Many of us have quite high expectations for our vacation time. When we go on holiday, we genuinely hope that we’ll actually get some quality rest, detach from all the problems bugging us, and fully recharge. But that doesn’t always happen in real life, as other people, including family, have other plans for your time off. And, if you don’t enforce your boundaries, they might end up dominating your free time.
This is a challenge that internet user u/bellelightaus ran into. In a post on the AITA subreddit, she explained how she went on holiday with her husband and children, only for her stepsister to try dumping her own kids on her for babysitting duty. The author pushed back against her manipulations and guilt-tripping, only for things to get really heated. Check out the full story below. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
Going on vacation with your children can be tough enough as it is without someone else trying to make you take care of their munchkins, too
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual image)
A woman wanted to know if she was too harsh for refusing to babysit her entitled stepsister’s kids while she was on holiday. Emotions quickly flared
Image credits: Alexandr Podvalny (not the actual image)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: bellelightaus
Saying ‘no’ to family can be awkward at first, but it’s important to protect your boundaries, needs, and peace of mind
Obviously, being pressured into babysitting a relative’s kids while you’re supposed to be relaxing on holiday is not many people’s idea of a dream vacation. It’s hard enough to take care of your children. It’s a major challenge if you have three more kids dumped on you.
The logistics of babysitting aside, it’s also rude for someone to guilt-trip you into doing something at the very last minute, just because it’s convenient for them. We don’t want to sound cheesy, but a person’s holiday is, well, holy.
If all you ever do is help other people do their chores and take care of their responsibilities, you won’t get much rest, even if it feels nice to be supportive. And if you constantly put your personal wants and needs on the back burner to help others, you might end up incredibly frustrated, burnt out, and annoyed.
So, with all of that in mind, it’s vital to learn to say ‘no’ to requests and favors when you genuinely don’t have the time, energy, or willingness to lend someone a helping hand. Saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean that you don’t care about the person. You’re simply being honest while you prioritize your needs and set realistic expectations.
If someone continues to ignore your boundaries despite you clarifying them, you may need to evaluate your relationship with that person. Spending less time with them to show them that you’re serious about there being consequences for their actions is a good first step. If the situation continues to deteriorate, you may want to consider cutting them out of your life completely. To be clear, your emotional and mental welfare should be your priorities.
Some people agree to do favors they don’t want to do simply because they’re scared of disappointing or upsetting others
Communicating, establishing, and enforcing your boundaries can be a tough nut to crack. If you don’t have much practice, you might find everything a bit awkward and uncomfortable.
Verywell Mind suggests that you may need to work on your boundaries if you:
- Feel resentful when people frequently ask too much of you;
- Say ‘yes’ to things you don’t want to do because you want to avoid disappointing others;
- Feel resentful because you’re helping others more than they help you;
- Feel underappreciated for all the help you provide others;
- Feel more stressed when you disappoint others than you feel stressed when you do something inconvenient for you to please other people.
A very powerful question that you can ask yourself to get to the core of your true feelings is whether you would prefer to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to a request if nobody would be disappointed by your decision.
You should also consider whether it’s worth the effort to say ‘yes’ to a request, whether you’d feel comfortable asking anyone else a similar favor, and whether the people who might get upset with you saying ‘no’ are respectful and reasonable.
Every single decision you make essentially sets a precedent for future behavior and expectations. When in doubt, think of someone you know who is confident about their choices and has healthy boundaries, and consider how they’d behave if they were in your shoes.
Alternatively, take a step back and think about the advice you’d give a good friend of yours if they were in an identical situation to you. We often know how to help others but not ourselves.
Getting some proper rest while you’re on vacation is hard but doable if you know what (not) to focus on
Once you’ve got your boundaries all protected, it’s time to actually get some quality rest on your holiday. In our experience, getting the basics right is paramount. That means getting plenty of sleep, disconnecting from the internet and screens, moving lots, eating nutritious food, staying hydrated, and spending quality time with people we like and doing the things that we love.
Time magazine urges taking a few trips instead of just one long one. “Because the positive effects of traveling fade about a month after you return home—and because the planning process can make you happier than the trip itself—traveling more often could be key to improving mental health.”
Meanwhile, you should spend less time on your phone. That might mean muting or even deleting some apps. For instance, you might want to take a long break from social media and your work email, which are notoriously difficult to disconnect from.
Something else to think about is taking fewer photos during your holiday trip. Sure, take a few snaps here and there to remember the key moments. But there’s a lot of joy to be found in being in the moment, and enjoying life as it comes at you, not from behind a screen.
Going on vacation also offers you a great opportunity to switch things up exercise-wise and try new things. For example, you could go for a long hike or jog in nature, or swim in the sea or a lake, depending on where you’re staying. In the meantime, spending time in the sun can be good for your physical and mental health. (Just remember to wear sunscreen.)
How do you maintain healthy boundaries with your family and friends when it comes to the favors they ask of you, dear Pandas? Have you ever had someone try to dominate your free time when all you wanted was to relax on your vacation? What do you do to really get some quality rest while you’re on holiday? We’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this, so feel free to share them in the comments below.
The author clarified a few things, shared some more context, and answered some readers’ questions
Most internet users thought the woman was right to stand her ground and protect her boundaries. Here are their thoughts
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