As a woman, you sometimes notice how some people don’t get it. You just don’t approach a woman pumping gas at a station minding her business, especially when its dark. Similarly, you never try to pick up a woman at a gym who’s clearly busy exercising.
And in any occasion, you do not expect an explanation why a woman doesn’t want to talk to you. There’s no ‘why’ and ‘how,’ because every individual has a right to ‘just be’ and to keep to themselves ‘just because.’
Frustratingly, not everyone realizes that. Recently, Redditor Metallicmuffin asked women “What things do men do that frighten you without them even realizing it?” and the thread hit close to home for many people. The stories started rolling in, each one more eyebrow-raising than the one before it, making the thread go viral with 35.6k upvotes and 16.3k comments.
#1
Not taking no for an answer. Especially when they pretend to be jokey about it but you can clearly tell they’re kind of pissed…if that makes sense.
Image credits: Dataoink
#2
Standing too close. How do you know if it’s too close? I’ll back up half a step, DON’T match it.
Image credits: JustSteph80
#3
“I don’t know why you’re acting so cautious. If I wanted to kill you, I would have already done it.”
Said to me by a friend of a friend I was meeting because it was his first time in a foreign country.
Image credits: Joyous_catley
#4
Not going away when I have made it abundantly clear that I am not interested.
Image credits: niceoutside2022
#5
Pick me up. I’m short and have a slight build. It’s not that I’m scared of them trying to prove how strong they are, I’m just terrified of being dropped.
Image credits: Lil_pan_astronaut
#6
Blocking the doorway – especially during an argument. Ex did that and would make himself bigger (spreading his arms etc) so I couldn’t leave the room.
Image credits: lrxx213
#7
Sitting right next to me when I don’t know you and there are plenty of other seats available.
Image credits: Dataoink
#8
Hovering. Don’t hover behind me. That’s one of the very few things that makes me nervous.
Image credits: NailFin
#9
A guy I’m seeing took me out to a baseball game for our first date. It was nice, I didn’t get any weird vibes from him at all. After the game, he asked if I wanted to go see some of the spots he likes to go walking. I didn’t think much about it until we got there and i realized he was basically taking me to the woods in the dark. He told me to follow him and I’m thinking I’m about to get killed but it turns out he just wanted to show me his favorite place to go on walks and chill because you can see the entire city from there and at night it looks really pretty. He took me to a couple more trails that night and I ended up having a great time and forgot that it’s pitch black outside and I’m with a guy I’ve never gone out with before out in nature. Definitely thought I was going to get killed at first though.
Image credits: -shitbiscuit
#10
Years ago I went out with this dude and during snacks and a drink, it was pretty clear we weren’t a good match. I politely turned down another round and thanked him. I put my bag over my shoulder and began walking to the bar to pay. Not more than two steps from the table the dude YANKS my purse strap and says
“what no hug?”
Really taken aback, I hugged him and shuffled quickly to pay and get out of there. As I was paying I explained to the waitress whom I knew from another job that the dude was super creepy and asked if I could sneak down the back stairs. She let me go through and I rushed down the backstairs and then outside to my car. Breathing a deep sigh I got out of the parking lot and at the first red light at the corner where the restaurant was….was the creepy dude crossing the street. Without any hint of emotion, he whipped out a pen and wrote my licence plate down on his hand. Never saw him again, that I know of.
Image credits: —annon—
#11
Wanting to take me somewhere isolated to be just the two of us on the first date. It’s okay if we’ve been hanging out for a while, but not if it’s the first time I see you in person. Whenever this happens I come up with an excuse not to go. I just don’t feel safe since I barely know the other person, but the worst part is when they try so hard to convince me to go with them. This makes me feel more and more uncomfortable.
