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Breaking up with a friend can feel just as intense as breaking up with a romantic partner but more often than not, we’re clueless on how to process it in a healthy way.

Do you sit them down and have a formal talk — “it’s not you, it’s me”? Or do you go to therapy to see if you can salvage the relationship?

Sometimes we stay in toxic friendships until it boils over, and the truth is not every friendship is meant to last a lifetime.

Recently, someone went online and asked “What ended your friendship with your oldest standing friend?” and a lot of people shared some interesting stories.

Some stories are dramatic — arguments, betrayal, lies. Others are simply heartbreaking — friends growing apart or ghosting each other.

But all of them reveal one thing — some friendships, even the longest ones, change in ways you can’t always control.

#1

Sorry to say Alzheimer’s – just turned 74 years old, a friend since high school.

A_Lovely_:

If you get the chance, sit down and listen to music from your youth together. Odds are it will be a wonderful experience for you both.

zazzz0014:

My grandma couldn’t remember any of us, but put on her Elvis gospel records and she would light up and sing along with you. She still knew every word.

#2

Distance plus no effort on their side.

Calamity58:

I had a verifiable crew in high school. Six friends that were just absolutely inseparable. We’d hang out at school, every weekend, went on camping trips, had more inside jokes than I could ever count.

Then came college. We all went in different directions, but we’d stay somewhat in touch. We’d play video games a couple of times a week. And when summer would come around, we’d all converge back in our hometown and get right back to our same hijinks.

The problem was, some people moved on, some didn’t. After college, it became harder and harder to stay friends, when I realized that, for most of the guys in that group, friendship was a convenience. It was the proximity, all of us in the same neighborhood, that made things tight. But whereas I left the neighborhood, most of these other guys never did. Call it low aspirations, burn-out, whatever. Slowly, it became less of a friendship, and more of me just letting them know if/when I was around. Eventually, I came back for a holiday one year and just realized if I didn’t say anything, they’d never even know. Because they just didn’t care.

I try not to hold it against them. There is this term from the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, “sonder”, basically, the realization that every passerby on the street, every light in a window, is a complete person, with a life just as complex and full as your own. It makes me sad, because I understand that I’ll only ever really know a few hundred, maybe a thousand people in my whole life. And I wish that I could hold on to every one of those connections. But I have to accept that time and distance mean that those other people, with full and complicated lives of their own, might not be able to keep our connection forever.

#3

She told me I couldn’t talk about my dad’s cancer because it affected her mood and she needed to be upbeat because she works with kids. There were so many other instances like that where she basically (and sometimes literally) just said “I don’t care about what you’re going through, I need to take care of myself”

You could say she wanted to be part of the “village” but never wanted to be a “villager”

After that, I stopped talking to her in general and she never talked to me either, so I thought it was a mutual ending of the friendship. Big mistake, she absolutely blew up at me (literally 3 days after my dad’s passing) when I didn’t personally invite her to the funeral and said I was being selfish for not thinking of her feelings and “trauma”. She’s never lost someone to cancer. Her parents and all grandparents are still alive. I have no idea what trauma she was referring to.

A lot of studies show that close friendships affect our physical and mental health in a huge way. Yet when friendships end, people are often left to process the loss.

Most early research into friendship breakups focuses on children and adolescents, a time when friendships naturally shift as we change schools, develop new identities, or move into different social circles.

But when we are adults, it not only gets harder to make new friends, it’s even harder to maintain the existing ones.

#4

I stopped texting and calling first… It’s been 5 years, I’ve never heard from them again 🤷‍♀️.

The_Velvet_Bulldozer:

This was the same with my best friends from high school. I was always making the effort to stay connected in our early 20s. One day, I just decided I won’t reach out and if they really want to see me they’ll make the effort. It’s been over 10 years and not a peep.

