It can be kinda cool having a fashion designer or dressmaker in the family. You have access to unique pieces and can get something tailored exactly to your style and size. You might even save some money. But what happens when the person is just starting out, learning the ropes, and constantly wants to use you as their guinea pig?
One young designer had her hopes dashed when she offered to dress her aunt for a big career event. The 17-year-old considers herself a “self-taught” seamstress. But to put it bluntly, her aunt thinks her work sucks. She refused to let the teen make her an outfit, opting instead for something from a more experienced tailor.
To say feelings have been hurt is an understatement. The aunt has shared the full story on the internet. And she didn’t mince her words… Bored Panda reached out to etiquette expert Rosalinda Randall for her take on the matter.
It is said that practice makes perfect when it comes to honing your craft
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But one woman flat out refused to let her niece use her as a fashion guinea pig for a big event
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: refashion_aita
Boundaries or bonding. What’s more important?
The aunt is generous in agreeing to wear the niece’s garments outside of work. That’s the view of etiquette expert and author Rosalinda Randall.
“It seems that boundaries are viewed by both SIL and niece as a lack of bonding,” Randall told Bored Panda. “SIL seems to have forgotten about the business world’s expectations. But more importantly, the lack of respect or acknowledgement of what the aunt needs for her current career status.”
She adds that an explanation of dress choice was offered and declined. “Auntie must focus on doing what is best for her career. Especially when it seems like her family’s support is one-sided,” says Randall.
The expert believes that in order for the niece’s ‘business’ to really succeed, she should be exploring other avenues of marketing and ask herself why her aunt is the main source of getting her ‘brand’ seen. Randall suggested a few questions the niece could ponder over…
“Are you targeting slightly overweight mature women? Probably not.”
“What platforms are you using to market your garments? Not a career-related event.”
“Have you approached other family or friends who represent your style?”
“Why are you relying on others to market your garments? Maybe mom can strut one of your pieces to her next gathering.”
Randall adds that it’s important for the niece to know that when someone is willing to help, as her aunt is, she should be grateful and not push their boundaries.
Authenticity goes both ways when it comes to fashion and style
“This niece prides herself in authentically representing her products,” says Randall. “Well, then she must understand that Auntie is doing the same by tailoring a dress that authentically represents her.”
The expert also believes that the sister-in-law’s opinion on how much effort of care someone places on their personal appearance is “irrelevant” and “a tacky strategy to get Auntie to wear a wrinkled garment.” She says a simple response to the teen’s mom is, “Yes, my professional image is important to me.”
“Mom’s insistence and unsolicited opinions about someone else’s career is a disservice to her daughter,” she added. “It’s a false sense of what creating a business looks like. What was her strategy on bringing up past wedding plans and purse shopping? Maybe mom has some unfulfilled dreams and resentment.”
Here’s how to politely decline an unwanted offer
Randall says avoidance is one way to eliminate unwanted homemade items, unsavory meals, or any unwanted gifts. But as we know, this doesn’t always work.
When you find yourself in a position of being forced to accept an offer you don’t want, here’s what Randall suggests you do:
- Accept it. Say thank you. Toss it or put it away when they leave.
- Say, “It’s kind of you to bring this, but I find that ‘X’ doesn’t agree with me.”
- Or, “I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but I’ve found that ‘X’ isn’t for me.”
- Or maybe even, “I’ve been playing around with new recipes, so I can’t accept anything else…my freezer is full.”
Declining someone’s kindness can feel like you’re being an ungrateful jerk, notes the etiquette expert. But she adds that if it’s an ongoing situation, honesty is the best policy. How a person responds is out of our control, she says.
Here are her suggestions for that awkward conversation:
- “I wanted to tell you that I have appreciated your time and thoughtfulness. I’d like to end this tradition.”
- “Because I’ve modified my diet, I will not be accepting it.”
- Politely decline, over and over and over. They will eventually get the message.
Randall says that personally, she would make an exception and gladly continue to receive “X” if it’s from her grandma or a lonely elderly person.
Showing support for a family member’s ventures isn’t always possible
Randall says as much as we’d love to, showing support for a family member’s business ventures isn’t always possible. Especially if it doesn’t align with our lifestyle or ethics.
She adds that people should not place the burden on family to engage in, back us up, invest, or even express interest. “It’s our venture, not theirs,” she adds.
The expert explains that when the expected support isn’t received, hurt feelings will ensue and resentment will build, causing another broken relationship. It’s a lesson that the niece is yet to learn.
“It is understandable that an inexperienced young adult who is influenced by unrealistic TikTokers and her mother’s blind support would expect everyone to back her,” she told Bored Panda.
Some netizens needed more information before they could weigh in
“It’s a career event, not a summer camp”: Many people understood exactly where the aunt was coming from
A couple of fashion experts also added their opinions
Some people called out the aunt for publicly shaming her niece’s subpar dressmaking skills
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