We only have one body – the one we’re born with. And we only know what it’s like living in that body. If we could “Freaky Friday” with someone else and literally be in their shoes for one day, we’d probably be far more empathetic to people than we are now. Until we can do that, all we have to go on is hearing other people’s experiences first-hand.
For example, a skinny person will never understand what it’s like living while being overweight. Recently, one netizen wanted to know about their experience, so they asked: “Obese people of Reddit, what is something non-obese people don’t understand or can’t understand?” The thread quickly became popular, as over 13k people came to share the things they think are unique to their experience.
To delve deeper into the topic of body inclusivity, Bored Panda got in touch with a licensed therapist and clinical worker, Sarah Herstich. We asked her about the benefits of the body positivity movement and the myths people possibly associate it with. Since Herstich works with people who struggle with body image and eating disorders, she has a lot to say about the topic. Read our conversation with her below!
#1
You’re more in danger of poor medical care when you’re obese. Physicians will say “lose weight” in lieu of testing, diagnostics, or anything resembling medical care.
Image credits: Accomplished_Trip_
#2
How much you dread people taking photos of you because it always ruins your day to see yourself in a photo.
Image credits: Schmomas
#3
It is really easy to gain weight over time. You get a sedentary job and you snack occasionally, and in the evening you watch TV or read a book instead of going out. So you weigh three pounds more than you did at this time last year. No big deal, right?
Now, multiply that by fifteen years or so. All of a sudden, it is your fortieth birthday, and you somehow weigh fifty pounds more than you did in college. It isn’t because you always eat two boxes of oreos a night — you just gained a little, year after year.
Also? It is a lot harder to lose weight when you are heavy. When I was 25 and thought I had gained a few pounds, I’d start jogging. Pretty soon, I’d be able to run two or three miles at a shot, and hey! Problem solved! Now? I’m older and heavier and that means I’m a lot more prone to injury. So I try to work out, and my knees start hurting (again) or I aggravate an old foot injury, and it gets frustrating. There are workarounds, of course. I can swim, and I can lift weights. But it is all harder than it was when I was young. .
Image credits: Prodigal_Lemon
#4
Finding clothes that fit, worrying if furniture would support you.
Image credits: beef_burrito_supreme
#5
CHAFING
It’s particularly cruel because it makes you even more likely to avoid walking or exercise thus ensuring you put on more weight.
Image credits: IcyCrust
#6
How painful being alive is. i’m not obese any more. Last year I was 375ish lbs, I was obese then. Living is painful. People would tell me to exercise, that i’d get runner;s high, that it’s easy. No. life is pain at nearly 400lbs. everything is so hard. I now weigh about 210lbs. life isn’t pain any more, i still hate exercise, but when I exercise I get tired or exhausted depending on the intensity, i don’t get ‘i want to [off] myself’ borderline injured. show your obese friends some kindness.
Image credits: RaggamuffinTW8
#7
From a woman’s perspective, that men don’t think you are allowed to say no to them or reject them. There are a lot of men out there who think because you’re fat, you’re probably lonely and you should be happy with any male attention you get.
Image credits: cryrabanks
#8
That for some of us, losing weight is extremely difficult. Some medications can make you excessively hungry. Also those of us with long-term depression and anxiety issues often use food as a source of comfort. We *know* it’s a poor choice, but in the moment, we don’t think of anything but eating something tasty.
Having people patronise us actually makes things worse, not better.
Image credits: Dels79
#9
Unless you’re a medical professional who specialized in weight-loss, there’s probably nothing you can say to them about their weight that they haven’t already heard or are not already well-aware of.
Image credits: limbodog
#10
That if fatshaming worked, there wouldn’t be fat people.
Also that, yes, I do exercise 3-5 days a week and I do diet, and I don’t just stuff my mouth with junk food day in and day out.
Image credits: spacemermaid3825
#11
The constant need to physically adjust yourself.
I wear clothes that fit but I’m still constantly adjusting my clothes, my body position, etc. just to be comfortable and for my clothes to have a chance of hiding some of what’s going on here. My thin friends almost never adjust their clothes and such.
Image credits: Complete-Scar-2077
#12
I have lost 180lbs after having a gastric bypass 22 months ago.