#5

Grew up across the street from each other and was tight from middle school all the way up until our mid 20’s. He tried getting with my girlfriend (at the time) when me and her were having issues. I went his place to vent about things and I dint realize it at the time, but he was texting her while I was there. I guess since he was so terrible with women, he thought it would be easy. He was sending her things like how she should leave me for him and saying he had a crush on her. Real cringy stuff.

I obviously found out because she showed me the messages. I confronted him the next day and he ran inside like a coward and threatened to call the cops.

All that could have possibly been forgiven with time, but a year later he was arrested for being involved with a girl that was only in 9th grade while he was 27. It also came out that he would try to befriend teenagers by offering to buy them beer and stuff.

He’s 31 now and still lives across the street from my parents with his folks. There are times I wonder how he’s doing but then remember he’s a creep.

Its so weird though, I sometimes think of fun times but I will never speak to him again. .

#6

Dude got married to a woman that controls every aspect of his life. Literally have seen him once since the wedding… 4 years ago.

IJourden:

Ended up with a lot of distance with a very close friend that way. It’s sad, but honestly, he and his wife are both happy (as far as I know, we’ve talked less and less over the years but I don’t see any indicators that either of them aren’t happy). They just like the dynamic of focusing on each other to the exclusion to everyone else.
Personally it doesn’t sound healthy to me and it’s definitely not what I would want, but to each their own I guess.

Research has shown that adult friendships often end for surprisingly ordinary reasons — less time together, fewer shared interests, new relationships taking priority, or simply not liking the person in the same way anymore.

Casual friendships may crumble over time because of distance but close ones more often end through neglect or emotional interference.

#7

We grew up together and have been friends for 15+ years. I wanted to organise a phone call to catch up and he missed 6 phone calls in a row. Each time was the same excuse that it slipped his mind or he forgot or he was napping. I told him it wasn’t acceptable and if he wanted to talk, he was going to have to make the effort to organise a phone call or anything. Its been 6 months and I haven’t heard a single thing from him. It breaks my heart and I miss him lots but hey, nothing I can do. I showed up and he didnt.

Training-Stuff7414:

I had a friend like that too. 400 miles away but we remained great friends. 40+ years Just stoped communicating. It was just cryptic communication at first and then it completely stopped. I even looked up obituaries in her city to see if she had died. Turns out she had Alzheimer’s.

#8

Short version he was supposed to be a groomsman and didn’t show up to my wedding, never apologized, haven’t talked to him since, also still owes me $200 for his suit.

Long version I had asked him to be a groomsman almost 2yrs before the wedding and he said yes. Unfortunately we had to push our wedding date back by about 6months because of our recovery from a kidney transplant/donation. When we set up the new date I asked him again as I knew that changing the date could mess with some people’s schedule and he once again said yes, but this time he asked me to not invite his Ex who was also a friend from college due to a bad breakup(still don’t know who to believe). Since he was going to be a groomsman I honored his wish and didn’t invite her to the new date.

When it came to the suits we found it was cheaper to buy them from a suit shop we found in my city and have groomsman get them tailored rather than getting rentals. So I asked all the guys and they all liked the idea of buying the suits since some of them never even owned a suit. So I bought all the suits, shipped them all out to the guys, and would have them all pay me back when I saw them at the wedding.

Skip ahead to the night of rehearsal and he sends me a text he wasn’t going to make it that night because of something to do with a friend messing up his ticket or something. I said “Ok, as long as you can make it to the wedding tomorrow it’s fine” and that was the last thing I texted him and the last I ever heard from him, it’s now been almost 9yrs.

#9

Best friend from high school and a girl I was friends with got married. I spent weeks convincing her to give him a chance and a year after graduation they got married.

I found out about the wedding because I happened to be in a gas station and saw two of our mutual friends in tuxedos and they confused asked me why I wasn’t in one because the wedding was in 2 hours.

I wasn’t invited. I got a text from my supposed friend saying sorry and I should come to their wedding anyway. Instead of showing up to their wedding in camo shorts and a tank top I just took the hint.

