Woman Breaks Down The Pros And Cons Of Platonic Co-Parenting As She Considers Having Baby With Ex

“Platonic co-parenting is not a magical solution to utopian parenthood”: the experts weigh in

Many of us have heard of co-parenting… A couple gets together, has a child or children, things go south and they split up. Together (but apart), they navigate the ups and downs of raising their offspring while no longer in a romantic relationship.

Platonic co-parenting is similar, but not quite the same. You’re basically proactively starting a family and raising a child with a stranger, a friend or someone from your past that you’re no longer in love with. It’s become increasingly popular in recent years, as people opt into mother- or fatherhood but out of relationships.

“We’ve seen a seismic shift in how people define family,” says Ivan Fatovic, founder and CEO of the “mating app” Modamily.

Also known as elective co-parenting, intentional co-parenting and conscious co-parenting, this path to parenthood comes with its own unique set of challenges. It takes trust, patience, understanding, communication and commitment to ensure things don’t fall apart.

“Platonic co-parenting is not a magical solution to utopian parenthood,” warns pregnancy site, The Bump. “People are complex and nuanced—and parenting, in and of itself, is an unpredictable rollercoaster.” It’s critical you choose this journey with the right person, and not only talk through the logistics, but also align on issues such as finances, lifestyle choices, religious beliefs, political leanings, vaccine stances and more.

“Lay it all on the table and don’t hold back,” advises founder of Parenting Pathfinders, Michelle Felder. “This step in the process can really solidify whether you’re compatible and if creating a family together suits you both.”

Some, like the woman in this story, consider platonic co-parenting with an ex, while others would rather have a long-time friend in their corner as they raise a child.

“Although there may not be romance involved, many opt to have children with their friend because it’s a relationship that allows for love, intimacy and a deep connection,” says Felder.

There are also those who seek out a stranger to consciously build a platonic relationship, with the end-goal of starting a family. And there are a range of apps tailored to this very need.

So what happens if your best laid plans fall to pieces? Well, just like platonic co-parenting, there’s apparently something known as “platonic divorce.

“If you’re not working well together anymore, you can divide custody and support like divorced couples,” reveals Amira Hasenbush, a family formation lawyer in Los Angeles who focuses on working with LGBTQ+ families and non-traditional families. But the expert warns, “Once you have a child together, you’re attached to the child for life.”

So it’s in everyone’s best interest (especially the child you’re thinking of having) to think long and hard before deciding to go down the “platonic co-parenting” road.