As we go through life, we cross paths with countless people every day. And while many of them have faced serious hardships, you wouldn’t always know it just by looking.
But if you pay attention, the signs are there. Maybe it’s the way they’re overly kind, always putting others first. Or how they apologize too much, even when there’s no reason to. Some become expert people-pleasers, doing everything they can to avoid conflict.
Redditors recently shared these and other subtle clues that reveal someone has been through a lot. Here’s what they had to say.
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#1
They don’t ask for help, because people have let them down a lot.
© Photo: wildcampion
#2
They are empathetic, kind and generous- because they get it.
© Photo: Foolsinlove22
#3
Stubbornly independent because they don’t believe they can rely on anyone.
© Photo: misscararara
#4
Zero tolerance for drama, b******t and toxic behaviour.
They’re more likely to just walk away from friendships and relationships at the first sign.
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#5
People pleasing. Apologising too much. Internalised blame. Not being fazed by terrible things and finds very little to be really shocking. A good listener. Lack of boundaries. A loner. Quiet. Avoids people and crowds. Avoids drama. Doesn’t really care about gossip, small talk or the mundane stuff. Doesn’t have much to do with family.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t know these things.
Edit: Thanks for my biggest up vote and response yet people. I don’t feel so alone today.
There are good people in this world. Keep fighting and learning every day. ❤️.
© Photo: User
#6
Keeping themself distant from everyone. Not opening up.
© Photo: yawner44
#7
In social situations they never ask people about their family. Mostly cuz they don’t want people asking them about theirs. That’s a new one my wife pointed out to me.
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#8
We lose it over little things because we aren’t allowed to lose it over big things. Surprisingly reliable during high-stakes chaos but a tiny small thing will send us spiralling for days.
© Photo: FarMembership885
#9
They appreciate the tiniest things around them. They are super empathetic and kind. But they can also flip like a switch if you push too hard.
© Photo: Immediate-Tooth-2174
#10
Incredibly self aware, very open about some experiences, make jokes about trauma….
Enough about me! How are you doing?
© Photo: User
#11
They have the ability to turn to stone at the snap.of a finger. Any past emotions, just gone.
© Photo: User
#12
They stand up loudly for people who are being treated unfairly. .
© Photo: ananonh
#13
They instantly click with other people who have been through a lot of s**t before even realising the other person has been through a lot of s**t
No seriously it’s like a sensor.
© Photo: anon
#14
They don’t like their birthdays celebrated.
© Photo: ks445
#15
Sarcasm, thick skin, quick wit and dark humor.
© Photo: MammothMolasses2285
#16
An uncanny ability to read past the literal words someone says and hear what they’re really saying, even if they didn’t want to tell you that.
© Photo: Low-Temperature-1664
#17
Being an “Empath “. People who grew up in incredibly abusive households, learn to be hyper aware of Incredibly subtle body language and speech, as a coping mechanism from violently unpredictable Relationships. They are often very in tune with the emotions of those around them.
© Photo: Simple_Mycologist679
#18
They apologize a lot for basically everything.
© Photo: kikiikandii
#19
Extreme self-awareness is often present. Empathy and effort to understand as well.
© Photo: Due-Kaleidoscope-405
#20
How fast they can flip the switch and not put up with your s**t anymore.
EDIT: WOW! So appreciative of not only the thousands of upvotes but the hundreds of comments as well. I truly believe that having open discussions about things like this are the path to overcoming your difficulties and being successful. I also appreciate the numerous private messages that have been sent. Please know that I either have or plan to respond to every single one of them.
© Photo: Efficient_Pickle4744
#21
Can’t take a compliment because to them thats the start of manipulation. Also don’t like gifts becuase they come with strings usually and they aren’t prepared to have something else come back at them because they “accepted” the gifts.
Also likely fiercely independant, although you get the ones that go the other way and are too scared to do *anything* alone.
© Photo: User
#22
Unflappable. Nothing you could possible say could shock them. They appear to handle bad news well because of this, but it’s actually a shut down response.
© Photo: Wrong_Motor5371
#23
They’re angry, and resentful. I’m going against the grain here by saying this but as someone who has experienced child abuse and been blamed for it and been misunderstood my entire life, yeah, I’m angry and resentful.
Sorry.
Update: thanks everyone. To those who are going through similar, I feel you, a lot.
© Photo: namenotprovided
#24
Their eyes don’t sparkle yet they are the kindest souls to ANYONE and EVERYONE.
© Photo: Kng_Miklosy
#25
Socially distant, not trusting of anyone.
© Photo: User
#26
They don’t trust people and aren’t surprised by weird things that people do in public.
© Photo: Necessary_Royal_7206
#27
The eyes are a pretty good indicator. “Been through s**t eyes” seems to be a thing.
© Photo: Dry_Action1734
#28
Disassociation.
© Photo: Ok-Worldliness-6096
#29
People who laugh and seem happy,try to make others laugh i believe can hide a lot of things behind that mask.
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© Photo: anon
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