Life’s hard punches shape us into tough cookies, that’s true, but honestly, life could ease up a bit, couldn’t it? It’s like the universe has a PhD in “tough love,” handing out lessons left and right to people who’ve “been through it.”
Recently, a Redditor threw out the question, “What’s a sign someone has been through tough times?” And, oh boy, the answers came flying in like unsolicited advice at a wedding. From turning to stone emotionally to being empathetic to a fault, people spilled the tea on how life’s kicks and punches leave their mark.
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#1
They don’t ask for help, because people have let them down a lot.
© Photo: wildcampion
#2
They have the ability to turn to stone at the snap.of a finger. Any past emotions, just gone.
© Photo: darkromancegirl87
#3
They don’t trust people and aren’t surprised by weird things that people do in public.
© Photo: Necessary_Royal_7206
Emotional scars can feel like carrying a suitcase full of rocks, but they’re also evidence of survival, growth, and grit. Resilience isn’t about being the person who floats through life untouched – it’s about bouncing back, adapting, and thriving, even if life feels like an emotional gladiator arena sometimes.
Think of it like that one plant in your house that thrives no matter how many days you forget to water it. Don’t pretend you don’t know which one I’m talking about.
#4
Zero tolerance for drama, b******t and toxic behaviour.
They’re more likely to just walk away from friendships and relationships at the first sign.
© Photo: Nosedive888
#5
We lose it over little things because we aren’t allowed to lose it over big things. Surprisingly reliable during high-stakes chaos but a tiny small thing will send us spiralling for days.
© Photo: FarMembership885
When I think about resilience, I remember my friend who bounced back after losing her job. She didn’t just adapt; she launched her dream business. The pros like to define resilience as “the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility.”
Basically, it’s like upgrading your inner software to handle life’s glitches. And there are signs of when that happens. Like one netizen noticed that when folks go through tough times, they don’t really trust other people. Can’t say I blame them.
#6
Stubbornly independent because they don’t believe they can rely on anyone.
© Photo: misscararara
#7
Unflappable. Nothing you could possible say could shock them. They appear to handle bad news well because of this, but it’s actually a shut down response.
© Photo: Wrong_Motor5371
#8
Incredibly self aware, very open about some experiences, make jokes about trauma….
Enough about me! How are you doing?
© Photo: Thorbertthesniveler
#9
They tend to keep a lot of information about themselves locked up for fear of it being used against them.
© Photo: ItsNo_Name
But guess what? Resilience isn’t something you’re born with. It’s like sourdough bread – you can build it from scratch with the right ingredients. Sure, genetics play a role, but much of it comes down to learned behaviors, mindset, and support system, which are basically your psychological immunity.
Think of it as your mental bodyguard that steps in to protect your peace when life gets messy. Kind of like that one friend who drags you away from bad decisions at 2 a.m. The cooler thing? It’s trainable. Building psychological immunity means strengthening your ability to cope, adapt, and thrive, even when the world feels like it’s playing dodgeball with your emotions.
#10
They are empathetic, kind and generous- because they get it.
© Photo: Foolsinlove22
#11
In social situations they never ask people about their family. Mostly cuz they don’t want people asking them about theirs. That’s a new one my wife pointed out to me.
© Photo: sleeping_lessons_
#12
They apologize a lot for basically everything.
© Photo: kikiikandii
Cultivating self-awareness, humor, and emotional flexibility can help. So, basically, learning to laugh at yourself when you trip over your own feet is pretty much self-care. Just like one netizen noticed that people who’ve been through a lot are freakishly independent and develop boundaries tighter than airport security.
And here’s a fun fact: Studies show that experiencing controlled adversity (like failure or rejection) actually builds resilience. Think of it as emotional weightlifting—you’re training those muscles so they grow stronger. But let’s not glamorize trauma, either. There’s a difference between learning to adapt to adversity and being overwhelmed by it.
#13
Tiredness constant exhaustion, physical or emotionally.
© Photo: CharmingElla58
#14
Sarcasm, thick skin, quick wit and dark humor.
© Photo: MammothMolasses2285
#15
They don’t like their birthdays celebrated.
© Photo: ks445
The upside? Surviving tough situations often leaves you with superpowers like spotting red flags from a mile away and empathy levels that could melt glaciers. Toxic relationships? Nope. Unnecessary drama? Hard pass. You’ve learned the ultimate lesson: protecting your peace is priceless.
And if all else fails, just channel some kintsugi energy. You know, that Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold? It’s all about embracing the cracks because they make the piece even more stunning. So, if life leaves you with a few scars, wear them proudly. Those cracks are what make you uniquely, beautifully, unapologetically you.
#16
They instantly click with other people who have been through a lot of s**t before even realising the other person has been through a lot of s**t
No seriously it’s like a sensor.
© Photo: CharmingError
#17
A great sense of humor. You have to find a way out of the darkness so many use humor as a coping mechanism.
© Photo: beetreddwigt
#18
Socially distant, not trusting of anyone.
© Photo: anon
#19
They seem to wait for bad things to happen and can’t imagine a good or normal outcome.
© Photo: Dry-Curve4002
#20
Keeping themself distant from everyone. Not opening up.
© Photo: yawner44
#21
Always checking that you’re ok, so they know they haven’t done anything wrong or upset you somehow.
© Photo: KookyLoss7060
#22
Can’t take a compliment because to them thats the start of manipulation. Also don’t like gifts becuase they come with strings usually and they aren’t prepared to have something else come back at them because they “accepted” the gifts.
Also likely fiercely independant, although you get the ones that go the other way and are too scared to do *anything* alone.
© Photo: User
#23
Hyperalertness aka hypervigilance.
1. Fixation on potential threats (dangerous people, animals, or situations)
2. An increased startle reflex (more likely to jump or be jarred by sudden sounds)
3. Dilated pupils.
4. Higher heart rate.
5. Elevated blood pressure.
6. Behavioral (obsessive) avoidance of certain situations.
© Photo: limbodog
#24
Their eyes don’t sparkle yet they are the kindest souls to ANYONE and EVERYONE.
© Photo: Kng_Miklosy
#25
The eyes are a pretty good indicator. “Been through s**t eyes” seems to be a thing.
© Photo: Dry_Action1734
#26
Extreme self-awareness is often present. Empathy and effort to understand as well.
© Photo: Due-Kaleidoscope-405
#27
They’re angry, and resentful. I’m going against the grain here by saying this but as someone who has experienced child [mistreatment] and been blamed for it and been misunderstood my entire life, yeah, I’m angry and resentful.
Sorry.
Update: thanks everyone. To those who are going through similar, I feel you, a lot.
© Photo: namenotprovided
#28
People who laugh and seem happy,try to make others laugh i believe can hide a lot of things behind that mask.
© Photo: Fragrant_Bat3979
#29
I’ve been through a lot of c**p. I get suspicious of the intentions of people unless I’ve been with them for a reasonable amount of time.
© Photo: Dazzling-Frosting525
#30
How fast they can flip the switch and not put up with your s**t anymore.
EDIT: WOW! So appreciative of not only the thousands of upvotes but the hundreds of comments as well. I truly believe that having open discussions about things like this are the path to overcoming your difficulties and being successful. I also appreciate the numerous private messages that have been sent. Please know that I either have or plan to respond to every single one of them.
© Photo: Efficient_Pickle4744
#31
They are reclusive and standoffish. Dont trust easily. Dont just run up and talk to anyone and everyone. Moves carefully. Eyelid twitches. Lol.
© Photo: Easy_Pepper9103
#32
Someone told me I looked defeated the other day. [darn]. Does it show that bad?
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