Living with roommates may be an excellent way to save money, but it often means you end up paying with your sanity the moment disagreements start brewing. And sometimes, they can blow up into a full-on standoff that makes dividing chores look like the easy part.
That’s what this Redditor discovered after moving in with a roommate who’s vegan. They had no issue with her dietary preferences, until she decided they weren’t allowed to cook any non-vegan food in the kitchen at all. In her mind, that didn’t just apply to pots and pans—it meant the oven, stove, and even the microwave were completely off-limits.
Stunned by the demand, the Redditor took to the internet to ask for advice on what to do next. Read the full story below.
Living with roommates usually comes with certain ground rules
Image credits: Pressmaster / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
But this person wasn’t prepared for just how strict things would get after moving in with someone vegan
Image credits: larisikstefania / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Temporary-Cream3411
Roommates are a lottery, and the prize isn’t always good
At one point or another, there’s a good chance you’ve lived with roommates. Maybe it was in college, or maybe it was simply the smartest option when rent prices started feeling unreal. Either way, it’s a common setup. In the U.S., for example, 1 in 3 adults share their home with someone who isn’t a romantic partner or spouse.
And with so many people living like this, finding a roommate can feel like a lottery. If you get lucky, it really is a perk. You save money, you’ve got someone around, and sometimes you even end up making a genuine friend. It can make day-to-day life more fun, especially if you enjoy having company at home.
But if you don’t get lucky, things can go sideways fast. The options are endless: the messy roommate, the loud roommate, the one who “borrows” your stuff, the one who’s just… strange. Sometimes, you get a bit of everything, and then it becomes a whole situation.
Moving out isn’t always realistic, either. It can be expensive and take time you simply don’t have. So before it gets to that point, many people try to work through it first and figure out how to handle whatever is making living together so tense.
If you’re not lucky, here’s how to handle the tension
A good place to start is with something simple: don’t avoid conflict. It can be tempting to bite your tongue because you don’t want to start an argument, but that approach usually backfires. Becca Jacobs, LCSW, a psychotherapist at The NYC Therapy Center, says staying silent isn’t productive.
“When we keep our emotions bottled up inside of us, it stores tension in our bodies,” Jacobs told Apartment Advisor. Over time, that can turn into physical and emotional strain, and just a constant feeling of discomfort at home. “Unresolved conflict can lead to resentment and put a strain on the living environment for all parties,” Jacobs said.
Instead, it helps to recognize what you’re feeling and communicate it with compassion. That way, you’re still standing up for yourself, but you’re also giving the conversation a better chance of going somewhere useful.
Compassion is the key word here. If you come in heated, it’s hard to have a real discussion. Before you bring something up, take a moment to think about what’s actually bothering you, how it impacts your day-to-day life, and what kind of compromise might be realistic.
“Allow the immediate thought to come in, and try to take a pause before addressing it with a roommate so you can become curious about what else is happening and coming up for you in this situation,” suggested Jacobs. “Giving yourself space to process can lead to better communication about your feelings and needs.”
Of course, one of the best ways to avoid awkward conflict is to reduce the chances of it happening in the first place. That starts with laying some groundwork early on. A lot of the time, people move in together without really knowing each other, so they don’t know each other’s habits, routines, and expectations around things like chores, sleep, noise, or having guests over.
Those first weeks are the best time to talk about it. You don’t necessarily need a formal roommate agreement, though some people like having one. What matters is reaching a shared understanding of what living together should look like, so you’re not constantly guessing where the other person’s line is.
Jacobs recommends talking through common scenarios before they become problems. That way, both people know what’s expected. If you need quiet evenings on weeknights, say so upfront. Don’t wait until one night they invite friends over and you’re suddenly trying to negotiate an early lights-out time in the middle of it.
As you’re settling in, it also helps to set a good example, according to mental health provider PrairieCare. Knock before entering their room, and don’t interrupt when they have headphones on. Check in before inviting friends over, keep on top of bills, and try to stay kind even on stressful days. When you treat someone the way you’d want to be treated, you’re more likely to get that same consideration back.
It also helps to keep expectations realistic. The goal is to be good roommates, not best friends. It’s completely fine to have different interests and separate social circles. You can still have a peaceful home as long as there’s mutual respect and an effort to honor each other’s preferences.
And if you’ve tried to communicate, stayed respectful, and nothing changes, then moving out may be the healthiest option. It’s not exciting, and it’s not always easy, but it can be worth it if it’s the only way to feel comfortable in your own home again. Hopefully, the author of this story is able to find a solution that brings some peace back into their living situation.
Readers agreed that the roommate’s expectations were unreasonable and offered advice on how to handle the situation
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