Gift-giving plays a significant role in wedding traditions. It’s a heartfelt gesture that shows love and support for the bride and groom and, in some cases, even provides substantial help for their future life together. While it’s technically not mandatory, wedding guests are typically expected to come bearing presents.
So you can imagine this woman’s surprise when, despite being excluded from her half-sister’s wedding, she was still asked to gift the couple something ‘small.’ She blatantly refused to abide by such a request and didn’t even hesitate to give the bride a reality check.
Wedding guests are typically expected to come bearing gifts
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels (not the actual photo)
But this woman didn’t expect that she would be asked to gift something to the couple, even though she wasn’t invited
Image credits: victim-of-the-moon00
One doesn’t have to send a gift to a couple whose wedding they’re not invited to
Image credits: Ivan Samkov/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Etiquette experts all around the web seem to come to an agreed consensus: one doesn’t have to send a gift to a couple whose wedding they’re not invited to, especially if they’re not close to them.
That said, if a person has a closer relationship with the bride and the groom, they might consider sending a little something to show their support and love to them, even though they won’t be there to celebrate with them. It’s not possible to invite everyone to such a special celebration, so they might decide to congratulate the couple and let them know they’re thinking about them with a little gift, without holding anything against them.
However, it’s important to note that there’s no obligation to do such a thing. Even for invited wedding guests, presents aren’t technically mandatory.
When uninvited guests do send out a present to the couple, it’s also essential that the bride and groom not feel obligated to extend an invitation to them in return, advises etiquette expert Lizzie Post.
“If the uninvited friend or family member sends a gift, you should definitely thank them,” says Post. “The non-invite might be something that the bride or groom and friend may talk about, but there’s no obligation. As a bride or groom, you really should think about your relationship with that person, but really at the end of the day, it’s your guest list, you are hosting, and it’s ultimately up to you and you don’t have to explain yourself.”
She adds, “If you assess the situation and realize that person is particularly sensitive or it seems confusing, all you have to say is something like, ‘I really love you and wanted you to be there, but, unfortunately, we had to make some really tough decisions and not being able to invite you was one of them and I hope you understand that.’”
The bride and groom should be honest and open with uninvited guests
Image credits: Irina Iriser/Pexels (not the actual photo)
In general, the bride and groom should be honest and open with uninvited guests, says wedding planner Marcy Blum. “As you get older and smarter, you realize nothing makes it worse than not facing it. Take the friend out to lunch and say, ‘Listen, I know this really sucks. I’m sorry. I don’t want a gift from you. I don’t want anything. I just want to make sure that we’re still friends.’”
At the same time, the uninvited guests have to keep in mind that not getting an invitation is usually not about them.
“We are all adults and we should know that we can’t all be invited to every single wedding of our friends or family members,” says Post. “I think when it comes to weddings, you absolutely have to consider the fact that the bride and groom are dealing with vendor capacity limits and they’re dealing with their [others’] requests.”
“I really encourage guests and those who know friends who are not invited to the wedding to remember that this decision probably had very little to do with how much the bride or groom wanted you there and that it was probably a matter of logistics,” added Bloom.
If the bride and groom want to commemorate the wedding with non-invited guests, they can think of other ways to do it outside of the official celebration, like organizing a potluck, barbecue, cocktail party, or just an intimate dinner a month or two after the wedding, suggests Post.
The commenters thought the sister was being delusional
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