Most people want their parents to be standing by their side on the most significant days of their lives. Whether you’re graduating from college, walking down the aisle or giving birth to your first child, there’s a good chance that you imagine your mother and father there to hold your hand and share some words of wisdom.
But unfortunately, not all parents actually know how to support their children. And when their presence causes more harm than good, they can’t be surprised when they start to be left out. One woman reached out to Reddit for advice after she decided to keep the purchase of her new home from her father. Below, you’ll find all of the details that she shared, as well as some of the replies invested readers left her.
Purchasing a home is a huge accomplishment
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But this woman decided to keep the news from her father to avoid receiving any unsolicited advice
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Image credits: BigNo1547
Readers assured the woman that she wasn’t obligated to keep her father in the loop, and she shared more details about her situation
Some even had similar stories to share about their own parents
After closing on the house and speaking to her dad, the author shared an update
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Image credits: BigNo1547
Again, readers left supportive messages for the homeowner
And some shared even more stories of their own
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Growing up with a toxic parent can take a huge toll on a person’s mental and physical health
Buying a home has always been a massive accomplishment, but it has become even more impressive in recent years. Nearly half of Americans say they’re living paycheck to paycheck, and housing prices have increased by a whopping 45%-55% over the past five years.
Over two thirds of Americans now believe that homeownership is an unrealistic milestone for young adults to hit, and many Gen Zers can’t imagine a day when they’ll ever be able to purchase their own place.
So if you actually manage to buy a house nowadays, that is certainly something to be proud of. And it should be entirely up to you to decide who you’d like to share the news of that accomplishment with.
If you have a great relationship with your parents, you may not be able to even imagine making a significant life decision without consulting them first and keeping them in the loop every step of the way. But sadly, not all relationships are this healthy.
A 2022 YouGov survey found that over a quarter of Americans are estranged from a family member, and 11% of Americans are no longer in contact with at least one of their parents. The majority also believes that parents are responsible for maintaining strong relationships with their children, but clearly, many are failing.
After all, it’s hard to want to share your accomplishments with a parent that doesn’t make you feel safe, loved and respected. According to Talkspace, there are several forms of toxic parents: dismissive, helicopter, narcissistic and passive or permissive.
While they each exhibit different behaviors, they can all take a huge toll on a person’s mental and physical health. Growing up with a toxic parent may put a person at higher risk of developing chronic mental health conditions, cardiovascular disease, a weak immune system, low self-esteem and post-traumatic stress disorder.
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Over a quarter of Americans are estranged from at least one family member
Many people who have toxic parents are also more likely to find themselves in unhealthy relationships in the future, develop self-harm tendencies and struggle to establish healthy, rewarding relationships as an adult.
But what more and more adults are realizing today is that there’s no need to keep someone in your life who constantly causes you pain, even if they happen to be your mother or father. And if you’re unsure about whether or not going “no contact” is the right move for you, Wondermind has some advice.
First, if you find yourself in a physically, emotionally or verbally ab*sive relationship, it’s time to get out. Or if spending time with this parent makes you self-destructive, it’s not a healthy relationship. You shouldn’t need an entire bottle of wine or a pack of cigarettes to get through a dinner with your mom or dad.
If your mental health deteriorates when you’re around your parents, it might be time to cut them off. And if they constantly overstep boundaries and refuse to take accountability, you should probably just accept that they’re never going to change.
Once you’ve tried everything to make the relationship work and you’ve accepted the consequences that will come with going no contact, you are ready to set a solid boundary. And it doesn’t have to be permanent! But if it will improve your mental health, it will be worth it.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman made the right choice by keeping the purchase of her new home to herself? Feel free to weigh in. Then, you can find another Bored Panda article featuring similar family drama right here.
Finally, she shared one last update explaining how her relationship with her father has changed
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Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: BigNo1547
Again, readers applauded the woman for standing up for herself
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