Parenting is an unexpected journey. Sometimes you just can’t know the situation or conversation you’re gonna get into with your little kid. And they can be really amusing, too. In an attempt to document all of the weird stuff she herself says to her son, one mother started a blog called [why?] Parenting Quotes.

It all started with one phrase. “One day, while driving, I was tuning in and out of his chatter in the backseat, when I heard, ‘It’s simple, Mama. All you need is a dead body, a pocketknife, and an ostrich.’ It’s the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard,” the mom behind the project wrote. “I eventually found out he was trying to explain how to do a human-ostrich brain transplant, and heard myself explaining why it wouldn’t work. Definitely the most [why?] thing I’ve ever heard myself say.” Since then, she’s trying to be as aware of their exchanges as possible.

As time went by, other parents fell in love with [why?] Parenting Quotes and wanted to be a part of it as well. They started submitting snippets of their own conversations with their children and the project into something bigger.

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#1

“No, your teeth are not asleep. Go brush them.”

#2

I asked my 10 year old son what he wanted on pizza one night. He replied, “well, Mom, I’m not a virgin.“ I stopped cold and said, “what?” He said, “ I want meat, I’m not a virgin.” “Oh, you’re not a vegetarian.“ as I exhaled.

#3

“No, hippies are not baby hippos. Yes, I’m sure.”

#4

“Grandpa is not a race car. Grandpa’s wheelchair is not a toy. You may not “drive Grandpa.””

#5

“No, do NOT lick the cat.”

#6

“I don’t think you’re old enough to be having a mid-life crisis.”

#7

“Go ahead. Walk to Australia. Let me know how that goes.”

#8

“No no no no. No ‘pants off dance off’ at the wedding.”

#9

“I don’t think the cat sneaks out at night and rides your skateboard.”

#10

“That’s good that you love the neighbor’s cat, but no, you can’t marry him.”

#11

“How can you not know why your tongue is blue? Your tongue was with you all day today, wasn’t it?”

#12

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were in ‘stealth mode.’” Ruined my ninja’s self esteem today.

#13

Submission: “I am sorry the baby keeps biting you but perhaps if you stop putting your fingers in her mouth she will stop biting you.” ….Charlie? Is that you??

#14

“But how did your underwear get stuck in the bathroom window in the first place?”

#15

“You are not an M&M. Put your clothes back on.”

#16

“You can growl at me all you want, but you still have to tie your shoes.”

#17

“I am about 99.9% sure you are not getting a chainsaw for Christmas.” Don’t lose all hope. That leaves a .1 chance you are.

#18

“No, I don’t think throwing alligators at people is a good idea.”

#19

“I am not going to get in a car crash just to cure your hiccups. That is crazy talk.”

#20

“Why are you carrying the cat into the bathroom?”

#21

“Why is there an axe on the floor?” Darn Vikings never pick up after themselves.

#22

“No no no, the police do not need your help ‘investigating.’ Get back here!!” All kinds of trouble at the park tonight.

#23

NO! Don’t pull that pin!! Yelled at my almost 2yr old as he approached a gas station fire extinguisher with a devious look in his eye.

#24

Whose underwear is on your head? (It wasn’t his, and it wasn’t clean and his brother was hiding and giggling) It wasn’t clean. IT WASN’T CLEAN. brb, vomiting.

#25

“I’m sure Grandpa could go to England and not [end] anyone.” Grandpa is an Irishman, in case you couldn’t tell.

#26

“Put the guns down and brush your teeth.”

#27

Anonymous asked: No, Gatorade in your eyes will not make you see things faster That lightning bolt sure confuses things!

#28

“They’re called ‘discharge papers’ not ‘dementor papers.’” He was reading Harry Potter while waiting for his x Rays and got confused.

#29

“Stop eating your soup with your fingers!” (To my 10 year old)

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