Edit: ooookay I’ve read some of your comments and I think I have to clarify some things. What I intended was that I make up an excuse not to go to THAT specific isolated place, which means that I actually go to dates and propose to go to public places instead. I’ve never ghosted anyone and I’ve tried to tell truth and make the other person understand that I didn’t feel comfortable. Something I’ve been told many times is: “What do you mean by “I don’t feel comfortable”? Do you think I’m a crazy psychopath who rapes or kills people? Come on don’t say nonsense, let’s go, get in the car.” I mean, is this supposed to make me feel safe? By the way they react it seems like I’m offending them, which is clearly not my intention. That’s why I started making up excuses, because they stop insisting only when they know that something bigger is preventing me from going. I’m fully aware of the fact that not everyone has bad intentions, but it’s not something I can understand immediately the first time I hang out with someone. Besides I don’t blame those who are simply clueless. My comment was just sharing a personal experience, not a general attack on men, and you can tell by the fact that I used “they” and “the other person” instead of “he”. Both men and women can experience this kind of things, and I welcome everyone’s story.
For those who commented using not very kind words, please stop trying to make me look like I’m just a paranoid woman who can’t tell the truth. And thanks to those who shared their experiences and opinions under what is one of my first comments here, I really appreciated all these interactions! Stay safe y’all!
Image credits: Several-Stable-9051
#12
Telling me things they would do to me if I didn’t have a husband. Being out somewhere and them not letting me leave, not taking no for an answer, telling me that they drive by my home to see if I’m there.
Image credits: chut2906
#13
It’s not frightening, per se, but it definitely makes me wary because it could lead to situations that *are* frightening…
When talking to a guy, he’s super pushy. Like, asking for pics of this and that (and *that*) and even saying no, they’re stilly pushy… all that makes me do is not want to meet him. If he’s THIS pushy via text/messaging, how pushy is he going to be in person? If he can’t take no NOW, what are the odds he can take no in person?
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I once had a guy DEMAND that I rank my sexual partners. I told him no. I told him “I can’t and I won’t.” Dude flew off the digital handle. I blocked him right then.
Image credits: erikalg_vo
#14
Asking personal questions that have nothing to do with why you are communicating in the first place. Example: getting my muffler welded and being asked by the welder “where do you live? How long have you lived there? Do you have roommates or is it just you?” And about thirty more personal and invasive questions.
So. F*****g. Uncomfortable.
Image credits: lurk_redeemed
#15
Going to the bar to get you a drink without you there to watch the bartender pour it. If I don’t know you well, I won’t accept a drink from your hands… Ever. Straight from the bartender to me.
Edit: I want to thank everyone for all the upvotes. I am trying to reply to everyone I can. You’re all awesome!
Image credits: NeverLetItRest
#16
When men try to show off their “dominance” over you or anyone really. Like when you mention something to a guy about another guy and he goes “I’ll kill anyone who talks to you” it’s quite frightening really.
Image credits: gnat1107
#17
Pretending we’re deeper friends than we are, being overly familiar and then acting like they have a “right” to you. Had a guy do this in college. When I told him he didn’t get to dictate who I talk to, he spit his drink in my face. I barely knew him!
Image credits: gorillaboy75
#18
Guy who I sometimes see at work, has at least 20 years on me, f*****g pulled my ponytail to “say hi” one time. So shocked that I just smiled awkwardly and didn’t say anything. Like what world are you living in that you think that’s okay??
Edit: This got kinda big. Some more details — I was able to talk to him later that day about how that wasn’t acceptable and to not do anything like it in the future. He actually took it pretty well and has been fine to work with since. In this case, since there was no escalation, and I know my boss and other coworkers have my back, I didn’t feel the need to do anything further. While some people have good intentions and don’t know their behavior is out of line–those actions still cause hurt. Personally, as long as the person is able to acknowledge that hurt and do better moving forward, I’m good with them. Malicious predators are a different story. It can be hard to tell the difference in some situations. Y’all be careful out there.
Image credits: almeisan_s
#19
Pushing my wheelchair to “help” me and be a “gentleman”. You’re literally abducting me – it’s no different from my perspective that you picking up an able-bodied woman and running off with her.
Image credits: WarblingWalrusing
#20
Oh god I had one of these guys, he “opened” the train door for me to get off (it opens automatically) and so I said “thanks”. Apparently he took that as an invitation, because he then followed me through the station trying to talk to me. I was polite but dismissive. He was creeping me out so I stopped to top up my metro card even though I didn’t need to. He stopped and waited for me. I pretended I didn’t see him.
He then followed me out of the station asking me where I lived (I lied) and then asked me if I had a boyfriend (I said yes). He then asked if I had Facebook (I didn’t answer) and then asked me if my boyfriend had my Facebook password?? He then told me “you don’t need to be scared of me, I just want to be friends.”
