Jealousies and petty arguments can turn into a lot more in any relationship if things aren’t managed well. However, sometimes the things people do in the heat of the moment might seem vaguely rational, but are actually so aggressive that their counterpart has to sit down and really consider if this relationship is for them.
A man asked the internet for advice after his wife had a meltdown over him going to his sister’s baby shower, causing her to just change the locks on their home. We reached out to the man who shared the post via private message and will update the article when he gets back to us.
Every relationship has some arguments
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
But one man wondered if his wife changing the locks was just too much
Image source: LookoutLockout
Image source: LookoutLockout
Image source: LookoutLockout
Image source: LookoutLockout
Image source: LookoutLockout
Hightened emotions make people do dumb things
Image credits: Sander Sammy (not the actual photo)
Few moments yell “relationship meltdown” quite as loudly as coming home to find the locks have been changed because your partner lost their temper. It’s a move straight from the soap opera script, so over-the-top that the neighbors will be waiting outside the window asking if they should get popcorn. But while the act itself may be foolish or even humiliating, the real test is later, after the dust has settled, after the locks have been restored, and your lover arrives with an apology. It is not so much what you do in the moment but what you do later that matters.
First, you should think about accepting the seriousness of the gesture. Lock changing isn’t slamming a door, or sulking in another room, it’s a physical action to bar you from your own home. That crosses the line, and even if apologized for, cannot be brushed away by a dismissive “no worries.” You need to ensure that your spouse gets that while you want to hear what he has to say, you also see the action for what it was, a breach of trust and an overreaction to whatever the argument was about.
When they do apologize, don’t gloat or make light of it. An “I told you so” or a wave of the hand like it was nothing blows the moment. Instead, accept the apology but shift the conversation to being responsible. Ask what led to that kind of reaction, and more importantly, how both of you can ensure it doesn’t happen again. The. The end is not to win the battle in hindsight, it’s to establish expectations for better behavior in the future.
Sometimes, for a relationship to last, people need to create their own red lines
Image credits: Gabriel Ponton (not the actual photo)
Boundaries need to be established here. Accepting an apology does not mean accepting the act. It’s fair to tell him that you will not be stood outside locked out again and phrase that not as an ultimatum, but as a bare minimum of respect in the relationship. Some individuals beat people up emotionally without understanding the terrorizing or destabilizing impact of what they’re doing, and staying calm but firm on the point serves to draw out the gravity without further ingratiating the melodrama.
It’s also pleasant to come at this as a sign that the relationship may benefit from a healthier arsenal of conflict. Locks changed is the atomic bomb, and atomic bombs come from people who don’t feel they have other means of communication. Not that one is excusing, but one does look for healthier means of getting through things as a couple. Regardless of whether that’s couples therapy, better communication, or even merely agreeing on a “time-out” process during fights, the establishment of structures is what keeps from having repeat performances.
Forgiveness, if you’re to give it, is most effective when paired with change. Accept the apology, but make it clear that apologies are only the beginning. They are only useful if backed up by change. A spouse who admits his or her error and tries to rebuild trust shows growth, a spouse who continues to play the same trick and expects infinite forgiveness shows disrespect.
In the end, working through a lock-changing temper tantrum comes down to balance. You don’t need to keep the drama going forever, but you don’t need to bury it, either. Own the hurt, accept the apology if it’s sincere, and take the chance to set new boundaries and healthier conflict patterns. For after all, while love can endure slammed doors and shouting arguments, it is not worthy of a lock change and a donnybrook that would not be out of place in a TV sitcom.
Some people wanted more details
Others saw the host of red flags
He shared an update later
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Image source: LookoutLockout
People thought she was out of line
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