Making a good impression with your partner’s parents generally helps the relationship in the long run, but some people just insist on being unreasonable. What turns an annoying potential in-law into a nightmare is the fact that some parents insist on controlling their kids well after they are adults.
A man asked the internet for advice on what to do when his girlfriend’s mom, who seemed to never quite like him, issued her an ultimatum and even set up a date for her with another guy. Much to his own surprise, she agreed. Over the following days, he posted a number of updates with more drama, twists and turns.
Having real conflict with a partner’s parents will probably cause some friction
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But one man was surprised when his GF of two years agreed to go on a date her mom set up for her
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He gave a few more details with the original post
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Image credits: Anonymous
It can be hard to convince someone that their mom is way too controlling
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Dating someone with controlling parents is like trying to play a romantic comedy while someone’s mother directs from the sidelines with a megaphone and very strong opinions about the casting. Our unfortunate protagonist learned this the hard way when his girlfriend’s mom decided that one less-than-stellar conversation at a wedding was enough evidence to launch a full-scale campaign to replace him with literally anyone else. Because apparently not chatting enough at a wedding reception, you know, that notoriously calm and focused environment, is grounds for romantic exile.
Here’s the thing about controlling parents: they’re like those aggressive seagulls at the beach. If you give them one french fry, they’ll come back with their entire extended family demanding your whole picnic. This guy’s girlfriend thought she could appease her mother by agreeing to one date with Mystery Bachelor, as if going on a date with another man while in a committed relationship is just a casual peace offering, like bringing wine to dinner. This is not how healthy relationships work, and it’s definitely not how you handle boundary-stomping parents.
The real issue here isn’t that the mom dislikes this guy. Parents are allowed to have opinions, even wildly unfair ones based on minimal evidence. The actual problem is that a grown woman in her late twenties is letting her mother dictate her dating life like she’s still in high school asking permission for prom. When your partner starts saying things like “I can’t ruin the date by mentioning I have a boyfriend,” you’ve crossed from “respecting family” territory straight into “what alternate dimension are we living in” land. The solution to controlling parents isn’t capitulation; it’s boundaries, and lots of them. When you’re dealing with a parent who openly tells their spouse they wish they’d dated more people and treats their adult child like a puppet with a dating profile, you’re not dealing with someone who needs more information or reassurance. You’re dealing with someone who needs to hear the word “no” more often, preferably delivered firmly and repeatedly by their actual child.
Boundaries protect relationships, even when they are hard
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The man had the right instinct about direct communication, but he missed the mark on who really needed to do the communicating. He can write the most beautiful, heartfelt letter in the world explaining his intentions and feelings, but it won’t matter because he’s not the problem and he can’t fix it. The girlfriend needs to be the one having the hard conversation with her mother, and that conversation needs to sound less like “please approve of my choices” and more like “I’m an adult and this is my decision, full stop.”
The girlfriend’s brilliant plan to go on a pity date to prove she doesn’t like someone else is the relationship equivalent of trying to put out a fire with gasoline. If anything, it teaches her mother that tantrums and manipulation work perfectly, so please continue. It also teaches the boyfriend that his feelings and the relationship boundaries matter less than keeping mom temporarily quiet, which is a recipe for resentment that’ll curdle faster than milk in the sun. What this situation really needed was for the girlfriend to channel some of that energy she used defending him during arguments into actually defending the relationship with her actions. Talking about how great your partner is while simultaneously agreeing to date someone else at your mother’s behest sends a pretty mixed message. It’s like saying “I love this restaurant” while walking into a different one because your mom suggested it.
The hard truth about dating someone with controlling parents is that your partner has to be willing to stand up to them, even when it’s uncomfortable, even when mom has a breakdown, even when it causes family drama. If they’re not willing to do that, then you’re not really in a relationship with just your partner, you’re in a throuple with their mother, and she’s got veto power. That’s not sustainable, it’s not healthy, and it’s definitely not how you build a future together.
Controlling parents don’t respect weakness, and they don’t reward compliance with acceptance. They just learn that their tactics work and escalate accordingly. Today it’s one date, tomorrow it’s “well, maybe you should move back home,” and eventually it’s “I’ve already planned your wedding to someone else.” The only way to handle it is for your partner to draw clear lines, enforce them consistently, and be willing to face the discomfort that comes with setting boundaries. If they can’t or won’t do that, well, you’ve got your answer about what life with them will look like, and it involves a lot of unwanted input from the in-laws’ peanut gallery.
The boyfriend also answered some comments
Most thought the mom and the girlfriend were out of line
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Some days later, he shared an update
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Image credits: nd3000 / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Anonymous
He also gave some more details in the comments
People were sad to hear the mom got what she wanted
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