By this stage I was fully freaked and was texting my boyfriend about it. I didn’t want to go to my bus stop in case he followed me home, so I walked to the most populated street I could find, still ignoring him while he followed me. Eventually I went into a supermarket and thankfully lost him.
I have never spoken to a man on a train or at a station ever again. I don’t even make eye contact.
Image credits: lorealashblonde
#21
Being overly familiar with me, in a situation I cannot leave. I used to ride the bus home from work, and my schedule varied very little. This lead to me getting on the same bus at 10:20 at night, at the same stop every night. A man who rode the bus the same times, the same nights, took this as me wanting to be his friend. He immediately started asking me super personal questions; the highlights: “You must live around here because you always get off the bus after me!” “Who are you texting? I wish I could text you!” “Who do you live with?” “You must work at _________ because you always walk from over there!!!!” This is after me telling him I didn’t want to talk, and that I didn’t want to go out with him. UGH.
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Edit: Whomever reported me to redditcares, awesome! I don’t need that. I don’t appreciate it. The situation I mentioned above is being taken care of by the proper authorities, and has been for the last few months, thankfully.
Image credits: ambulancebeavers
#22
Getting my number from someone else and reaching out to start an unsolicited conversation.
#23
Excessive compliments. One, is enough and sweet, but a couple more in the same setting…creeps me out and makes me uncomfortable…
#24
Getting angry at other drivers and then driving very aggressively
#25
Insisting I give them my number and then making sure their call comes through before I leave
#26
Please don’t talk to or approach a woman pumping gas, especially at night. I’m sure the moon does look amazing but I am not interested right now. Gas stations are creepy enough without having to make small talk with a stranger. This goes for parking lots at night as well.
#27
Not understanding that a polite decline isn’t an invitation just to try harder, and is just that, declining to spend more time with the guy.
I know men complain all the time about how women must be communicating in some bizarre code they can’t be expected to understand, but a lot of women have been conditioned by experience to decline a man’s invitations or attentions in the most polite, face-saving way possible.
I don’t think there is a woman out there who hasn’t had a man get really angry and threatening when they, the woman, was just trying to say “thanks but no thanks” and move on.
I am not just talking about getting picked up in a bar or on the street. I am talking about any man anywhere who decides he wants a woman’s full attention, or wants to give his opinion (on her appearance, attitude, lack of smiling, whatever), at that moment.
It happens so often that you just want to get away from this guy, but they aren’t really noticing your (to you) obvious expressions of wanting to leave, and if you get more explicit, you really don’t know what will happen. If you stay, you also don’t know what will happen, because they might think you are “leading him on.”
It feels like a no-win situation, and one a man could use as an excuse (either way) to verbally or physically attack you.
#28
Demanding justification for every no, and when it’s given, arguing about how my reasons aren’t valid.
#29
Or…blatantly taking your picture, with their phone, in public. Do they think we don’t notice? Even worse when their aim is clearly directed below your neckline.
#30
Approaching while in a car and blocking our path with said car. Happened while I was on a walk so he could have parked, approached on foot, and maintained a respectable distance.
#31
Also, if we’re making out for the first time and they do something aggressive (like…pinning your arms over your head then holding both wrists with one hand, leaving their other hand free).
It can be hot as f**k but if I don’t know you that well there’s a terrifying moment I wonder what I’m in for.
EDIT: I think OP’s boyfriend may have hit upon the perfect solution for this (see replies).
#32
“Idk why you’re so nervous. It’s not like I’m going to rape you… if I wanted to do that there’s nothing you could do to stop me anyways”
UH. the thought hadn’t crossed my mind until YOU brought it up unprovoked. FOUR TIMES.
Edit[copied from another comment I made further down to give context to the situation]
Hung out with a guy I knew from back in high-school that I hadn’t seen in years. He is physically about 4 times my size and was acting a little strange. [Trying to touch me/ invade my personal space even after i had made it clear i wasn’t interested in anything more than friendship] I was nervous and shaking like a leaf trying to figure out how to gently extract myself from the situation. What scared me more than anything was him saying things like ” idk why you’re so nervous.. it’s not like I’m going to rape you”
I thought even though he was overly enthusiastic that I would be safe until he brought up how he – wasnt- going to rape me 4 times. Obviously it made me feel like he must have been considering it :/ thank God I got out of that one safely
#33
First date, didn’t really know him. Comes to my apartment to pick me up, invite him in and he proceeds to tell me how he is going to rearrange the furniture when he moves in.
