It’s been said that there’s no such thing as a free lunch. But that’s not entirely true. Especially when it comes to dining out, and some generous person offering to pay the bill on your behalf. But that doesn’t always happen. In these tough economic times, eating at a restaurant is a luxury for many. Money doesn’t grow on trees. And often, adults choose to split the bill, or pay their own portions of it.
That’s sort of what one person was expecting when they went for a Mother’s Day dinner recently, along with a big group of family members. Imagine their surprise when the check arrived and they were informed that they and their older sister would be “treating the table.” The person doesn’t feel it’s fair and still hasn’t contributed. They’re unsure if they should.
Breaking bread with family is meant to be a joyous occasion
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
But a Mother’s Day dinner turned into drama when one person found out they’d be footing half the bill, after-the-fact
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
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What to do when the bill gets passed around like a hot potato, the experts explain
Image credits: pexels (not the actual photo)
Many of us know the scenario… You’re out with a group of people, having a great time and the bill finally arrives. It’s a long list of food and beverages. It’s expensive. The check gets passed around like a hot potato. Mobile phones come out as each person tries to remember, and calculate what they had.
Often, there’s an unspoken rule that everyone will pay for their portion. But sometimes, things get tricky. For example, you all agree to split equally. But one person had lobster and champagne while another nibbled on a salad while sipping water. So what are the actual rules?
According to etiquette experts, it depends on the circumstances. Special occasions, like Mother’s Day or a birthday might be treated a bit differently to a casual night out with family or friends. Often, the person doing the inviting will be the one forking out money.
“If I invite everyone to a party [at] a restaurant, and I want everybody to enjoy themselves…I’m going to pay,” says etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, owner of The Protocol School of Texas. Sometimes, guests will insist on paying their own way, and that’s something you can discuss if it arises. But Gottsman believes “the intention should be that you’re going to pay.”
If the tables are turned, it’s your birthday and your friends have invited you out, it’s generally expected that they’ll cover your portion of the bill. “Typically the group chips in for the birthday guest and they divide the bill equally as a birthday gift to the person,” explains another etiquette expert, Myka Meier, who is the founder of Beaumont Etiquette.
On a normal night out, there are also a few unwritten rules to consider. For example, if you’re the only one at the table drinking alcoholic beverages, you should cover the cost of those drinks. You can even ask that the drinks are put on a separate tab to make things easier. Or order them at the bar, if possible.
Meier explains that alcoholic beverages are often more costly than the food. “So if only one person is drinking, it would be kind for that person to offer to pay more,” she told bonappetit.com.
Of course, common courtesy (and sense) goes a long way in avoiding any clashes or confusion over a restaurant bill. If you’re out with a group and someone else is paying, or you’ve all agreed to split the check equally, don’t be overly extravagant when the rest are eating modestly. And if you do go for the caviar and French champagne, it’s only decent that you offer to pay extra.
“The table may not take the person up on that offer, but the person eating the lobster when everyone else had chicken should offer out of respect,” advises Meier. “Practice some self-awareness here, and try to order in the ballpark of other diners at the table, generally speaking,” adds bonappetit.com. “And hey, if you’re really yearning for the lobster, all power to you—just don’t expect your friends to split the cost.”
Some were surprised the bill wasn’t higher and they wanted more information
Many people felt the sister was way out of line
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