He wasn’t my friend because he liked me. He was my friend because we lived close enough to ride the bus/ drive each other to school. Once we weren’t obligated to be in the same circle 5 days a week we weren’t friends.

They had 3 kids and got divorced. Love that for them.

But strong friendships can survive significant life changes — what is different in stable platonic relationships is not constant communication, but flexibility.

We evolve as people as we grow up and our lives change.

When we’re younger, we think closeness means constantly staying in touch and giving daily updates to each other.

Adult friendships don’t need daily check-ins to feel real, and healthy friendships grow alongside us as long as the people in them show up when it matters the most.

#10

Was a friend with her since the 70s (51 years). She was always narcissistic but had had a horrific childhood so I let a lot slide. As she aged the narcissism got worse and she became eccentric and impossible to get along with. I finally broke off the friendship. I feel terrible about it because she is so alone now; as I had hung in there for her longer than anyone else did. The sad takeaway is that some people have no business having children as they mess them up so badly. My friend spent most of her adult life in therapy but it didn’t help.

Different_Seaweed534:

I have a similar story. Friend of 40+ years, very emotionally damaged person. I was always there for her but when the tables were turned she told me not to talk to her about my troubles since it triggered her. I finally said enough.
She has no other friends, and was a terrible mother.

#11

They went off the conservative deep end and started blaming everything on trans people. He won’t talk to any of his old friends anymore.

IncidentSome4403:

God this one cuts deep, especially in the past 5-10 years. I had to cut off a whole section of my old friend group because they fell really deep into that stuff during COVID, like fell for it hook, line and sinker. It’s difficult to be friends with someone who’s just a walking YouTube comments section.

#12

He was my best friend of 17 years. My mum passed away, and his exact words in an email a day or 2 later were “Give me a call when you’re over this, and we’ll go for a beer.”

It’s been 12 years, and I’m still not over it….I likely never will be, jerk.

A recent survey showed that 61% of US adults said having close friends is extremely or very important for people to live a fulfilling life. This is far higher than the people who said the same about being married (23%), having children (26%) or having a lot of money (24%).

The survey also found that having more friends is linked to being more satisfied with those friendships.

#13

We had been good friends since 3rd grade. At about 28 years old his favorite baseball team made it to the World Series for the first time since he could remember. I was making pretty good money at the time and offered to help get him to at least 1 game and I was met with “oh, you think you’re some kind of baller now. I’m not looking for charity.” Never spoke to him again.

#14

My wife kept hitting him up for loans and never paying him back. Found out long after the fact. I don’t blame him.

jlop21:

My guess is he was trying to be a good friend and thought bringing it up to his boy would stir a huge issue in the marriage. Seems like he felt he was stuck between a rock and hard place.

#15

I got married.

Then best-friend was my MOH. She got falling-down drunk and had a big emotional meltdown at the reception (she was going through some big life changes at the time, so I thought that the issue, and my only concern was that she was okay), holed up in a guest room so the other guests didn’t know or even notice she’d sorta just dipped out. Almost called an ambulance because I was so scared for her, but she begged me to just let her sober up and kept apologizing over and over for ‘ruining the wedding.’

When I laughed at one point and told her that she didn’t ruin anything, that I was just so glad she was there and I was sorry she was having a bad time, she sorta got quiet and weird and just asked me to leave her alone for a while. My in-laws took turns making sure she was okay and had water and such.

Long story short – after she got home she ended up messaging to say she was done being in my life. Turned out she’d spent years harboring a fantasy that I (queer, attracted only to men and masc folks, very very clear about this for as long as she’d known me) would wake up one day having realized that *actually* I was really into girls, and in fact was very into *her* since we loved each other so much, and I’d leave my partner (of then not quite a decade) to run away with her to live our happy-ever-after.

In her words, watching me ‘literally glowing’ as I exchanged vows and happily kissed my husband shattered the dream. She didn’t realize how big a thing it was for her until it happened, and then it was too much.