Back in the 70’s I always picked up hitch hikers, picked up this guy, he gets in then looks at me and says “you know you should really be careful about who you pick up”.
Guy I was living with:”I know you will never leave me because you can’t out run a bullet”.
#34
This one may be intentional, but it gives me the absolute creeps when men try to squeeze past me and lightly put their hands on me, especially my waist. I hate it. Just say “excuse me.”
Edit: quite a few people have asked clarifying questions, so I’ll give my thoughts on when it’s okay to touch a woman in a crowded area. (1) Try to just go around her another way. (2) If you can’t, say excuse me. (3) If it’s loud or something and that doesn’t work, sometimes touching just can’t be helped. Either just squeeze past if it’s a packed area, or if you have to lay your hands on her, a firm (but not rough) hand on the shoulder or upper back is likely fine. Lightly tickling the lower back or small of the waist is creepy. Usually if you touch a strange man that way, you might be up for an a*s beating. If you wouldn’t willingly touch some big, strange guy that way (mostly looking at you, straight guys), don’t do it to a woman.
#35
I walk and today a guy on motorcycle pulled up on me 3x. I mean dude if i dont want to engage, then dont follow, continue to pull over to meet me or whatever
Adding: wanted to add that although my area feels very safe, I dont wanna see any vehicle roll up on me(no shoulder!), because on President’s Day, a car rolled up on me, windows came down, airsoft guns came out, and they shot me with rock salt?
#36
Had an old man keep passing me at a public park comment about my daughter “there goes my girlfriend”. She is 2. And yes, undeniably the cutest, but f**k that. That’s just gross.
#37
I’m a guy, but I’ve been told by women that me raising my voice has been very frightening/triggering.
#38
Happend few times: I was working late in small market with no one around and when they come in and ask me if Im not scared to be alone. Well, now I am, thanks.
#39
Calling other girls bitches so casually in conversation like they didn’t just drop the biggest red flag
#40
Invading my space. I used a massage chair a few weeks ago at the gym, and it’s one of the newer models that will lift you and bring you to a reclined position about three feet off the ground (I’m 5’1 so for some that may not seem too high, but for me it’s pretty elevated feeling. There was this man who walked into the room, kept looking at me, and tapped me to ask me my name and tell me I was “pretty.” I had headphones in, my eyes were shut, and I CLEARLY was not wanting to engage with anyone. Flashed him my engagement ring (my fiancé wasn’t at the gym at the time) and told him my fiancé was coming to join me. Never saw a man book it so hard.
It’s so frustrating that no matter who CLEAR you are trying to make the fact you are a woman who is not interested in talking to people it’s not respected. Until you insinuate a more masculine partner is present.
May have been intentional there, but I feel like a lot of times invasion of space can be unintentional.
#41
When they taunt me about not wanting to have a conversation with them (a stranger).
A recent example that I want to vent about: last week my friend and were smoking outside the bar she works at, and she thought she recognized her male friend.
She quickly realized it wasn’t him but it was too late and the stranger came to us and CROUCHED to be at our level (we were sitting on a step) and simply would not take our explanation -that we mistakenly thought he was someone else- for an answer. (Edit: we had already said and signalled to him that it was a mistake, so when he inserted himself in our bubble, I was like “alright there he f****n goes”)
For way too long he stayed there and purposefully ignored what we were saying and pretended to not understand, for example, he went “It was a mistake? What do you mean? I don’t think anything in life is a mistake.” Bla bla bla. He would turn anything we said into a question.
It was infuriating. I tried stating politely that it was a mistake, we apologize and he could go.
I tried shutting him down and saying straight up ” can you please just go?” but he just would not budge.
Anyone would have known by our facial expressions and tone of voice that we were not enjoying him being there at all and were seriously wanting him to leave. I ended up just grabbing my friend, we got up and quickly walked back to the bar a few doors down.
As we were walking I heard him say “What, you’re scared?”
