When a family member needs help, it can be extremely difficult to say no. We all want to be support systems for our loved ones, and they can be exceptionally persuasive when asking for assistance. But helping someone change a tire or offering up a cup of sugar is one thing. Loaning them a significant amount of money is something else entirely…
One man learned this lesson the hard way after loaning his fiancée’s brother over $19,000. Now, the bride is stuck in the middle of drama between the love of her life and her family members. Below, you’ll find the full story that she shared on Reddit, as well as some of the advice readers left the author.
This woman’s fiancé gave her brother a very generous loan
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
But since he hasn’t paid it back, she’s now being forced to choose between her partner and her family
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowRALoan
Later, the bride responded to several readers and provided more context
Finances are one of the top sources of conflict between family members
If you desperately need a loan, your first impulse might be to ask friends and family members. They love you, they trust you, and they know you better than anyone. What could go wrong? But there’s a reason why people often caution against doing anything with your loved ones that involves money, whether that is starting a business or taking a loan.
According to Sterk Family Law Group, financial stress is one of the top reasons why families fight. It’s also one of the most common sources of conflicts for couples. Finances can be an extremely touchy topic because money itself can trigger a range of emotions within each of us, Nasdaq explains.
On payday, you might be ecstatic and optimistic. But by the time you need to pay rent, you might be anxious and overwhelmed. If you see your friends going on luxurious vacations that you can’t afford, you might become jealous and resentful. And if you lose a significant amount of money, you might enter a state of despair.
We all work hard for our money, so it’s natural to feel possessive over it, especially if you haven’t always had enough to feel stable. Plus, financial therapist Bari Tessler estimates that 85% to 90% of our financial decisions are based on our current emotional state. Just think about how often people partake in retail therapy or impulse buy something due to the fear that it won’t be available much longer.
Because mixing finances with friendships or family relationships can easily become messy, many experts warn against it. But apparently, one in five Americans receives financial support from a friend or family member, and up to one third of adults in the U.S. provide some financial assistance to someone else.
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
It’s never a good idea to lend out money that you can’t afford to lose
So if you’re going to proceed, you’ll want to keep in mind some of Investopedia’s dos and don’ts. Their first rule is to only give money to people you trust. Regardless of how much you love someone, it’s important to consider their financial track record before making any commitments.
At the same time, you shouldn’t loan out more than you can afford to lose. There will always be a chance that you won’t get that money back, so you have to be comfortable with that. And before handing over any money, get the agreement in writing. This will prevent any future misunderstandings and ensure that both parties are on the same page.
When it comes to giving money to a relative, NPR actually recommends simply gifting it instead of loaning it in the first place. This takes the pressure off of the exchange, and it allows the receiver to thank the giver through any means they wish.
Perhaps they can gift them some homemade bread every time they bake, or maybe they can treat them to an all expenses paid weekend at a fabulous spa. Whatever they receive in return will be an unexpected and welcomed surprise.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. What would you do if you were in this bride’s shoes? Then, if you’re interested in checking out another story from Bored Panda featuring family financial drama, look no further than right here.
Image credits: Karola G (not the actual photo)
Many readers called out the bride’s family for their behavior, and some encouraged the groom to end their engagement
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