Just let it go blake/skyler/chad they didn’t mean it”

Me: “What? really?”

My friend: “What the hell?”

Me: “I said Cool Beans…?”

Him: “Get the hell outta here dude before I kick you”

Me: “Okay then, later bro”

And we.. walked off as he stayed angrily flexing in the middle of the street while this girl is tugging his arm, trying to get him back to the house. We made it to the end of the block (about 3 more houses probably) before my entire group just broke down laughing at the absurdity of it.

I really, really don’t understand it. Was it supposed to be a prank? Was he just a drunk jerk looking to fight? Did he think I was intimidated? I’m not sure. Either way, “Cool beans” and “DID YOU JUST SAY COOL BEANS?!” are still a standard farewell among that group of friends.

#45

Was at a party and was given the task of handing out beers to people. This guy flipped out, screaming saying he only drink REAL beer.

Dude, it was cold and free, that is the best beer there is.

#46

There was this sergeant I had the misfortune of working with who was one of the worst people I’ve ever met. He was so toxic and “alpha” that people wouldn’t ask questions because they didn’t want to be put down in front of their peers. He would actively go out of his way go shame what were essentially kids for not knowing something. I had zero respect for that piece of work.

#47

The people that try to act like a psychological genius and try to analyze you and figure out what kind of person you are. My friends dad does this constantly with me and misses the mark every time and it just makes him look like an idiot.

#48

That one guy who refuses to walk on the correct side of the hall/lane/aisle/etc. Like, do you drive on the wrong side of the road, too?

#49

I was at this tavern in my hometown quite a few years ago. It was known for being kind of violent from time to time, and the nearby highschool was full of kids that seemed to love to a good fight, according to my then-girlfriend. I was oblivious to this fact at the time and was just out for a good time. Dancing, drinking, smoking.

I noticed this guy on the dance floor that looked like he could’ve been Dave Grohl’s twin. So as I was dancing around, I yelled that exact thing at him. “Dude you look like Dave Grohl! That’s awesome!” And his immediate response was to scream out “I hate Dave Grohl” and stop dancing completely. With this sincere rage in his eyes.

I couldn’t help but laugh at his response, which definitely didn’t make the situation better. I had seen someone getting choked out by the bouncer maybe 20 minutes prior. Yes. Choked out. So who knew what this random high school kid was willing or wanting to do but thankfully a few friends were nearby and seeing my obvious confidence he just glared and walked away.

Who hates Dave Grohl? The man’s a gem.

#50

Worked as a lifeguard at a summer camp years ago. During safety training we had to do a missing persons search which required all available staff to join hands and walk from the beach to into the water as far as we could while feeling with our feet for the missing swimmer. (During training there was a sandbag we had to find.)

The guy next to me kept insisting on holding mine in a certain way because “*I* will take the upper hand in this situation,” said at me while staring me down. Whatever, dude. We’re theoretically looking for a drowned child right now.

#51

I once knew a guy that would walk over with his chest puffed out any time someone was talking to a girl and work into the conversation until he had separated the other guy from it. I personally found it hilarious because it was all an act. He’s got a girlfriend now and has dropped the tough guy charade. Some people just act the way they think they’re supposed to even when it’s not who they truly are. Glad he figured it out.

#52

I’m not a fan of the shoulder touch. If it’s a close friend giving advice, it’s reassuring. But if it’s someone trying to assert some dominance and does the shoulder touch in an attempt to be friendly, no dude. Every person who’s done that is trying to sell me on something and I HATE being hustled. One person I worked alongside with (more like he was a brother to the owner) would try to do that with my friends and I. He was a burly dude, weight lifter, but was always trying to get us involved in the company and convincing us that doing things for free would help build the company which will further lead to future revenue. No, dude. I’d smile and nod and be polite. But we parted ways shortly after because I know my worth and Zero Dollars is not how i’d like my checks signed, thankyouverymuch.

#53

I was sort of seeing/fwb with a girl a few years back. We agreed to be exclusive, but nothing serious. She was hosting an event at a bar, roughly 50-60 people in attendance, I knew maybe 20 of them, so I was making my rounds. I see her at the bar being chatted up by another dude. No worries, I trust her, I’m not a crazy protective guy either. About 15 minutes later, I go over to ask her something about the event since she was using some of my audio equipment for it. I didn’t mention or even imply that we had a thing in front of the dude .