This stuff happens to me too often. These men get off of making you uncomfortable or knowing they’re ruining your fun. I have to get better at ignoring them but god it’s so difficult. They don’t mind standing 1 foot away from me, talking to me while being ignored, that’s easy. But I just want to scream and tell them to f**k off. I’m scared of them, a minute of it feels like 10, I’m scared they could get angry just as they could take my silence for a green flag.
The thoughts that go through my head are incredibly violent whenever this happens.I absolutely despise men who do this, I am an adult human just like you, I deserve the same respect, I deserve not to get bullied by strangers on the street who have never seen me and will never see me again.
Sorry for the rant.
EDIT: The only funny thing about this whole interaction is that my friend and I are fluent in english and french, so after we explained, politely asked him to leave, etc… and he wouldn’t budge, I started having a conversation with my friend in french and telling him to f**k off, and insulting him with a deadpan expression. Admittedly that wasn’t gonna accomplish anything and it’s an a*****e move but it felt good, kind of like reversing the table. HA! Who’s talking to a wall NOW hmm?
#42
Using their loud voice when expressing their opinion against your opinion. That is when talking normally they have a certain tone and non aggression in their voice up until you disagree with something they have said and then their voice turns aggressive.
#43
Flirt with me in front of their SO.
99% of the time she’s going to get mad at ME, not him. I’ve had women threaten me and/or my family/job/other stuff because their man tried to get my number or complimented me in front of her.
I don’t WANT him, leave me alone!
#44
The way a guy talks about a woman he doesn’t find attractive is so unbelievably revealing about who they are as a person. I’ve been able to witness some of these conversations as I lived with a guy who was like this and it both frightened me and saddened me.
Just because someone is not desirable to you, it does not make them less of a human being. They are as deserving of respect as everyone else.
#45
Catcalling or harassing pregnant women. I’d heard of it happening but never witnessed it until now. Now that I’m pregnant, I can’t move as fast or as well as before and I’m having to worry over not just my safety but my child’s too. It’s terrifying in a whole new way to have a stranger looming over me and trying to chat me up when my body is contributing to my vulnerability more than ever.
#46
Staring for too long. Especially into my eyes if I don’t know you. There’s nothing more uncomfortable than unwanted staring from a dude you don’t know like he can see underneath your clothes. It’s a small disturbing thing that can really give me the chills.
#47
As a woman in the service industry and also in general a lot of men tell me to smile because I’m pretty. It’s something that makes you feel reaaally uncomfortable inside like predatory almost. Sort of like cat calling (but that’s a give in)
#48
When I was at my thinnest (UK 6) a lot of men I might chat / flirt / go on dates with would talk about how they liked how small I was and they’d love to get their hands on me cos they could imagine how light and limber I would be, that they could lift me up, make shapes with my body, throw me around, have lots of fun essentially use my tiny body for their own gratification etc
They would often laugh and joke around in this manner like I should be so flattered cos, y’know, all every woman wants us a big stwong mayn to take a hold of them and just do whatever the f they want, show us how it’s done, right?!
Disgusting, disturbing and often quite scary. Many men just want to (ab)use a woman like a sex doll and expect to be thanked for it
#49
I was late getting my driver’s license and hired a professional driving instructor to help me learn to drive. He was a guy about my age and he was openly hitting on me. It was so uncomfortable. It was just us in the car and I was in such a vulnerable position as a novice driver depending on him for support. I didn’t want him to think I was interested but I also was terrified to be rude to him because he was in control. It was a terrible experience and actually set me back several more years from driver training.
Just need to add as well, since there are presumably men here reading to learn what not to do: learn how to notice hesitation. You’ll never understand the intense pressure to be nice, polite, and even feign some form of interest as a method of self-preservation. It is a survival tactic and it works, just about all of us have gotten out of a volatile situation this way. If a woman is avoiding eye contact, seems to hesitate to answer (especially personal questions), or is agreeing with you a lot without attempting to carry the conversation, she is hoping you’ll leave her alone. Interested women make eye contact, share willingly, and try to joke around or otherwise show their personality. If you’re not sure, tell her you’re going to another location in whatever establishment you’re in (“I’m going to grab a drink/go outside for a smoke/go back to my table”) and invite her to join you. If she comes along, green light. If she takes the out and makes an excuse to leave, you have your answer.