It was messy and awful.

Appreciating what a friendship once was doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be BFFs.

If you stay in a friendship that is toxic or if it drains you, it can lead to a lot of mental and physical health issues.

“It can be really hard to set boundaries in friendships — this is someone you care about and want to support! But you also cannot pour from an empty glass, and we all need breaks or reach our limits. If you find yourself resenting your friend or dreading your interactions, that might mean that you need a break,” Clinical psychologist and author Dr Amy Marschall, Psy.D, tells Bored Panda.

#16

We worked together at a job for 10 years, became practically brother and sister. One day I got a new job and she followed. Well, she got her sister a job at the same place, working in the same department as me. While my friend worked in a different one. She gradually (And openly) became jealous of the fact that we were being friendly, and believed I was “trying to replace her as a friend with her sister,” which couldn’t have been further from the truth. I tried like Hell to patch things up but she didn’t want to hear it.

And before anyone says “Oh she wanted to sleep with you” and vice versa, we both have long been happily married to other people. I can’t speak for her, but I have not once had a single thought of wanting to.

#17

Happened a couple weeks ago. We were having dinner at a restaurant. I wanted to eat a good meal so I’d sleep well for an event that I was eagerly anticipating and spent a bunch of money on. So I invited her to a sushi place.

We get there, it’s crowded, we’re not getting attention. She orders for me — something I can’t eat. Then she calls the waiter and talks over me when I’m trying to order. I tell her not to talk over me — and she freaks out and starts trauma dumping, tells me I had the same mean tone as her toxic mom (when I was telling her not to talk over me), causes a scene in the restaurant, throws money at me, runs away. I was too rattled to sleep well, went to the event exhausted and while I had a good time anyway, when I got back I unfriended her. We’d been friends and co-workers for about a decade. I just can’t deal with drama.

#18

I didn’t give her enough emotional support during the pandemic. While she was at home with her kid in the burbs and I was working full time in a hospital living in the epicenter of the uprising. She’s the one who cut me off LOL.

But when exactly do you completely cut ties with a friend?

“I think a big sign is how you are feeling about the interactions. If you find that you feel upset, dread your interactions, or find that you resent when you see that friend is reaching out, that is typically a sign to check in with yourself and what you need from the relationship,” Dr Marschall replies.

#19

Sold my best friend a car, she gave me one 50.00 pmt. Then ghosted me. I spoke with her parents and found out they gave her the 50.00 and she parked the car in their yard for sale and sold it for more than I charged her. Never got another penny from her. We were both single moms.

#20

My maid of honor ….she seemed very unlucky that everyone in her life was either cruel to her or screwed her over.And I thought, wow, she has really bad people in her life, until she turned it on me.And then I realized she was the bad person.

#21

I realized that she is in the top 3 of my favorite people, and I am not even in her top 15.

If you still care about a friend and want to save the relationship, there are things you can try. One approach that’s gaining attention is friendship therapy.

Barbie Atkinson, who offers friendship therapy in Houston, says about 25% of her clients come in as pairs, or even small groups, working on their friendships together.

People take friendship therapy for all sorts of reasons — reconciling political disagreements, processing grief, or navigating big life changes like moving for a new job or having a baby.

“You’re just seeing two people that want to reconnect — who are sad at the way their relationship has gone and are so actively trying to fix it,” Atkinson says.

#22

My now wife, reached out to my friend about an upcoming party that he was hosting. She had not met him and was excited to meet him. She messaged him on Facebook to say how excited she was and what does she need to bring. He followed up and said ” I don’t talk to people that I have not met in real life on here, and I am leaving this weekend , so I don’t have time to give you any information”.

She asked me what she did wrong, I said nothing, that was a weird response. I followed up with him about his response , but he wanted to have sit down to talk about it. I told him we could talk on the phone about the issue. Nothing happened.

