When you’re looking for the love of your life, you might want to throw every possible test at them to see if they’re the right person. Just this past summer, people on TikTok raved about the Orange Peel Theory, coming up with new ways to test their partners.
Yet this woman probably has many others beat: she decided to fake a medical emergency in order to test her boyfriend. After it happened, the guy wanted to justify his anger and asked the Internet whether this was a normal way for partners to test each other.
A man called his GF a mean name after she tested his commitment in an unusual way
Image credits: seleznev_photos / envato (not the actual photo)
The woman faked a medical emergency just to see how he would react, and the guy wasn’t happy
Image credits: voronaman111 / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Plane_Zebra_4553
We invent relationship tests because of our own insecurities
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / pexels (not the actual photo)
Trust can be a big issue in relationships, especially if it’s been going on only for a few months. We want to feel secure in the relationships that we have and trust our partners, but sometimes, we might go about it the wrong way.
It’s tempting to test how committed to you your partner really is. Actions speak louder than words, don’t they? That’s why we might turn to secret games and lying. However, relationship experts strongly advise against testing your partner.
Coming up with tests for your partner to see how committed they are usually comes from a place of insecurity. Sadly, they seldom have the desired effect. As Dr. Gary Brown, LMFT, told Self, “These tests often backfire and actually can have the unintended consequence of doing damage to a relationship.”
Licensed professional counselor Jamie Simkins Rogers says that these kinds of tests are a passive-aggressive way to get the reassurance we need. “I do it because it feels better than making myself vulnerable by sharing honestly with my partner about my doubt,” she explains the mindset.
But inventing obstacles for your partner to jump over is only going to alienate them. As Tina Gilbertson, LPC, writes for Psychology Today, that’s how we create the distance in the relationship that we fear. “Setting up tests creates unnecessary conflict,” Gilbertson writes. “Even if your partner goes along with everything you want him or her to do, slavish obedience is not ultimately what you’re seeking.”
It’s better to openly share your insecurities with a partner and ask them to help you notice your testing tendencies
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev / pexels (not the actual photo)
So, what should couples be doing instead? Although the solution may sound overly simple, the answer is almost always: communicate! Instead of playing mind games, people need to tell their partners what makes them feel insecure in the relationship.
Simkins Rogers recommends asking yourself: “What do you hope your test proves or disproves? The strength of your partner’s love? Their commitment to you? Your incompatibility as a couple?” Instead of testing our partners, we should be telling them exactly what we are feeling.
Dr. Rachel Vanderbilt, the Relationship Doctor, claims that relationship tests only punish the person conducting them. What’s more, they aren’t fair to the partner. “If you’re worried about your partner, you need to have a conversation about what’s bothering you. Testing your partner should never be the answer in a healthy relationship,” Vanderbilt writes.
Marriage and couples therapist, Dr. Gary Brown, told Self something similar. According to him, the best way to overcome insecurities is to be open and share them with your partner. “Couples who display courage typically have much better relationships, and don’t feel the need to test one another to begin with,” Brown said.
And if you catch yourself testing your partner, don’t be quick to judge yourself. According to Gilbertson, testers aren’t bad people. ” They are simply people who need understanding and support. Asking your partner to help you notice testing behavior sets your relationship on a collaborative footing, rather than a combative one,” she writes.
Many people sided with the boyfriend: “Save yourself from any more antics and leave”
Some thought both partners were acting like jerks in this situation
Others blamed him, saying that calling your significant other names wasn’t cool
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