Caring for a disabled relative is one of the hardest things you will ever do in life. Day in, day out, you’re there for them. And no matter how much you love them, eventually you might start feeling caregiver burnout or compassion fatigue. You’re exhausted, frustrated, and feel like your life revolves around just one thing.
That’s what happened to one teenager, u/Zealousideal_Cow8475. He vented online about how his parents admitted to having him just to look after his disabled older brother when they pass away. Now, the teen feels like he never had a normal childhood. Scroll down for the full story and to read the life advice the net shared with the young man. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from him.
Being a caregiver is a noble duty, yes, but it’s an exhausting one. If your needs are always last, eventually, you’ll reach your limit
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
A teenager opened up to the internet about how his entire life has revolved around taking care of his disabled brother. He feels like he never had a childhood
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image source: Zealousideal_Cow8475
A young person who has no freedom to do anything they want is bound to feel trapped
Image credits: Cedar Wheeler (not the actual photo)
Helping your family and friends in need is a virtue, but this can’t come at the cost of, well, everything else. If your life revolves just around caregiving, and you don’t have any time or energy for any opportunities in life, it’s natural to feel frustrated. Especially when you’re young.
And, of course, you love your sibling and parents, but this doesn’t change the fact that you feel boxed in, like your life has already been decided for you. You can help, when needed, but it has to be your choice, not something that is forced on you from an early age.
A good alternative to consider is hiring a full-time caregiver or moving the disabled relative into a facility that can offer round-the-clock care. Of course, this will be a drain on your finances, but the upside will be that the family will now have more room for other aspects of their life. That should lead to less resentment and anger overall.
If finances are tight, then you need to think about asking for help from the extended family. If all the pressure is placed on the shoulders of a single teenager, who you expect to be a caregiver for his entire life, then it’s an unsustainable system.
And to be clear, nobody wants to find out that the reason why their parents had them is just so that they’d be a caregiver. It makes you feel like your parents care more about what you can do for them and your sibling than they love you as a person.
Burnout is a widespread issue that plagues the majority of caregivers
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
The teenager’s situation is, unfortunately, not an uncommon case. Caregivers often struggle with strong, often confusing feelings of resentment. Caregiver burnout is essentially the physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion you feel when you’re taking care of another person. Over a long enough timeframe, you become stressed, fatigued, anxious, withdrawn, and depressed.
The Cleveland Clinic explains that some of the main roles that caregivers have are taking care of the person in need’s daily routine (bathing, toileting, brushing hair, getting dressed), preparing meals, doing housework, managing finances and medication, transportation, and monitoring health.
“Burnout feels like a candle that ran out of a wick—it doesn’t have what it needs to continue to provide light. It can occur when you don’t get the help you need personally, as you devote all of your time and energy to helping someone else. It can also happen when you try to do more than you’re able to, emotionally, physically, or financially.”
Over 60% of all caregivers experience symptoms of burnout. Aside from exhaustion, withdrawal, irritability, frustration, and anger, you might feel hopeless, lose appetite and sleep, get sick more often, and be unable to concentrate, or lose interest in the activities you liked before.
You might also feel guilty, isolated, or mired in negativity. It’s vital that you ask for help from your social circle or a mental health professional if your burnout has already impacted your health or makes you feel incredibly resentful toward the person you’re caring for.
Compassion fatigue and caregiver burnout are both serious issues. Dealing with both is best done proactively before the problems become too big to manage
Image credits: Hrant Khachatryan (not the actual photo)
In a nutshell, burnout happens when you don’t take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health, and ignore your personal responsibilities to focus exclusively on caregiving. You’re at greater risk of developing burnout if you feel like you’re not supported enough and as though you’re the only person who can do the job well.
As per the Caregiver Action Network, there is a key difference between caregiver burnout and compassion fatigue. The former is the result of prolonged exposure to caregiver stress. Meanwhile, the latter arises from the emotional stress of witnessing other people’s trauma. Compassion fatigue can lead to a sudden onset of emotional numbness and an inability to empathize.
Managing both is best with proactive strategies, like looking for support and guidance from caregiving experts and organizations, and organizing respite care where someone else temporarily takes care of your loved one while you recharge.
Other things to focus on include proper self-care (adequate sleep, nutritious food, hydration, exercise, time outdoors, socializing, hobbies, etc.), talking to a therapist, and acknowledging that your feelings (even if they feel ‘bad’) are completely valid.
What are your thoughts, Pandas? What advice would you give the young man who feels completely isolated and stuck in this tough situation? Have you ever been a caregiver before? How did you handle all the stress and daily challenges? Let us know.
The young man explained the finer details of his situation in the comments of his post
The vast majority of readers sided with the teen. Here’s their perspective
However, one person said the young man needs to step up
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