He stopped talking to me. Only showed up to my father’s funeral and seemed weirded out to actually have to talk to me. Haven’t spoken to him since. That was two years ago since my dad’s funeral.

#23

Qanon.

He came back around eventually (after severing ties with nearly all his friends and family over various grievances when people pushed back on his indoctrination), but we haven’t actually talked much since.

#24

I had to testify and I didn’t lie. He went to prison for some time and I just couldn’t handle all of what was going on.

#25

I realized he wasn’t an enjoyable person to be around. He was argumentative about everything, loud, judgmental, and when you pushed back even a little he would claim he was dealing with bad mental health and make you feel bad. During Covid we stopped talking and…I never went back.

#26

She cheated on her husband while we were on vacation together and left me alone in a strange city to go with some man. 20 year friendship and I couldn’t get past it, let alone look her husband in the face.

#27

Spent 3 weeks in a coma, took a month just to be able to have the strength to walk again. Never heard from him once.

#28

We both grew up in a conservative environment.

I left, travelled the world, got an education, he didn’t.

I wound up drifting further to the left, he drifted further to the right.

Eventually the differences in worldview became irreconcilable.

#29

She decided to put down her dog down when it needed ACL surgery. My brother worked at a very well funded shelter, so I begged her to please let him take the dog and surgery would be covered. She went ahead and put down the dog, and made a big deal of it on social media, showing her crying over the dog.

#30

Lots of small things that added up to me realizing she did not care about me.

One of them – I broke my leg when I was home alone and called her to ask her to take me to the hospital. She was busy- shopping- so I took an uber. Over the next three months I had surgery, was confined to a wheelchair, and ended up having to stay at my jerk exboyfriend’s house because he was the only person willing to help me. She never visited me once, even though my ex’s house was about 3 minutes away from her work. She never offered to help me with my dog, which was a huge issue while I was recovering.

Several months later after I was back on two feet we went to a comedy show (I paid for the tickets, drove us, paid for parking and a hotel) and before we went to our seats she had to go to the bathroom and asked me to go get two drinks for her (I was six months sober at the time and was really uncomfortable being around a bar let alone buying drinks) but I agreed. I had to walk down then back up super sketchy steep stairs with two full glasses of wine. I hadn’t graduated to stairs in physical therapy yet, it was honestly terrifying. She got wasted and complained the whole time then fell asleep two seconds after we got back to the hotel.

The next day after we were back home she sent me a Venmo request for $17 for the chicken satay appetizer she bought me. I sent her back a Venmo request for half of the parking cost, which I never had any intention of, it’s insane for us to be nickel and diming each other. We didn’t talk for a few days until she called me and screamed at me for being a bad friend and I hung up on her. I don’t let people scream at me, and she knows this. We haven’t talked since. I miss her a lot but then I remember all this and realize I’m not missing out on much.

#31

Insurance fraud. And he tried to get me involoved in the mess he created too. Nope.

#32

Age and distance. We were friends since kindergarten. No big blow up, no animosity just growing up. Once we hit adulthood and I moved and we went our separate ways. We don’t know each other anymore, I see her lifestyle now and then I see mine and realize that I am grateful I had her in my early years but know we wouldn’t be friends if I met her later in life due to all the life changes and change of interests. I loved how simple being friends as children was and I’ll always hold that close to me.

#33

I supported her through many challenges. When I needed support, she was nowhere to be found. When I started to think about the friendship, I realized it was onsided. Its not that she never supported. But she only supported when it suited her. I also realized patterns of manufactured drama that never needed to happen. It was too exhausting to continue.

#34

She was a huge conspiracy theorist that started saying some wildly egregious and ignorant things that I could not ignore.

#35

I kept growing up and developing ever higher standards for what I expect out of people ethically and morally.

She didn’t. Eventually, I realized how much of a piece of trash she was and didn’t want to have that in my life anymore.

#36

Tried to get me into an MLM scheme lmao.

