It’s certainly not uncommon for mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws to have conflicts. But this particular story has an interesting twist. What do you do when your mother-in-law requests that you let her be in the delivery room while you give birth? This new mom didn’t feel comfortable with that, so she suggested a couple of creative alternatives.
Then, to find out whether her ultimatum to her husband was appropriate, she reached out to netizens on Reddit to get some advice. Below, you’ll find all of the juicy details, as well as a conversation between Bored Panda and Becca Maberly, a South West London-based pregnancy and post-natal expert.
Giving birth is a beautiful thing, but it is also a medical procedure, not a public event
Image credits: Amina Filkins (not the actual photo)
A woman came up with an interesting trade-off for her MIL to be in the delivery room when the baby comes
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
Image source: ReadyPreparation5472
Only the people a mother feels comfortable with should be present during birth
Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
There are a lot of anxieties and worries that a pregnant mother already has. Worrying about other people’s demands shouldn’t be one of them. Pregnancy and post-natal expert Becca Maberly says that the final months of a pregnancy can be especially stressful.
Becca is the founder of A Mother Place, a space of support and encouragement for mothers and mothers-to-be as well. She’s also the author of ‘Nobody Tells You: 100 Truths about Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond’. Becca agreed to tell us more about how future mothers should approach other people’s demands who wish to be in the delivery room.
“The lead-up to your birth can be such a nerve-wracking time, and being able to prepare for this event with confidence and peace of mind is very important,” she tells Bored Panda.
Maberly says that already a lot of things are out of the pregnant mother’s hands during birth. That’s why it’s so important for the mother to feel that she can at least control some things.
That can include things like where she is giving birth and whether she wants skin-to-skin contact with the baby. Who is present in the delivery room is one of those decisions the mother should be able to make.
“Many women choose to just have their partners at their birth,” Maberly observes. “Some choose an alternative or additional birth partner, perhaps a friend or relative. But this has to be someone that they feel comfortable having in the room for one of the most momentous experiences of their life.”
The pregnancy expert is firm in her opinion that people who don’t make the mother comfortable shouldn’t be present during birth. “If this person is NOT your mother-in-law then you have every right to keep her from entering the delivery suite!”
How to let your mother-in-law know she’s not welcome in the delivery room?
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
The best thing an expecting mother can do is establish boundaries and hope the mother-in-law will respect them. “I would simply explain that the birth is a very personal and private affair and that you would feel most relaxed if it was just your husband there with you,” Becca Maberly advises.
“I would mention that you are feeling nervous about all the unknowns and you are therefore trying to control as many elements as possible so that you can make the environment as calm and controlled as possible.”
Maberly recommends explaining firmly but gently that the mother would like it to be an intimate experience with just two people — her and her husband. The pregnant mother can also offer the MIL a carrot. “Let her know you will call her as soon as you are ready for her to come and meet her grandchild,” the expert says.
For mothers who are unafraid of being a little sneaky, Maberly has an alternative suggestion. “As a last resort, tell your mother-in-law that since COVID-19, the hospitals have changed their policies and you are only allowed one birth partner!” That would probably include just the husband, so no MIL in the delivery room!
What if your husband is pressuring you to give in to the mother-in-law’s demands?
Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
In some cases, husbands might try to defuse the situation by asking their wives to humor their mothers. But our expert says that the mother-to-be should put herself first.
“I would stand your ground and explain that having someone you do not want in the delivery room could make you more stressed and nervous,” Maberly says. “This may compromise the release of oxytocin which may in turn lead to a longer birth. Surely, he doesn’t want to be in the hospital any longer than he has to be?”
Maberly offers one more strategy for pregnant women to use to persuade their husbands. “Perhaps also explain that birthing women often use foul language in the final stages of labor and you would not want his lovely mum to hear that!”
Maberly reiterates her point once more: “Unless requested to be there, mothers-in-law should stay well away from the hospital!”
The mother-to-be answered some questions in the comments
The general consensus in the comments was NTA
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