#50
I’m a bisexual woman. Doesn’t matter who I’m talking to, whether it’s just a guy I’m getting to know or a guy I’ve been on a couple of dates with, EVERY ONE makes the “hehe we should have a threesome” joke. It’s not funny. It’s not cute. It’s a violation of my boundaries and an immediate red flag. Automatically I’m on edge.
#51
When I was in the navy 20 years ago a warrant officer asked me to shut the door to his office. After I did he said, “I could have my way with you on that couch right now and no one would believe you. The CO and XO are wrapped around my pinky and I would deny everything.” my mouth dropped and then he cracked up laughing and said he was joking. It scared me because he legit had that power. He was a good ol’ boy.
#52
My stepfather is constantly commenting on how much my daughter (10 yrs old) is growing into a young woman. Once mentioned how pretty she was in her tank top, and it skeeved me out so bad I had her go change. He noticed and said something along the lines of “oh I hope she didn’t do that because of me” Like, yes, dude, she did ?
#53
Call me nicknames like “sweetheart” or “baby girl” when I’ve never met them before.
#54
Joking about rape. Just makes me think you have rape on the brain.
I met a couple dudes at a bar who invited me and my friend to a party they were headed to. We were trying to find a polite way to turn them down when one said, “Don’t worry, we’re not going to rape you. Ha, ha!” We turned him down flat, and not kindly (thankfully we were next to the bouncer) and his friend said, “dude! What the f**k is wrong with you?!” My question too.
#55
when they emphasize that i DONT need to be frightened of them completely unprompted. no easier way of getting me to be on my guard
#56
Someone saying “where’s my hug?” or otherwise trying to imply that they are owed physical contact.
#57
3 years ago I matched with a guy on tinder and agreed to meet up with him. He suggested going to a park and when I got there it was a heavily wooded area with a trail and I stupidly followed him into the trail. We walked around for a while, sat on some rocks, then it started getting dark and we decided to head out but we ended up getting lost and not being able to find the exit and we stumbled upon a grave sized hole in the dirt and at this point it was pitch black and I was thinking it was all a set it up and that I was going to be ambushed. I pointed out the grave sized hole and he seemed scared too so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and stayed quiet. We finally found an exit after about an hour of stumbling in pitch black darkness. We’re still dating to this day and I’ve brought up what a horrible date plan that was, and how it came off the wrong way lol and he said he didn’t realize it at the time. It was a total curb your enthusiasm moment (I was picked up that day so I didn’t have a car with me to back out and drive home, so that was pretty dumb of me too)
#58
Physical intimidation. Standing too close to me or backing me into a corner and making me feel trapped. It puts me on the defensive so fast.
Edit for clarification: I know some men do this intentionally but many do it unintentionally. Often men don’t realize just how uncomfortable or intimidated they can make women feel with their behavior and body language.
#59
Not accepting no or anything you explicitly outline to them.
#60
Raising their voice.
#61
Sending creepy DMs on Reddit. Seriously dudes….wtf makes you think I’m gonna send you naked pictures of myself?? Immediately BLOCK.
#62
Yelling, even when it’s not at me. They could yell at the tv and it triggers my fight or flight.
#63
Coming on way too strong, especially online sometimes.
Or being way too demanding, about stuff at times.
And this one doesn’t necessarily frighten me. Just kind of freaks me out. But at work, have had two foreign dudes, just starting at me when we’re working. Both have been box builders, and just continuously stare as they make boxes or in the break room. And I don’t care how “nice/friendly”, people say they are. You don’t just non stop gawk at people.
#64
This dude used to come into The restaurant I was waitressing at and would wear this “Cum & Go” shirt and would offer to buy a bunch of underage girls shots. He didn’t realize he was creepy, you could tell by the way he paraded his friends around with his boom box and play loud a*s music on the patio of the restaurant. Apparently he was a rich prick who donated money to the restaurant all the time.
After I left, I heard a story that he fixated on one of the waitresses that was nice to him, and he would follow her around and to her car. He even bought her a s**t Ton of expensive presents for Christmas which she refused.