#37

He’s backing ICE’s actions in Minnesota. He was my best friend and bandmate for 26 years. No longer. Done.

#38

They found Jesus and I can’t deal with that level of stupidity.

#39

Realizing that the only common factor for us was our childhood.

#40

My closest friend became a huge narcissist. We both grew up a little poor but he always cared way too much about what others thought of him. He had kept making back handed comments about me having the same friends from high school or not blowing money on flashy cars and clothes like him. I hope he’s happy with the life he chose. It just seems like a miserable existence to put so much effort so others think you’re cool.

#41

She left her husband for another guy but wouldn’t admit to it. Even though she moved to that place to live with him then “happened” to fall in love. I don’t even mind all of that, but she essentially ignored me for one year and lied throughout. Now she just pretends everything is normal. .

#42

I got a huge windfall of gourmet food from a friend that sold her business after 41 years. I hooked him up royally with all manner of goodies.. filled 2 giant coolers .
A couple of nights later his girlfriend thanks me for the bricks of tempeh I gave him. The dude then casually tells me he took 4or 5 more !
Said he thought I needed to get rid of it and he was helping me out..
I was pissed as had he simply asked I would have given him more.
Sneaky thief !!
No apologies or remorse.. instead he said he thought I was overreacting because of stuff going on in my life…
The guy is a millionaire.. I am not ..
Ended our friendship.

#43

They got married. I didn’t like the new SO. I was immature and decided bailing was better than putting up with the awkwardness.

#44

They were coming to town and we had plans to go for dinner we had been discussing for months. They changed plans on me & times on me without asking (to make plans with other people), I got demoted to a lunch and I told them that made me unhappy as we were supposed to hang out for the evening and I hadn’t seen them in years and they unfriended me. 15 year friendship.

#45

My friend (36m) had been in an online relationship with a woman in the Phillipines for about a year.

He flew over there, about two weeks before her birthday. They conceived a child (back dating from confirmation of the pregnancy says about a week Before her birthday).

We had never really discussed it much. Sort of bros being bros, “Oh yeah how’s things with the lady? Good good..” casual conversation. I never pried much because I assumed he was getting scammed.

I found out 6 months into the pregnancy, it was her 18th birthday that he had flown out for.

Nope. Sorry dude. You got on a plane to go knock up a minor, and you knowingly started that relationship with a person you knew to be Half your age, and just “neglected” to mention that part.

Good luck with your life, but that crosses a line for me.

#46

They decided to go nuclear when I didn’t mail a package for them ASAP.

This is while I’m dealing with a newborn and preschooler , time is a luxery.

Then once I was able to send it, they played the victim card and pretty much said it was my fault.

Dropped them completely.

#47

They went down the alt right manosphere pipeline.

#48

Alcoholism. He was a great friend when he was sober, but was awful when he was drunk. Eventually he was drunk more than sober. My party days were waning and so did our friendship. He never wronged me personally, but I was about the only one.

#49

She passed away from colon cancer. It wasn’t caught until she fell and broke her hip. They found out that it had spread into her pelvis. She was 82 and we’d been friends for almost 25 years.

#50

I’ve only had one friend break up. She was a bottomless well of need and helplessness. She was absolutely obsessed with a married man, she constantly switched jobs and tried on new personalities, she went on a major online vendetta to try to destroy the reputation of a man who broke up with her and it really didn’t sit right with me. Then on the day my father buried his mother she blew up my phone asking me if I could ask my father to get her a job.

I couldn’t do it anymore. Maybe I could have been if she had showed the slightest genuine interest in my life…but she seemed to resent that I even had one. It broke my heart when we ended our friendship but 7 years later I still breath a sigh a relief now and then.

#51

She married a maga man. 40 years of being the sweetest, caring woman I knew….now she is hateful, racist and so ugly. It still makes me cry.

#52

Constant anti-immigrant, anti-LGBT, anti-minority and pro-MAGA rants.

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