Many people spend a lot of time at the office. So it’s only natural that a few bonds will be formed, whether they’re romantic or platonic relationships. Some even have a work wife or husband. A special someone who has become their ride-or-die from 9-5. This person is usually just a close friend and colleague. But there are times when the lines get blurred. And things get messy.
Like when one person found a half-naked pic of their partner in a sauna with an alleged “work spouse.” The partner was meant to be on a work retreat but meta data doesn’t lie. Even when people do. The person is now “freaking the F out,” especially since their partner is denying doing anything wrong. They want to know whether this behavior is normal or if there’s serious cause for concern. Bored Panda spoke to etiquette expert Rosalinda Randall for her take on the matter. Randall has loads of experience when it comes to how colleagues should conduct themselves around each other.
There’s nothing wrong with having special bonds with the people we work with
Image credits: drazenphoto (not the actual photo)
But one person might have taken it too far by snapping a steamy photo with a “work spouse” while their partner was none the wiser
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anonymous
“My bed is not big enough for two wives”: an expert gives their honest opinion
Rosalinda Randall makes a living teaching people how to conduct themselves in the workplace. The etiquette expert and author of “Don’t Burp In The Boardroom” told Bored Panda she’s not surprised at all that the sauna photograph has raised red flags. But before delving deeper into the situation, we wanted to know more about the term “work spouse” and where it comes from.
Randall told us that the modern origin is believed to have been made popular by a journalist named David Owen when he wrote an article for the Atlantic entitled “Work Marriage.”
She says it’s now known as the platonic intimacy developed between colleagues, typically between a male and female. “However, the term ‘wifey’ has been used when two females develop a close work relationship,” added the expert.
Randall warns, though, that from a Human Resource perspective, “the term alone, much less the connotation, can lead to an infraction” and can open the door to serious charges should one of the “work spouses” become displeased.
Image credits: Blake Cheek (not the actual photo)
So when is it okay to have a “work spouse” and where should you draw the line?
“For some, merely using the term is crossing the line,” says Randall. “Defining when something in a relationship crosses the line is decided by the couple,” adds the expert. “Naturally, when the definitions are opposing, compromise and action to ease their partner’s mind is essential for a satisfactory resolution.”
We asked Randall flat-out whether she believes the partner’s story or if there’s something fishy going on. “My gut says, something’s up between the partner and ‘J,’” said the expert. “For me, the reason is clear. And that is the lack of discussion. Their standard staunch reply, ‘you’re paranoid‘ and lack of concern to ease your mind. Why are they opposed to calmly providing you with more details? Uh-uh, guilty!”
She says, considering the circumstances, especially the late-night text exchanges with the colleague, she too would be concerned—if not alarmed. “My bed is not big enough for two wives,” Randall quipped bluntly.
With regards to the person raising the issue of cultural differences, Randall says those are real. “Initially, when we’re in a new relationship or younger, we don’t think about them. As we become nostalgic or in a long-term relationship, some of our childhood ways or beliefs begin to surface,” she explained.
“If either partner is not open to accepting or permitting these beliefs, the differences will become obstacles to a happy relationship. If we push our beliefs or practices as the only way, the relationship be in constant turmoil or end.” However, Randall stressed that the trait of being jealous or suspicious has no cultural boundaries. Perhaps it’s influenced by our surroundings, she says, but it’s an individual trait.
Here’s what she would say to the person who found the photo… “I understand that you have time invested in this relationship, and may feel dependent and alone in their country. This is more reason they, as a loving committed partner, would do whatever it took to ease your mind.”
Randall added that if the situation is affecting the person’s well-being or mental health, they have a few choices. “Seek professional counseling. If they refuse, go for yourself,” she advised. “Ask to meet them for lunch and to be introduced to ‘J.’ Better yet, surprise them,” suggested Randall. “But please note that some workplaces do not permit visitors without an appointment.”
Lastly, the expert would tell the person to decide if they’re willing to accept the current circumstances, and why or why not? “Share your thoughts with your partner and follow through.”
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
What to do if you think your partner’s work spouse is taking your place, an expert advises
Randall told Bored Panda it would be understandable to raise doubts when contact after work hours becomes frequent, when your partner does not share what the ongoing conversation is about, when inside jokes are exchanged and there’s no attempt to share one or two of these obviously hilarious repartees, or when explanations to your inquiries become vague. She adds that if your partner is uncomfortable with the term, it’s best you stop using it.
If you’re planning to confront your partner about their “work spouse,” Randall suggests you pause first. “Before showing up at your spouse’s workplace to claim your title, talk. A simple plan to express your opinion and preference regarding the relationship. Before you do, evaluate and list specific things that have led you to this place of jealousy,” she suggests. “If the signs are consistent and clear, like night-time text exchanges that make them smirk, or limited or zero information about the work spouse, my suggestion is to address these behaviors immediately.”
But Randall says sometimes the problem doesn’t actually lie with your partner. “Are you jealous when they talk to the restaurant host too long? Do you track them when they go to the market? Do you often go through their phone to see-what-you-can-find?” she asked. “If so, then maybe, just maybe, it’s not the work spouse relationship, it’s you.”
She adds that if there’s nothing more than a close platonic relationship with their “work spouse,” your partner should be more than pleased to listen, explain, and stop using the term. “Isn’t that what loving respectful partners do for one another?”
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Netizens were in agreement that something very dodgy was going on
The skeletons came tumbling out of the closet in an in-depth update a bit later
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: wichayada69 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anonymous
Netizens applauded the person but some felt there was more work to be done
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