#65
Making unsolicited comments on our bodies. In my opinion this is never welcome unless it’s a compliment from a partner, it just makes me scared and want to run.
#66
Commenting on how short or weak I look and explaining how easy it would be to pick me up or overpower me. Do men think I’ll think its sexy when they do this? Probably. Is it extremely concerning and scary? YES.
#67
Obviously can’t speak for all women but we generally don’t have a fantasy of “belonging” to someone in a controlling sense. A lot of men can be pretty controlling without even knowing it.
#68
Invading my space.
#69
Today I was at the corner store buying a bag of chips and cigars. As soon as I walked in, some dude eyed me up and down and kept making “Damnnnn.” Remarks at me as I walked to get my bag of chips. I got to the register to pay, he was suddenly behind me and continued making, “God damnnnn” “Mmm” remarks. I couldn’t even focus to pay, I entered the wrong pin for my card, my hands were shaking. I was scared and super uncomfortable. He even followed me out and watched me drive away.
#70
Guy here. Never realized that working alone with no-one else in the store – night or day – can potentially be terrifying. I’ve opened and closed where I was the only employee in the building and not once have I ever felt in any immediate danger. Some folks I suspected being a bit shady but they never gave me any trouble. Not once did I ever think I could be at significant risk. As a guy, it’s just not a thought that ever comes to mind.
I worked for a local business whose owner, 25 years ago, had a man run into his store at around 10am frantically telling him to call the police. Turns out the poor guy went into the adult video store next door and discovered the young female clerk stabbed to death and laying lifeless in a pool of blood on the floor. Details emerged that she was stalked by someone who went to school with her and one day he got fed up with being told “no” and not long after that returned with a knife and killed her. She was lying dead on the floor for at least a half hour before she was discovered… and since adult stores have their windows blocked and doors blocked so no one can see inside, the only way someone could see what happened is they were actually customer who intentionally went inside. Since it was a weekday morning, the store wasn’t busy at all.
The case was solved a couple of years ago (after being a nearly 25yo cold case and easily the most high-profile unsolved homicide in our city’s history) and I was on shift the day the local news – and cameras – came into my workplace and wanted to speak with my boss. I later learned my boss was the very first person who made the call to 911. He was in the cooler putting an order away and didn’t hear the murder take place. My former boss came to Canada from the Middle East about 50 years ago so he’s doubt see some s**t over there… and he still ranks this murder as the saddest and most traumatic thing he’s personally dealt with.
From day on, he *never* let any staff member work by themselves to close the store again.
#71
Joking about how easy it would be to overpower us. On more than one occasion I’ve had male friends joke about how easy it would be to pick me up or restrain me or another woman. It’s not funny, it’s creepy.
#72
Holding something sharp in an argument.
Blocking an exit.
Innocently touching me without consent.
#73
Last night I went clubbing and a guy asked me if I wanted a drink. When I said sure, he said coyly, “we’ll see.” A few minutes later, he left the spot where we were standing and came back with a drink for me. The fact that he didn’t ask me what I wanted and just brought me something he picked out was sketchy af. Also, he was acting like him buying me a drink was transactional and I owed him something in return. Those 2 things made me worried that at best, he was an a*****e and at worst, he spiked it. I didn’t accept the drink and left the club shortly after
Moral of the story: if you’re buying a woman a drink, be considerate enough to ask her what she wants, have her accompany you to the bar and don’t expect anything in return
#74
I’m of the male variety. I drive Uber a lot, sometimes up to 12/hrs daily. I treat everyone with respect and will greet them when they enter and confirm their destination. Usually I’m quiet because I’m more introverted and just let the radio play. I started to notice girls would enter their address in their own gps on their phones (one time it started speaking turn by turn directions) until she quickly fumbled and turned it off. I didn’t think much of it but then one time a woman got in the car and she was wearing a sweatshirt from a local festival. We started talking about the festival and how our families go every year etc. when we got to her drop off, she thanked me for talking to her because she said usually she is so anxious in Ubers with male drivers. I honestly had never considered that before, so now I always try to start neutral conversations with woman in the car even if I’m tired.
#75
Keep on pursuing me when I say no. It makes you seem obsessed. It worries me at what lengths you will go to make me say yes, or if you might possibly do something to any male I’m friends with. Obsession is a scary thing.