Guy says “buddy, what are you doing. We’re busy chatting here.” I start to reply “hey man no worries here, I just need-,” and he cuts me off. “Listen man, I really don’t care. If I give you a $20 bill right now, would you get lost?” I crack a smile. “Sure man.” The dummy gives me a crisp 20, and I leave them alone. Spend the next half hour or so chatting with friends, girl joins me later after leaving the guy at the bar. “He was interesting, eh?” I asked her. “Yeah, I told him I wasn’t interested but he told me he just wanted to meet someone new and buy me a couple of drinks.” Turns out (to the surprise of nobody) that he was trying to take her home.

Anyways, hang out for the rest of the night with our friends, girls a little tipsy from her free drinks and asks me to come back with her. Just to be petty, I used that crisp 20 dollar bill to pay for the cab back to her place. Fare was something like 12 dollars, told him to keep the rest.

Thanks stranger.

TLDR; Guy gives me $20 in front of girl I was seeing so I’d go away.

#54

I’m not sure how much this counts. But I hear a lot of dudes that brag about how many hours they work in a day or week. Guys that are like “yeah I worked 20 out of 24 hours yesterday and only got 2 hours of sleep”.

Like… sorry that you have poor work/life balance and time management skills? How are you expecting me to react?

#55

A guy was buying something for $20 off me in front of common friends and instead of handing me the money he threw it on the floor and said “there’s your money”. I looked at it and told him “As far as I am concerned you still owe me $20, you should pick up the money you dropped and use that to pay me.” He finally picked it up and handed it to me but tried to squeeze my hand extremely hard. I have strong hands and just gave him the same strength of squeeze.

#56

In college, we were having a conversation about which animals we thought closely matched our personalities. One guy was a psych major, one of those that weaponize Psychology by trying to psychoanalyze strangers and all that stuff. So he said he was probably a lion, and then would say everyone else were like hippos or manatees or other ugly-looking fat animals. Seemed a bit transparent to me but I think he really thought he was getting away with some subversive psych trick.

#57

I’m 5’9” and 170lbs and for some reason guys taller or larger than me feel the need to call me “big guy” in a belittling way. I find it so odd, I’ve done nothing to you and am neither excessively small or large and yet you feel the need to try and take shots at my size.

#58

We were joking around with a female then-friend of mine. The next day, she must have told it to her boyfriend who completely mistook it and sent me a threatening message on Facebook. I just laughed at him because even though I hardly knew anything about self-defense, that dude was like 55kg, and from earlier conversations I knew he was as hopeless as he could possibly be.

I guess he expected me to get scared (for some reason) so when I just laughed at him, he didn’t message me again, nor talk to me in person ever again.

#59

I was seeing this girl and she wanted to meet up with an old friend at a coffee shop. I walk in, and this guy is sitting there reading an “advanced physics” text book.

We all sit down and chat, and when my girlfriend went to the bathroom, he asked me about myself. I said I was into music (I play in bands and have some regional success), so he asked me what genres/bands I was into. Most of my stuff is ska/punk, so I asked if he heard of Streetlight Manifesto (an insanely talented band who are popular enough that an average person might know them), and his exact quote was “I used to listen to those guys in high school, I’ve matured now though… Have you ever heard of Mumford and Sons?”

After my girlfriend and I left, she immediately turns to me and goes “Wasn’t he awesome?!?!” Needless to say, we didn’t last much longer as a couple haha.

#60

When I was 16 a dude bro in his hummer H3 honked at my two friends and I while we were golfing. Naturally, we all gave him the finger as he drove by.

The gentleman stopped his car and got out, clearly looking to start a fight, screamed at us with the ‘why did you flip me off, do you want to fight’ shtick even though he CLEARLY honked at us.

As he was coming towards us angrily shouting, I retorted with “You’re yelling at children”. Realizing we were all underage and he was not, and the fact we were all wielding golf clubs, he got back in his douchemobile and drove off.

I still wonder what went through his head to try to pull off a stunt like that.

#61

I had a guy yell at me at a bar when he over heard me saying I was 6’2 to a friend. He claimed he was measured at the NFL combine at 6’0. we were the same height. He just kept yelling “I’m 6 foot, I’m 6 foot” at me. I’m legit 6’2 but this guy was just not having it. Like dude, why are you selling yourself 2 inches short? It was such an odd and unprompted interaction.

#62

Had one guy try to beat me at Guitar Hero and when he failed miserably he made the comment that video games are for kids – this was a short guy trying to one-up the tall guy. Everyone just rolled their eyes and ignored him including me and we continued playing Guitar Hero. This was around 2005 or 2006 I believe lol.

#63

Ive lost 9 stone in less than a year and some guy brags that hes lost 12 pounds and has a personal trainer whenever im near to try 1 up me because he has a lenient diet.

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