While the physical changes are awesome, the best thing is that my mind can focus on things other than my weight. I hadn’t realised that the thoughts about my weight and food were a constant background chatter: “can I park close enough to the supermarket door that I can get inside without stopping?” Or “will the café have some of the chairs left that I can fit in?” And so on – *all of the time*. So much of that has dropped away, yet I wasn’t fully aware that it was clogging my thoughts until it was gone – like only noticing that your radiators were making a noise once the boiler goes off at night and they fall silent. I am now at peace.
Image credits: Alternative_Cake_739
#13
I’m not obese but my sturdy friend says you always get this look when boarding a plane in economy where everyone hopes to god you’re not in the seat next to them.
Image credits: azninvasion2000
#14
Just how much internalized shame we carry. If you’ve seen someone who was really skinny struggle with shame, with thinking that they are too fat, and feeling guilty about how they look….that same shame lives inside so many of us.
And a lot of us are honestly doing the best we can with subpar health care and normalized stigma.
Image credits: Maximum_Enthusiasm46
#15
Having to face the dilemma of choosing the perfect outfit every time you leave the house.
A lot of obese people are incredibly self-conscious about their bodies, and will wear more/bigger clothes to feel more comfortable.
This makes you overanalyse the weather and stuff. Layering wrong is gonna make you too hot or too cold later on.
Image credits: SlapDatBassBro
#16
Just because we are obese doesn’t mean we can’t do physical activity. People don’t have to act surprised that we can indeed participate. I’ve heard this from people when I’ve gone to play soccer or any other sport. I am not the fittest guy playing, but it doesn’t mean that I’m going to die if I run around for a bit.
Image credits: rehpot821
#17
How you become expected to be the garbage disposal. “Oh, hey, there’s leftover cake from (coworker’s) birthday thing. We’ll take it to (fat coworker), they’ll eat it.”
Or the last donut or whatever. And then they get all upset when we say no and are like “it’ll go to waste!” because I’m already fat so what does it matter, right?
Image credits: deagh
#18
I dropped a lot of weight before and family or friend reunions go one of three ways: 1) the person tells you look great and they ask what you did, 2) they’ll tell you look so much better and healthier because they were concerned about you. However, the surprising one is 3) they’ll insult or complain about the heavier you like it was a completely different person.
And #3 isn’t coming from people you normally have contentious relationships with or people you have tough love/hard joking relationships with. You expect jokes from those people. It’s surprisingly comes from the people you were very close to, sometimes ones you never hear speak badly of anyone. The hardest I’ve heard was, “I’m surprised we were even friends.” On a similar note, a friend found out I was much heavier before I met her and she said, “We wouldn’t have even been friends!”
It’s those comments that stick with you. Even more than the insults from when you were heavier. It’s harder because it validates the insecurities you had about your weight, how people perceive you, and how conditional some of your seemingly closest relationships actually are. Thanks to depression and quarantine, I’ve put some of that weight back on and those remarks still come to mind when I’m feeling insecure.
Image credits: alanamablamaspama
#19
How much advice people try to give you. Why eating an apple is so much healthier than eating a cookie. Or why it’s so dangerous to be overweight. I know you are worried and I appreciate it, and I really do know these things. I’m really trying to keep up with you, but I can’t run a mile every day. I can walk at my own pace and cut out the things that I can, but it’s not working for me the way that it used to.
Image credits: My-Life-Now
#20
When you’re fat but people like you, they will divorce your fatness from your character, but they’ll still talk negatively about fat people in front of you (simply because of their fatness) and you just sort of sit there like 😀.
Image credits: moonshad0w
#21
As a former obese person, having to pull down your tshirt/shirt to prevent it from lifting up. My non-obese self has well fitting clothes and I still subconsciously pull my tshirt down.
That and the glaring looks that you get when you stand in food lines at buffets or at airports. .
Image credits: amadnomad
#22
Being invisible.
Also, that you are assumed guilty for anything (not just related to food) just cuz you’re overweight. Fat people, especially women, have a far higher guilty verdict in all US courts.
Yes, I get that it’s ironic that one can be invisible until someone needs to attribute blame.
Image credits: bugwrench
#23
I used to be obese. The worst thing for me was how people looked at me. I’d try to make friends and the first thing they would do is look at me in disgust.
Image credits: DeadStormPirate
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