Think of a comeback as a holy grail of enviable wit, ultrasonic reaction and perfect timing combined at once. If it’s good, it sizzles the person like a Sunday barbecue, stripping them down to the bone where all their initial coolness has evaporated.

But it’s easier said than done. You see, making a clapback is somewhat of a form of art and we’d better learn from the best ones. So when someone asked “What’s the most memorable comeback you’ve heard in your life?” on r/AskReddit, we knew it was time to take the notebooks out.

2.6k comments later, we have some of the best responses from people who were lucky to witness a master comeback. Oh, that sweet feeling knowing you weren’t the target…

• Read More: “What’s The Most Memorable Comeback You’ve Heard In Your Life?”: 50 People Share Witty Stories

#1

A guy told a female coworker she was so ugly that the only thing she could turn on was a hose. Without missing a beat, she replied that at least when she turned something on it got wet. The guy was speechless, and I laughed till I had tears.

Image credits: Muppet_Cartel

#2

My dad and I were at a farming expo. I have a bunch of chickens. This presenter, a chicken-owning expert, is droning on about how stupid chickens are, and I’m getting annoyed. I know they’re not clever, but you can teach them basic tricks. And even if they are stupid, okay, fine, but I came here to learn something, please.

My dad, without missing a beat, after this woman says they’re dumb for the fourth time: “I think chickens take on the personalities of their owners.”

Image credits: thiswomanneedsafish

#3

Was standing behind these two older adults and this teen girl at the gas station last year. She was on her phone and the guy snapped at her for “not knowing how to live without technology” and without looking up she went “don’t you have a pacemaker?”.

Image credits: SilverLullabies

#4

My friend got pantsed, underwear and all at a party. Instead of pulling his underwear and pants up, immediately, he just kept going about his business, while hanging dong. Those of us that knew him already thought it was hilarious. The people at the party that didn’t know him, looked really uncomfortable due to this dude having his pants and underwear around his ankles, with his wiener hanging freely. Our friend/the host said “dude, why don’t you pull your pants up?” Pantsed guy said “I didn’t pull them down.” Then took his turn in beer pong. The host then found the guy that did pull them down and made him pull our friend’s pants back up.

Image credits: wato89

#5

Someone yelled out in a Walmart , “I’m not ashamed of who I am”. Another voice echoed back, “that’s your parents job”.

Image credits: ryanshaw345dfgew

#6

My son and his newlywed wife were poor college students living out of state. When I went to visit them I took them to the grocery store and let them fill up a couple of grocery carts that I paid for. As we were leaving the store I said, “Now, when your kids are poor married college students trying to get by, don’t forget this”. My new daughter-in-law piped up and said, “Oh we won’t forget. We’re going to tell them to go get grandpa!” Haa haaa haaa…I love that gal.

Image credits: JakeInBake

#7

I overheard a toddler crying at the store. Mom, annoyed, said to him “stop crying! You sound like a little girl!”… sibling (girl) told mom: “He’s not crying like a little girl. He’s crying like a kid.”

BURRRRNNN.

Image credits: squishyandfluffy

#8

I like the one from Aliens where the male private asks the somewhat butch woman “have you ever been mistaken for a man?” And she answers “no. Have you?”

#9

My brothers were fighting and one said the other had a thick skull, he responded by saying “ that’s because I actually have something worth protecting”

Image credits: that_sweet_old_lady

#10

Someone asked a friend of mine if they were gay.

He said, “If you’ll excuse my rudeness in not answering your question, I’ll excuse your rudeness for asking it.”

I thought it was perfect.

Image credits: IfIKnewThen

#11

5th-grader on the playground, to a kindergartener: “Santa’s not real!”

Kindergartner to 5th grader: “Santa’s real, he brings me presents every year. If he doesnt bring you presents, maybe you should think about why.”

Image credits: MindYourMouth

#12

This one came from me. I was 7 months pregnant and HUGE. While heading to my car some random dude stopped me and rubbed my stomach while asking when I was due.

I rubbed his stomach and asked him when he was due.

Image credits: MHoaglund41

#13

I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.

Image credits: citsonga_cixelsyd

#14

I asked my mum out of curiosity what she would do if she found a used condom in my brother’s room.

Her response: “I would remind him that you can’t get HIV from your own hand”

For context, I live in South Africa where HIV is very common

Image credits: KentuckyFriedSoy

#15

Somewhere on this planet, there is a tree that has spent it’s entire life creating the oxygen you breathe. You should find that tree and apologize.

Image credits: noguarde

#16

Worked in a preschool years ago. Had this one kid who could be a real booger sometimes. Giving the other kids thumbs down, saying he didn’t like them, absolutely devastating to the other kids. I was constantly hearing “Miss Bells, Isaac said he didn’t like me!”

Then, Isaac made a fatal mistake. He tried it on a three year old girl.

Isaac: I don’t like you!

Three Year Old: Well, my mommy LIKES me!

Shut him right up.

It was absolutely gorgeous and a little vicarious victory. The three year old was super sassy.

Maybe not as snappy as the other responses here, but I still chuckle at it to this day.

#17

“I have neither the crayons, nor the time to explain it to you”

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Image credits: tcjaeger

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