Almost every child eventually leaves their proverbial nest and starts building their own life. However, it can come as a shock if your parents suddenly decide that you have to leave, with no absolutely warning.
That’s what happened to one teenager, whose mom kicked them out the moment they turned 18, so that she could move her new boyfriend in instead. The distressed young adult asked the ‘AmIOverreacting’ community for help after sharing that they’re in tears, with no clue what to do, thinking that this is “probably the worst day” of their life. You’ll find the full story, including the teen’s message conversation with their mom, and the internet’s advice, below.
Being forced to leave home when you have no job or a place to stay, with no warning, is devastating
Image credits: Diligent_Bat_565 (not the actual photo)
A teenager who just turned 18 shared the conversation they had with their mom who kicked them out
Image credits: Diligent_Bat_565
Image credits: Diligent_Bat_565
Independence doesn’t appear overnight. It’s something that parents help their children build gradually, over years
While asking your child to leave home when they turn 18 might be legal, it might not be the most ethical thing to do. If you spring this decision on them with little to no warning, you’ll create panic.
Especially if you haven’t encouraged them to be independent during those 18 years while you were raising them. And if they have no means to financially support themselves (for instance, if you didn’t let them get a job before and give them no support), you’re putting them in an awful situation.
Without a job or a place of their own, they might have to go to a shelter, crash on a friend’s couch, or even be homeless for a time. It’s not a good look for a parent to behave so coldly, just so that they can have more autonomy. It’s healthier to have a transition period where you give your child some time (a few months or more?) to create some stability in their life before they gradually move out.
And independence, as awesome as it is, isn’t something that develops overnight. You slowly help your child become more and more independent year after year.
There are lots of skills that you need to teach your child so that they can be a functioning adult and member of society.
Financial literacy, job applications, doing your taxes, cooking, cleaning, college applications, paying rent and utilities, driving, how to build healthy relationships with others, etc. The list is huge. And it requires the parent to be actively involved.
Naturally, your child should be proactive and willing to develop their independence as well. However, they take their cues from the authority figures in their lives, in large part, from their parents.
Image credits: SkelDry (not the actual photo)
Parents can’t kick their kids out until they are 18 years old. And even then, it’s best to support them as they seek greater independence
According to FindLaw, typically, it’s considered child abandonment if a parent kicks out their child who is younger than 18.
Until you come of age, your parents have to look after your physical health, safety, and welfare. This necessary care includes things like providing you with food, shelter, clothing, education, and medical care.
Not all parents want their kids to leave the nest, however. Some have an incredibly difficult time letting them go.
As ‘Parents Letting Go’ notes, if your young adult, who is over 18 years old, wants to leave, you, as a parent, “don’t have the power or right to block the doorway.” Furthermore, it’s always best to act with love, not out of anger, frustration, or resentment.
“It’s important to understand that a desire to establish a separate identity and seek independence is a normal inclination for late adolescents and young adults. We should align with and support our adult children’s desire to have their own identity and strive for emancipation,” ‘Parents Letting Go’ explains.
“Although the 18-year-old needs to take responsibility for how they will survive outside the home, parents can offer some support in finding housing, providing health and auto insurance coverage, and maybe some furniture for an apartment. These can be safety measures to avoid catastrophic medical bills or gestures of support such as furniture or groceries.”
What are your thoughts, dear Pandas? What advice would you give the 18-year-old now that they’ve been forced to leave? When did you first leave your parents’ home? What were the biggest challenges when it came to being fully independent? How do you enforce healthy boundaries at home with your family? Let us know in the comments.
Image credits: EyeEm (not the actual photo)
Many internet users rushed to support the teenager and to offer them practical advice
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