Our character is defined not by one, but rather the sum of our choices. When Reddit user Kindly_Zebra3960‘s son had to decide who to invite to his high school graduation—with only three tickets to give—the father knew there was no easy answer, and advised the teenager to follow his heart and pick those he truly wanted by his side.
Buy ultimately, that meant snubbing his stepmother in favor of his biological mom, and the lady had a big problem with that. She even started suspecting that her husband planted this idea into the kid’s head because he had ulterior motives.
Graduating from high school is a big milestone for the entire family
Image credits: Some Tale / unsplash (not the actual photo)
But instead of coming together for their teen, these folks got caught in a fight over who would get to attend
Image credits: Geert Willemarck / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Cedar Wheeler / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Kindly_Zebra3960
Families can’t allow these situations to get the best of them
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
In a study conducted by Pew Research Center, 44% of thirteen-to-seventeen-year-olds and 69% of their parents said it’s harder to be a teen today than it was 20 years ago.
But their old folks might not have it easy, either. And according to Wednesday Martin, Ph.D., who is a cultural critic and author of Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do, it’s often harder to raise stepchildren than your own flesh and blood.
“A stepmom doesn’t have the benefit of this stored-up love, energy, and history to help smooth the process and pave the way through adolescence,” Martin writes.
As angry and surly as these teenagers can be, she has observed them to be very loyal to their biological parents, “because they’re dealing with the adolescent question of, ‘Who am I and where do I fit in?’ They know who their biological parents are, and we stepmoms aren’t it. Stepmoms should get out of their way to allow the stepchildren to embrace Mom, if possible. This lays the groundwork for adolescents being able to grow up and move on.”
While the situation undoubtedly can stir up a lot of negative emotions, Martin advises women to support their stepteens through thick and thin:
- Don’t over-control them. In her opinion, they will resist even more. Instead, it’s probably best to get out of their way and allow them to move from childhood to adulthood, which, admittedly, can be a very long, up-and-down process. “Be on hand to listen when they want to talk. Find creative ways to connect and share with them,” Martin suggests.
- Be a positive role model. Remember that they are taking notes and have antennae you can’t imagine. Reach out, hang out, and teach them what you know.
- Show them a healthy stepcouple relationship. “There will be arguments about your child vs. his child—your style of parenting vs. his, money issues, etc. Learn to talk out your differences and develop a strong, loving partnership,” Martin says.
People who read what happened believed everyone could’ve channeled a little more empathy
But some were ready to acquit the father
While a few said that he, in fact, was the problem
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