#76
I get scared when men get aggressive with each other… like I could feel an oncoming fight. Even if’s just a small bicker.
#77
When you get close to me in a conversation, and I take a step back, don’t step forward. I’m trying to get some personal space. I’m making a bubble. Don’t invade my bubble!
#78
Sexual harassment while I’m walking down a street.
I have a very prominent sway to my hips when I walk. It looks like I’m trying to get attention from men but it’s just my natural walk.
Despite what men think, I HATE this attention. Don’t honk your horn at me…shout disgusting comments…or give me attention in general.
#79
The only things they say to you (even if not inappropriate) are sexually charged or are inappropriate…
#80
When a man asks to come inside my place after a date when it wasn’t planned in advance during the early stages of dating; still getting to know them.
Personally this has happened to me a handful of times. Sometimes the men who do this will insist on picking me up, which – yes – a gentleman will pick up their date from their place; truly appreciated.
When they drop me off afterwards and walk me to my door (which – again – it’s a kind gesture), but then they invite themselves in, I feel trapped.
I’ll invite you over when I’m comfortable.
If they have the courage to invite themselves into my home early-on and spontaneously, what other boundaries of mine will they push? It frightens me.
#81
Push for romantic emotional intimacy when it’s inappropriate. I’m trying to be your friend, not your girlfriend. Don’t make it weird, it only succeeds in making me uncomfortable and not want to be your friend let alone date you.
#82
Making crude jokes/double entendres if I don’t know you that well.
Even worse when it’s in a professional setting.
All you’re going to do is make me feel uncomfortable.
#83
Instantly turning hostile when you said no, online or real life.
Calling me antisocial and then insulting me just because I don’t wanna discuss with you, a stranger, how you like eating broccoli. Really?
#84
Approaching me at a speed other than a leisurely walk or being overly familiar.
#85
Picking me up and moving me. I’m not very tall and dislike being treated like a doll to move around. Don’t f*****g touch me without my expressed permission.
#86
Anecdote from the wife: waiting to meet at a designated spot near a public space, under a street lamp, but you’re wearing your hood up leaned against a wall not acknowledging anyone who passes by.
Told me it was creepy as f**k and was surprised when she texted to see it was in fact me just waiting.
I guess body posture and lighting is a factor. Had literally no idea.
#87
Getting angry/lashing out. I’ve been in situations where I was genuinely afraid for my safety when some dude (my boss at the time – I was 18 and working at a restaurant) started yelling at me after I made a mistake. He started getting up close in my personal space and moving his fist in the air all up in my face. He had to be restrained by one of my male coworkers.
Turns out he was an alcoholic with anger issues, but my point still stands – be careful of your body language when you get mad at someone, especially if you’re a big guy. You sometimes don’t realize how it can affect the person in front of you, even if you know that you won’t hurt them.
#88
Men sitting next to you in empty buses. It’s not friendly nor nice, it creeps us out.
#89
Anyone making a lot of noise in public wants some kind of attention and I don’t always have a good read on what kind.
#90
I haven’t dated in almost a decade and this recent relationship I was in, was the most comfortable one that I thought it was always going to feel comfortable.. until we went on our first date and I tried telling him so many times to stop touching me because I hate physical touch (now realizing I just liked him platonically) and he wouldn’t stop and it really made me feel uncomfortable.. he crossed so many boundaries. I wish I didn’t have to feel like this with someone I considered being in a relationship with. We didn’t even last a whole month.. I didn’t want to see him again. So in short, when they cross boundaries and make me feel weak and worthless.
#91
I was running the other day. Some dude who was standing a few feet in front of me stared at me and started walking quickly toward me while raising an arm.
My gut reaction was that he was about to attack me. Turns out he was just trying to give me a high five.
To him I’m sure there was nothing scary or weird about what he did. But to me it was this random man who was larger than me coming straight at me while getting his arm ready to do something that could have ended badly for me. I don’t have the luxury to assume the best case scenario. I will always default to the worst case because in the off chance it IS a worst case I’m more prepared.
#92
– Thinking “no” is just us flirting and repeatedly trying anyway.
– Crossing the street when we do, and continuing to walk behind us.
– Commenting on how little we are (personally, I’m 5’2”), compared to them.
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