Parents can’t do it all themselves. In fact, about one in six parents admit they get help from a babysitter at least once a week. Granted, most of them pay the sitters or thank them in some other way. But one mother expected free child care, and at her sister’s party nonetheless!
When this woman came to her friend’s party, she didn’t expect to become the default babysitter for her friend’s sister. But as the night went on, she found herself looking after the little ones more than having fun. Deciding that she didn’t sign up to be a free nanny for the night and the mom can’t just use her like that, she simply went home.
A woman was asked to look after her friend’s sister’s kids at a party because she’s “good with children”
Image credits: yavdat (not the actual photo)
But because she came to have fun, she didn’t want to be the default nanny
Image credits: vadymvdrobot (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Best_Yam_4626
If you feel any resentment towards friend’s family members, it’s better to tell them than to pretend everything’s fine
It’s natural to not get along well or not to like your friend’s family members. After all, you’re friends with them and not their family, right? Luckily, not like with romantic relationships, you don’t have to force yourself to be friends with your friends’ siblings.
There’s really no point in engaging in relationships that don’t give you anything back. Research from Ireland and the U.S. shows that negative social interactions and relationships can increase the risk of depression and anxiety.
If the other person just uses you and has no courtesy of treating you as someone more than a free babysitter, perhaps the best course of action is to say “No.” But how does one do that effectively?
- Be clear and concise. Avoid phrases like “Um, I don’t know,” “Maybe,” and “I’m not sure.” Leave no room for the other person to misinterpret your ‘No.’ Instead, say something like, “No, sadly I can’t” or “No, I’m not able to do that.”
- Still, try to be polite and graceful. Rejecting somebody can seem rude, but if you use the right language, there’s less room for the other person to be offended. Add phrases like: “I’m honored,” “I greatly appreciate you asking,” or “Thank you for thinking of me.”
- Keep explanations brief. If you feel like you have to explain yourself, be concise. Keep it short and sweet. But remember – you don’t have to make excuses. “No” is a complete sentence.
- Offer an alternative or another resource. When you can’t or don’t want to help, try to be gracious and offer the other person some possible ways out of their situation. If you can’t babysit now because yo want to enjoy the party, tell the mom you can arrange something in the future, if she’s still looking. And, preferably, for a price.
Whether an ‘Irish exit’ is appropriate depends on the circumstances of the event
Some people believe that leaving without saying goodbye is one of the rudest things a guest can do. Often called an ‘Irish exit’ or an ‘Irish goodbye,’ this gesture can offend a party host who’s close to you. But it can also (as it did in this story) signal that the guest was unhappy with something.
According to etiquette expert and the founder of the Protocol School of Texas Diane Gottsman, whether an Irish exit is rude depends on the circumstances. Generally, if it’s a big party or function, an Irish goodbye might be more appropriate.
But in more intimate environments, this kind of gesture might seem more rude. “I do think that a ‘thank you’ after an event is always appropriate,” she told in an interview for TODAY. Generally, she doesn’t recommend leaving intimate parties, such as friend dinners, abruptly.
“A quick and friendly goodbye to the host, or at least a smile and a wave, is the best ‘au revoir’ you can manage,” Gottsman explained. “It’s the polite way to end an evening and leave your host thinking you are a wonderful guest.”
Gottsman also lists some other reasons when leaving a party without saying goodbye would be totally appropriate.
- You suddenly feel ill;
- You get food poisoning;
- Your nanny just cancelled;
- There’s a family emergency.
People sided with the woman, but wondered why she didn’t speak up and just say “No” to the mother
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