There are countless tried-and-true ways to ruin that incredibly important moment when you bend your knee before your partner, holding a proposal ring in your hand. Rejection can sometimes spell the end of a relationship, but sometimes, it’s simply a spur for both partners to become better.
However, the story we’re about to tell you today, from the user u/ExistingCold6894, stands out even among many similar tales. The story goes that the author’s boyfriend invited her on a romantic trip for their 10th anniversary, and then proposed… an open marriage. So, let’s go on reading it now.
More info: Reddit
There are numerous ways to ruin your proposal moment – and sometimes people actually pick the most bizarre of them
Image credits: Shoham Avisrur / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author of the post and her boyfriend had been dating for 10 years and the guy recently took her to Edinburgh for a romantic trip
Image credits: ExistingCold6894
Image credits: Gladys Aguayo / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The man then kneeled and, holding a ring in his hand, proposed an open marriage
Image credits: ExistingCold6894
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
This was definitely not what the woman expected, so she just answered “No!”
Image credits: ExistingCold6894
The woman now feels completely devastated and all that she wants is to end this relationship
So, the Original Poster (OP) and her boyfriend had been dating for ten years, and for their anniversary, the man invited her on a romantic trip to Edinburgh (the couple lives in London). It was there, ten years ago, that their love story began, and for the OP, it was a wonderful and romantic reprise; she had only happy expectations for this trip.
What she certainly didn’t expect was for her boyfriend, kneeling with a ring in his hand, to ask her, “Will you open marry me?” She asked if she had heard him right – and yes, it turned out he wanted to marry her, but he wanted it to be an open marriage. The guy said he loved her very much, but he also wanted to keep a room for sleeping with other women.
The author felt as if her world had collapsed with those words – and the perfect image of her boyfriend and would-be fiancé had crashed off its pedestal. With these feelings, the OP just said, “No!” And when he said okay, he was ready for a “usual” marriage, the woman clarified that she didn’t want to see him at all and that she needed some time alone.
The man tried to call her later, but our heroine realized she couldn’t even imagine a relationship with him right now. The very thought of them being together gives her nothing but shivers. What’s most frustrating is that, now, the woman doesn’t understand how she can manage her life, because she can’t afford to live alone in one of the most expensive cities in the world.
Image credits: SkelDry / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The very idea of open relationships has become quite popular in recent decades – but, paradoxically, partners’ expectations of such relationships are sometimes far from reality. For example, a person may simply not realize that open marriages are actually a two-way street, and that their spouse can also be popular, sometimes way more than they are.
“Yes, there will be feelings, and the first one may obviously be jealous and hurt,” John Kim, LMFT, writes in his article for Psychology Today. “My question is this: assuming you have opened your relationship, how many of these feelings would come from ego, control, insecurity, possession, and ‘shoulds?’” However, asking such a question after a decade-long relationship while proposing to your partner looks outright insane.
The official website for the American Psychological Association offers a detailed fact sheet for those who want to have an open marriage (incidentally, according to this study, 1 in 22 people have considered something similar at some point). This dedicated post at Hello Prenup also notes that such a step requires detailed information from your partner. This, obviously, is something the OP’s boyfriend certainly didn’t do.
In the comments, the author noted that the most her boyfriend had previously said were ambiguous jokes about an open relationship. Well, she now realizes that they probably weren’t jokes at all but rather innuendoes. Regardless, most responders supported the original poster and advised her to just end the relationship. So, what piece of advice would you give her?
Most commenters gave the author their sincere support and just agreed with her decision
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